A few years ago I’ve decided to study sexology. Why? The answer is divided in two obvious reasons. One consists of the importance this term has in people’s lives, the other because I’ve always found it incredible that something that can be so pleasant for some people, can also lead to be so hurtful for others at the same time.
Sex is the source of satisfaction, or, at least, it should be. Without question, it helps us to express ourselves, and is an essential part which shapes many people’s lives—maternity and paternity. At the same time, however, sex is not only experienced in a pleasant way, it is now also used as a weapon and it can also lose all meaning when that longed-for pregnancy does not occur. When I understood that this well-known term shed as much light as shadows, I decided to investigate it and contribute my own findings and allow my reflections to be read by others that it might help, as far as possible, to experiment this experience in its best way possible.
The whole world talks about sex—did you notice? However, quantity is not always synonymous to quality . . . We think we know everything. But what have they really taught us about it? In school, the information is minimal and limited to reproduction which leaves out important functions such as delight or communication. And at home, it’s a taboo for many. That leaves the, not always objective, mass media, and the useful trial-and-error-technique.
Something is clear to me now is that the basis of a good sexual health hides behind that keyword: education. That sexual education, that is usually lacks. Yes, something so easy could change so many thing . . . and, I’m afraid, not just on that topic, but I will try not to leave my script. An adequate sexual education, devoid of myths and prejudice which fosters the respect of one self and of others, doubtless, will construct the foundations on which to build a healthy and responsible sexuality. The upbringing in a strict and restricted environment confines the liberty when exploring our own body, and limits the experience of creating a complete understanding of that matter. Don’t let us be deceived, sexual education is also a right. Let us be aware of it and fight for it!
On the other hand, we are living in a world full of demands. Yes, we have to be perfect in every moment and the slightest fault might be penalized. Perfect bodies, perfect performance . . . as if we were in a movie—everything has to be controlled to the millimeter, and this is how, little by little, relationships lose their naturalness, and are filled with anxieties and insecurities. The erotic film could be a magnifying complement to increase our desire and fantasize a bit while always having in mind that the cinema is nothing more than that, cinema. Our lives are full of imperfections and sex is not an exception to that, that’s exactly where its appeal lies. Think about it—the unpredictable could be so much more fun!
And… talking about demands, here comes another one: Did you notice that maternity and paternity are often also demanded in the script? Surely, you never thought about the covert social pressure that exists about this topic. In general, it is taken for granted that everyone has to be a mother and a father without stating why, and if this doesn’t happen, it is reason for frustration. We have to explain that the function of sexuality with regard to reproduction is one option, not an obligation, and that it is, of course, not the only means . . . We have to be conscious about our decisions and decide freely how we walk through life!
That’s it for our peculiar appetizer. We know, you’ve started to open your mind and want to find out more about sexuality . . . don’t worry, this cocktail of reflections is just the beginning!
María Jiménez Albundio