My name is Emily and I’m a fashion, lifestyle, and travel Influencer with 4+ years of experience.
What inspired you to be a model and why do you love modeling?
Modeling was never a dream of mine until I hit college. I was approached by an agency’s photographer and decided to try out modeling. It ended up being a little escape from the anxiety that comes with college. I ended up modeling for two years after I finished college.
Which is a memorable photoshoot or acting experience you have had before?
One of my most memorable experience through modeling/influencing was traveling to Antigua in the Caribbean for a week and shooting for a beautiful resort.
Do you have any other hobbies or interests?
I enjoy working out, journaling, discovering new restaurants, dancing, and hanging out with my Golden Retriever.
If you could travel back in time, is there something you will like to experience or change?
If I could go back in time I would push myself out of my comfort zone sooner. I missed a lot of opportunities simply because I was nervous or didn’t think I was good enough.
What 3 things do you love to do in the city you live in?
I love to go to the beach, visit my family, and take my dog on nature hikes.
On a scale of 1-10, how much of a risk taker are you?
I am probably an 8/10 of a risk taker.
What is a funny or lame attempt a guy has tried to know you?
The DMs. Everything goes down in the DM, literally everything.
Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions Emily. One question before we end, how do you define “sexy”?
I would define sexy as what makes YOU feel good, what makes you feel empowered, and having self-love.
Hmmm that word “correctly” might make some people uncomfortable. There is a misconception that there is a right and wrong way to “play”. While there are safety and consent rules that should be followed, the only people who make the rules are the ones involved in the scene or relationship. The way you choose to play may be different from others and as consenting adults, we must respect each other and accept all the different kinks and fetishes out there. Although there is definitely a “correct” way to spank!
There are some specific types of play that require more training and understanding of the human body to ensure safety, health and wellbeing of all involved (such as breath play, sounding, BB, spanking, needle/hooks/knives, rope, electro play and more). Irreversible damage can be done if play is not practiced safely and properly (for example in a medical scene you must use sterile equipment). To learn more about different types of play, I recommend watching and learning from educational sites such as KinkAcademy or firsthand from professionals, practicing and playing with/on yourself + consenting partners, and most importantly – always have FUN!
KINK and BDSM scenes and sessions are meant to be fun playtime with friends, not a painful chore! If you’re not enjoying yourself, then stop to take a moment, COMMUNICATE your feelings, be open and honest with yourself and play partners, listen to your own body and needs, and once you feel prepared, continue to journey deeper into the exploration of pleasure and PLAY again and again 🙂
Common Mistakes Made By Beginners When Learning BDSM
Often people think they have to try it all, or are too afraid to try. They put all their eggs in one basket thinking they only like this one thing, and then when they do try they, end up disappointed because it wasn’t as expected. People may not understand what the kinks or fetishes are, the different roles or how they themselves fit into this world. They may not know how to negotiate a safe word, talk about limits or even recognize the importance of aftercare.
Newbies are often seen jumping in without pre-negotiation of a scene, researching for the right person to dom/sub with, getting themselves into fast, abusive, or catfish relationships, or tricked financially, thus getting hurt in the process. BDSM is ultimately about trust, consent and communication. Choose wisely the people you play with, and do your homework if you are seeking out professional services. Have an idea about the things you like/dislike and start to see, feel and understand how your body reacts. Take note and go from there.
First and foremost, listen to yourself! Trust that only you know what is best for you, and if anyone is making you uncomfortable in the world of kinky BDSM playtime, know that you have the power to end the scene. If you’re curious about this world, then start by going your own way. Start living the life you have always wanted. Start doing the things you enjoy. Just be free to be you. No one can stop you. Your sexuality is a part of who you are and no one can shame you for what you like because pleasure is your birthright. Be proud to be a kinkster and enter the #portaltofreedom
Come On & Explore Your Kink With Me
I am an educator first and foremost. A nurturing and patient teacher, strict, sadistic yet loving Mommy Dom, here to guide you on your journey towards sexual freedom. My style is ever changing as I am the Queen of Opposites, and I conduct sessions at My leisure in English and Mandarin.
If you are prepared to change your life through submission and kinky playtime, then I am the one for you. If you want to learn or improve your English or Chinese + learn how to communicate your sexual needs and desires through the eyes of kink, then I am the one for you. If you are ready to embrace your sexuality and unleash your power, then I am the one for you. If you want to feel different than you do now, then I am the one for you.
LOVE Queen Layla is an exuberant and esoteric Eurasian Dominatrix, Language (Mandarin & ESL) and Sex Educator, Performer and Motivational Speaker. She is the founder of 4L Solutions, a global company advocating for sexual health and wellness through education, workshops, coaching and performances. She transforms taboos surrounding sex, darkness and transformation on the aural #portaltofreedom with inspirational stories and monthly guests as host of sexuality podcast Punani Productions. Dare to be free. Surrender and free yourself. Enter the Portal: Magical Kingdom for Sexual Freedom
I’m Shaye, I’m 22 years old and a Sagittarius! I’m a Canadian six foot hottie with legs for days! I’m originally from a small town but currently live in Toronto for modeling!
How did you get started into modeling?
I got started into modeling by helping a friend who was in beauty school that needed a model for an assignment. The instructor of her course really urged myself to get into modeling and after that, I really pursued it.
Which is your proudest photoshoot experience so far?
My most proud photoshoot I would say would be a GORGEOUS set I produced with a photographer by the name of Jay Sinnaperumal (IG@jayscreativeimage) and MUA Iqra (IG@_glam_by_iqra).
Everything just popped so flawlessly! It was later published into Ignite Magazine as well!
Do you have any other hobbies or interests?
I’m actually an equestrian of 16 years and own my own horse! He is a Westphalian x Thoroughbred cross who specializes in Hunter/Jumper! It’s been a love of mine since I was so little!
Is there anything in this world which you wish you had more of?
You could never go wrong with money but if I’m completely honest, I would want land/specialists to help battered and abused people as well as addicts. Sadly, those two topics go hand in hand a lot of the time and it’s a very important subject for myself. I want to make the world a better place in a way I know how.
What turns you off on a date?
Someone that is cocky, loud, talks over me. Just genuinely anyone that cannot take the time for anyone but themselves. Big turn off. Nope from me.
Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions Shaye. One question before we end, how do you define “sexy”?
I define sexy as when YOU feel good with your body, when you can see pictures of yourself/look in the mirror and say, “damn, thats me!”
Beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder! Never stop striving until you can successfully say, “I love myself!”
Personally, I find kinky playtime and BDSM to be both a healing modality and a healthy, fun way to release from the pressures of everyday life. An escape to a world of fantasy, excitement and pleasure with someone you trust while knowing that you can stop at any time. A place where power is exchanged and surrender leads to transcending yourself. When I play, along with My subs, I also enter the #portaltofreedom and after each encounter, I am changed just like them. I grow as they grow and we all learn from each other. I believe that sexuality is at the core of who you are and when you “Embrace Your Sexuality”, you “Unleash Your Power” (this is the name of the workshop I am currently writing and taking global in 2021).
In the realm of kink and BDSM, there is love and acceptance and it is here that I found Myself, discovered My love and passion for exploring ALL bodies while helping people find pleasure in all kinds of naughty ways, ending shame and stigma around STIs, kink/BDSM, educating on safe practices and being a personal example and inspiration for people to reclaim self love and empowerment and celebrate their sexuality.
Just this year I founded 4L Solutions, a global company advocating for sexual health and wellness through education, workshops, coaching and performances. I am the creator of the new method #KinkyChinese & #KinkyEnglish which bridges the gap between second language learning, sexuality, kink/BDSM and communication between partners. I started the sexuality podcast Punani Productions to transform taboos surrounding sex, darkness and metamorphosis through inspirational personal stories and monthly guests. My philosophy is: Live Your Life. Love Above All. Laugh Daily. Learn & Transcend.
How I Started Exploring Kink
Funny you ask, I had no idea I was into kink until I moved to NYC in 2013 and started My dominatrix career in 2015. I worked in a dungeon while also teaching privately (Can you believe I am an 18 year veteran educator! I feel forever young!) and took professional training to further My skills and expertise in the arts of the Dominatrix. After one particular training I had a flashback memory of My first time at a fetish party in Vancouver, Canada during University when I was 19 years old. I remembered being invited to a “fetish party”, had no idea what that was, and they said “just wear black!” and so I went. To be honest I had no idea what to expect and was weirded out by the crowd. In the midst of the darkness and heavy techno music, I saw men wearing corsets and all kinds of things, went outside, met a hot girl with star pasties, and thought ok this party isn’t so bad… Went back in and all of a sudden saw a red light leading somewhere new, and started to hear a sound… a sound I never heard before, but it drew Me in. I went down the stairs into a dimly lit room where a crowd surrounded a bench where a girl was getting spanked. I thought it was so beautiful I started to reach out and tell them, but someone yanked my arm back and said “Hey, you can’t interrupt a scene!”
I had no idea what that was all about, thought that it was odd that I couldn’t tell them how I felt so made My way back upstairs and ended up dancing the night away. After that I never returned to a fetish party during college or even thought about all the crazy things I witnessed. However subconsciously, I must have enjoyed it because I was always dressing as a “dominatrix” for Halloween years after graduating. Even now the sound of a whip cracking still gives Me the shivers while simultaneously puts a devilish grin on My face. I giggle and get excited just thinking about it…
Another fun fact: I have a magnet of the painting Gabrielle d’Estrées et une de ses soeurs that I purchased at the Louvre in Paris when I was 12 years old on a family trip with My own money. I still have it to this day. I guess this means I have been drawn to nipples ever since I was a teenager and have been kinky all My life 🙂
Challenges I Faced When Learning About BDSM
We all know that BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. Initially I had no idea about any of this world before moving to New York after being raised with traditional values in a multicultural household in Beijing, China. I had heard some things but never experienced it first hand. As a natural dominant, I was always a leader throughout My life – in the classroom, the workplace, the bedroom.
When I started working at the dungeon I only experienced being the dominant, and never learned much about submission and the reasons behind it. I knew that when I did My training I wanted to experience submitting because I realized what I was doing was so powerful; that even though I was new and inexperienced, I already had the innate ability to bring My clients to another level and guide them in transformation. I realized that to be a good dominant, you need to experience and understand submission along with the power that both roles hold in this beautiful relationship.
In many places of training, you must first begin as a submissive before you can enter the role of the dominant. During My training, I wanted to feel this “sub space” and finally understand what the hype was about. I had heard that entering “sub space” could be even more enlightening than drugs and is in a way like a drug in itself. When a body experiences intense sensations (for example impact play), naturally there are internal reactions that generate a release in the forms of sweat, tears, giggling, shaking…etc. and one cannot control how long it takes to get out of “subspace” and back to one’s usual self (it can range anywhere from five minutes up to an hour or even longer for some). As I have an extremely low pain tolerance, I agreed to a light spanking on a cool massage table that was hanging in mid-air by chains from the ceiling. Looking back now, I was definitely “topping from the bottom” saying “do it this way, do it that way” but at the end, I felt so peaceful, and said thank you. As I turned onto My back, My teeth started chattering uncontrollably and tears flowed out of my eyes, down My face and I couldn’t move. They brought Me blankets and told Me I was loved, and I felt like a load of negative energy was lifted, healing came to My body, all the hurt and pain that I went through was gone, all the anger was gone, I was floating.
That day I understood what subspace was, what deep and profound transformations BDSM playtime can bring, and what it means to submit and transcend, hence My tagline: “Dare to be free with Me. Surrender and free yourself.” By the way, after that spanking is when I had the memory of the fetish party. Better not get it twisted though readers, only I do the spanking during My playtime!
Part 2 to follow…
LOVE Queen Layla is an exuberant and esoteric Eurasian Dominatrix, Language (Mandarin & ESL) and Sex Educator, Performer and Motivational Speaker. She is the founder of 4L Solutions, a global company advocating for sexual health and wellness through education, workshops, coaching and performances. She transforms taboos surrounding sex, darkness and transformation on the aural #portaltofreedom with inspirational stories and monthly guests as host of sexuality podcast Punani Productions. Dare to be free. Surrender and free yourself. Enter the Portal: Magical Kingdom for Sexual Freedom
Hi beautiful people, this is Jia Sin! I am a fashion model based in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia for about two years after graduated from my BA (Hons) in psychology. Singapore’s TNP New Face 2018 was the first modeling contest that I had ever debuted, stepping into the fashion industry, followed by Face of Malaysia 2019. I was lucky enough to be shortlisted as the finalist for both contests.
Along side as a runway model, I had walked for Borneo Fashion Week 2018 and Kuala Lumpur Fashion Week 2019. Besides high end fashion, I am currently trying on commercial and acting too. I was born in Kluang, Johor but grew up in Penang, a.k.a the food paradise 🙂
(Rookie me: TNP New Face Singapore’s modeling contest 2018)
(Rookie me: Casting time for Face of Malaysia 2019)
What inspires your fashion style and where do you love to shop from?
My go-to fashion style is simple and chic but still fashionable. For example, plain top plus jeans/shorts; one-piece dress plus boots……However, I do love cardigans blazers/trendy coats and bling bling stuff too. So it’s kinda switching with my moods. My favourite stores range from budget (Zara, H&M, Cotton on, Taobao…) to high end (Louis Vuitton…).
How much of a foodie are you and what are your favorites?
That’s me, a food lover!!:) Recalling back, I used to eat like a horse, loaded with an Asian big bowl of soup (Yes, I love soup) and rice plate of my mom’s Chinese dishes. My favourite food definitely goes to cheese cake or anything with CHEESEE~~
What hobbies or interests are you into?
Oh I love reading inspiring self-help books and doing workouts/sports like swimming etc. Would like to learn fencing and drumming and do extreme activities like skydiving in the future.
Do you believe in any superstition?
Nope, I’m kinda free thinker and open-minded but still believe there is a God/spiritual energy/power greater than us.
Have you been in an embarrassing situation that is funny now when looking back?
Oh God! Seriously I tried to think and recall so hard for this question as I barely can remember any. Haha. Probably there was a time when I was seven years old and playing around with other kids on the swings of my aunt’s house. It was her wedding day so I was wearing a pretty and cute yellow chiffon dress.
But the funny thing then happened: I fell and tripped myself in mud after running on the grass field. And……my dress became a “chocolate” dress! LOL and my mom ended up bringing me home to give me a wash. What an embarrassment!
If you could learn anything in this world, what will it be?
All the languages in the world. It would be so cool to be able to communicate freely with everybody without any language barriers or difficulties.
What do you not get about guys?
Not meant to offend and just my personal taste, but I don’t get when guys keep their scruffy beards, as I prefer CLEAN shaven guys!! XP
Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions Jia Sin. One question before we end, how do you define “sexy”?
Sexy is to be confident! Confidence is everything 🙂
Haaay! My name is Mia, I’m a mixture of English, Jamaican and Austrian. I grew half in London and half in Spain. I ended up moving to Barcelona when I was 18 as I was fully done with living the rest of my life in England.
I’ve been very fortunate enough to have spent my time travelling quite a bit across the world and seen some remarkable places. At the beginning of year 2020, I was certified to teach Yoga as it was a really big passion of mine and it had changed my life so much that I wanted to share that experience with others.
How long have you been modeling and what do you enjoy about being a model?
I’ve been modeling only more seriously in the last 6 months. Over the years I dabble and dabble in it but when I came back from India, it was something I had grown more interested in. I love that modelling is like acting. You’re playing a role that gives you the ability to express yourself in different ways like different versions of yourself that you can play with.
Do you have any favorite genres of modeling you prefer?
Hmmm that’s hard. I don’t know what genres it comes under but I love the soft innocent raw look but also attitude fierce stylized looks.
What is a memorable or unforgettable photoshoot you have had so far?
Probably my first shoot I had done when I was living in Barcelona. I was walking outside my apartment at like 11pm to go to the shops to buy some chocolate and a guy crossing paths with me gave me his card and said I’d be great to shoot with. I really wanted to do a shoot but didn’t really know what I was doing or have the confidence in myself. He asked to do some movements that felt very awkward and I didn’t feel comfortable so I left. I think I didn’t do another shoot till like a year later ahah.
If you could change one thing about the world, what will it be?
You don’t know anyone’s story so stop trying to make assumptions about others. I would rewire our brains so that we grow up being mentored to supporting each other in whatever we like to do without judgement instead of tearing people down when all we are all trying to do is our best. So many people had their dreams taken away from them as they were told and they believed that it wasn’t possible.
On a scale of 1-10, how much of an adventurer are you?
Definitely 100000x I lovvvvvve adventures, I lovvvve getting lost, I love getting a little scared, sounds weird but it brings you fully present in that moment. You’re fully immersed.
Would you rather be a vampire or werewolf?
Vampires were always my fantasy growing up and I’ve always wanted someone to bite me and turn me into one hahahah… I think I was obsessed.
What is the funniest or lamest attempt a guy has tried to know you?
“Something’s wrong with my eyes, I can’t seem to take them of you” …. I awkwardly laugh but have nowhere else to go as I’m working behind the bar so I pretend to be doing something seriously important behind me.
Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions Mia. One question before we end, how do you define “sexy”?
Sexy is being fully comfortable and confident in your skin.
I’m from Kidapawan City, Philippines, I’m ambitious and passionate. I’m always looking for an opportunity to do better and achieve greatness. And I love meeting new people and learning about their lives and their backgrounds. I can almost always find common ground with strangers, and I like making people feel comfortable in my presence.
How will you describe your fashion style and where do you shop from?
I purchase clothing from multiple sources. Some online and some in store depending on the occasion. My style is chic, sexy and comfortable. I like to be comfortable because the secret to great style is to always feel confident in what you wear and feel good in it.
Which 3 fashion accessories are most important to you?
Bags, shoes and anklets.
Do you follow a strict beauty and or exercise regime?
No, but I do simple workouts only twice a week.
On a scale of 1-10, how much of a risk taker are you?
5, but from my past experience, I would think I would call myself a careful risk taker.
Is there something in this world you can’t get enough of?
Of course, money hahaha. Well, the true measures of a person is not money, fame nor power but the joy in life, gracious manner and nobility of conduct.
If you could meet with anyone past or present, who will it be?
I am dying to meet Chris Hemsworth hahaha.
What turns you off on a date?
The dirty hands and fingernails but if it is clean, soft and not wrinkly, it would be a huge turn on for me.
Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions Joann. One question before we end, how do you define “sexy”?
I’ve always had a complicated relationship with sex, but I don’t think I am abnormal in that respect. I know that I find it difficult to climax and yet I am almost always aroused. It’s quite frustrating sometimes. But looking back, I think this has made me a better escort and a better fetish model. I feel quite relaxed with other peoples (mostly guys) kinks. Even the strangest requests do not really freak me out. I don’t think I’m jaded. I am still very young. But I am tolerant of deviancy. To me, being a pervert is normal and most importantly honest.
So I guess you could say that my sexual desire and appetite and fulfilment is achieved through another person. I’m like an orgasm cuckoo haha. But, that’s not to say that I am selfish in the bed at all. Now that I think about it, it’s quite odd. I don’t have personal relationships with boyfriends etc, I am in a relationship with my kink. That kink is deviancy. Mm…not sure if you can understand that? I am a work in progress 🙂
How I Started Producing Fetish Content
I met my favourite producers Benson Media who I think are unique in the adult industry. The founder Simon Benson has been in the industry for 20 years and is a famous BDSM illustrator. I saw some of his drawings when I was much younger and they stirred something inside. Many years later when we met, I was so in awe. And yet, he and his company are very down to earth. I guess they took me under their wing and I was allowed to discover and understand more about my kinky side.
I was shown that my kinky side is the real me and nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t spend 24/7 in a mist of latex and leather. But I certainly feel relaxed about my perverse thoughts. We co-produce my Onlyfans and launched my own porn websitecherrythedoll.com which I consider ‘my place’ where all my inner fantasies can be played out for others to enjoy 🙂
We launched Cherrythedoll during lockdown so it was quite intense being locked in with a director, shooting every day but I loved every minute of it. I would love to live in a fetish bubble, like a walled compound of sorts haha!
Favorite Content Produced So Far
My website has 5 themes – Cute, Fetish, Toys, The Doll and POV. These are the four main fetishes I am interested in. The fifth, ‘Fetish’ is a catch all. My favourite of all these themes is ‘The Doll’. It’s dark, creepy and I guess it has all my fantasies intertwined. It has a loose linear storyline, so it’s exciting to see in what direction it will go.
The scripts are written by Simon Benson so they are quite twisted and creepy – in a sexy cool way. The Doll has DDlg / ageplay themes. So it’s taboo and controversial. But I think viewers should understand that this content truly represents my thoughts and fantasies. It’s definitely not victim driven or anything that seeks to promote anything unlawful.
What’s The Process Of Creating A Video Like?
Firstly, we discuss the script. The script is important as I have to give some kind of performance. Then we look at props. Props are important as they set the tone for the scene. For example, we filmed a scene with a creepy dolls head with a rubber dildo attached. It was quite a weird looking object in itself. Obviously the entire scene was dominated by this prop, it created energy and kind of drove the action within the scene. Simon made the ‘dildo doll’ himself haha!
We shoot on a main camera and a b-camera. We shoot ProRes on a Blackmagic using 16mm cine primes which gives a nice filmic look and usually the b-camera is a GH4 or a GoPro. Sound is captured off camera. Benson Media handle all the post production – thank god!! It’s a lot of editing time 🙂 I much prefer to play with my doggy and PS4 instead haha!
Being Open To Exploring My Kink
I have no boundaries. There are some things I don’t do on camera for legal reasons. But I spend a lot of time in Japan where most things I am interested in are acceptable as long as you exercise discretion. It’s a bit of a cliche, but your sex life is a journey. It twists and turns throughout your life. So why not go with your feelings?
Cherry English – Fetish Model, International Companion and Maiko
I am a freelance model in the Philippines for almost 9 years now albeit I consider myself as an artist because I love everything art represents, like music or fashion…I aspire to be a successful entrepreneur someday too.
How did you get started into modeling and why do you enjoy it?
Collecting a lot of magazines when I was younger gave me an insight about modeling. I was intrigued so I searched agencies in my country to look for auditions and castings. Like a golden opportunity, I saw one and I went there with my sister. Fortunately, I was chosen to be a part of a fashion show and I even had my first print ad project.
After that I had fashion shows, commercials and print ads. I’ve been to a few TV shows in the early years of my career too, like Dyesebel, Pedro Penduko, Kambal sa Uma, and Volta. I even guested for a game show called Minute To Win It a year ago.
I enjoy doing my craft because I’ve met a lot of amazing people. I also met my best friends in this industry. Even the challenges and shortcomings made it more perplexing.
Do you follow a regular workout or beauty regime to look so good?
I do yoga and I meditate. When you have a peaceful mind, the body follows.
What inspires your fashion style and where do you love to shop from?
I’m not the type to follow trends. My fashion sense is very eclectic. It changes depends on my mood. I recommend checking out Orseund Iris, Oh Polly, Joah Brown and Fashionnova.
What have you always wanted to do or learn but have yet to find the time for it?
Probably dancing. It’s something I used to do a lot when I was still in middle school. I was even a cheerleader and I competed in gymnastics competitions too.
Do you believe in any superstition?
Neutral. Sometimes I find it funny, sometimes I blame myself for not believing.
Would you rather be able to play every musical instrument or master every type of sport?
I’d love to master any kind of sport. I love being prolific.
What turns you off on a date?
There’s a lot I could tell actually but I’ll list down a few things… First of, poor hygiene. I like a man who knows how to take care of his body. If they can’t take care of their own body, how can I assume that they can also be a responsible person?
Or when they’re not paying attention to me on our date, like they’re distracted with their phone or other stuff. I respect their own space but I can feel if they lack an overall investment. I don’t want a guy to date me out of boredom or just to get in my pants. I’d love to be with someone who has substance.
Lastly, if I see them being uncivil towards a waiter, staff, driver or a guard, it’ll also be a deal breaker for me.
Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions Shanne. One question before we end, how do you define “sexy”?
’Sexy’ is a mentality for me. People see it negatively or they’d think you’re conceited when you’re being confident with your own body. I beg to differ. It’s a mere social construct. It’s not just about our body types. I can even find a person sexy with his motivation, his confidence, and his great sense of humor.
How else would I define it? Enticing. Captivating. I never found a guy that’s sexy enough to make me wanna drool over him. Like I can’t stop thinking about how hot he is or would beg him to make me his. If I ever found a guy that would give me that kind of butterflies, I’m doomed.
I enjoy being tied up. With my partner we practice Japanese inspired rope bondage – Kinbaku. It started as a casual bedroom play, and developed over time into something very special – very deep and intimate way of communication between us which i cannot compare to anything else really. In Kinbaku I found a very special – ritualistic – space where i can enjoy playing with power exchange – offering myself, surrendering myself to the will of my partner.
Outside of Kinbaku ritualistic space, we are a normal couple. We decide on many things together and ask each others’ advices and support. In Kinbaku space, we allow ourselves to play different roles, to open up and be vulnerable and touch on our “shadow” parts, the parts that maybe we don’t fully understand or accept about ourselves. We can play with fear and shame and other dark emotions. Sometimes, it touches some very sensitive parts.
In Kinbaku, we use the ropes for inducing the impact on the body and mind of the person being tied – that would be me. Over time, I definitely developed a fetish for a feeling of rope on my body. I love everything about it: its smell, touch, sound, its versatility – for all the different qualities and emotions it can convey, when it’s in the hands of my partner…
Why I Love Rope Bottoming
In ropes, I seek to surrender. It is erotic to me, to be desired, to be taken. I enjoy being “made” into a beautiful thing for the pleasure of my rigger. I want to become a clay and I want to be touched, moved, split open, taken, rejected, objectified, worshipped, penetrated… Ultimately, I seek to surrender to the core of my being, to the point of dissolving my mental resistance and becoming nothing but a pulsating body, like one of the plants of the flower. On the way there, it might call out different emotions in me, sometimes it is hot as fuck, sometimes, it calls out a layer of deep sadness…
We do Seme-nawa – “challenging ropes”, those that have power to move something in me, to melt me, to transform me into something else. I don’t seek pain, I do seek challenge. Challenge that brings me to my limits, to my resistance, my fears and my choices. When I’m up there and no way to move, no way to breathe properly, and my fear is so haptic – I can touch it – only choice is left to surrender to what is happening. This intensity brings me back to myself, reminding me that the truth is what I feel, not what I think I should feel. This intensity I rarely experience in “normal” life and this is one of the gifts that rope gives me. It is cleansing, and softens me.
I think one part of this “cleansing” is about having a space for “Drama”, having a space to discharge emotions, especially dark destructive emotions, that I get to accumulate throughout the day… Anger, hate, self-hate, fear, anxiety…? We are not supposed to show such feelings in social situations, we are almost denied to have them, but they are there. It is a blessing to have a space to live them out through crying, sweating, shaking – there is a feeling of relief and lightness that often comes afterwards.
How My Interest In Rope Bottoming Start
My partner – who was already engaged with BDSM before – introduced me. The story was, I saw the photograph on the wall of the girl tied up – so I asked him what that was and he said, “I’ll show you, baby” and I liked what he showed me. There was something about the feeling of rope from the very first moment it touched my skin. There was something about the rope being so powerful, that it felt right for me to obey to what it wanted. I just had to follow my desire and discover more of that. This is how it started.
At the beginning, I had a phase of confusion. At that time – almost 10 years ago – it was difficult to find any teachings, workshops or books, anything really – about rope bottoming. However, I had a very clear and strong desire for rope, I was confused in many aspects: how to handle pain or bad emotions, or how to communicate with my partner, or what exercises I needed to stay safe and healthy – not so unimportant aspects after all…
I had to learn by doing and that wasn’t always easy. At that time, I dealt a lot with embodiment – developing a capacity for feeling inside of your own body, for living through my own body, so to say. That has changed my approach to rope bottoming – I was getting deeper and deeper into my own body, feeling my feelings, living my own “story” with rope, concentrating less on what I thought I “should” do. I hope it makes sense! For me it was a turning point in my rope bottoming. This is also the journey that I write in my book about.
Reasons Beginners Should Join A Rope Bottoming Class To Learn
For several reasons… First of all, raising the awareness and the self-responsibility – in rope bondage, being tied up, we are not a “passive” object, but there are always shared risks and shared responsibility with the rigger. For instance, when it comes to safety. The technical skills of the rigger are of course very important, but they just don’t feel your limps the way you feel them. Therefore, it is also your own responsibility to learn what you can do to stay safe and healthy when playing with rope bondage.
When it comes to rope bottoming, I believe this is a somatic practice. It is something that we learn with our bodies, over time. And that with a bit of effort and exercise, you can improve and deepen your own experience.
I don’t think one has to attend the bottoming classes in order to be tied up. One can do just fine without it. However, I think there is not enough awareness of how much learning actually there is possible if one wants to take rope bottoming seriously and advance on this pathway. I have often heard rope bottoms saying, “I started as a rope bottom, but then I wanted to grow, so I started to tie”. I don’t think that becoming a rigger is the only possibility to grow for the rope bottom. I think there is a lot to learn and to discover on the pathway of “just” being a rope bottom.
I believe, “good” rope bottoming takes time, practice, and patience. Good, in a sense, that it’s fulfilling, enriching, and deep play – for yourself and your partner. That’s just my personal opinion.
It is not just something that your rigger brings to you or “does” with you. You, your attitude, your mindset also will affect the session tremendously. You co-create the sessions together with your partner.
My teaching for bottoms is not aiming for the “right answer for everybody”, but rather about assisting you to find right answers in your body. We are unique and our reasons, why and how we enjoy the rope, are very different. There is not “one answer fits all” approach. Rather the intention of going deeper with yourself.
How A Typical First Session Is Like
The first session in ropes? I guess that can look very different as people are different… there is not really such a thing as a “typical” session I would say. People have very different desires and intentions for playing with ropes. How about instead, I could share my suggestions for those who are new, what they could do to enjoy the first session and avoid having a bad experience.
Slow down! Learn properly how your body reacts in ropes before increasing the intensity – by going in the air, for instance. Many want to experience the suspension right away. I believe, if you take it slow in the beginning, you grow your self-trust and self-knowledge, that would later allow you to “relax” into and really enjoy the suspension later.
Go slow, do less. Define what your comfort zone is (the amount of impact that you are pretty sure you can process) and communicate it as your limit. For instance, this sounds to me like a reasonable limit for a very first session: short (10-15 minutes); low intensity: floor work, no suspension; just 1-2 ropes, without gagging and blindfolding. You will get enough of the impact to process, believe me!
You can always be tied up again, but you won’t be able to reverse something that was too much. Take your time to integrate, up to a few days. You will feel how your body and your mind react, what is happening with you afterwards.
Advice For My Rope Bottoming Classes
Some more advices for the beginners, maybe?..
Learn from the beginning to show up in the process. I do not mean to take a control of the session. By showing up, I really mean expressing yourself, how you feel, what is happening with you: physically, emotionally.
Develop your way of expressing yourself depending on what feels natural to you, so that you keep your rigger in the loop as to how you are doing, using your tone of voice, breathing, moaning, making sounds, movements, you can let them know when you are close to the limit. Generally, if you don’t show up in the process, you risk that your partner will do too much or too little…
Natasha NawaTaNeko is an accomplished rope bottom and educator – together with her partner @discoverkinbaku they teach and perform internationally. In Kinbaku, Natasha is looking for true emotions and authenticity and sees rope bondage as deeply intimate and erotic practice that has also a profound transformational potential. Natasha recently published a book sharing her experience with being tied up: “Somatics for Rope Bottoms”.
There is a book I wrote about rope bottoming and its potential for personal, intimate self-inquiry: called “Somatics for Rope Bottoms”. The book consists of 12 essays – Somatic Inquiries – inspiring the readers to look for the answers in their own body and re-claim their agency for the most important decisions that come up when we decide to explore kink. The book is available for purchase on Amazon in both Paperback and E-book formats.
I also offer coaching for rope bottoms if they like to tackle specific topics they are struggling with, also online through Skype. The information can be found on my website RopeSomatics.com
