Tag: Sex

He-Said/She-Said: When’s the Right Time to Sleep with Someone You’re Dating?
I teach my clients that one of the best ways to understand men is to (gasp!) talk to them, ask questions, and really listen to what they have to say. In the world of entrepreneurship, this is known as soliciting customer feedback, a way of gaining understanding and empathy for the customer’s experience, for his or her world. I am a firm believer in the power of customer feedback when it comes to dating. The end goal is to better understand men’s deeper, more latent needs; it is not to mold yourself into what you think every man wants you to be.

I love “he-said/she-said” pieces, because you get direct and honest access to how men think and feel. My latest “he” is Mr. Locario, a no-nonsense dating and relationship coach who has been featured on Vh1, FUSE, The Dish Network, TLC, ABC Family, The Tyra Banks Show and Anderson Cooper.

The question I posed to him is a common dilemma in the dating world: When’s the right time to sleep with someone you’re dating?

I appreciate how this conversation ended in a deeper understanding of men’s needs when it comes to dating and sex. Read through to the end to see what conclusions I came to based on this back-and-forth.

Mr. Locario: I think the right time to have sex with a guy you are dating is at least by the third date. You should not wait any longer, because the guy might start to lose interest in you or think that you are playing games and just using him for attention or for his money. Also, the guy you are dating is most likely dating other girls. If those other girls are having sex with him and you aren’t, he might start paying more attention to the other girls.

Neely: That’s a bit surprising to me. So…third date: That’s, say, three weeks of knowing someone. At that point, he’s practically a stranger. What do you know about a man and his intentions after such a short amount of time? Mostly, though, I’d like to respond to your “he might start to lose interest” comment. I teach women to have boundaries and to not do things that go contrary to their needs out of fear of losing someone. Sleeping with a man so quickly simply out of the fear that he’ll ditch you for someone else is the wrong way to go, in my opinion. Now, if a woman is comfortable with this sort of casual sex and can detach herself from the outcome, then I say more power to her. It’s about knowing yourself and what you’re comfortable with. If you can honestly say to yourself: “I’m not sleeping with this guy as a way to manipulate him or trade sex for love. I’m sleeping with him, because I really want to for the sake of my own needs, and I’ll be okay with whatever happens,” then go for it. If you can’t genuinely say that to yourself, then continue to wait until you’re in a more comfortable place, or until you’re more certain that he values you for more than just a roll in the hay.

Mr. Locario: I agree that a woman should do what she is comfortable with. I’m not saying to sleep with a guy out of fear that he might lose interest, but I am saying that the reality is he might lose interest because you are taking too long to sleep with him. Most guys will think that you are not interested in them because you are not sleeping with them. They might think: “Why is this girl going out with me? She must not like me because I’ve seen her three times and we still haven’t had sex yet.” Also, I feel if you are not comfortable enough to sleep with a man after three dates, then you are not really into him and should stop seeing him and give him space to see other women who are comfortable enough to have sex with him.

Neely: From a woman’s perspective, it often works a bit differently. Are you’re saying you’d be out the door if a woman (who you are really into and has most, if not all, of the qualities you are looking for in a girlfriend or wife) were to say to you, “I really enjoy spending time with you, I’m super attracted to you, but I know myself and I’m not comfortable sleeping with someone so soon. I prefer to wait a little and get to know each other more, and if you’re not okay with that, then I totally understand and we might not be a good fit for each other”? A woman’s ability to walk away from a man and see how he responds to her stated needs is an essential tool for women in today’s dating world. I’ve seen enough women in my lifetime be absolutely crushed by thinking that having sex with a man means sealing the relationship deal, when that’s not at all what he was thinking or looking for. I’m not saying that you have to disengage from all physical relations, but certain acts can be a very emotional thing for a lot of women, so when it does happen it’s not as easy as you think to bounce back if the guy disappears or loses interest. So at the end of the day, it’s about knowing yourself and what works for you and weeding through the guys who will respect your boundaries.

Mr. Locario: I see what you’re saying but what happens is most women don’t express what you’ve just stated, so at the end of the day it’s a communication thing. If a guy was dating a woman and she said those things and he really liked her he would keep seeing her, but if she didn’t say anything then he would assume that the woman is not really interested in him or playing games because he would be thinking, “If she really liked me we would be having sex by now” or he might be thinking, “What’s taking so long for us to have sex? If she doesn’t have sex with me soon then I am going to keep it moving.” Again, waiting this long might still make him lose interest, because if he is dating another woman at the same time as you and likes her just as much as you, but she is having sex with him then she might grab his attention, and then, before you know it, he isn’t calling you as much as he used to.

There was actually a story on ABC dateline about a woman who would just go out with guys so that they could buy her dinner. A lot of guys are getting hip to this. So from a man’s perspective he doesn’t want to waste his time and money on a woman who he feels has no interest in him sexually. A woman waiting more than three dates to have sex with a guy looks like a woman who has no sexual interest in him. So I think the communication has to be clear. If the communication is clear that she is into him then things would be fine and he will most likely continue to see her. Also, when it comes to having sex I feel that a woman should just have sex because she likes the guy and should enjoy the moment, but a woman first has to be comfortable with herself in order to do that.

***

So what can you take away about men’s deeper needs by the end of this back-and-forth between me and Mr. Locario? Here are my thoughts:
- Men can be just as insecure as women and value a sense of security.
- Like women, men enjoy sex and being seen as sexually attractive.
- Men aren’t mind-readers and need you to communicate with them.
Anything else?

Start talking to men (friends, acquaintances, family members, and the like). Start soliciting customer feedback like a true dating entrepreneur. What can you find out that will help you in your entrepreneurial venture to create lasting love?
December 15, 2013
Breakfast in Bed

In this musing, I recall a school day that began with an unexpected breakfast.

Classes in the mornings were always tough to get up for, and it wasn’t uncommon to skip them to get more shut eye. Thankfully my classes on Thursdays were scheduled in the afternoon so I always took the opportunity to sleep in.

My ex, H, had slept over the night before which he usually did a few times each week. Him with his arm wrapped around cuddling me while we slept on our sides on the single bed. There usually wasn’t much space to manoeuvre but that was as comfortable as it got for us.  Raising my head, I stole a glance at my clock, it was half past ten. Still early, I thought to myself, and I was in no rush to leave my bed.

Turning to face H, he was soundly sleeping away in his singlet and shorts, his breathing slow and quiet. His face was close to mine, our lips barely a few centimetres away. A wild thought entered my head as I decided to surprise him with a wake up call, gently slipping my right hand onto his groin area. He never wore anything beneath his shorts to sleep so it wasn’t difficult to locate his dick under that thin material.  The warm un-erect dick was nice and easy for my hand to wrap around as I gave a slow massaged using my fingers.

H stirred ever so slightly. I knew he was responding to my touches as his dick started to grow in my hand. I was having fun, closing my eyes as if I was asleep but working my magic below. I wasn’t too aroused myself, just enjoying the moment and getting a kick out of waking him up with an erection I created. His dick was now almost fully erect, forming a tentpole like shape in his shorts, and I knew he was awake. I continued squeezing the head of his dick with my thumb and middle finger while my index finger rubbed its tip. Perhaps I should suddenly stop and leave him in this state, that will be fun.

As if he had read my mind, H pulled me close to him and removed his shorts. I was now leaning into his chest, his heart beating faster than it was as my hand had a good grasp of his erection. The tip of his dick was wet with his pre-cum which I used my fingers to lubricate and spread it down the entire shaft. Wrapping my hand around it, I made slow purposeful tugs, keeping a continuous pressure of my palm on his shaft. This was good enough to keep his erection hard but not lead to an ejaculation anytime soon.

Wearing my usual shirt and panty to bed, H’s hand had no difficulty finding its way to my breasts. As I was lying on my side with my right hand stretched south, my breasts were squeezed close together giving him a handful while he fondled both of them. Cupping one after another, his grip on each breast was firm, giving each a good squeeze followed by a pinch on the nipple. This continued for a while before he put his hand between them, stretching his hand so that the tip of his thumb and little finger touched both nipples, giving them a good finger rub. My forehead now became an object for his kisses. Soft and tender, showering small pecks as his lips found their way around, slowly moving to my nose before our lips met.  His tongue pushing its way down my mouth as I resisted its advances using mine. Our tongues danced inside our mouths furiously as if to the tune of a salsa song. Both my nipples were now as hard as his dick.

Not a single word had been uttered by either one of us the entire time but our bodies were responding to each other’s touches and we knew what the other wanted.  I felt his left leg brush up mine, using his toe to pull my panty down in one swift move exposing my bare bottom. H broke off our kiss and got onto the end of the bed for a 69, his face now feeling the heat from my pussy as he used his fingers to part my lips. My heart started beating faster, the sense of anticipation swelling between my legs for what was to come. Lying on each other’s leg with our heads in-between, I moaned as he went to work with his tongue, repeatedly giving me a long stroking licks from my swollen clit down to my pussy. That was his way of teasing me, enjoying my sweet honey juices as he lapped up every bit of it. I felt his lips gently suckling my clit, while simultaneously swirling his tongue in circles. A finger delved in me, well lubricated from my sweet juice, as it navigated its way through my inner walls, rubbing against my g-spot.

I would have moaned loud in delight with the attention I was getting but my mouth had his dick inside which muffled the moans.  His hips controlled the movement, stretching my mouth apart each time his dick went towards the back of my throat creating a gag reflex. Saliva was dripping out of my mouth as I relaxed my throat as much as possible while keeping a rhythmic breathing going with my nose. The feeling of taking it deep was different lying down sideways than in the frontal position and occasionally I would choke when the tip of his dick came into contact with the back of my throat. He pulled out for me to catch my breath a couple of times before diving in again, the shaft of his dick brushing past the base of my tongue. There was no need for any sucking to do on my part with the increasing thrusts as I gave him free rein to screw my mouth with lost abandon. My middle finger, wet from wiping my saliva, was now rimming his ass and probing furtively inside. The angle and speed at which H was thrusting made it difficult for my finger to go deep, but I was getting him there nonetheless. The pumping of his dick in my mouth was getting purposeful with intent, with the growing sound of his dick hitting against the walls of my throat with saliva in-between.

My hips were now grinding vigorously against his face knowing the final release was near. The constant clitorial and g-spot stimulation led to the inevitable as I tensed before a wave of orgasm hit me, my hips violently rocking away.  I felt my body go numb for a second or two as the energy drained from me. H was close too, with his familiar drawn out groans and relentless thrusts a strong indication. Anytime now I thought to myself, before the first bursts of warm semen shot out and hit the back of my throat, threatening to go through it. I gulped down whatever I could as more continued to spurt, mixing with my saliva and oozing from the corner of my mouth. H turned onto his back, his dick semi-erect completely wet with a mixture of saliva and the last drops of semen trickling down. I swallowed what was left in my mouth, wiping the remains from my chin and cheeks with my hand. We both lay there breathless, totally spent and exhausted after what our bodies had gone through. Thirty minutes passed before we felt our strength return.

“That was a great breakfast,” H whispered. Our first words that morning. It was indeed a great breakfast and special way to start the day.

December 13, 2013
Knowing Yourself Is The Path To A Better Sex Life

How many times have you heard a girlfriend tell you she is not happy with how her boyfriend or husband is in bed? Maybe you have a man in your life that doesn’t live up to your expectations when it comes to your sex life. Why is this? Are men in general lousy lovers or don’t they take the time to find out what you like and how to please you?

I think it’s the latter, they just don’t know and are too afraid to ask, worrying that you might laugh at them for not knowing. There are those that think they are super lovers but are they?

What do you do when you snuggle on the sofa at night watching a good movie and your man sticks his tongue so far in your ear that it feels like he is licking your brain? If you tell him straight that you don’t like it and make him stop, you risk hurting his ego. What do you do?

First of all I believe that we women must know our own body inside and out. We have to be comfortable with our erogenous areas and know what we like and what we don’t like. If we know, then we can guide our man to do what we will enjoy and not what he thinks we like. Remember, men take a lot of advice from friends and even pornographic movies, and those are not the best teachers.

Let’s go back to the previous example with the tongue in your ear. When this happens you can simply begin to kiss him and when you come to his earlobe you nibble it and kiss it lightly while whispering ‘like this honey.’

You have shown him what you like and how to do it, without putting his sexual knowledge or lack of it on display. If you would have pulled back saying ‘ew, stop that.’ You might have hurt his feelings.

How do you get to know your body? This might be a sensitive topic for some women depending on from where you are. There is no easy way around it, you have to touch yourself, and find your special spots. Once you know them, it becomes easy to guide your man to them.

If you have just met someone you can do this together, lot’s of men love to watch their girlfriend or wife touch themselves. Make a romantic evening out of it, light some candles, dim the lights, turn on some soft music, and give him a show. Afterwards you can make him touch you to see if he remembers what you like.

By knowing yourself you are directly controlling the quality of your sex life, you know what you like and what you don’t like. Now you can in a fun and erotic way pass on this knowledge to the man who shares your bed.

December 8, 2013
Some Super-Fruits To Pep Up Your Sex Life

Fruits are known to be good for your health. High loaded in vitamins and antioxidants, we have heard many reasons to consume them on a daily basis. Do you also know that some fruits are able to increase your sex drive and make your horny? We bring you the lowdown on some simple fruits with amazing powers that can be easily bought off the shelves in the supermarket just round the corner of your home.

1. Dates

Doesn’t everyone love a hot date followed by amazing sex?

Dates contain amino acids which help to combat any lack of sex drive or lower energy levels which are great for a mood boost. These succulent fruits will increase your stamina and improve sexual desire due to the improved production of hormones. Moreover, dates are sweet, easy to consume on the go and very addictive.

2. Avocados

Avocados are great for our sex drive. They contain high folic acid levels that assist in metabolising proteins which give us an energy boost.

Avocados contain lots of potassium, which is good for blood flow and are known to benefit a women’s libido. In addition, they have generous levels of vitamin B6 which help to fight stress and provide the energy for you to keep going and also with the production of testosterone.

An interesting fact? Avocados grow on trees which are known as the testicle tree because of the it’s shape, and they tend to grow in pairs. Sounds like anything familiar down below?

3. Mangoes

Mangoes come with full of vitamin E which is essential for increasing sex hormones. Not only do mangoes calm the emotions, they also provide moistening fluids for your body keeping you well hydrated. The natural sugars in mangoes provide an energy boost ensuring you have a long lasting time.

4. Bananas

The one fruit shaped like the men’s anatomy that is sure to get you going. Bananas contain potassium which is used in producing sex hormones as well as regulating energy levels.

Bromelain is another great substance found in bananas for a good boost to those sexual feelings. Bromelain is a type of enzyme that fights impotency in men so guys, please start stocking up. Bananas also stimulates the serotonin production, a feel good hormone which helps improve sleep and elevate moods.

5. Pomegranates

Pomegranates are probably one of the most well known fruits for increasing your sex drive. The main reason why pomegranates are so effective is that it helps the body to produce nitric oxide. Nitric oxide helps to increase blood flow by opening up blood vessels which is can only be great news for the libido.

Pomegranate juice is more potent but the fruit is also enjoyable to eat. Do bear in mind that it contains antioxidants such as tannins and anthocyanins which prevent the aging process in our bodies. Furthermore, these antioxidants help to significantly reduce the risk of medical conditions like heart disease, high blood pressure, arthritis and bronchitis.

6. Coconuts

The coconut is one fruit that can is useful in so many sexy ways. Not only is coconut oil great for a massage, it is anti-viral, anti-fungal, anti-bacterial and a safe lubricant as well. Its sweet and refreshing scent will enhance your mood and provide stress relief. Bear in mind though that coconut oil can damage latex condoms! The juice of a young coconut helps in keeping the body hydrated and promoting lustful energy as a result of the natural sugars and anti-aging hormone called kinetin.

7. Raspberries

A little known fact about raspberries is that they are used to treat erectile dysfunction, just like the kiwi fruit. Full of vitamin C and a passion red, raspberries encourage the production of sex hormones such as estrogen, androgen and progesterone.

8. Figs

Arguably the most surprising item on this list, figs have quite the sexual appeal. Their interior is pink and fleshy; producing a musky and sexual scent, as is their flavour. All these lead to a heightening of our senses which improve our moods and let our libido’s rise from their sleep. Like the pomegranate, figs help in the production of nitric oxide.

Figs are also extremely effective at increasing libido in both males and females due to the high levels of amino acids found inside. Amino acids play an important role in normal sexual function which helps increase the levels of nitric oxide in the body.

Physically, the fig closely resembles the female anatomy and can have a warm, sticky interior from absorbing that hot sun all day. Guys, please don’t have any wild thoughts though!

November 29, 2013
PDA – Parental Displays of Affection

Once people become parents, a lot of us generally don’t allow ourselves to be sexual beings anymore. Why is that?

When we were young and as we grew up, some of us desexualized our own parents (and sometimes our siblings as well). That is, we removed all aspects of thinking of them as being or doing anything sexual. There is lots of input in this society from peers, movies & media that older people and sex is “gross.” This includes parents too. Recently, there was a Modern Family episode where the kids walked in on their parents “doing it”. The parents stayed in their room and agonized over how best to explain what they were doing. The kids were worried sick about the talk that would ensue. Eventually, these kids realized on their own that seeing their parents in this situation was better than any alternative including fighting and divorce.

Modern Family “Caught in the Act”

We may have had a hard time thinking about our parents as sexual beings. And then, when we became parents ourselves, we avoided trying to reconcile this discrepancy. Many women’s attitudes or behavior toward sexuality shifts after childbirth. Lots of women complain about their post-baby bodies. Pregnancy is a bear on our bodies so it’s not hard to understand this feeling. Many women start wearing t-shirts or sweats to bed. Some husbands wish – mostly in silence – that the woman they fell in love with would dress in something a little more attractive, like the sexy lingerie, nighties or naked like they did B.C. (Before Children). I have friends who, in wishing to spice things up again, went out and bought a comfortable yet sexy nightie, something not too over the top but yet sexy enough, for themselves and reported feeling more desirable. That’s totally an unofficial study and hardly a valid sample but I can understand completely. Dressing in sexy clothing can make one feel sexy. If you want to try sleeping naked again while the kids are still young, go to bed naked. Kids don’t know naked as good or bad or shameful until an adult scrambles to cover themselves up or slams a door in their face. If you notice, your children probably don’t have any shame about their little bodies and are rather proud of them. This may have been a source of embarrassment for you. It is this way typically until an adult tells them to keep themselves covered up. Mothers, think of your post-baby body this way: your partner isn’t seeing the flaws you sense in your own body. They are simply thinking that they won the flipping lottery to be there with you naked! Celebrate it!

Some men have a hard time seeing their wives as sexual after childbirth. Freud described what’s known as The Madonna/Whore Complex. Roughly, the thought is that once a man’s female partner becomes a mother – this person with whom he has had tons of great, pre-family forming behaviour sex – he no longer can see her as the dirty girl of his earlier fantasies. A mother is nurturing. His mother was perhaps nurturing and he certainly didn’t think of HER as sexual (see above). Now, the woman he used to ravage is a mother … reminds him of his feelings toward his mother… nope can’t do it. Another factor could be whether or not the father witnessed the childbirth from behind the curtain in the Catcher’s position. Most guys are ok with all of this, but a few guys may be unable to remove the image of the blood, placenta, etc, from their minds and as a result, they perhaps become hesitant to see them as “sexy parts” anymore. Instead these guys think of them as functioning parts and lose their exclusivity as a playground. Either way, before children, chances are they were sexually active, enjoyed sex, and wanted to have it with their partner(s) often. Before you act on something outside the marriage (unless you have a spoken and/or agreed upon arrangement with your spouse), the best case here is to talk to a sex positive therapist about this.

The fallout of Abstinence Only Before Marriage Sex-Education is that children are not learning about love or pleasure as a component of sex. Pleasure is an important aspect to learn about sexuality because it doesn’t set the child up for potentially self-sacrificing behaviour. Since kids aren’t getting this instruction in school, parents can model this lesson for their children. I’ve written a few posts (here and here) in which I explain why I feel tying sex and love and pleasure together is important when teaching kids so I won’t bore you by repeating myself here.

I want to tell you it’s ok for your kids to see you as parents who are in love with each other. A child doesn’t know shame around affection until s/he sees other adults model that behaviour. Picture this scenario: everyone is in the kitchen, one parent lovingly squeezes the others butt, and the squeezee shrieks, swats at the spouse, and says “not in front of the children!!” Those love pats and small signs of physical affection are not a bad thing at all. Imagine now, the same scenario, and instead of swatting at the squeezer, the squeezee turns around and plants a big wet kiss on him/her. There’s the Element of Surprise for all involved and the kids might smile at the playfulness of it all. Try the “Aunt Jemima Treatment” on your spouse. Being a little silly might turn you and your spouse on. Of course if your kids are in elementary school or junior high, you might get an, “Ewww” but who cares? That’s how some of these little beings came into this world in the first place, no?

It’s ok for us as parents to show each other love and affection in front of our children. Do so early and often so as to normalize the behaviour. Talk to them about it too! They will get used to seeing you together. It’s healthy for them to associate love and sexual feelings modelled in a healthy adult relationship. Being a parent and a sexual being, these two things are not mutually exclusive.

xxoo

2011 The MamaSutra

This article has been republished with permission from Lanae St.John. Please visit Lanae St.John’s website to view the original post and more of Lanae’s works.

November 28, 2013
Bucket sex list: The school staircase

My university days were probably the best of my life so far. Staying in school, having the freedom to control what I did and exploring about sex on every level imaginable. I dated guys in college but it was nothing serious, merely kissing and the occasional heavy petting. On the other hand, university was like a coming of age, most of my first time experience in any sex related act was done during those four exciting years. Losing my virginity? Check. Anal sex? Check. Sex in school toilets? Check. The list goes on.

Personally, I believe that everyone should come out with their own bucket list of sex acts to do before we are no longer capable of carrying out the deed. It was a pity that I only sat down to make this list after I graduated, hence it only contains acts which I am unable to carry out in school. Nonetheless, I had my share of escapades on the university campus and there aren’t too many regrets. Thankfully, they were all done rather discreetly and I wasn’t caught with my panties down.

My first sexual experience in public was back in Year 2 with my ex. We had been together for half a year and sexually active on a regular basis. This wasn’t really difficult as we both stayed in dorms. We both were opened with one another and often discussed our sexual fantasies which included having sex outdoors. Nonetheless, we didn’t have the guts or the opportunity never presented itself so the condom he kept in his wallet was never used. On one of the nights in term 1, the two of us were having a group discussion with three other students on a project which was due in a week. Sitting on the wooden benches at our faculty building, we spent the entire night over two laptops completing the report. My ex and I shared a laptop while the other three sat opposite us with another.

As I was the one typing away at the laptop, my ex’s hands were free and he occasionally placed them on my inner thigh, gently stroking them with the tips of his fingers as he looked at his notes and engaged the rest in their conversation. I enjoyed his touch but wasn’t too turned on by it as I was concentrating on my work. There were times when he placed his hands behind my lower back and slipped them down the back of my shorts, using his middle finger to rub along my butt crack.

It was already past midnight and the five of us were wrapping up on our work, going through the finer details to make sure all was in place. I was more or less done with my part and so began to take notice of his touches even more. Running his fingers up my inner left thigh, he slipped his middle finger through the opening of my shorts and rubbed against the outline of my pussy over the panty. Feeling a bit bolder and slightly hornier, I spread my legs wider apart. This was a cue for him to move over to my clit and I felt the tip of his finger gently going round in circles. I was starting to feel the wetness form between my legs. Looking at our other three friends, they seemed to be engrossed in their work and oblivious to what was going on under the table. What I love about this sort of teasing is the anticipation of what might follow afterwards in our dorm. His finger had not yet touched my skin and I could feel myself heating up in the cool night. Squeezing my muscles, I could feel the dampness of my panty pressing against my pussy. The fact that I was getting panty fingered in front of three oblivious friends made it all the more thrilling for me. I was fighting the urge to keep a poker face and control the rising wave of emotions building up inside me.

When I was done with my work, I turned the laptop towards their direction for them to compile our parts. With my hands now free, my left hand reached over to the boardshorts he was wearing. Because of the nature of its microfiber fabric, my fingers could easily trace the outline of his dick and boy was it hard! Holding it with my left hand, I used the tips of my index and middle finger to locate the tip of his dick and gently rubbed it up and down. It felt as if it was about to burst out of its fabric anytime. We tried to be as inconspicuous as possible, keeping our movements to a minimal and avoiding eye contact. We sat closer together, with his right and my left hand under the table while our other hands holding a piece of paper or pen and chatting with the rest.

This went on for another half an hour when we all finally wrapped up our work and called it a day. It was already 1am by then. Packing up, the two of us headed back to our dorms while the other three went in the opposite direction to theirs. We were both already horny from all the fondling that we couldn’t wait to get back. Talking dirty and hugging each other as we walked, he took the opportunity to squeeze my breasts through my spaghetti top along the journey. The school campus was deathly quiet at this time and there wasn’t a soul to be seen. Reaching the end of the building, we took the stairs down two flights to reach the main floor. The lighting on the staircase landing was dim but I could still make out the outline of the steps and walls around me. As I was in front and about to open the door towards the main road, he held me back tightly and began kissing the back of my neck. Closing my eyes, I let out a moan as I felt his lips against my neck, showering me with soft pecks as he moved my hair to one side. The kisses soon turned into licks as his tongue flicked around, like a paintbrush across a blank canvass.

Putting his arms around me, his left hand went under my top and cupped my left boob. Fondling my left nipple with his finger till it became hard, he moved from boob to boob gently caressing them and keeping my nipples constantly erect. His right hand pushed its way down my shorts and into my panty, fingering my clit and pussy hole, making me wetter. He continued kissing my neck and the top of my back, before putting his tongue in my right ear and licking it, nibbling at my ear lobe at the same time. Feeling his warm tongue and breath in my ear turned me on so much as my breathing started to get heavier. I stretched my hand behind me and began to fondle him. Tearing the velcro off his boardshorts, I took his dick out and stroked it vigorously. I could feel his precum as I played with the tip of his dick, using it to lubricate the shaft. Even though we were alone and it was quiet, there was a possibility that a fellow student or security guard might come in through the door. However, we had reached the point that getting caught was secondary to our personal needs.

We both were already horny and primed for sex. I unzipped my shorts and lowered them along with my panty while he reached into his wallet to retrieve his condom. I could feel my anticipation rising as he wore it and I lowered myself to welcome him as by arching my ass up. He reached over and grabbed my waist, in one swift move thrusting his dick into my well lubricated pussy. With both my arms against the wall, I rested my head on them and enjoyed the repeated thrusting of his dick inside me. In and out he went, with a constant rhythm. My moans and his grunts, low for fear of being too loud, were in perfect tandem with his thrusts creating a soft little echo up the stairs. I could tell that he was getting close. His breathing was heavier, quicker and he was holding me tighter against him. The same could be said for me. My eyes were closed all this while, imagining how we looked like fucking in the dark which made it look all the more sexier in my head. I started to tremble, muscles tightening as I knew that my orgasm was near.

This thrill of having sex at the bottom of the school staircase made me cum within minutes. He came not long after with one last thrust and groan, leaning into my back as I felt his dick slowly turning soft inside me. We stood like this for a couple of minutes, him resting his head on my shoulder while hugging me tightly from behind.

I felt weak in the knees as I bent to pick up my panty and shorts. My neck and ear was wet from his saliva and putting on a damp panty felt a tad uncomfortable. The staircase was stuffy and the smell of sex hung over us. It was as if we had just marked our territory, like animals in the wild. Picking up our stuff, we left the building and walked onto the main road, feeling the cool night breeze against our faces while we basked in the afterglow. This was only to be the first of many escapades I have gone on to enjoy outdoors, some not as fun, but the majority unforgettable.

November 28, 2013
40 Mistakes Men Make While Having Sex With Women – Part 2

Earlier this week, we started this post off with the first 20 mistakes men make while having sex now we’re wrapping up with the next 20.

Ladies, we’re pretty sure you’ve definitely come across some of these and guys, you’d want to pay attention.

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it’s more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you’re playing Marathon Man.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don’t know, don’t ask.

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY
Don’t act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN
Men persist in doing this until she’s eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It’s about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she’s performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what’s necessary.

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO
Don’t thrust. She’ll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don’t grab her head.

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn’t feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don’t think that being drunk is an excuse.

30) TAKING PICTURES
When a man says, “Can I take a photo of you?” she’ll hear the words “__to show my buddies.” At least let her have custody of them.

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS
There is no less erotic noise. It’s as sexy as a belching contest.

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she’s a Romanian gymnast, don’t get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don’t.

35) GIVING LOVE BITES
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS
Don’t shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It’s not a big turn-on.

37) TALKING DIRTY
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she’ll let you know.

38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

39) SQUASHING HER
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

40) THANKING HER
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.

November 18, 2013
Talk To Your Kids About Sex Before Someone Else Does

My kids get a bit confused when they hear stories about the lies we tell children about sex to “protect” them. They just don’t understand what the big deal is.

A few months back, I was reading an article about sex (shocker, I know…). Marcia was looking over my shoulder at what I was reading and asked what the article was about. I told her some people would prefer to shield their children from sex and sexual images because they think it’s inappropriate for them to know and instead tell their kids things like a stork brings a newborn baby. She asked me why would they do that. I told her even though sex is a natural part of being human, there are lots of people who are uncomfortable talking about it, and think if you talk about it with kids then the kids will want to go out and do it. And as a result, it has an impact on the ability of some people to give accurate information when they talk to their children about sex.

To give Marcia an example of a child getting incorrect information, I told her about an episode of the TV show “Mad Men” this last season where Don Draper’s grade school aged daughter Sally says she knows what sex is and that the adult in the conversation doesn’t correct the misinformation because the topic is uncomfortable. Here is the dialogue from the episode “The Chrysanthemum And The Sword” between Sally Draper and her babysitter:

SD: “Are you and daddy doing it?”
The babysitter (shocked): “What?!”
SD (boldly): “I know what it is. I know that the man pees inside the woman.”
Babysitter (concerned): “Where did you hear that?”
SD: “A girl at school.”
Babysitter: “You should talk to your mommy.”
SD (sadly): ”I don’t want to.”

After I told Marcia this story, she said to me, “That’s what the kids at school say! They say that the man pees inside the woman when they have sex!”. Marcia was in 3rd grade when she heard this; two whole grades before this topic is even addressed in the curriculum at her school. One thing to realize: at this young, prepubescent age urine IS the only thing that comes out of the penis so it is understandable that kids think that. Understandable, but not excusable. I was surprised at this outburst of new information and clarified to make sure she knew that’s not what happens. Whew. I’d totally lose all of my sex educator street cred if she did believe that!

Now, I know Mad Men is a fictional TV show set in the 1960’s. I understand this is pretty accurate for how sex and sexuality was approached back then but it makes me sad to think that almost 50 years later there are still many parents who are not much more engaging or forthcoming than in this make-believe interaction.

The conversation in this TV show very well could be a conversation in real life today. Here is a little girl who is bold enough to say she understands more than she is being told and wants to talk about it. Asking a question about the source of this “information” instead of correcting the misinformation makes it seem as if the information is correct. As I said before, not correcting misinformation is in itself a message.

It is not the babysitter’s job to discuss sex with the child — it could have been an aunt, a cousin, or another adult — but in any case, it most definitely would be up to them to tell the parent(s). Giving a play-by-play might be embarrassing but the parent absolutely needs to hear that the child is asking so things can be discussed. It is in this moment when the child starts asking that a parent should be open and ready to answer questions or at least be comfortable with saying, “I don’t know, but let’s find out together.”

Something to note here: do not be angry, offended, hurt or any other emotion if your child starts the conversation about sex with someone other than you. It doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t trust you or feel comfortable talking to you. Perhaps the timing or situation was just right to ask, but take the opportunity now yourself to sit down together. When you do, please make sure you try to find a basic, matter of fact voice to use…one where there is no judgement or bias.

I was chatting with a few other moms recently and we got into the conversation about how and when to start talking to your kids about sex. I related to them what I did, and what seemed to work for my children as a starter. Of course, you’ve heard me say it before, I do not believe in “The Talk” as a one-time event; It’s an ongoing conversation. Anyway, years ago, when my children were maybe 3 and 5 years old, we sat down with a book on sex and sexuality (more along the lines of “where do babies come from”). I read the book ahead of time so I would know, while we were reading and one of them had a question, if that answer would be addressed in the book or not… and also to know where in the book to skip ahead to if needed. I personally sat down with both of my daughters together; I know some parents cringe at the idea of having a younger sibling listen in. I’m sure to some extent Cindy absorbed that it was an intimate conversation and I was willing to have it. I do believe she just enjoyed the sound of my voice because she was too young, she wasn’t so interested in the topic at the time, and it all just went over her head. Marcia on the other hand, soaked it in like a sponge.

If your kids are already hitting puberty, don’t worry if you haven’t already started the conversations. Just start now. One way to start is this talk is not just penis in vagina/bird and bees stuff. Start with puberty, you know, the changes that their bodies are going/going to go through. There’s a lot of stuff happening to these little bodies. Do you recall your first wet dream? Did anyone talk to you before it happened? If not, were you freaked out? Do you remember your first period? Did anyone talk to you before it happened? If not, did you think you were dying? We can save our children from the fear that is sometimes associated with these mundane, harmless facts of life.

They probably know more than you think.

Bottom line, sheltering your children is not helpful to them. You are not with them all the time and other kids, or movies, etc have a greater amount of influence the older they get. It is your job as the parent to give your child the tools and information they need to succeed in life. This is no different. If you would prefer that your child gets the correct information about sex, then sexuality needs to be discussed and accurate information needs to be shared by you. I’m sure you don’t want someone else to do it for you.

This article has been republished with permission from Lanae St.John. Please visit Lanae St.John’swebsite to view the original post and more of Lanae’s works.

November 15, 2013
40 Mistakes Men Make While Having Sex With Women – Part 1

One of the gripes many women have with men is that men do not know what a women wants, especially when it comes to sex. Not enough foreplay, being too rough, fumbling while removing her bra are some of the common ones we have heard. Thankfully, we found a rather complete list which some of the points seem pretty relevant. Here’s the first 20 with more to come.

Ladies, do you agree with the list and gentlemen, are you guilty of anyone of them? We will like to hear your comments!

1) NOT KISSING FIRST
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you’re paying by the hour and trying to get your money’s worth by cutting out non-essentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there’s a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you’re trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake repeatedly across your partner’s face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it’s not passion, it’s avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

5) BITING HER NIPPLES
Why do men fasten onto a woman’s nipples, then clamp down like they’re trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can’t stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they’re a doggie toy, isn’t.

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you’re trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you’ve ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you’re going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT
Condom disposal is the man’s responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK
Women, unlike men, don’t pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she’s not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid’s toy.

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it’s all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you’re trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you’re not careful, it can hurt so don’t get carried away. It’s best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior ofher vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY
You’re attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY
Don’t force the issue by stripping before she’s at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it’s just undoing a couple of buttons.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST
A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.

18) GOING TOO FAST
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool – she’ll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly,with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

19) GOING TOO HARD
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

20) COMING TOO SOON
Every man’s fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

To be continued…

November 12, 2013
7 Tips to enjoy Anal Sex

Although anal sex is more common than it was before, most people are still shy to discuss or hesitant to try it. Nonetheless, a lot of people are curious about anal sex even though it might seem as a scary proposition. Anal sex is definitely enjoyable and we want you to experience it as well. In addition, anal sex can be a safe, healthy, and sexy way to explore your sexuality with your partner. Before you plan on having anal sex, there are some essential steps to take before starting any back door action so that both of you will enjoy it.

1) Lube up!

Use lube, lots of it, as the anus does not produce its own lubricant unlike the vagina. This is to ensure that both of you have a safe and enjoyable experience. Lubes help to increase the slipperiness during entry. Lube your finger and use it for entry first to get your lady comfortable with the feeling. The difference between water-based and silicone lubes are that the former eventually evaporates and you will need to reapply during the session while the silicone lubes do not evaporate but are thicker. Remember, you can never use too much lube.

2) Relax

Anal sex can be pretty daunting for any lady especially when it’s her first time. Create a relaxed atmosphere by giving her a massage to loosen her muscles and tension. Only when she is relaxed and ready to go should the guy begin to enter her.

3) Foreplay

To be specific, anal foreplay. Guys, do not stick your penis into your lady’s anus at the very first time of asking. Start off with some anal foreplay by using your tongue, fingers or anal sex toys to let her get used to the feeling before doing the deed.

4) Communicate

Talk to each other before and throughout the session. Know your lady’s needs and concerns about anal sex. Go slow from the start and ask her to let you know if it hurts and if she is okay with the pace. Communicating with her helps your lady feel comfortable which is important!

5) She’s the lead

Guys, your lady is the lead in this one. Let her decide the pace, depth and pressure you can use when having anal sex to make it a pleasant experience. Unlike vaginal sex, the anus is very sensitive and going in rough and hard is not the way. Move very slow and take your time. There will definitely be some pressure when going in but stop immediately if it is way too painful. For beginners, use the spooning position by lying sideways and entering her or doing it doggy style for a start.

6) Use protection

Even though there isn’t a risk of pregnancy, putting on a condom during anal sex minimises the risk of infection and STI transmission. Never go from the anus to the vagina or mouth without changing the condom!

7) Clear your bowels

Anal sex is not as messy as what most people will imagine. Certainly, clearing the bowels before anal sex does help, as well as washing the area around the anus with soap is sufficient to ensure the experience is a relatively clean one.

Go forth, or back rather, and enjoy

Make sure that you and your partner are prepared for anal sex. When done correctly, it is a great experience for both parties. However, a bad experience can put one off for life. It is always essential to try anything once, so do your homework to make it good for the both of you.

November 11, 2013