SimplySxy

Tag: Sexual Fantasy

  • How Normal Are Your Sexual Fantasies?

    How Normal Are Your Sexual Fantasies?

    The concept of “normal” changes all the time, not only chronologically, as it also varies heavily from one culture to the other. Having said that, we’re globalized enough to get a feel for what “normal” feels like in most places on the planet. For the most part, we all try to be normal; we all try to adapt to society’s standards in order to live our lives, not get killed and not get arrested, which are almost always good ideas. There’s probably no other instinct as primitive and visceral as our sexual fantasies. We’ll have them even when we don’t want them. Even as I write this paragraph, I’ve already stopped twice to daydream about a girl I met this week. They just won’t stop!

    But as like any uncontrollable impulse of the brain, we don’t have full control of what works to get our juices flowing (so to speak). Images and scenarios that we might not be actively searching for may pop up in our minds. Sometimes when we’re asleep, or when we’re driving, or when we’re writing an article about the normality of fantasies and suddenly think of this spectacular… Ah, damn it!

    But what does “normal” mean, really? Because what’s shocking to one might be a completely ordinary thing for another person. Also, while society gets slowly liberated of its hang-ups, the normalcy in which certain fantasies are interpreted will differ. Therefore, any report of what a heinous or unnatural thing might be interpreted as, could easily shift into a pretty commonplace act in another time and context. I’m sure in the 1940s, many heterosexual dudes fantasized about getting pegged in the ass with a dildo by their loving wife, but admitting that on any survey—even if guaranteed complete anonymity—was tremendously unlikely.

    A team of researchers from the University of Montreal in Quebec, Canada published a study on the Journal of Sexual Medicine that intended to give a clearer outlook on how typical—statistically speaking, at least—many different fantasies are among adults. How can you do that? Well, asking, really. The scientists presented over 1,500 people (799 men and 718 women) with a questionnaire that suggested 55 different sexual fantasies (mostly common, or at least not unheard of) and asked them to rate their agreement with each scenario on a scale of one to seven. If the rating was over three, they’d count it as a fantasy.

    “Clinically, we know what pathological sexual fantasies are: they involve non-consenting partners, they induce pain, or they are absolutely necessary in deriving satisfaction. But apart from that, what exactly are abnormal or atypical fantasies? To find out, we asked people in the general population, as simple as that,” said Christian Joyal, lead author of the study. “Our main objective was to specify norms in sexual fantasies, an essential step in defining pathologies. And as we suspected, there are a lot more common fantasies than atypical fantasies.”

    That’s right! That little kink you have that you might think is a little weird and felt guilty about might be more standard among your peers than you thought.

    “Only two sexual fantasies were found to be rare for women or men, while nine others were unusual. Thirty sexual fantasies were common for one or both genders, and only five were typical. These results were confirmed with qualitative analyses,” the study claimed on their abstract results, “Submission and domination themes were not only common for both men and women, but they were also significantly related to each other. Moreover, the presence of a single submissive fantasy was a significant predictor of overall scores for all sexual fantasies in both genders.”

    Of course, certain scenarios are expected, but the interesting thing about sexual fantasies is that they come without any kind of disclaimer. You don’t need to be in one or another way to fantasize about something, it’s just a thought, a curiosity about something that you may not have in your everyday routine.

    “One of the most intriguing findings has to do with the significant number of unique male fantasies, for example, regarding shemales, anal sex among heterosexuals, and the idea of watching their partner have sex with another man,” said Joyal. Another interesting thing about the study’s results is that men seem to be much more into actually making the fantasy happen, while women tend to be more comfortable with it just being a fantasy. With this in mind, it’s important to note that a significant amount of women (nearly half!) expressed interest in being dominated, tied up, spanked, hit or forced to have sex. These were just fantasies, though, as they specified they didn’t necessarily want those to come true. There was stronger differentiation between fantasy and desire in women. Guys seemed much simpler than that.

    If there’s one thing that writing about sex and porn has taught me, is that there is no such thing as an un-exploitable niche. I don’t care how weird/twisted/impractical/scary you think your deepest and darkest fantasy is; chances are there will be at least a few people who will be extremely enthusiastic about that same exact thing. What is “normal” changes too. 50 or 60 years ago, homosexuality was considered by many—scientists and likewise—a horrific deviant tendency that was even treated with electroshock therapy to “correct”. Now people know better; perceptions have been (very slowly) improving.

    But even the legality of certain acts, regardless of the subject’s sexual orientation, is still a sore spot (seriously, no pun intended) in the United States. Anal and oral sex were still criminalized in many states until 2003 under the sodomy laws, and several states have not formally repealed their laws against sexual activity among consensual adults. Of course, no one can arrest you for your fantasies. It’s the beauty of them: They’re all yours and they don’t (or shouldn’t, anyway) bother anyone.

    So, are your fantasies normal? Maybe, maybe not. Either way, who gives two shits about that? Like what you like, dive in and enjoy yourself. Life is complicated enough, your fantasies are meant to be the escape.

    Dan Gutierrez for BaDoink.com

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  • 10 Sexual Fantasies to Try Tonight

    10 Sexual Fantasies to Try Tonight

    1. Sex with a Stranger

    You’re on the packed subway during rush hour and pressed tightly against you is a tall, red-haired stunner. You feel your bodies rocking together in tandem with the motion of the train. Then suddenly, your object of desire starts to move away. Oh no, you’re not getting off at the same stop! However, your beauty looks back at you with bedroom eyes and smiles. Be it the sexy stranger you spotted on the subway, the waiter at the restaurant when you’re out with your spouse, the shy woman who lives in the next apartment, or simply a person you conjure up in your imagination, the common fantasy of sex with a stranger allows you to have the thrill of anonymous sex, without the risks.

    2. Threesome or Group Sex

    There certainly is a lot to imagine if you think about a threesome, also called ménage à trois, or group sex.  Imagine one mouth on your mouth, one mouth on your genitals, and another on your nipple, while six hands caress your body simultaneously. Maybe you’ve done it before, and the sheer excitement of remembering that time really turns you on. Or perhaps you hope to try it someday, and let the thoughts of what you’ll do fuel your fantasy.

    3. Sex with a Celebrity

    Maybe someday you’ll meet Jennifer Lawrence or Matt Bomer in person, and you’ll finally get to have mad, passionate sex with him or her. However, chances are pretty silm and so in the mean time, make do with fantasizing about your favorite celebrities. Sometimes it’s the fantasy of having sex with someone powerful that gets people on during these celeb fantasies. Other times, it’s just the fact that we all share a common pool of sexy celebs, whose images we can easily tap into our fantasies. Whether it’s Angelina Jolie making love to you in a hot tub, or Kim Kardashian fondling you when you’re romping in her bed, it can be great fun to fantasize about celebrities. Unless you do run with the rich and famous, these fantasies will usually never become reality. And that’s a good thing—otherwise, Pamela Anderson would be mighty sore from all the guys she’s had to have sex with in real life.

    4. Sex with a Co-worker or Someone You Have a Crush On

    Each morning when you walk past her desk at work, the smell of her perfume triggers your endless stream of fantasies. You don’t think you should ask her out, because you work together. But it sure is great to have her in your fantasies each night. You’ve know him for almost a year, and even though both of you are “just friends,” and you only remotely attracted to him, it’s still fun to include him in your fantasies when you masturbate. The only problem is that sometimes when you’re together, he catches you looking at him funny or the smirk on your face when you suddenly recall the position that you imagined him in the night before! It is so common to fantasize about the people in our lives. You see them and think about them all the time anyway, so why not add them to your fantasies?

    5. Sex with Someone of the Same Gender

    Your breasts rubbing against hers. Or your penis in your left hand, and his in your right palm. Sounds like a fun fantasy? Whether you are gay, straight, or bi, fantasizing about someone of the same gender is natural and normal. It can be interesting to imagine a type of sex that you may never have, or to fantasize about a sexual alternative that you already enjoy or might be keen on trying. Either way, you can experience novel ideas and new sensations when you fantasize about someone of the same gender.

    6. Force Fantasies and BDSM

    Would you ever want someone you barely know to rip your shirt off, grab you by the hair, throw you down on the floor and have sex with you? Most people have no desire to be forced into sex, or to force someone to have sex in real life; however, force fantasies are extremely common. These are fantasies that should never be acted out. (Unless you have your partner’s complete consent!) However, it’s perfectly fine to imagine force fantasies. If you fantasize about forcing someone to have sex with you, then it could mean that you feel like you have no control in your real life and hence the change of role in your fantasy. Or if you like to fantasize about relinquishing control, then maybe you hold much power in real life and yearn to give it up in your fantasies. Would you ever want your lover to tie your hands behind your back and then put you over his or her knee for a good spanking? People who fantasize about being tied up often crave a “guilt-free” sexual encounter and that they can’t resist the sex, because they are tied up and in a compromised situation. Those who fantasize about being spanked might be into BDSM in real life. Sometimes it makes them feel as if they are bad and need to be punished, and for them, being bad feels so good.

    7. Sex While Someone Is Watching

    You unbutton your shirt slowly and feel a certain thrill, because you know that you are really showing off. You touch your chest, slide your hand down your body, and, as you grow more excited, you begin to masturbate. For some people, being an exhibitionist can be very exciting, at least in their fantasy. You can pretend you are a sexual performer, showing off for the observer and turning the observer on, too. You could fantasize that you are having sex with a stranger and your partner is watching, or that you are having sex with your partner and your neighbor is watching. In reality, you might find it embarrassing to actually have someone watch, but it could work great for a fantasy!

    8. Sex in Public

    Can you imagine that you are having sex from behind, bent over the bar at your favorite club, or having sex while on the dance floor of a crowded nightclub, doing it while rolling around on a crowded beach, or doing it sitting on the highway divider during rush hour? Sex in public is risky in real life. Yet in fantasy, you don’t have to worry about being arrested for indecent exposure. You can go for whatever thoughts turn you on. No one can catch you in public if it’s only in your mind.

    9. Sex in an Exotic Location

    Some have conquer the Grand Canyon simply to give a blowjob to their lover, while others just fantasize about it. You may never be able to go down  give a hand job on the top of the Empire State Building, or do it with a UPS guy in the back of his truck, but those are easy fantasies to conjure up. Your fantasies of sex in exotic locations can take you places you’ve never been. Or they can transport you back to places you’ve already been or plan to visit. If you’ve had sex in your backyard, you can fantasize about gallivanting in the geraniums anytime, without ever having to go outside. If you plan to make love on the beach during your vacation to Cancun, you can fantasize about that even before the plane has taken off. Maybe there’s some place where you’d never have the nerve to have sex, like on a roller coaster. Your imagination can put you there, and you won’t even have to wait in line for the first seat! Wherever your mind takes you, it is safe and fun to put yourself in exotic locations in your fantasies.

    10. Sex with an Ex

    If you’ve had the most exciting sex of your life with your ex, why not let him or her into your fantasies? Some people simply cannot imagine fantasizing about an ex because after their orgasm, they get depressed about the breakup, or grossed out by the fact that the ex was around, even in a fantasy. But for others, sex-with-the-ex-fantasies are easy to call on anytime. It’s sex that you can remember, and you know what it felt like. You are just calling on your past to get off in the present.

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  • When I Squirted for the First Time

    When I Squirted for the First Time

    When I was 11 years old, I read in one of those “What to Expect from Puberty” books that a woman could ejaculate enough to soak through seven towels. Seven.

    That number stuck with me my whole life, and I spent my pubescent years in terror of orgasming and soaking up the bed. Even before my first time, I would sit and play out scenarios of how to prepare for that situation. Would I ask for seven towels to be lain under me before sex? Or eight? That seemed like it would pile me pretty high; would sex be possible in that position?

    Then came the times in high school when I would wake up with my pajama pants and blankets soaked, confused because it just didn’t seem like pee. I was sure it would be me; I would definitely be the woman who ejaculated enough to soak through seven towels, and I would shrivel up and die of embarrassment and dehydration right after.

    Then I actually started having sex. Awkward, quick, adolescent sex that felt kind of weird and left me feeling sore and unsure of whether I had any business of actually doing it. Needless to say, I did not ejaculate enough to soak through seven towels, and my mind was at ease.

    Now all this while, in my teen years, I considered myself something of a sexual revolutionist (as much as one can be when one’s mom still does one’s laundry). I was open about the fact that I masturbated; I owned a vibrator (purchased from Spencer Gifts with money that I made working at Old Navy). I carried around books titled Slut! right along with my history and math books, for everyone in the halls of my high school to see.

    I wanted to be sexually free. I worked at my sexuality, chipping at liberation piece by piece. I sensed that there was something just over the tide, that if I could just let myself be carried over the waves of pleasure that came to me when I was in my bed alone, that something enormous would be waiting for me on the other side.

    But I always stopped myself. I just couldn’t surrender myself to that pleasurable feeling because as much as I wanted it, I was also afraid of what it might do to me.

    Through all of my encounters with sex in my teen years, I never came enough to soak through seven towels, but I was right to assume it would happen to me. When I was 20, I was in my first long-term relationship with a guy who only had three things going for him: great weed, great art (he was unreal with a tablet and a vector program), and great sex.

    Although we already had great sex, we were young and wanted to take more risks. I had just moved out of my mom’s house, and she was letting me use her commuter car while mine was in the shop. One night, the (now) ex and I found ourselves in that car, in my mom’s neighborhood. We had parked in front of someone’s expensive suburban home and began to go at it inside the car—one of my rebellious fantasies. It was a summer night and it was soon way too hot to continue in the car, so we got out. He turned me around so that I was facing the passenger side of the car and got behind me, then he pushed me up against the car door and we started having sex again. Like before, I approached the point of no return, but this time I couldn’t stop myself from riding over that wave’s crest and as I splashed down into the pleasure, something wet began to pour out of me.

    Now, half-delirious with the strength of the orgasm I’d just experienced, I crouched behind the car, mortified that I was peeing on myself in front of him (I thought it was pee at the time and spent the next few years of my life working to convince myself that “female ejaculate” and “pee” were not the same thing). But it was high tide and each wave of pleasure caused a new spasm of liquid to literally squirt out of me, and so I stayed crouched, naked from the waist down, dripping liquid until it was done.

    I expected him to be as disgusted as anyone would be when someone just peed on them in the middle of sex, but instead he was delighted. Although I didn’t understand what squirting was in that situation, he did, and his ego basked in the fact that he had made his girlfriend bust her first nut.

    So I was right, even at 11, to assume that I would be the one who came enough to soak through seven towels. But I was wrong to assume it was a bad thing.

    Take part in SimplySxy’s squirting discussions here : http://simplysxysociety.com/index.php?topic=19.0

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  • Let the Dirty Talks Boost Your Sex Life

    Let the Dirty Talks Boost Your Sex Life

    “Make love to me honey” or “Fuck the shit out of me”.  Which is the best way to tell your man (or woman) what you want them to do to you?

    In my experience, there is a time for everything.  After a romantic night out and cuddling up on the sofa, maybe the first option is the better.  Then again, what if you just met someone in a club and you are both a little tipsy and you can feel his hard on through his jeans just waiting to get into you, then the second option might be the better one.

    I have always been outspoken and never afraid of telling men what I wanted and how I wanted it.  Even when I was in my early twenties I would surprise my boyfriend with romantic outcries like “stick that thing in me baby” or “take me harder”, or even a “let me taste you”.  A lot of times these little things made the man look at me in confusion and sometimes I could spot a bit of fear in his face, like if he was thinking; “what kind of porn actress have I got here?”  I was actually dumped by a guy because he couldn’t handle my choice of words.

    This brings up the topic of this article; when is it appropriate to use those strong adjectives?

    In my experience it’s all about the situation and what kind of guy you are with.  Like I mentioned in the beginning, if you are having a romantic evening and have just come home, then it might be better to use some softer language.  At the same time, if you have just met someone, there might also be a good reason to be careful of the words you use; you don’t want to give the wrong impression on your first date, even though your body screams for him to take you hard against that cold backstreet wall.

    When you have a stable relationship it is always fun to mix it up a bit.  I used to date this guy and we had a little game going.  When he would pick me up for a night out I would always greet him at the door dressed to kill.  High heels, short skirt, make up and the sexy lingerie.  I would then invite him in for a drink and just before leaving he would fuck me against my kitchen table.  Just pull up my skirt and stick it in me.  Meanwhile we would both be using some very juicy words.  Why did we do it like that?  Well, we were both working stressful jobs and I guess it was a way to get rid of the build up from the week to be able to relax together.

    Men watch and read more porn than women do, and in porn the girls almost always use some pretty dirty language.  For younger guys this might make them believe that is the way a woman should be in bed.  Wrong.  If a man makes us hot enough we will, out of pure horniness come out with some very detailed adjectives on what we would like him to do to us.

    In the end, it’s all about the situation and the company you have, but never be afraid to let go of that hidden porn actress deep inside you and let your man know that you want him to make you scream like never before.

    Regards

    Natasha

  • Breakfast in Bed

    Breakfast in Bed

    In this musing, I recall a school day that began with an unexpected breakfast. 

    Classes in the mornings were always tough to get up for, and it wasn’t uncommon to skip them to get more shut eye. Thankfully my classes on Thursdays were scheduled in the afternoon so I always took the opportunity to sleep in.

    My ex, H, had slept over the night before which he usually did a few times each week. Him with his arm wrapped around cuddling me while we slept on our sides on the single bed.  There usually wasn’t much space to manoeuvre but that was as comfortable as it got for us.  Raising my head, I stole a glance at my clock, it was half past ten.  Still early, I thought to myself, and I was in no rush to leave my bed.

    Turning to face H, he was soundly sleeping away in his singlet and shorts, his breathing slow and quiet.  His face was close to mine, our lips barely a few centimetres away.  A wild thought entered my head as I decided to surprise him with a wake up call, gently slipping my right hand onto his groin area.  He never wore anything beneath his shorts to sleep so it wasn’t difficult to locate his dick under that thin material.  The warm un-erect dick was nice and easy for my hand to wrap around as I gave a slow massaged using my fingers.

    H stirred ever so slightly.  I knew he was responding to my touches as his dick started to grow in my hand.  I was having fun, closing my eyes as if I was asleep but working my magic below.  I wasn’t too aroused myself, just enjoying the moment and getting a kick out of waking him up with an erection I created.  His dick was now almost fully erect, forming a tentpole like shape in his shorts, and I knew he was awake.  I continued squeezing the head of his dick with my thumb and middle finger while my index finger rubbed its tip.  Perhaps I should suddenly stop and leave him in this state, that will be fun.

    As if he had read my mind, H pulled me close to him and removed his shorts.  I was now leaning into his chest, his heart beating faster than it was as my hand had a good grasp of his erection.  The tip of his dick was wet with his pre-cum which I used my fingers to lubricate and spread it down the entire shaft.  Wrapping my hand around it, I made slow purposeful tugs, keeping a continuous pressure of my palm on his shaft. This was good enough to keep his erection hard but not lead to an ejaculation anytime soon.

    Wearing my usual shirt and panty to bed, H’s hand had no difficulty finding its way to my breasts.  As I was lying on my side with my right hand stretched south, my breasts were squeezed close together giving him a handful while he fondled both of them.  Cupping one after another, his grip on each breast was firm, giving each a good squeeze followed by a pinch on the nipple.  This continued for a while before he put his hand between them, stretching his hand so that the tip of his thumb and little finger touched both nipples, giving them a good finger rub.  My forehead now became an object for his kisses.  Soft and tender, showering small pecks as his lips found their way around, slowly moving to my nose before our lips met.  His tongue pushing its way down my mouth as I resisted its advances using mine.  Our tongues danced inside our mouths furiously as if to the tune of a salsa song.  Both my nipples were now as hard as his dick.

    Not a single word had been uttered by either one of us the entire time but our bodies were responding to each other’s touches and we knew what the other wanted.  I felt his left leg brush up mine, using his toe to pull my panty down in one swift move exposing my bare bottom.  H broke off our kiss and got onto the end of the bed for a 69, his face now feeling the heat from my pussy as he used his fingers to part my lips.  My heart started beating faster, the sense of anticipation swelling between my legs for what was to come.  Lying on each other’s leg with our heads in-between, I moaned as he went to work with his tongue, repeatedly giving me a long stroking licks from my swollen clit down to my pussy.  That was his way of teasing me, enjoying my sweet honey juices as he lapped up every bit of it.  I felt his lips gently suckling my clit, while simultaneously swirling his tongue in circles.  A finger delved in me, well lubricated from my sweet juice, as it navigated its way through my inner walls, rubbing against my g-spot.

    I would have moaned loud in delight with the attention I was getting but my mouth had his dick inside which muffled the moans.  His hips controlled the movement, stretching my mouth apart each time his dick went towards the back of my throat creating a gag reflex.  Saliva was dripping out of my mouth as I relaxed my throat as much as possible while keeping a rhythmic breathing going with my nose.  The feeling of taking it deep was different lying down sideways than in the frontal position and occasionally I would choke when the tip of his dick came into contact with the back of my throat.  He pulled out for me to catch my breath a couple of times before diving in again, the shaft of his dick brushing past the base of my tongue.   There was no need for any sucking to do on my part with the increasing thrusts as I gave him free rein to screw my mouth with lost abandon.  My middle finger, wet from wiping my saliva, was now rimming his ass and probing furtively inside.  The angle and speed at which H was thrusting made it difficult for my finger to go deep, but I was getting him there nonetheless.  The pumping of his dick in my mouth was getting purposeful with intent, with the growing sound of his dick hitting against the walls of my throat with saliva in-between.

    My hips were now grinding vigorously against his face knowing the final release was near.  The constant clitorial and g-spot stimulation led to the inevitable as I tensed before a wave of orgasm hit me, my hips violently rocking away.  I felt my body go numb for a second or two as the energy drained from me.  H was close too, with his familiar drawn out groans and relentless thrusts a strong indication.  Anytime now I thought to myself, before the first bursts of warm semen shot out and hit the back of my throat, threatening to go through it.  I gulped down whatever I could as more continued to spurt, mixing with my saliva and oozing from the corner of my mouth.  H turned onto his back, his dick semi-erect completely wet with a mixture of saliva and the last drops of semen trickling down.  I swallowed what was left in my mouth, wiping the remains from my chin and cheeks with my hand.  We both lay there breathless, totally spent and exhausted after what our bodies had gone through.  Thirty minutes passed before we felt our strength return.

    “That was a great breakfast,” H whispered.  Our first words that morning.  It was indeed a great breakfast and special way to start the day.

  • Modern Cuckoldry

    Modern Cuckoldry

    How and why a couple gets involved with a cuckold lifestyle are quite varied.  Below are a few of the pathways couples typical take into this lifestyle.

    Man initiated

    Firstly, some husbands (boyfriends) initiate things as part of a sexual fantasy about seeing their partner with another man.  These men mention their unusual fantasy to their partner and the woman reacts to it.  Quite often the woman become upset with the man.  She wonders if he is in some way rejecting her or looking to go outside their relationship himself.

    There are also men who become attracted to some type of cuckold lifestyle as they age and have less sexual stamina.  The husband who is 50-something finds he cannot get an erection as easily as he did in the past.  Some men develop a secret cuckold fantasy that is partly based on their voyeuristic interests and partly because they feel guilty that they cannot satisfy their wife.

    In any case, after resisting the man’s idea, some women change their mind when the right situation and man becomes available.  Eventually she becomes curious by the idea of having her existing relationship combined with the freedom to indulge herself while her partner remains faithful to her.

    Sometimes what was originally the man’s fantasy grows into a very different reality.

    Woman Initiated

    Less often the woman suggests introducing cuckoldry into the relationship for one reason or another.

    There are many motivating factors for a woman in a marriage that includes cuckold benefits.  The first and foremost is sexual variety but also having a marriage/relationship that is unequal in her favour with respect to sexual pleasure and freedom.

    Some of the typical motivations women have for initiating or trying a cuckold lifestyle are:

    • Breaking a taboo
    • Enjoying some sexual romance and adventure
    • Humiliating her husband or boyfriend
    • Being the centre of attention (i.e. Queen Bee)
    • Satisfying her sexual desires
    • Indulging in some form of exhibitionism

    A small number of women in “the lifestyle” only engage in extra-marital sex with partners that are exclusively female.  In these situations the women either enjoy their bisexuality or are sometimes actual lesbians who want to have a traditional marriage with a man but also enjoy indulge their innate desires.  The important factor here is that the husband must remain faithful to the marriage and his partner while she enjoys herself with female partners.

    The Cheating Woman

    For some women, they have never accepted the idea of being in a monogamous relationship; cuckoldry just seems natural to them.  Other women just crave variety, adventure or enjoy breaking a taboo.

    The trick for the woman who is “cheating” is converting the relationship and her man into a modern cuckold while avoiding any problems.

    Swingers

    Some couples that are into the swinger scene gravitate to cuckoldry in a gradual process.  As the man gets older, his sexual energies begin to wane while the woman’s sexual appetite remains the same or increases with age.  Quite often these couple make a slow transition to cuckoldry.

    Older Couples

    There are very traditional couples who, beginning in this lifestyle, start when they are in their fifties or older.  This occurs when a menopausal woman takes hormone replacement therapy (HRT) to combat hot-flashes and osteoporosis.  A side effect of this medication is a huge boost to the woman’s libido right when her man’s sexual prowess is diminishing.

    In these circumstances, the woman find herself sexually frustrated and unfulfilled while the man becomes depressed with his inability to satisfy the her.  Quite often both partners are relieved when they work out a cuckold-related arrangement.

    Second, Third… Marriages

    There are women who go through one or more tumultuous marriages and divorces before marrying the “right guy” or a “nice man”.  After some time in their new marriage these women find that something is missing in their marriage; that they crave a “bad boy”.  These women need to seek out men for sex that is completely different from their “ideal” husband.  Some women “back-slide” and call on their ex-husbands to provide them with the sexual satisfaction their nice ones can’t give her.  Overtime these women find that having a modern cuckold relationship works best for them.

    It is important to recognize that no two couples or situations are exactly alike.  There are literally limitless ways in which couples can engage in some form of cuckold lifestyle.

    The historical definition of a cuckold is a man whose wife is unfaithful and becomes pregnant by another man.  This breech of fidelity was considered very scandalous.  In many cases, the cuckold man did not know about his wife’s dalliances and the factor that an illegitimate heir was being raised in his house.

    In some cases, these old style cuckolds chose to ignore their cuckold status and remained silent about the wife’s infidelity.  If a woman’s actions did become public, the consequences for her were often dire.

    In modern cuckoldry, the husband (or boyfriend) is fully aware of his status and what his lady is doing.  In most instances, the cuckold’s direct knowledge of his lady’s activities is an important part of her enjoyment of the lifestyle.

    The following are factors that may help women enjoy their sexual freedom in a cuckold relationship:

    • Opportunity;  Now that more women are working outside their homes, they are often  provided with many more opportunities to meet men, travel for business …etc.
    • Sexual Advantage;  It is relatively easy for a woman to meet and attract men of her choice.  Using her flirtation skills, even a woman wearing a wedding band can attract men to her in many social situations.
    • Carnal Capacity;  The typical woman has a greater capacity to enjoy sex than a man. Many women are multi-orgasmic while men generally are not.

    Since modern cuckoldry is a taboo or fringe lifestyle, there are many practical matters that the woman and cuckold must address, like privacy.  Very few women would want their family, friends, neighbours or co-workers to know about their special lifestyle.  The couple should consider how they will protect their privacy with respect to their new lifestyle.

    No matter how things develop, it is important that a couple discusses things openly and not rush into anything.  For instance, some men may have a cuckold fantasy but are not ready for the reality of accepting their wife having extra-marital sex.  It is best to start slow.  Many cuckold-wanna-be men can quickly be overcome with their emotions which can cause problems.  Similarly, women can be overwhelmed with feelings of guilt or regret for wanting to try or actually having an encounter outside her normal relationship.

    When a couple decides they are ready to take the plunge into cuckoldry, there are things to consider in avoiding potential problems;

    • Prior to her engaging with another partner, the couple should discuss various scenarios that they both find arousing.  They should even go to a public place like a shopping mall where they pick out pretend partners for her to enjoy.  Looking out over a crowd, the husband would point out a man walking by to the woman.  She would then rate his selection.  She in turn would then pick out someone walking by that she though was desirable.  Each time, the woman would explain what she found attractive or unattractive in each selection.

    Doing this types of mental exercises will help prepare the man and the woman for the real thing:

    • The woman picks out a sex toy and has her man use it on her.  Before starting, the woman should give the sex toy a masculine name like “Andre” and tell her man about it.  She should tell her man that she is in the mood for some fun and to get Andre.  If needed, the woman should also instruct the man to prepare the sex toy by washing it and applying any necessary lubricant.  While she enjoys the sex toy she should occasionally say things to taunt the man like “Oh Andre, that feels so good”.  Even though this type of play acting might seem silly it really isn’t.  This is an exercise that exposes the man (cuckold-in-training) to being a cuckold-by-proxy where the woman is being pleasure by another “man”.
    • Draw up a cuckold contract to defined boundaries, requirements and expectations for both the husband and the wife.  One rule often defined in these agreements is that the woman will break-off any relationship in which if she begins developing deeper feelings of attachment for the other man.
    • The woman’s first extra-marital encounter is very important.  In all cases her physical and emotional safety must be a priority.
    • The husband’s (boyfriend’s) direct involvement and presence during the woman’s first encounter should be avoided in case he isn’t yet ready for the intensity of the event.  Overall, the cuckolds level of involvement with the woman’s activities is something to be considered and discussed before doing anything.

    One important aspect of almost all cuckold relationships is the way the woman keeps the cuckold connected and engaged with her sexuality while she enjoys her freedom outside their relationship.  The following are some examples of how a woman keeps her cuckold involved with her sexuality:

    • Telling him about an upcoming encounter she has planned or about a man she is interested in.
    • Have him help her prepare for a “date” with another man.  This can include taking her shopping for special clothes and lingerie.  Helping her bathe and dress for the date…etc.  Making it his job to put condoms, lube…etc in her purse before she leaves for her date.
    • After her date, tell him all about the other man, where they went and what they did including some of the sexual pleasures she enjoyed.
    • Tell him about any future dates she has or men she is interested in dating.
    • Sending her husband photos from her cell phone of things she does on a “date”.
    • Encourage her cuckold to express his feelings and concerns so she can address them.
    • Allowing him to meet her date and eventually watch her having sex with this other man.  Not all women are comfortable with this, especially early on.
    • Have the cuckold approach men she is interested in seeing to ask them if they would like to have a “date” with the woman.

    A woman keeping her cuckold man engaged with her in various ways is important to both maintain their relationship and ally his fears of losing her or their relationship.  This also helps engage one of the motivating factors for a cuckold – voyeurism, even if it is limited to just knowing that the woman is having an encounter with another man.

    Once a couple adopts a cuckold lifestyle they often find that their motivations and interests in it change over time.  For example, a wife that was at first only looking for sexual variety might slowly begin to dominate her cuckold in some ways.

    In the next instalment I will review some of the expected and unexpected issues that a couple might face as well as the emotional side to cuckoldry.

    Read Steve’s latest article on Cuckoldry & Pornography on SimplySxy.com!

  • It’s Only Kinky The First Time

    It’s Only Kinky The First Time

    Hi there,

    When the creators asked me to write a column for Smply Sxy, I thought what else is there to say about kink exploration that you haven’t heard before?  Then it hit me, maybe you hadn’t heard what I’ve researched and learned from half a century of kinky play.   In Los Angeles, we have dozens of public play dungeons, nightclubs and private play parties to keep you out every night of the week.  It’s a weekly competition to do something new in the kink scene here.

    file2901246197549I frequently receive email and calls from people looking to explore that secret sexual desire that is just beyond the normal penetrative sexual experience.   I call it your ‘kinky itch’ that won’t go away.   We know that the way to mastery is through information and practice and with kink it’s just a lot more fun doing the lab work.  By expanding your erotic intelligence you grow a new set of intellectual muscles, intuitive skills, emotional connections and spiritual resonance.

    When you begin your exploration of kinky sexuality you pursue better health.  Psychologist Esther Perel in her book “Mating In Captivity” describes sexual fantasy as important and necessary to feed our ‘emotional hunger’.

    Sexual fantasy is like a dream.  Dreams are the subconscious way of communicating your emotions and issues in metaphor and stories that hopefully you can interpret.  Ignore the dream and they get stronger and can become nightmares or a repeated story that won’t go away.   Pursuing the ‘kink itch’ feeds the emotional need and curiosity your body is expressing.

    How kinky are you?  Well there are thousands of fetishes, some healthy, others not.  You need more than sexual drive to manoeuvre through what works for you and this column will hopefully be that guide and mentor along the way to save you from the bumps in the road.

    So your job is to ask the questions.  Send them anonymously if you like.  I’ll share the answers I have learned and also what I’m hearing, seeing and feeling in the dungeon.

    I aim to be pleased,

    Mistress Serene