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Oohhhh … Tantric Sexual Massages

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Oohhhh … Tantric Sexual Massages

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It frustrates me that when it comes to carnal desire. I so often hear people charge men of only being interested in one thing, Sex! But this is so not true. Yes men do love to have penetrative sex; its primal; its immensely satisfying when good and ultimately, it can secure our genetic line and because of this it is clearly what biologically we as men are programmed to enjoy as often as possible and with as many (females) as possible.  However, what many don’t appreciate—and I include many men in this—is that most men also enjoy and actually need the physical intimate touch that come with the sex as much as the sex itself.  In fact, many men find it difficult to perform as confidently as they want to if they do not feel an intimate connection with their partner, be it a female or male.

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There is no doubt in my mind that the adage “women have a higher threshold of pain than men” is correct, childbirth makes this necessary but I would go on to say that it appears to me that men have a “lower threshold of pleasure than women”. I have to date, given over 5,000 sensual massages to men and some 200 to women and I can confidently say that from my experience in the arousal states, male bodies generally react and get aroused faster to touch than female bodies.

With the male body I find that it is usually after only 5 to 10 minutes into the massage and often see the clear evidence of arousal. Gentle moans or movements of the body and of course a developing erection is a clear sign and as the massage unfolds, the man will become even more aroused and reactive. These bodily reactions to my touch are immediate when I stroke his back, scratch my nails on his bum or inner thighs or even simply massage his scalp, all of this will make him spontaneously respond with pleasurable sounds or movement. But I believe that there is far more to this than just sexual arousal.

It is clear to me that as the massage unfolds and as my touch stimulates the skin’s sensory nerve endings, triggering the Pituitary gland to release Oxytocin, the hormone cutely called by some, “the love hormone”, the man experiences arousal and erection is usually the result. What I have also noticed is that arousal takes place and so manifests his need to create and intimate connection with me.  This may simply be a hand touching my thigh, arm or body or somewhere even more intimate. So I figure that similar in relevance to nature programming pain thresholds to be higher for women to be able to endure childbirth, that this need and desire in men for intimate (reciprocal) touch has also been programmed into the male physiology and psychology for a similar reason.  No, his hand reaching out to touch me should not be viewed simply as a predatory sexual approach but more of a genuine desire for connection and to receive approval and acceptance from another.

Most men know that to become completely and fully aroused, most need to feel connected, entitled and wanted of by the other person, be it female or male.  Having his own touch welcomed and acknowledged and then reciprocated, particularly when received and given to sensitive and genital areas (the scrotum, perineum, anus) a man unconsciously feels he can trust and feel safe and it is this feeling of safety that triggers his nervous system slide from the fight or flight mode to the rest and relax mode thus removing anxiety, allowing total relaxation of the muscles and mood and consequently give him maximum arousal.

My experience when giving male-to-male massage is that it is this dynamic of intimate connection between men that is as pleasurable as the arousal and eventual orgasm itself. Conversely, when I give sensual massage to female clients after an initial quiet period, I find many women explode into an almost sexual abandonment where they let go completely of themselves to the erotic nature of the massage. For example, in the male to male massage, the effect of cupping and gently stroking his balls and scrotum produces in the receiver not an erotic response but more of a bonding, caring and almost paternal emotion. Tritely, I often say that to test my theory about what men really want, I should stand in Trafalgar Square with a sign offering all the men there two options a) the option of having either a 5 minute fuck or b) to enjoy a 90 minute full body sensual massage that would of course, include and orgasm by hand but not include any penetrative sex. I truly believe that the majority of men, certainly those over the age of 25, would opt for option b!

Demure Debutante to Erotic: The Female Time Bomb

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When I give a sensual massage to a female client, the dynamic of the massage is quite different. Initially, the response to my touch is much slower and more sedated, there is very little display of movement or sound. In fact, the female who does immediately display any response is the exception. However, it is after about 30 minutes that I begin to see quite quickly, the effects of my touch and maybe some movement and moans. But when I start the more erotic touch genital stimulation that is when I see and feel what I call the female “Flip” as the demure deb explodes into the erotic animal. Light sighs become groans of pleasure, gentle movements becomes trashing and straining of limbs and the gentle response to my intimate touch become grabbing and pulling as her energy and attention become rooted in her erotic journey.   Again, this is proof of the effect of the oxytocin at work. It causes an initial arousal process but when released into the female body it creates at first a tempered effect, a kind of wariness and an “I like of what you are doing but let me check you out first” feeling, it is only when this passes and when the touch has been assessed and accepted that the decorum deserts, reticence rolls away and is replaced by a full-on primal sexual reaction.

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Don’t let it ever be said that women are less sexual than men. If you believe it is men who hold the erotic trump card, you will be wrong. It has to be said that after giving some 200 sensual massages to women, I am still in awe of this experience. Beware guys! Today’s female is changing fast. No longer is it the prerogative of men to be the sexual overseer and it’s not just the young nubile female of the 21st century who is taking control and expressing her deeper desires but in my experience, it is the ladies who are over 35 years old who are the powerhouses of sexual energy. Like a ready time bomb; once the female who has been historically suppressed by cultural, religious or simply social controls lets these fall away, what is revealed is her womanhood in its true glory. But this is not new, only our times and understanding of the female sexuality have changed. During the Victorian era more than 100 years ago; female sexual desire in particular, was just as apparent. The women in the 1850s felt no less sexual desire as a woman of today, but today we understand that for her arousal, orgasm and sexual satisfaction is an essential part of being a female human being. It is not a sign of mental disorder; it is not an indication of being morally corrupt or sacrilegious. It is a simply sign of being a woman and men should embrace and encourage this without question and both parties to enjoy the results.

So go for it girls, reclaim your sexual territory but remember to let the men enjoy being the intimate animals for a while. Given them some tenderness, caress, stroke and care for them and then in return, they will give you all you want in bundles (as long as you show them you want it).


Colin Richards www.massage33.com / www.intimacymatters.co.uk
If you have yet to watch the videos, you can view them at https://vimeo.com/95166258 and https://vimeo.com/94660900.


Image courtesy of Shutterstock
Video courtesy of www.massage33.com
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Colin Richards

Colin Richards is a sex and relationship mentor based in London, UK. He is a certified Psychosexual Therapist and is also qualified both as an Imago Relationship Educator and a 2nd level Co-Active Life Coach. Colin is also a 15 years experienced Masseur , and has trained in Hypnotherapy, CBT and NLP.

Colin is now recognised as one of the Uk’s leading therapists in his field and has made it his calling to teach people how to achieve better sexual communication within relationships. By combining his many skills Colin has built a fine reputation for his friendly and yet pragmatic no nonsense approach to sex and sexuality. Colin has pioneered a combination treatment he calls Psychosensual Therapy that integrates both his mentoring skills with sensual massage which is particularly finds beneficial with issues in aspects of sexual performance, sexuality and lack or fear of intimacy.

Colin works from his own treatment rooms in Marylebone Central London but for international clients he can provide support and knowledge via Skype. Colin also speaks about and leads workshops on sex and sexuality.

He is the creator of the Sexonality Test a revolutionary new system that helps people understand their sexuality better by offering an alternative to the traditional three-box approach to human sexuality. He is also the creator of The Game of 33, a psychoanalytical after-dinner game. Colin scores 35 on the Sexonality Test making him Heterobisensual.

Get in touch with Colin via email at colin@intimacymatters.co.uk

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