Tag: Relationships

5 Signs She’s Just Not That Into You

Growing up and into my teenage years, I had spent an unhealthy amount of time on arcade machines, reading epic fantasy novels and watching Japanese anime while most of my peers were beginning to discover that the opposite gender was perhaps not so annoying and pesky after all. In fact, I was pretty much clueless about the cues of a blooming relationship and was unknowingly labelled as a “play hard to get bitch” as I’d go out on second, third dates with a guy I had zero interest in dating mainly because I didn’t know how to reject someone and on other occasions, I had absolutely no idea that it was a date.

When I am clear about my interest in a guy, I would be proactive and explicit about my feelings but when it comes to those who am only keen on having a platonic friendship, I would always be curt and avoid solo meet ups as much as possible (which unfortunately, some dudes still don’t get it). For the guys out there who are wondering if the girl you’re into feels the same about you, you may want to consider the below signs before professing your undying love for her.

Last minute date flakes

No girl is ever too busy to hang out with the subject of her affection. I have flaked and cancelled on guys due to genuine urgent work requests and then, there’s “work requests”. That said, the huge difference between a genuine flake and the ‘desperate last resort’ is that I will be sure to reschedule the date within the same week in the instance of the former while for the latter, I’ll generally put it off and cross my fingers that he’ll eventually get the hint.

She doesn’t reply to your messages

Apart from those who are into the devious mind wrenching “no contact” crap (in this case, she might just be VERY interested in you and you may want to reconsider your options), chances are that she will not be uncontactable for more than 24 hours unless you’re out of her thoughts and mind. Things simply cannot be any more clear-cut than this. If she likes you, she will respond as soon as she is able.

Declines to be sent back home

This goes to show a lot about the level of comfort that she has with you. Usually the walk back together to her apartment is a prelude to “coming up for a cup of coffee” which is most likely to lead to a nice smooch … or something more. A woman who is not interested would rather part ways and trudge the five miles from the subway station in those loathsome stilettos than risk putting herself in a potentially awkward situation.

Tries to hook you up with another friend

You are elated when she’s finally keen to find out more about your interests, dating history, and family members when bam! she ends the night saying, “You really should meet my friend (inserts female name)”. This is a clear sign that you’ve been friend-zoned. She’s only having those intimate chats with you because you are potential boyfriend material … for her girlfriend.

Mentions her ex

It is perfectly fine if you had asked her about her past relationships or she casually mentions why things with her previous partner didn’t work out. However, if she is constantly making references or ranting about that douchebag of an ex, you should back out and throw the towel in for now as she’s definitely far from ready and might even be using you as a tool to get him back. Nobody wants to date an angsty woman, even more so for one who has yet to get over her ex.

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September 18, 2014
Human Affection—Can We Live Without It?

‘What happens to humans who never get touched?’

‘How long can I live without human affection?’

‘What happens when people are not touched by other people?’

How do these statements make you feel? They make me feel sad. My heart sinks each time I read them. What makes my heart sink even further is that these statements are the most used search terms that take people to my blog over at mattatlotus.com.

Why are people searching for these? What is it that is lacking in society today that results in human beings—our brothers and sisters—sitting alone at home perusing the internet to find out what happens if they never get touched?

The tagline on my website reads: ‘because everybody needs to be held’ and there is an obvious reason for this. This statement lets people know that I work differently. Sure, it is about the sex, of course it is. Yes, it is also about exploring our darker nature together but it is, absolutely and categorically about making love too. My clients are my clients. I do not feel any unnecessary emotional attachment to them after the session is over. This is simply not healthy or helpful to either of us. I do, however, feel a sense of care, high regard and yes, affection towards whomever it is I am working with at any given time. The above search terms should tell you just why my work has evolved in this way and also, I hope, this will encourage you to get out there and start hugging!

Before you do that, let me just remind you of something very important about us human beings: we are interdependent by nature. We need each other to carry out certain tasks and we rely on our interconnectedness to go about our daily lives. What would we do if the refuse workers forgot to collect our rubbish? Where would we be if the key holder to our offices couldn’t be bothered to turn up at work? What would happen if the teachers didn’t arrive at school each day? Disease. Poor profits. Stupid children. To name just three examples of how one apparently unrelated event or absence can have a negative impact on another. Now, let’s start hugging …

There was some research done many years ago on the human touch and the need for human affection. I won’t go into the details here because you are here on SimplySxy for a reason and I’m damn sure being blinded by statistics isn’t it, but I will tell you this: the findings showed that we do need human affection, physical touch and support in order to feel happy. We do need each other so that our bodies and minds work properly.

When you have sex, your endorphins (happy chemicals) rush around your body and your serotonin (more happy chemicals) levels rise. These make you feel better. It really is that simple … and sexy … SimplySxy … sorry couldn’t resist but let’s be serious for a moment. When we don’t have sex, the opposite happens and when we are not being touched at all … we’re fucked.

I speak from experience and if you take a look at my blog at some point, or if you stick around here in the weeks to come I will tell you all about it. I am a sex worker for a reason. You do the job you do for a reason. I am sure we are both so very good at our jobs for reasons! Everything, everything dear reader, is connected. So … Please, please and a final big please: get yourself out there, in the real world and make some friends, meet some lovers, make love to a whore and really, really connect with someone. If you are all alone, be brave, be bold and be confident in the knowledge that it isn’t just you. There are others in the same boat of loneliness and that means … drum roll please: that you’re not alone at all!

There is something else that I say on my website and I am going to say it to you here too. Partly, I want to apologise for repeating it, I don’t really like to repeat content across my platforms but this one really is the exception and you will see it on my website, on my blog and now here, on SimplySxy:

Psst! You, yes you! Lean in, are you leaning? Listen closely. Are you listening? I want you to know something: I want you to know that whoever you are, wherever you are from, no matter where on the planet you currently reside, irrelevant of your spiritual/political/religious/social beliefs, inclusive of your gender/sexuality/colour/background and fully embracing of every aspect of yourself that makes you you—You. Are. Loved.

Yes, you are.

BIG! HUGE! GINORMOUS Hug!

Matt xXx

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September 15, 2014
Lesson learnt from interracial same-sex relationship

While we assume the world has become more open-minded toward interracial relationships, the racial tension in Ferguson seems to be reminding us that the issue of race is more complicated than we thought. Being in a same-sex relationship has not been easy in this hetero-dominant world, let alone complicate things further when looking at it from a racial perspective. As a gay man who is currently in a long-distance, interracial same-sex relationship, I have learned to sustain my relationship in a hard way. I’ve been glared at when I walked down Walnut Street in Center City Philadelphia with my African-American partner, and there were even incidents when a homeless lady cursed at our presence as we walked by. I have come to realize that learning how to handle disrespectful glares and curses is part of the lessons that come with an interracial same-sex relationship.

Like most people, my interracial relationship kicks off with love at first sight when we met at a friend’s wedding. Then things developed so smoothly that I never thought about the sensitive fact of being in an interracial relationship. I only became conscious about it when my mom reacted dramatically after learning about my romance with an African-American partner. Her reaction simply reflects the prejudice and misunderstanding that has long been attached to racial issues, while representing the fundamental challenges interracial relationship often face. I began to notice the number of times when people showed signs of disagreement with regard to my interracial same-sex relationship. Their first reactions upon learning that I am dating an African-American man were shock, followed by moments of silence. Rarely have I received immediate positive responses from many of my friends.

Soon after the honeymoon period, doubts started to creep into my head as I continued to feel judged by others. Thoughts of giving in to the social pressure was incubating and tensions between me and my boyfriend began to stem from our serious discussions about interracial relationships. While he made it clear that he would never give up what we’ve earned so easily, I showed signs of being skeptical about our “future.” As that sense of uncertainty grew stronger with my withering will to defend our relationship, I started to intentionally avoid direct contact with my boyfriend. For weeks, I denied all his attempts to get a hold on me, while struggling to determine whether an interracial relationship was right for me. I not only blamed myself for failing to uphold my personal goal of remaining racially neutral, but also had difficulty justifying the way I handled this extra-delicate situation.

After being haunted by the confusion and growing sense of guilt toward my interracial relationship, I reached out to my boyfriend, hoping to work things out. To my surprise, he didn’t hesitate to welcome me back to his life with a big hug. While giving me time to explain what was previously going through my mind, he never failed to remind me of the amount of love, dedication and time that he is willing to devote to our interracial relationship. I finally understand that like other forms of relationships, interracial relationship is built upon mutual trust, love, and dedication. It only becomes more complicated when people choose to judge it from the racial perspective, which often times, can push things to the extreme. As one of the agents of this growing trend, I should never let racial issues get in the way of the pure creation of love and dedication between me and my boyfriend. It is only when I can comfortably recognize the fact that I am in a interracial relationship, should I regard myself as racially neutral. The element of race is a mere superficial difference in an interracial relationship and at the end of the day, the core of interracial relationship still belongs to the degree of mutual commitment from both parties.

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September 13, 2014
Should I tell my date that I am Transgender?

When I first came out as transgender, it seemed really important to announce to everybody that I was male, not female. This was before I started my medical transition, so I was still being regarded as female even when I dressed in traditionally masculine clothing and sat the way most guys I knew sat rather than the way most women did. So there was no question in my mind that I was going to assert myself, because being invisible to the world just hurt too much.

Now, though, most of the time I am automatically read as male. It still surprises me sometimes when people call me “Sir” because even after two years later, I am still not used to being seen as the gender I’ve identified with all my life. Since I’m living in a new city and starting to meet people, this brings up a lot of questions:

Do they know I’m transgender?
Do I tell them?
Is it okay if I don’t tell them?

This is something I see discussed a lot on transgender support forums online, often in the context of dating. More often than not, transgender men and women question if or when to tell someone they are dating that they are transgender. Similarly in the asexual community, people wonder if they really need to tell everyone they date—even the ones they never plan to see again—that they’re asexual. With online dating becoming more common, people also wonder whether they should mention their gender identity or sexual orientation in their online profiles.

Before I had the luxury of being able to choose—that is, before people began seeing me the way I saw myself—I always assumed that I would tell anybody and everybody that I was transgender. I figured that I wouldn’t want to date someone who didn’t feel comfortable with people like me, so if I were rejected for it, it would be no big deal. I also mainly met people through online dating sites, thus I figured I could tell people from the safety of my own home and not have to worry about potential violence.

It turns out that it’s not so easy in the real world. First of all, I find that my concerns about coming out aren’t limited to potential dating partners. Anybody I meet could potentially become a friend, close friend or more than friend, so I constantly have to decide when to disclose that I’m transgender. I do state on my social media profiles that I’m transgender, but not everyone reads that closely or notices it, so that’s not enough to ensure that people know.

A couple of months ago, a new contact on Facebook started flirting with me and telling me he wanted to date me. I’m not one for jumping into the dating scene quickly, especially with people I don’t know in my day-to-day life, so I tried to let this person down gently by telling him that I’m asexual and don’t generally experience sexual attraction. A few days later, I got an email from him telling me I was a liar because I hadn’t told him I was transgender and accusing me of making up being asexual to avoid telling him the truth. I was honestly confused about this because it says on my Facebook profile that I’m transgender and includes a link to my Twitter handle, which identifies me as transgender. However, after I blocked this guy from contacting me again, I did some thinking.

I think one of the reasons that there’s so much pressure and confusion about the issue of telling people about being transgender is that there’s this idea that if you don’t tell right away, you’re “lying.” You’re making people think you’re something you’re not. Specifically, you’re making people think you have sexual organs that you may not have.

But here’s the thing. It’s not lying to say you’re male when you’re male or female when you’re female. It’s not lying to carry yourself in the world as the person you really are. Trans people aren’t trying to trick or deceive anyone; we’re not trying to make people who don’t want to have sex with someone whose sex organs match ours. We’re just trying to live in the world.

I personally am proud of being transgender, and I don’t feel like I’m in any special danger of physical attack because of it. Some people don’t have that luxury, and so they have to be more careful who they tell. But for me, I decided that I don’t want to make such a big deal about this whole issue of telling. I feel like being transgender is just one part of who I am, and I want to treat it like any other fact about myself. As I get to know people, things about me come up naturally in conversation, and one of them is that I am transgender. I don’t want to force it or spend a lot of time thinking about how to tell. After all, I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about how to tell people any other fact about me or my life.

So would I tell someone before I kiss them? Yes, if it hadn’t come up before. But chances are that it would have, since I personally only feel interested in being intimate with people whom I’ve created a strong emotional bond with.

Relaxing about the whole disclosure thing is making it a lot easier for me to move through the world. Trying to figure out who knew and who didn’t and what to say was getting in the way of me socializing at all. For me, transitioning has been all about freeing myself from a self-imposed prison, so pressuring myself about whether or not to come out just puts me right back where I started. I’d rather be free to be myself and let my coming out, or not, happen naturally.

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August 25, 2014
How to survive long-distance relationships

Some relationships lead up to engagements and marriages and others in my instance, to a long-distance commitment. While I was and still am enjoying the moment; aka not in a hurry to walk down the aisle, I was certainly not expecting for the petit copain and I to be spending the next couple of months 2,500 km apart. By his standards, we were already kinda leading a long-distance relationship to begin with as most of his counterparts are living with their partners while we continue to meet up twice, or even once a week. As for me, I had barely settled down comfortably in the routine (or lack thereof) of our relationship, only to have to go through yet another wave of changes. Then came the move … the first few days were absolutely insane and I was incredibly annoyed when he failed to turn up for our first Skype date, before learning that his new mobile plan had yet to be activated and that he was caught up in an extended dinner with his new boss. Over the subsequent weeks, we began to establish certain routines in hope that these will keep things running till we eventually close the distance.

The talk

Prior to the shift, it is very important to figure out the dynamics of the ongoing relationship and to make plans for the long-term future. For us, this was a looming possibility that we had discussed casually many months earlier but somehow, it did not to be much of a reality back then. When it finally did sink in, the rationale and practical me immediately proposed that we remain as amiable friends while he took a long while to ponder before telling me as a matter-of-fact that he was very clear about what he wanted with us and merely referred to this as a “very small issue”, asserting and reassuring me that we will make things happen. On top of this, we also made a mutual pact to inform each other upfront should either of us decide on pulling out of this commitment or if we meet someone new.

Texting …

When frequent weekly meet-ups are no longer possible, WhatsApp became one of our main means of communication as Skype dates proved to be difficult due to the long working hours that we both have. While this was perfectly fine over at my end, it posed to be a lil tough for the copain for he was never much of a texting and phone call man, preferring long conversations over coffee to the wonders of technology. That said, these days, am receiving messages comprising more than 30 words in a single sentence and most of our rare Skype conversations have lasted more than an hour.

and “pictorial sexting”

There is only so much conversation that two people can have and while we always endeavor to keep it PG friendly (the firewalls have eyes), it can be rather interesting at times to let some very suggestive pictures do the talking instead.

Getaways

Instead of counting down to the day that we will finally close the distance, one effective means of making the many kilometers apart more bearable is to plan multiple miniature getaways and to always part ways with the next vacation set in stone; albeit don’t just talk about it but at least have the dates fixed and air tickets booked so that there is something real to look forward to. As the gluttony duo, most weekends were splurged on massive brunches and now that we are miles apart, this gives us the opportunity to save up those “nom-monies” for more epic trips around the world together. We are now more financially able to travel further and opt for better accommodations as opposed to our last vacation in a random-moth-and-cockroaches-infested bathroom.

End game

Back to the first point, one of the reasons that I only agreed to this current arrangement is that apart from my huge affection for this man from the land of many wonderful cheeses, we embarked on this long-distance relationship with a specific end game and timeline in mind. Indeed, absence makes the heart grow fonder but I truly believe that prolonged absence also renders frustration, disappointment and the eventual indifference. No matter how much we adore each other, a long-distance relationship can only last when there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thankfully, we are working towards closing the distance within the next half-a-year and while this may seem like a very short period apart as compared to many other couples out there (you have my utmost respect!), this episode has definitely made me much more appreciative of the petit copain and his immense patience in putting up with my daily dose of nincompoop-ness.

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August 19, 2014
Five Ways to Take Your Sex Life to the Next Level

Does your sex life fulfill ALL of your fantasies? Are you enjoying the best sex of your life? Or is there something more you dream of and wish for?

No matter how awesome the sex you are currently having, there is the possibility for more. But more what?

As a sexologist and sex educator, a lot of people want me to help them improve their sex lives. Many of those people imagine that I will tell them about a new pill, potion or position. It seems everyone wants a quick fix – something which will magically transform boredom and routine into a thrilling joy ride of coital bliss. And sometimes those pills, potions and positions can accomplish just that – for the short term.

But eventually, even new thrills can become empty and boring. And predictably, the search usually resumes for something new and exciting to fulfill our fantasies of what sex should be like.

Does this mean we are doomed to a life of uninspired sexual routine or, conversely, the endless pursuit of one momentary sexual high after another?

No. It all depends upon the erotic path you choose.

If you are willing to invest as much time and effort in your sex life as you do in your favorite sport or hobby, sex can be catapulted into a high art form which has the potential to exceed your wildest dreams.

But be forewarned that the price of admission into this rarefied sexual reality can be more than some are willing to pay.

Do I have your attention? Then by all means, read on . . .

Sex, like much of the rest of life, is shaped by our intentions as well as our technique. If your approach toward sex is oriented to simply having fun, then your sexual experiences will tend to be more superficial than heart centered.

But if you combine your sexuality with your spirituality, you can open erotic doors which transcend the mundane and literally launch you into a world defined by other dimensions.

Although an erotic journey of this nature can involve a variety of teachings and practices, I have outlined five of the most basic elements designed to take your sex to the next level:

1. Perfect Your Touch

You can touch something or you can touch your own desire. When you allow your hands and your finger tips to find their pleasure, your touch will naturally create pleasure in the person you are touching. Shift your focus from how you are touching and how you imagine your lover feels and allow the pure joy of touching to excite your senses.

The energy in your body radiates past the confines of your skin. Learn to sense this energy by holding the palms of your hands about a half inch to an inch apart and gently push at the space in between your hands. Notice how it feels when your hands come close to each other and how it feels as they move away. Can you feel the energy generated by the palms of your hands? This is what you want to touch your lover with. You want to learn to direct that energy so that your touch extends past your fingertips.

2. Master Your Breath

Everyone breathes deeper and more frequently when they are sexually aroused. But unfortunately, many of us have learned to hold our breath when we orgasm. For some, holding the breath seemed like a wise way to avoid making noise and getting “caught” masturbating or having sex when we were younger. It can take some practice to unlearn this habit. But it is important that you allow yourself to breathe while you orgasm if you want to take your sexual pleasure to the next level. If you learn to breathe during your arousal and through your orgasms, you may be surprised how receptive your body is to continued arousal and multiple orgasms.

Conscious breathing exercises including some yoga practices and meditation techniques are an excellent way to master the art of breathing yourself to an ecstatic state of being. When you know how to raise your sexual excitement with your breath, your ability to experience pleasure is enlarged. Plus another benefit is an increased ability to connect with another person intimately. The breath unleashes emotions and when we breathe deeply, we feel our emotions more intensely. Allowing these emotions to surface during sex creates a more intense sexual and emotional sharing.

August 17, 2014
Distance Makes the Heart (and Other Things) Grow Fonder

We are often taught that being in a long-term, committed relationship requires giving all of yourself to another person— sharing every deep secret, vulnerability, and insecurity with another in order to build trust and most importantly, intimacy. And while this type of emotional closeness cultivates security and lasting love, it also correlates with another staple of long-term romantic relationships … the decline of sexual desire.

Ask any couple’s therapist or sex therapist what is the most common problem their clients present to them and they will almost always give you some version of “we aren’t having enough sex” or “he/she doesn’t seem to want sex anymore.” Having less sex as time passes in a relationship or the dwindling of that initial passion felt during sex is very common. This is usually attributed to “the novelty effect” wearing off or being stuck in a routine. Of course there are other reasons for a decline in sex—health issues, infidelity, and trauma to name a few—but another more pervasive and encompassing issue is the enmeshment and dependency that occurs when we share everything with our partner. Hobbies, favorite foods, books, and social activities often naturally become a “shared experience” or something that “we” do instead of something that “I” do or “he/she does.” Many times our partner is the first or only person we come to with problems about work or with our families. We start to feel that it is not only natural, but necessary to unload all of our worries and concerns onto our partner because this brings us closer, sharing every thought and emotion we may have.

Esther Perel, a psychotherapist, speaker and author of the book “Mating In Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence” theorizes that our natural human need for security and stability in relationships is at direct opposition to our equally important need for adventure, novelty, and discovery. What ends up happening in long-term couples, she says, is the tendency to get “too close” to our partner, making it impossible for that newness and excitement to exist. This makes the passion and desire that fuel satisfying and pleasurable sex difficult to (pardon the pun) come by.

Perel emphasizes the importance of “the space between self and other” when considering how to reignite or maintain desire in a long-term relationship. In a recent article on “reigniting your love life,” she suggests viewing your partner as if “he or she is only on loan, with an option to renew.” Recognizing your partner as an autonomous, independent person with inner thoughts, past experiences, and fantasies that you are not privy to will result for most people in a new found curiosity about your partner. Being curious perpetuates interest and the realization that regardless of how long you have been together, there are still parts of this other person you have yet to discover. Recognizing your partner as separate from yourself creates distance and therefore room for desire to grow.

Spending time apart by engaging in different extracurricular activities or taking a trip without the other is one way to create actual physical space (thus the idiom “absence makes the heart grow fonder”), but creating emotional space can be just as important. Balancing or limiting how often you go to your partner to “vent” about work or family issues by talking to friends or mentors instead or engaging in new behaviors to cope with everyday stress like exercise or journaling are helpful. Resisting the urge to pry for details about your partner’s exes, their family drama, or other past experiences and trying to be content with the fact that if something is important, your partner will share it with you is also worthwhile. Sometimes, simply taking a moment and remembering what it was like when you and your partner first met and identifying what drew you to them, emotionally and sexually, can ignite feelings of longing. Think about that first month when so much was unknown and how their smile, the way they smelled, and the thought of seeing them again caused that little flip in your stomach. Remember that feeling and those memories the next time you are with your partner and see what happens …

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August 9, 2014
Caution: May Contain Love

Looking to send a friend a gift because they got dumped? Molala, a Hong Kong based web store has the answer. In 2013, when they couldn’t find the right gift for a friend whose fiancé ran off her wedding planner (yes it happens and you can read the full story here), Judith Hoffman and Vene Cheng decided to take matters into their own hands and Molala was born.

Arriving at our doorstep, our little gift basket was definitely not what we had expected, which I guess proves that both Judith and Vene have hit the nail on this one. From chocolates, voodoo dolls to 750ml holding wine glasses, Molala’s products are sarcastic, light-hearted and full of surprises. Perfect to turn that frown into a smile, or the other way around for whoever’s on the other end of the voodoo doll.

With over 40 basket ideas and quality control process that involves champagne and brownies, Molala’s probably found their niche and is definitely one gift store you’d want to have at the back of your mind. Check it out today at www.molalacompany.com.

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August 8, 2014
10 Tips to Improve Intimacy for Couples

Life can get so busy at times that it is easy to forget to nurture your relationship. Connecting with a partner on a daily basis can be difficult for most people, but fostering a healthy relationship is worth taking the time. A great relationship is one built on mutual respect as well as both putting the energy and time to keep the relationship passionate, fun, and intimate. Many times it is easy to fall into a rut or a pattern and take the other person for granted, this happens in all long-term relationships, from time to time.

10 tips for couples to improve the intimacy as well keep the relationship fresh and exciting!

1. Keep in contact at least once a day, by phone, text, skype, a kiss in the morning or a hug at night. This may sound like a silly tip, but for many couples, especially those who travel or do not live together a simple hello, or I love you every day will keep that person’s mind connected with yours. Most couples that have successful long-term marriages put the effort into staying in touch. With the invention of the cell phone and texting, it is easy as 123 … I love u … or XOXO!

2. Compliment your partner more often, say something nice to them, be honest and say it from the heart. Noticing a new pair of shoes, or haircut can be from a simple compliment to a really nice compliment that shows appreciation for the little things they may do for you.

3. Appreciation as stated above, is one of the best ways to let your partner know that you like something that they are doing for you. This works well in the bedroom too. If you like to be touched in a certain way, let your partner know that it feels nice and they are more likely to do more of it!

4. Touch! People crave another person’s touch, but the secret is to touch them the way that they like to be touched. When you know what your partner likes then you can do it more often. It can be rubbing behind their head, or holding hands, hugging, kissing, a gentle massage. Touch can be sensual as well, done with lips, fingers hands or using your body, but make sure to find out what they really like first.

5. Do something new to break up the routine each week. It does not have to be something big, but it should be a way to increase the intimacy. Read a book together instead of watching television, try a new position in bed, run a hot bath and take it together instead of a shower.

Read on for the next 5 tips regarding Sex!

July 30, 2014
3 Secrets to Understanding Women

Women are some of the most complicated creatures on the planet. For a man, women’s level of complexity can be compared to the magical and intricate world of quantum physics: almost nothing follows contemporary logic. Unpredictable as they may be, women are some of the finest creatures, if not the finest creature God has ever made in the entire universe. They are incredibly smart, beautiful, sensitive, and creative, and as much as some men may curse women at times, men can’t live without women. So as part of the male population and admittedly once a clueless being in interacting with the other half of the population, allow me to help lift the veil in the convoluted world of women.

1. The Thrill of the Hunt

Women love to hunt. Society along with all the other conformists would claim that a man should always go after a woman. At a certain stage, this idea is correct, but pop culture thinking might lead someone in the wrong direction. Usually, a man would take the woman of interest out on a fancy date, complete with flowers, gifts, and/or chocolates. Stop right there; this line of thinking will get a man in trouble. What men don’t usually know is that women love to hunt. The thrill of the chase keeps them hooked and intrigued. There’s a reason why women are cat people. Look at a lion pride. The strong, dominant male lion stays under the comfort of the shade while the female are out to hunt. The king of the jungle has never offered food as a gift to any lioness of the pride to get her attention. The same rules apply to men and women.

Sure, a man can take a woman out on a nice date but do not think for once that the date alone will do the trick. What will do the trick is to take the date as an opportunity to stimulate the ravishing lioness inside. Do not show too much interest. Qualify her and let her know that she can be cut off if she doesn’t meet a certain criteria. Take a step back, and never give the ball to her court. Understand that she’s willing to work just like a lioness is willing to stalk and sprint under the heat of the sun for the sustenance of the dominant lion. This is counter-intuitive and may be hard to comprehend at first but with practice, one would certainly understand that women love to hunt.

2. Women are Social Creatures

Women love to talk. People would have you believe that women are only attracted to good-looking and/or wealthy men. Some may even suggest that the aggressive and dominant type will always catch a woman’s eye. Although these statements are true to some extent, a woman will always have a thing for a guy who can handle a good conversation.

Women love to talk. They are interested in all the smallest details of a subject that don’t matter to men. A guy who can stimulate the mind of a woman will always have a special place in her heart because the art of conversation seems to be lost to aggressive, good looking, or wealthy men. As much as men are attracted to and are stimulated by visual cues like a woman’s curvy shape or her pretty face, women love it when their minds are touched, stirred, and challenged.

Currently, the problem is that men usually do not even attempt to hone the art of conversing with the opposite sex. A lot of men talk too much while some talk too little. If a man has no idea how to spark up an opener and maintain a woman’s interest, a surefire way to keep a woman intrigued is to ask questions. In any situation, one can always hold a woman’s attention by asking her questions that are relevant to her experience and interest. Don’t ask mundane and mind-numbing questions like what she does for a living or which school she graduated from. Ask her about her passions, her dreams, her accomplishments, her childhood, her friends, or her relationship with her parents, especially her dad. Chances are, only a few people have cared enough to ask these questions that would reveal a lot about who she is. If asked correctly, a woman would almost always open up to take about these things.

Remember, women love to talk, and they love it if a man would shut up and listen to her speak about her deepest feelings and ideals. After she responds with a short narrative about her passion, ask her what she’s doing to be aligned with her passion. If she’s far from it, challenge her to go back on track. She would definitely love the challenge and will not forget the person who dared her to pursue her dreams. Ask questions, and let her do what she loves: talking.

3. Drama is a Necessity

The last thing that some men need to understand is that women enjoy drama. For them, drama is a part of living, a way of life just as men look at sports or competition an integral aspect of their existence. Although it sometimes drives relationships to the point of no return, drama is a very powerful force that brings women together. A lot of women build friendships and relationships based on drama as much as men would have a set of friends to play a particular sport with.

Unfortunately, some men don’t understand a woman’s need for drama, which seems to be the primary reason why men think women are complicated and difficult to be with. But just as boys settle their differences and express their anger in a fistfight, the same is true for women. After the fight, young boys would usually become friends again and all those emotions that started the fight are long forgotten. In comparison, after a woman gets her emotions off of her system, she’ll go back to that sweet, loving and beautiful human being that she is.

It is important that a man understands not to take a woman’s drama or call for attention seriously. The best thing a man can do in this situation is to let her talk and listen. Allow her to express herself and let her enjoy the process of releasing her emotions. She’ll appreciate the thought which could lead to a favorable outcome later.

Summary

Complicated and unpredictable as they may seem at first, being with women may not be so challenging after learning these three things. Women love to hunt, so let them do the hunting. They also love to talk so ask questions, and let them do the talking. Finally, drama is part of their life so give them the space they need to express their emotions. A woman’s universe can be convoluted from a man’s point of view, but like the stars in the night sky, these tips can be used as guides to have a better perspective of a woman’s world.

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July 26, 2014