Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com. For today’s question, we touch on a topic related to sex and disability from you and we’re delighted to have sex educator Rebecca Dewar share her answer below.
Effective communication is an important factor between persons to enjoy sexual activity. Effective communication is learned through sexual experiences as well as it is a part of sexual confidence. I suggest for a person with a disability to talk about their disability with their partner regarding sexual activity; to do such, it means being vulnerable by taking the risk to discuss personal conditions with someone. Discussing a person’s disability is a way of opening up and establishing a line of effective communication between partners. In addition, effective communication may involve talking with each other during sexual activity of the likes, dislikes, what feels good, and what does not feel good. Also, informing each other of the pressure of touch (hard\soft) and\or thrusting motion (fast\slow) of sexual intercourse are aspects of effectively communicating with one another.
To enjoy sexual activity, another important factor to discuss is bodily positioning. Sexual activity can occur in a wheelchair. Some wheelchairs (usually motorized power wheelchairs) can recline backwards making the missionary style of sexual intercourse possible if the partnership is between someone in a power motorized wheelchair and an able bodied person. It can be a comfortable position for the person in the wheelchair because their back remains flat against the wheelchair backing keeping their back in a spinal neutral position. It may also be a comfortable position for the person in the power motorized wheelchair to receive oral sex from an able bodied person. For people who use power motorized wheelchairs, it is easier to be in bed to give their able bodied partner oral sex because the bed is less confining than the wheelchair allowing for a variety of bodily positioning. For people who use manual wheelchairs (wheelchairs moved by arm\upper body strength to the hands on the wheels) can do a version of missionary style positioning for sexual intercourse; by that I mean, the positioning consists of the person in the manual wheelchair sitting up with an able bodied person sitting on their lap face-to-face allowing for the front of the bodies (genitals) to touch each other. People who use manual wheelchairs can also give and receive oral sex.
An able bodied person can lay their back against a high flat surface such as a table or pool table or possibly sit on a countertop or bar stool type of chair to allow the person in the manual wheelchair to have mouth ease of access to their partner’s genitals. Often, a person in a manual wheelchair can transfer out of their wheelchair to a couch, bed, or recliner (La-Z-Boy type chair, etc. to receive oral sex from their able bodied partner. In bed, it can be more comfortable for the person with the disability to lay their back against a wedge for sexual activity. Also, when in bed, a pillow under the pelvic area of the body of the person with a disability can be more comfortable for sexual intercourse in relation to the pushing and thrusting motion since the pillow helps take the brunt of the movement off the lower spine. In bed, the spooning position is another comfortable way for persons with disabilities to have sexual intercourse from rear or front entry depending on the way people are laying. A variety of positions for people with disabilities exist to try to enjoy sexual activity.
Sexual enjoyment for people with disabilities often takes creativity. Creativity can be anything! For example, it is possible to use handcuffs to assist in holding a person’s limbs if the person has paralysis as a result of a disability. However, it is also significant to mention, ‘outercourse’ activities can be just as enjoyable as activities of intercourse. Outercourse activities are sensual; by that I mean, outercourse activities are arousing involving the senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch) of the human body. For example, persons who gently yet firmly massage each other while music plays in the background on a low volume with a scented candle lit fits within the sexual activity of outercourse. Furthermore, some people with disabilities are unfamiliar with their bodies; so, they might not be able to express what is sexually pleasurable to them. Partners sexually exploring their bodies together can consist of outercourse practices leading to intercourse activity. Moreover, there is a certain form of sexual enjoyment for people with disabilities referring to the importance of the human touch called Pleasuring Mapping.
The concept of Pleasure Mapping is based on conscientious touch (a.k.a. tantric touch). Conscientious touch involves focusing the touch of massaging or deliberate caressing only on a single area of the body at a time allowing for sensual energy to be felt in that one area (hands, arms, face\neck, shoulders, etc.). Often, conscientious touch can help people with disabilities in intimate relationships get to know their bodies in a sexual manner with each other. Pleasure Mapping enables people with disabilities to know their bodies sexually and allows for them to know their likes and dislikes as well as communicate them with their intimate partners. Essentially, a variety of tips exist for people with disabilities in intimate relationships to enjoy sexual activity.
Rebecca has her master degrees in social work and human sexuality of which both degrees are clinically focused. Sexuality and disability is her area of interest regarding research and practice within the fields of social work and human sexuality. Read the rest of her profile below and the links to follow her!
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