SimplySxy

Tag: Transgender

  • Is sex without a condom more enjoyable?

    Is sex without a condom more enjoyable?

    Hello readers, I’m Leanna Monroe, a transgender female that works in the adult porn industry. I’m 28 years old and from a small village called Woodsfield Ohio. I started working in the porn industry in June 2014. Since then I have finally loved my job!

    My views on sex are probably a lot different than most of the “so called normal society”. I believe you can be in a committed relationship, and still have sex with others. When I am on set, sex is my job and has absolutely no feelings behind it.  Whereas sex with my fiance is completely different, we actually make love. Having sex with others also allows you to explore your sexuality as well as things your life partner may not be into. Just cause someone has sex with someone else while in a relationship, doesn’t mean they don’t love that person, it just means they have sexual desires that needs fulfilled. Sex is art! All art is beautiful regardless who it is with!

    Photo credit: Leanna Monroe
    Photo credit: Leanna Monroe

    Safe sex is extremely important these days with all of the STD’s that are out there. But at the same time I must agree with the men on this! Sex is much more enjoyable without a condom!  For myself, if I have sex outside of the porn industry I always use condoms! Condoms take the amazing feeling away! You don’t get the full sensation as you would without! Plus me, personally would rather have sex without a condom!  Not only does it feel better but the actual penetration feel of a rock hard cock pounding me feels amazing!

    I also freaking love cum! I love the feeling of a hot dude busting a load deep in me and feeling it drip out of my tight little ass, or blowing it all over my face! To say the least, I love cum!!! Which is why I completely enjoy working in the porn industry, cause everyone I work with has the lab work showing they’re clean! So I get good wild sex and lots of cum! So if you know you are and your sex parnter is 100% clean, enjoy some sex without the condoms, if not always practice SAFE sex!

    When enjoying sex while your partner/partners uses a condom, first find the condoms that doesn’t kill most of the realistic feeling! If you have to, buy a few different kinds and see what you like best! You also know what you like and where the special spots are. I love toys!  So regardless of the toy I use I know my spots!  So if you have sex with a guy, take control get on top and ride that cock like it is yours and hit that G spot!

    I know for myself that I can ride a cock and have multiple anal orgasms with or without a condom! Learn your body and figure out what you like! Never be scared to tell a man what to do!  Most men actually get more turned on when you tell them how to fuck you! When they are hitting that spot let them know! If you are willing to get naked in front of the guy, then be willing to tell him what you do and don’t like! Trust me, sex with or without a condom can be extremely enjoyable!  If you prefer not to use a condom, make your partner get tested. It’s not rude to be safe!

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • Where do we go from here?

    Where do we go from here?

    No, this is not merely a reference to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical – it is a question that has been bubbling under the surface of the gay and lesbian community, to varying degrees, for quite some time now.

    Same-sex marriage has become almost an inevitability across the Western world. Horrified to learn that Australia is now behind even Texas in affording gay and lesbian people the right to marry, I was recently bouyed by an article suggesting that health care was the next frontier in the fight for queer equality. It would seem to me that, once our community overcomes the marriage barrier we have been banging our heads against for the better part of half a century, we must open ourselves up to a much larger, more diverse, but infinitely more complex set of issues to overcome.

    I use the term ‘gay and lesbian community’ above intentionally, because these are the people who inherently frame where the debate goes from here. Having all but entirely succeeded in securing the right to marry, we are faced with either resigning ourselves to the white picket fences of our matrimonial dreams or continuing to stand up to queerphobia in every facet of society. Many, I would argue, will see no need to keep rallying, writing letters, picketing homophobes (indeed, some do not see even the need right now). Many will think that equality has been achieved, and that queerphobia is all but dead in the dust as the last vestiges of the older, conservative, bigoted generation slowly fade. This, unfortunately, is very far from reality.

    Trans people have known where we should be heading for a while now. In a time when there have been eight reported murders of transgender women in the US alone so far this year (and it is only February); when the suicide of a trans teenager highlights the crucial need for education, parental acceptance, and access to physical and mental health services; when studies find that between 40 to 50 percent of trans people will attempt suicide (14 times higher than their cisgender counterparts); when over 80 percent of transgender youth report being bullied at school. We cannot ignore that queer youth – trans in particular – are being oppressed to the point of illness and death for not conforming to social ideas about gender, and what it means to be a ‘real’ man or woman. We simply cannot erase the fact that this is the same kind of queerphobia that gay and lesbian people have faced for a long time, merely in a different form.

    That is only one tip of one iceberg. Queer refugees across the globe are fleeing torture, corrective rape, and execution. This, in the face of countries such as Australia testing the ‘gayness’ of refugees by asking them about their promiscuity or gauging their knowledge of cultural tropes like Madonna, Oscar Wilde, and Bette Midler; or Germany reportedly advising refugees that Uganda (home of the ‘Kill the Gays’ legislation) is a safe place to live for queer people; or the United States deporting a queer refugee, who was then tortured and executed in a Honduran prison. We cannot ignore the fact that we live in a very ‘privileged’ society – one that does not condone our torture, rape, or execution based solely on our gender or sexuality. We owe it to queer refugees to, funnily enough, provide refuge from that level of violent, lethal queerphobia.

    As a community, our fight extends beyond the white picket fence. Our straight allies have stood with us in the long, arduous battle to gain rights, whether they be to marry, to adopt, to surrogacy, wills and estates, powers of attorney, or to be free from discrimination in the workplace and the schoolyard. Now, it is our turn – our duty, really – to show that same level of allyship to those in our own community that are facing some of the most abhorrent forms of queerphobic oppression. Oppression that is resulting in their deaths by the droves.

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  • Gendering Outside the Lines (Part 2)

    Gendering Outside the Lines (Part 2)

    Read Part I here

    Some of the terms I used in my introduction to describe my gender identity and gender discovery journey are likely unfamiliar to you. Here’s a quick vocab lesson to go with my first post:

    Assigned Female at Birth (AFAB), also Assigned Male at Birth (AMAB): these terms acknowledge that the gender that ends up on your birth certificate is determined based on external examination of your genitals and assigned by someone other than the person being born. That assigned gender may or may not correspond to the gender identity that person eventually recognizes for themselves. So, in my case, when I was born, everyone in the room (other than me) took a look and decided I was female.

    Transmasculine is a term used to describe people who are AFAB and identify as masculine in some way and/or are masculine in appearance. Genderqueer is a term some people use to describe identities that are not male or female, but perhaps a combination of them or transcending them entirely. I use genderqueer as a shortcut to describe my gender identity which is a combination of male and female, though I do not specifically identify as either.

    Because I’m genderqueer, you can also say that I don’t identify with the gender binary. Another term you might have seen is ‘trans*’. This is a term some people use to broadly describe people who identify as transgender, transsexual or other gender non-conforming identities. I sometimes describe myself as a trans* genderqueer butch. Be aware that in some circles, this is a controversial term, however it is one I use to describe myself and other nonbinary identified people.

    ‘Non-binary’ is another term we should explore and we’ll do that by first talking about what binary means. A binary system is one with two choices, like on/off or black/white. When we talk about the gender binary, we’re talking about male and female being the only two terms we have when describing gender. For most of my life, I didn’t question that system or the limitations it imposed. Our culture uses the gender binary to define what roles, characteristics and appearances are acceptable for everyone based on their perceived gender. When I identified as a butch female, I was gender non-conforming. That means I wasn’t playing by the rules for being a female in American culture. I didn’t wear dresses, or keep my hair long and feminine. I embraced masculinity and put me outside the gender norms. Even as I chafed at the limitations assigned my gender, I still didn’t question the binary itself.

    Sit for a moment and imagine living outside that binary, imagine not being constrained by male and female. Can you do it? Can you think of a time when you didn’t feel intrinsically male or female? Even for people who are trans* identified, it can be a challenge. Most people relate to the gender binary in a positive way, for example trans women who identify as female or trans men who identify as male. But I am becoming more and more aware of people like me who occupy that gray area in between (or maybe outside) the binary.

    I first discovered this gray area through blogs and essays and eventually met some nonbinary people in person. I had a growing realization that this way of seeing gender, outside the restrictions of the binary, resonated with my internal vision of myself. I began to identify as genderqueer and tell people about the way gender intersected in me. The ongoing challenge is that it is really hard to explain not being male or female to binary identified people. Typical reactions are confusion, disbelief, even mockery – maybe you can relate to one of those.

    This being my first post here, I don’t want to go on and on, better to leave something for the next time. In my next installment, I will address a couple more things I spoke about in the second paragraph – my pronouns, name change, testosterone and how that reconciles with not being male.

    If you have questions for me on the topics I’ve raised here or questions you hope I’ll address in future posts, please leave them for me in a comment. You can also find more on these topics (and more) on my blog, Butchtastic.

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  • Gendering Outside the Lines (Part 1)

    Gendering Outside the Lines (Part 1)

    I was invited to contribute to this site and share my trans* perspective on sexuality and gender. To be perfectly clear, I am only qualified to speak from my own perspective and though my viewpoint will sometimes overlap with that of other people, there are times when it will not.

    Since I’m new here, I’d like to take a moment to introduce myself. I am a 51 year old transmasculine genderqueer who was assigned female at birth, uses he/him/his pronouns and is taking testosterone (T) to better align my physical body with my gender identity. I recently completed a legal name change to a typically male name which is similar to my birth name. Though I identify as trans* and masculine, I do not identify as male.

    I started taking T last year after a lifetime of not really fitting into my expected role as a female. Even as a masculine lesbian female – dyke, queer, butch – there was something that didn’t work for me, like a pair of underwear that rode up in the wrong places and also felt too loose. Yeah, it was that uncomfortable. Over the years, I watched as some of the other butches I knew chose transition from female to male, becoming trans men. I pondered their choice and thought about my own discomfort in being female, but something held me back.

    That something was the fact that though I do not identify as female, I also don’t identify fully as male. Combine that with my assumption that only male identified people went through transition and I was at a stalemate. Years went by as I learned more and more about gender identification and how complex it was. I hadn’t put my own situation into words, because the idea of not being female but also not being male wouldn’t fit into my head any better than a square peg in a round hole. You may be feeling similarly at this point, how does a person not feel either female or male, what else is there?

    I didn’t know it for many years, but I was on a quest to find the words to describe my sense of gender. The main problem was that the words didn’t exist yet. The words ‘genderqueer’ and ‘non-binary’ were outside my knowledge until about five or six years ago, and they hadn’t been in common usage much before that. When I came across the definition of genderqueer, I felt like my brain suddenly expanded like a giant sponge animal dipped in water. All of a sudden, there was more room in the world, more reality to explore and occupy. The thing I’d been chasing, my own personal golden chalice, had a name, it existed in the way that it hadn’t before because now I had a word for it, and a new understanding about gender.

    I’ve thrown a lot of terms in the preceding paragraphs that may be unfamiliar to you. You aren’t alone, I’ve had countless conversations with people over the last several years about the terminology used to describe gender identity and those conversations started with me being very ignorant.

    Read part 2 here

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  • Should I tell my date that I am Transgender?

    Should I tell my date that I am Transgender?

    When I first came out as transgender, it seemed really important to announce to everybody that I was male, not female. This was before I started my medical transition, so I was still being regarded as female even when I dressed in traditionally masculine clothing and sat the way most guys I knew sat rather than the way most women did. So there was no question in my mind that I was going to assert myself, because being invisible to the world just hurt too much.

    Now, though, most of the time I am automatically read as male. It still surprises me sometimes when people call me “Sir” because even after two years later, I am still not used to being seen as the gender I’ve identified with all my life. Since I’m living in a new city and starting to meet people, this brings up a lot of questions:

    Do they know I’m transgender?
    Do I tell them?
    Is it okay if I don’t tell them?

    This is something I see discussed a lot on transgender support forums online, often in the context of dating. More often than not, transgender men and women question if or when to tell someone they are dating that they are transgender. Similarly in the asexual community, people wonder if they really need to tell everyone they date—even the ones they never plan to see again—that they’re asexual. With online dating becoming more common, people also wonder whether they should mention their gender identity or sexual orientation in their online profiles.

    Before I had the luxury of being able to choose—that is, before people began seeing me the way I saw myself—I always assumed that I would tell anybody and everybody that I was transgender. I figured that I wouldn’t want to date someone who didn’t feel comfortable with people like me, so if I were rejected for it, it would be no big deal. I also mainly met people through online dating sites, thus I figured I could tell people from the safety of my own home and not have to worry about potential violence.

    It turns out that it’s not so easy in the real world. First of all, I find that my concerns about coming out aren’t limited to potential dating partners. Anybody I meet could potentially become a friend, close friend or more than friend, so I constantly have to decide when to disclose that I’m transgender. I do state on my social media profiles that I’m transgender, but not everyone reads that closely or notices it, so that’s not enough to ensure that people know.

    A couple of months ago, a new contact on Facebook started flirting with me and telling me he wanted to date me. I’m not one for jumping into the dating scene quickly, especially with people I don’t know in my day-to-day life, so I tried to let this person down gently by telling him that I’m asexual and don’t generally experience sexual attraction. A few days later, I got an email from him telling me I was a liar because I hadn’t told him I was transgender and accusing me of making up being asexual to avoid telling him the truth. I was honestly confused about this because it says on my Facebook profile that I’m transgender and includes a link to my Twitter handle, which identifies me as transgender. However, after I blocked this guy from contacting me again, I did some thinking.

    I think one of the reasons that there’s so much pressure and confusion about the issue of telling people about being transgender is that there’s this idea that if you don’t tell right away, you’re “lying.” You’re making people think you’re something you’re not. Specifically, you’re making people think you have sexual organs that you may not have.

    But here’s the thing. It’s not lying to say you’re male when you’re male or female when you’re female. It’s not lying to carry yourself in the world as the person you really are. Trans people aren’t trying to trick or deceive anyone; we’re not trying to make people who don’t want to have sex with someone whose sex organs match ours. We’re just trying to live in the world.

    I personally am proud of being transgender, and I don’t feel like I’m in any special danger of physical attack because of it. Some people don’t have that luxury, and so they have to be more careful who they tell. But for me, I decided that I don’t want to make such a big deal about this whole issue of telling. I feel like being transgender is just one part of who I am, and I want to treat it like any other fact about myself. As I get to know people, things about me come up naturally in conversation, and one of them is that I am transgender. I don’t want to force it or spend a lot of time thinking about how to tell. After all, I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about how to tell people any other fact about me or my life.

    So would I tell someone before I kiss them? Yes, if it hadn’t come up before. But chances are that it would have, since I personally only feel interested in being intimate with people whom I’ve created a strong emotional bond with.

    Relaxing about the whole disclosure thing is making it a lot easier for me to move through the world. Trying to figure out who knew and who didn’t and what to say was getting in the way of me socializing at all. For me, transitioning has been all about freeing myself from a self-imposed prison, so pressuring myself about whether or not to come out just puts me right back where I started. I’d rather be free to be myself and let my coming out, or not, happen naturally.

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