We all know what BDSM means by the book (Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism).
My personal view on Kink and BDSM: It is about erotic thrills such as bondage, spanking using different implements, explore and experiment with some type of rough or painful play to enhance sexual pleasure and intensify orgasms.
What’s more important in BDSM is it is not only pain and pleasure, the dynamic of power play also plays an important role, it is not only the physical thing but also the mental and emotional aspect as well.
What Is Medical Fetish?
Medical Fetish comes in different varieties and different levels, from sexual attraction to doctors and nurses, medical uniforms to realistic physical play including surgical procedures, anesthesia and intimate physical examinations such as gynaecological examination and rectal examination.
I was a manual therapist and worked for physiotherapists for many years, my ability to understand the structure and function of the human body gives me an advantage to explore medical fetishism and how to eroticize them.
Reasons Subs Love Medical Play
Most of them are curious about what medical play is. Some of them are seeking another type of pain, that means they are into pain but not from corporal punishment, they are not into beating but something intense but less impactful i.e. needles, cutting, electro torture.
A Typical Medical Play Session
Most sessions start with body examination and restraint, sometimes with a gag and blindfold. If the session involves catheterization, deep sounding (to the bladder) and breath control, I need to be able to communicate with my client so there will be no gagging.
My favorite tools and/or equipment are: urethral sounds, catheters, needles, E-Stim, anal stretcher, and speculums.
What To Expect Before Trying Medical Feitsh Play For The First Time
First make a list of what you want to experience and research/understand what is involved. Then research the Domme who can provide the service. There is a difference between medical play and medical “roleplay”, make sure the Domme can provide what you want. Ask questions, and be polite.
You don’t have to go for everything if you are not sure. Book an introductory session and try out whatever is on your list. If you don’t like it, just be honest and use your safe word, do not force yourself to accept it, this is not what medical play is all about.
Madame Li Ying – I am well known as a professional dominatrix specialising in medical fetish. My play style varies according to whom I am playing with. I am energetic, strict, playful and wickedly sadistic. I am very hands on, very assertive in every day life and I will use My Feminine powers against you to move you to My liking. When I give command I expect it to be obeyed.
I can be intimidating but being naturally intuitive I will also make you feel safe in your submission to Me. I will bring you to a place where you have secretly longed to be, make you completely surrendered, under My complete control.
I first started having kinky fantasies when I was a very young girl. At first, I was very guilty and thought I was weird because back then, none of my friends talk or share about such things. It was only much later and in recent times that I discovered that there were others who were kinky and there was even a community where people congregated.
That made me feel a lot better about myself and excited to know that there were actually others into what I enjoyed. This meant that I was able to hang out in a space with like minded people and truly be myself and what I am, instead of always having to skirt around my kinks with vanilla friends.
What I Love About Pegging
Pegging is essentially anal sex reversed – instead of a male penis in a woman’s ass, the woman wears a strap-on and fucks the male’s ass. I’ve always been fascinated with the power exchange aspect of D/s. In the same way, pegging is a means for me to induce power exchange when traditional gender roles during sex are reversed.
The act of penetrating a man is not only fun but mentally arousing for me – making me feel powerful, strong and pushes me into a very dominant headspace. Not to mention, all that hip thrusting doubles up as a real good cardio workout!
Reasons Subs Enjoy Being Pegged
Most subs who come to me for pegging want to experience submission by having their most vulnerable and private areas violated. Some enjoy being emasculated through anal sex and also request to incorporate this with some form of sissy play.
Others are more experienced and have already embarked on their own anal exploration and just want their male G-spot to be stimulated. I must say though, it is exceptionally enjoyable when subs come to me knowing that I love pegging and they want to please me by offering their holes to me.
My Domination Style
Being safe, sane and consensual is what all my clients can expect from me. My style of domination is sensual yet firm – think of that sexy colleague that caught your eye at the office pantry, who turns out to be the no-nonsense manager on your team. As the person in charge, I take the effort to do my own research about the kink and find my own practice before I involve my subs.
I believe that communication is key to any successful session – I always engage potential subs before any session, find out if they have prior anal experience and structure an appropriate scene tailored for the sub to explore pegging based on their context. For example, if a sub were to tell me that they have not tried any anal play before, I would recommend basic anal training before jumping into a full on pegging session.
What To Expect In My Pegging Sessions
Well, just like any good sexual encounter, my typical pegging session starts with building up sexual tension between me and my sub. It could be anything from dirty talk to tease and denial – getting the sub aroused and relaxed is rather key to making penetration enjoyable and easier later in the session.
I personally use the strap-on harness from SpareParts – it is super comfortable, adjustable and looks super sick. The harness can accommodate a variety of dildos, giving me the versatility to meet my client’s needs. Unless you’re a size queen, I always start with my smallest dildo and am very generous with lube! So, don’t worry, I’m not going to tear you a new asshole on our first date. 😉
Pegging Tips For First Timers
As with trying anything new, go in with an open mind. You might like it or you might hate it, but it is always important to try, especially with someone who knows what they are doing. Besides reading up, I would recommend all aspiring clients to also try and explore your own body before hand – stick a finger or a small plug up your ass first and see how that feels for you.
Cleaning out before the session can also help make the entire process more enjoyable for all parties – less fear or shame from any potential mess or bad smells. End of the day, if you’ve been toying with the idea of getting pegged, feel free to drop me a message and I will be more than happy to take you down this delicious rabbit hole.
Mistress Haze – A tall and athletic dominatrix based in Singapore that is passionate about creating fun and exciting scenes. She enjoys turning confident and assertive men into soft putty, bending them to her sensually deviant brand of kink.
My feelings on kink is to each his own. As Dan Savage observed, when it comes to sexual preferences, there’s no such thing as “normal” as the spectrum is so broad.
My kinks are girls’ legs in skirt and heels, also seeing them tied up and gagged and dressed as such. Albeit I am straight and not into cross-dressing per se, I have dressed up in skirt and heels out of curiosity in teens.
I went out in public for the first time to a club called Shampoo in Philadelphia on alternative night. People were like-minded so it was more comfortable. A female friend made me up nice in the face. Corset and a thick sweater covered my broad shoulders.
I wore a short skirt just above the knee with five inch heels first, a miniskirt later, and eventually my purple skirt and sandals. It was nerve wracking yet exciting, but too uncomfortable to do regularly. I wear them for several hours once in a blue moon, so I was willing to impose on myself to look good.
How My Interest In Kink Started
Venturing out in a skirt and heels that were each literally as short and high as possible. I went to this club several times in that same outfit and it was a monumental task on it’s own.
Bondage was a whole new adventure.
Fetishes & Kinks I’m Into
Albeit I have ventured out dressed up several times, I had never been tied up before. I’ve always wanted to experience it. There is a connection between my skirt/heel fetish and bondage. The main reason I did it was to make my legs look the best I could. 6.3 inch heels (very expensive but sturdy material with a high arch, and ankle straps also conveys bondage) shapes lower legs up dramatically.
SM spandex skirt with a shortened hemline but still fits will help the legs appear more shapely. Wearing them greatly inhibits movement and is viewed by some as a form of bondage. The discomfort of wearing turned me on at the same time. But imposing on one’s self willingly for the sole purpose of looking sexually attractive for others conveys submission. I like seeing girls dressed as such (sometimes in frigid temperatures) for the same reason.
My Experience With Zoe
She gave me directions to her home – a nice single home in the suburbs. Zoe was nice, a casually dressed middle-aged woman, which I liked as I am not into S&M. I changed in her bathroom. I was very self conscious at first – wearing a skirt that short and barelegged feels so vulnerable and exposed. But she genuinely liked my legs and told me so upon seeing me.
I brought a five minute video of model Jewell Marceau (girl pole tied in backyard pic) so she could replicate it. She did almost exactly except for the type of gag she used. I didn’t like ballgags at first (too S&M) but hers was pink with thin leather strap so it didn’t look that way. The fairly large size gagged me thoroughly – it held firmly, muffled my voice and made speaking impossible.
I always found the sound a girl makes while gagged, (“mmph mmph” is the onomatopoeia) arousing. I instructed her to ignore me if she saw me struggle or hear me make any sound. I wanted her to have complete control by making sure I was held firmly in place and that there could be no communication between us whatsoever.
Physically it felt pretty much as I expected, even felt kinda good as strange as it sounds. The rope felt snug. The complete surrender of control to her was quite a sensation. Being gagged feels more helpless than I thought. Even when she spoke directly to me face to face, I couldn’t respond in any way.
Sensory deprivation was by design from being left alone. No TV, music, just dead silence and blank walls to look at. I liked fantasizing that I had been kidnapped, standing still but occasionally struggling. It did become very boring at times but it was a good experience overall. Standing in heels, unable to sit or take them off was the most uncomfortable part but not as bad as I thought.
She did come down to check on me once within the hour, making sure the rope was secure. It was expensive but worth it.
Article by Fred Keeler
Article images courtesy of Fred, featured image from Shutterstock
My personality and style as a professional disciplinarian is really no different from my own. I am told I have an assertive style, and that I exude a natural air of authority. I am perceptive generally, and enjoy a meeting of the minds – I love to unpick a person and to find out what really makes them tick. I am firm but fair, very honest, and love to be engaged in interesting conversation about pretty much any topic; I am insatiably curious about people, and the world we live in. I approach people from a place of kindness and a desire to meet their needs (not always their ‘wants’!). Sometimes (often), kindness means a very sore bottom. 🙂
I have a bit of a wicked sense of humour and will often laugh with my bottoms in session. Depending on the type of session, you might catch a little joyous gleam, an evil laugh, or at the very least a mischievous twinkle in my eye. I absolutely adore my work as a disciplinarian.
Inspiration For A Coaching & Discipline Programme
I have always seen the potential of corporal punishment and discipline to help those with the requisite wiring to achieve their goals. While I conduct many different types of sessions, including role play and cathartic release/relaxation, I found increasingly that as I got to know my bottoms, there were areas in their lives that they wanted some help with. It made sense to use my role as an authority figure to help keep them accountable with the changes and goals we’d agreed on.
Creating programmes for them to hold these goals together, and to create a path to success was an easy extra step. I have a pretty broad and deep knowledge base in a wide variety of disciplines, including personal training, health, coaching and lifestyle change, so it was an absolutely natural fit and an extension of my existing skills and expertise to link these to discipline.
Reasons Clients Take Up The Programme
They are incredibly varied, but I’ve worked with clients to help them with stopping smoking, weight loss, various fitness goals, dietary changes, reducing alcohol consumption – even helping with unpacking shame around kink, and helping bottoms to feel more comfortable with who they are.
The scope is pretty much limitless – I create a framework with the person, break those goals down into realistic and achievable chunks, and then track them. Consequences for failure, and rewards for success depend on the individual’s preferences – and ultimately, of course, are at my discretion.
Does Being Punished Create An Incentive?
That’s always a bit of a minefield to manage. I have certainly had experiences with masochists who have attempted to engineer a punishment purposefully. However, this can be managed with creating punishments that are absolutely not fun for the individual (for example, corner time, non-spanking or refusal of session time, line-writing etc).
I will always remind an individual that ultimately, it is their goal, and their wish to achieve it that provides the motivation – they only sabotage themselves in their desire for punishment. For a masochist, therefore, a reward can be a punishment-themed session. It’s complicated, but it works as long as I have a grasp of the psychology of the individual – happily, to date, this has been an arrangement that works well.
Advantages Of The Programme
The advantages are the same as any vanilla coaching programme – the client has a coach in their corner, working with them to keep them accountable, with the added bonus of being able to leverage a predilection for punishment to drive change. For someone with a spanking or corporal punishment fetish, the underlying drive is wanting to please, and absolutely never wanting to disappoint the person they allow to wield authority over them. This is incredibly powerful and effective. You get the best of all worlds; a coach helping you, an authority figure motivating you and inspiring you to keep your promises to her, and a corporal punishment session that will either align with deeply-held fantasies, or provide the sharp and unpleasant shock required to get you back on track. The combination of goals with corporal punishment really is a match made in heaven.
In terms of choosing to do a programme with me – well, as I’ve alluded to previously, I’ve got an excellent and highly relevant knowledge base that gives me the ability to give clients specialised input. Additionally, I have my own gym which I will use for clients for fitness testing etc for that extra level of accountability. From a corporal punishment perspective, I’ve got a reputation for not taking prisoners. You’ll get disciplined, and you’ll know about it.
What To Expect Prior To Starting The Programme
You need to be realistic – if you actually just want to be punished, then apply for a session and we can do that. If you genuinely want to change one or a few aspects of your life, then apply for a programme. I invest in your well-being and success, so it’s important that you do too. You need to have a clear idea of what you want to achieve, and for those goals to be based in reality. You also need to be able to attend the sessions regularly to make the programme work. Generally, I work on the basis of a monthly session for programmes. How you report in will vary with your budget and the types of goals you’re pursuing.
While you may have a fantasy of a super-strict disciplinarian who will mercilessly thrash you for any indiscretion, that really isn’t the best way to achieve change. I’ll work with you to make sure you are consistent. Punishments and consequences will be discussed and made very clear. I will encourage you, support you, and respect you as a human being who cannot be perfect, but I will also hold you accountable. I’ve helped many people achieve things they didn’t believe they could; you are no different!
Miss Haldane – A highly educated, intelligent and intuitive disciplinarian. Based near Birmingham, UK, she offers both in person and online sessions, providing a professional disciplinary service for suitable applicants; a safe space for them to be who they want to be, and to explore and express their long-held disciplinary needs and fantasies. Sessions vary from role play, to cathartic release, to structured goals and accountability coaching programmes – whichever direction they take, they are tailored to the individual, and crafted at the hands of a lady who truly ‘gets’ – and loves – CP.
I have always had a want to understand people’s deepest darkest desires. At first, this led me to read philosophy, and later to BDSM. There is a combination of curiosity, trust and connection that makes exploring kink the most intellectually and physically exciting parts of my day.
What Is Smothering & Breath Play?
Smothering and breath play are extremely intimate, you’re literally trusting your life force with me. It’s for this reason that you should only engage in these activities with trained individuals, and never push it too far.
Breath play can be quite dangerous and your practitioner needs to be completely in control and monitoring your body language and pre-arranged mercy signals at all times when it comes to heavy bondage breath play scenarios.
However there are also lighter smothering scenarios that can be a lot of fun, in this case I like to use my body. I have been gifted with large natural breasts and an ample bottom that is ideal for queening (sitting on your subs face) or breast smothering (pushing my subs face between my breasts).
Many subs are attracted to these elements of my body when they find my profile, and I like to use that to my advantage. I love creating scenarios where subs are ‘forced’ (consensually) to perform certain tasks for my amusement in order to try and win my favour, and perhaps have the honour of experiencing this total submission.
Reasons Subs Love This Kink
I had a sub once say, “when you control my breath it’s the ultimate submission, it’s like you have my life in your hands”
For many, this form of kink is the most they could offer their mistress. Equally, I hear from some subs that this kink feels extremely comforting, particularly for those who are starved in other parts of their lives – they are being engulfed by the femme.
What Goes On In A Typical Session
Well, it pairs very well with bondage and restraints for obvious reasons. Usually we’ll start with some more ‘active’ play like task domination or discipline, then I’ll tie them down for their smothering reward – if they have performed to my liking.
What To Expect Before Trying Smothering & Breath Play
Again, they should do their research and make sure their playmate is engaging in safe, sane and consensual practices. They should establish a way they can communicate their boundaries with their dominant before the session begins – eg a fast tapping of the hand. They should start slow and I would advise no longer then a few seconds of complete breath deprivation – it only takes four minutes to cause permanent damage. If they are considering choking type play, they should make sure to approach the grip from the sides of the throat and avoid crushing the wind pipe from the front.
They should expect to feel some light headed-ness, and make sure their body is in a supportive and comfortable position. I wouldn’t advise breath play for those prone to fainting or with other pre-existing medical conditions. It is important to practice strong communication with your dominant before, during and after the session.
Mistress Christine – A Sydney based dominatrix, she loves travelling the world and exploring every avenue of fetish when that’s possible.
My personal views on kink and alternative lifestyles is that everyone has kinks, which makes life more fun and interesting. Everyone should explore their kinks and do not repress it. For alternative lifestyles, I feel like it’s a beautiful thing everyone shows to be living their life to the fullest the way they want and however it makes them happy.
Even if others perceive it as weird or out of the norm. My mother always taught me that I shouldn’t care about anyone’s opinion, especially if they don’t pay my bills. LOL
What Constitutes Humiliation?
Humiliation can be considered verbal or physical and it can include insulting, making a submissive do embarrassing acts like dressing in woman’s lingerie, urinating, slapping, and the list goes on.
I love it because for me it is very empowering. I can’t just go to any man and slap him and call him a loser bitch LOL. When it’s received and given back with obedience and a “Thank you, Goddess” or “Yes Mistress“, it’s very satisfying and rewarding.
Is Face Slapping Part Of Humiliation?
Face slapping I feel is a preference but definitely a part of humiliation. For some, I know that they have had abuse in their lives at a young age and do not like to be hit in the face but do not mind their backsides. I have a submissive that enjoys being slapped followed by insults like bitch or loser.
Reasons Subs Love Humiliation & Face Slapping
The reasons I hear from Subs that enjoy humiliation or face slapping is that they enjoy it because of the feeling of helplessness and feeling below a powerful woman. Also, I see Mommy issues in play in some subs. Being degraded by a woman gives some pleasure and comfort.
What Goes On In A Humiliation Session
In a humiliation session, I start with a conversation that is paid to talk about their wants and needs. So everyone is on the same page and knows what to expect out of a session.
Safe-words and props are discussed also and how they want to be humiliated. The props commonly used can include floggers, collars, restraints like handcuffs and rope, whips, and even pee sometimes.
What Should One Know Prior To Being Humiliated?
For someone first getting into humiliation or face slapping, I feel that someone should do some soul searching. To see if it’s something that stimulates them in a positive way.
I’m here to help ultimately. I have a background in psychology and working on my Bachelors. I’m not here to ruin lives or mentally damage someone. Now let’s have some FUN 🙂
Miss Poison Avy – Massachusetts based Dominatrix. Love to humiliate and drain wallets for my entertainment. Prove your worth.
Kink and an alternative lifestyle should be normalized just a little bit more because more people than you realize actually live life that way or have some interest in kink, but since it is so outcasted by society, people don’t accept it.
It would be nice if people were able to just express themselves and be into what they are into and not have to fear judgement. The kink society is a very welcoming community and a really good support system for people who need a way to express themselves differently than what society considers the norm.
What Is Inside A Dungeon?
Generally, a dungeon has some equipment that you can tie a person down to, usually a St. Andrews Cross, a bed of some sort, or a cage. All dungeons are different, but typically hitting implements (whips, paddles, floggers).
I bring my own equipment for electrical play, strap ons, and sounding kits that I am comfortable using and have a lot of experience working with. I keep my things separate and every girl usually brings their own equipment well. They are so many different things you use in the genre of Femdom and kink, it’s never going to be a limited list. I am constantly being brought new presents and toys that are fun to use.
The list can really go on forever, but some of the more popular ones are ropes for bondage, cuffs, blindfolds, clothespins, and sensory deprivation tools.
What Is Your Dungeon Of Choice?
I choose Mystique Chamber because it is the closest and most convenient for me to go to, and it is the only dungeon in the San Fernando Valley area. I was happy to find that all the other Domme’s are very similar to me, and we have all ended up bonding, connecting, and becoming very good friends.
There is not a caddy element there, and since I have been there for so long I let myself in and out, it’s comfortable, it feels like home, and I really enjoy it there. Femdom is a very broad topic so all my sessions vary, but some of my most popular sessions involve foot worship, bondage, financial domination, ball busting, corporal punishment, and strap on/sissy play.
Misconceptions Of Dungeons
People usually hear the word “dungeon” and they get all freaked out that it’s a “Big Scary Place.” This is not the case, it’s a safe and fun place to play where people can express themselves and their kinks.
Most people can share their darkest secrets without worry that they normally can’t share with anyone else and truly feel free. It can be quite cathartic and therapeutic for most people who visit.
Rules & Boundaries In A Dungeon
Every Domme has their own set of rules and set of boundaries that they instill with their clients, as each Domme is independent and does not work for the dungeon.
In general, we keep the dungeon safe and sanitized. We like to keep the privacy and safety of the dungeon, we do not provide the address of the dungeon until immediately before the session to any new clients until they have paid a deposit and have valid references.
We try our best to keep the dungeon a safe, consensual, hygienic, and private location for the benefit of everyone who visits.
How Can A Sub Prepare For Their First Dungeon Experience?
A sub should do their research, and research the Domme they want to have a session with beforehand to see if their styles will mesh well with one another. Send a respectful e-mail with a list of interests and boundaries so they can collaborate with the Domme for the best possible experience.
A list of general interests is best, as all the Dommes are all professionals and can provide a very natural flowing session from the sub’s interests expressed to them. All of the Domme’s are very talented and inspired, so a sub should keep in mind to let the Domme do what they do best and follow her lead at all times. Give the Domme free reign, but still set their own personal limits and boundaries.
Clear communication from the beginning of the session and during is the most important aspect for an enjoyable session. The more respectful a sub is, the better their chance is to book a session. Tipping is in everyone’s best interests.
Sorceress Bebe – LA based pro Domme, findomme and fetish clip artist. I am fierce when it comes to psychological domination and once you fall under my spell, there’s no going back. You’ll be hooked, spellbound and begging for more. The way I get into your head becomes an addiction from which you will never recover, but why would you want to?
Well, since I have been involved in the BDSM lifestyle for a little over 20 yrs, I guess you could say that I am very much in favor of kink and BDSM. There is so much more to BDSM than the stereotypical whips, chains and women in tight leather corsets. For many people, BDSM is a way to de-stress from a high pressure job.
For others, BDSM can be a way for them to discover (or get in touch with) their true self that they may be afraid to show to the rest of the world. And for some, BDSM can be a way of safely dealing with past traumas.
In a nutshell, I see BDSM as a beautiful, complex and diverse window into human sexuality and the human condition.
What I Love About Kinky Phone Sex
This might sound a bit odd, but I genuinely love getting to know the clients and building a deeper connection with them. I have always loved talking to people from all over the world, even before I dipped my toe into the phone sex industry.
Kinky phone sex provides, for me, a fun way to talk to fascinating people in a more in-depth and personal way than I could ever hope for in conventional chat rooms or out in public. I absolutely love my job and can’t see me ever stopping.
Reasons One Engages In Kinky Phone Sex
There are several reasons why someone would like to engage in kinky phone sex. Each person is different, so I can only speak in generalities, but I would say that the primary reason would be safety.
Calling a kinky phone service, like the company I work for (www.peplove.com) is a discreet way to safely explore sexual fantasies without any pressure or having to worry about disease or social stigma. Clients come to me because they are looking to connect with someone that won’t judge/shame them for their fantasies.
Do You Have A Particular Dom Style?
I’m not sure I have a particular ‘style’. What I can tell you, is that I am brutally honest, no-nonsense and down to earth. While I have a fondness for some of the more sadistic practices, I realize that not everyone is interested in that; so I adjust accordingly and bring out my softer, more sensual side.
I have many interests, both in BDSM and in the outside/vanilla world, which I use to help build a connection with the client. Want to talk about wax play? Bring it. Want to talk about servicing an entire hockey team? I’ve got you covered. Want to talk about hiking the Appalachian trail? I’m there with my hiking boots on. Let’s go.
What Goes On In A Kinky Phone Sex Session
This is a difficult question to answer. Each call is different and unique to the client. One thing that all calls have in common, is that I ask the caller what is on their mind.
For some long established clients, they just jump right in and tell me that they have been naughty and need to be punished. Then we discuss what happened and the sort of punishment they deserve. For new clients, I start with asking a variety of questions in order to learn their interests and their limits. Within the fantasy realm that I weave, there are no off limit topics.
What Should One New Prepare For?
If you are new to kinky phone sex, I want you to be as open and honest as possible. Let me know, right away what your likes and dislikes are, if there are any words or scenarios that are a complete turn-on or turn-off.
I can’t read your mind, so it’s important that you, the client, tell me these things. Also, please remember that I am a real person and that being respectful and polite will take you far.
In regards to expectations, you should expect to be heard and to explore your fantasies in a safe, entertaining manner.
Born & raised in the U.S. Midwest, Goddess Reba is a phone sex operator with www.peplove.com and writer of erotica and kink positive educational articles. As a BDSM lifestyle Dominatrix, Goddess Reba has seen it all and loves getting into a submissive’s mind to see what makes them tick. Goddess Reba brings a wicked sense of humor and a wildly creative imagination to everything She does. Her rave reviews speak for themselves.
People can see and learn more about Goddess Reba using the following links:
My personal views towards kink and alternative lifestyles are very open minded. If someone engages in their kink consensually with other adults, I do not believe that I have any right to judge nor do I want to. My kink may not be your kink but yours is just as important to you as mine is to me. I understand that an alternative lifestyle is not for everyone and I actually believe that those of us that acknowledge and practice our kinks in a prudent, well planned manner are more evolved (and dare I say more intelligent) than our peers that do not explore their desires. I firmly believe that everyone has something that they either want to explore or have explored because it consumes them if they don’t. What your “vanilla” neighbor does behind closed doors may surprise you.
I was brought up in a very religious household and made to feel guilty about things that were deemed “sinful” because it was not mainstream or in line with what God would want me to do. I personally don’t feel that religion or one’s interpretation of the Bible can stop kinky urges and may even propel someone to try their kink in an unsafe way. That is part of why organized religion can really screw up someone who was born with the need to express themselves through their kink. It can be a difficult mental burden to bear when one is told that what drives them sexually is sinful, how horrible for someone to grow up with that burden. It is part of the reason that I didn’t start exploring my kinky side until I was forty.
I also think that someone’s kink or fetish can be just as important to someone as who they are attracted to sexually. It can also be that they identify their kink AS their sexuality. The two are often too difficult to separate and are intertwined with one’s sexual identity, and there is nothing wrong with that. It is difficult to explain but easy to understand if you are kinky. Now I do want to be clear that I do have an issue if someone wants to bring animals or children into their kink or fetish because children and animals do not understand and cannot consent.
What Inspired Me To Be A Professional Disciplinarian
Becoming a professional disciplinarian was actually the culmination of the perfect storm of circumstances for me. I had recently finished my Master’s degree and was looking for a career change, I had moved to Austin and left my old job in the criminal justice field behind. I was in a really satisfying spanking relationship with a partner who believed in me and said I had a gift when it came to spanking and should pursue being a pro.
My husband also lost his job around the same time and it was the final straw and I decided it was time for me to strike out on my own. My first client reached out to me on Fetlife and asked if I spanked people professionally, I told him no but had thought about it and it snowballed from there. It moved rather quickly with me, I had my website up in a few days and started seeing people within a week.
Reasons Client Seek A Session With Me
Clients reach out to me for a variety of reasons. Some have always wanted to explore spanking as long as they could remember and don’t want to jump into an alternative relationship straight away. Some have been with other disciplinarians and like my approach or will be in Austin or one of the travel locations on my website.
Some people want to find motivation for personal goals, some people want to role play favorite scenarios that have dreamed of for years, some people just want to be spanked by someone who loves doing it, doesn’t judge them, and encourages them to explore their kink.
What Goes On In A Typical Disciplinarian Session
A typical session with me usually takes one of three paths: motivational/goal setting. Role play, or “funishment”. All of my sessions start out by me collecting information and dispersing information with an introductory email. I go over what I will and won’t do, how much I will be compensated, and the type of impact, tolerance and preferred implements that I will use.
When I arrive to a session, I always start with discussing what they are looking to address for motivational sessions or how they want a role play session to progress. I pull appropriate implements and make sure that they are all okay for use during the session. I know a lot of people don’t want to feel “in charge” of what is used or how intense I go but for my safety it is important to make sure that I am not using something or saying something that would trigger an unwanted emotion or feeling. That is something I don’t want to do and try my best to avoid.
A lot of the time I am meeting with someone I haven’t met before and do not want to put myself in unnecessary danger. After the initial discussion, I generally like to start with an over the knee spanking warm up, unless cold caning is desired or the role play does not call for it. I then will use several implements and either discuss goals or continue with a role play. For funishment sessions it is generally chit chatting and getting to know a person better and discussing spanking and how it can be beneficial to us.
I often encourage newcomers to reach out to others in the community or perhaps think about attending a spanking party. The worst part of having a kink is feeling alone. I try to let my clients know they are not alone, many others have these urges and it is perfectly normal.
What Should One Know Prior To A First Session With You?
First and foremost, my sessions are non-sexual in nature. Yes, I touch bare bottoms but I don’t touch genitals and will not allow any sort of supervised release or grinding on my lap. I only have punishment or discipline focused sessions only. I am not a mind reader, if you want something to happen during a session you need to tell me, communication is key. I do not guarantee that I won’t bruise or leave marks, everyone is different. I believe that the use of safe words is necessary whether the client chooses to use them or not. They are there for all of our safety.
Often, I have noticed that people’s mind can handle more punishment than their bodies can. I know that I have had to stop when the client may feel they can take more but I am not looking to permanently scar or be involved in a blood bath. I think that those that have not had sessions before should not forget fundamental hygiene and remember their manners. I am not a robot or an actress and I have all of my olfactory senses still working quite well.
I also understand it can be a nerve wracking and sometimes scary situation to let someone else have control but that is the real reason that people book with me, they trust my expertise as a disciplinarian and they trust me as a compassionate person to let me know what is best for them.
Hi I am Miss Rachel, a Professional Disciplinarian in Austin, TX. I specialize in motivational (goal setting), role play, and funishment sessions. A session with me provides you with a safe place to explore spanking and gives you the opportunity to be accountable to yourself while letting go of your vanilla responsibilities.
I’ve been kinky for seven years now, professionally and lifestyle. Kink is highly misunderstood and extremely underrated as a therapeutic and growing mechanism to the general public. This is why I began doing visual Femdom Art through self-portrait photographs and directing My own short films in order to showcase a side to BDSM without words, just pure aesthetics — no acting, simply a fluid demonstration of how powerful I am in real life and in-person sessions.
Alternative lifestyles are so broad and that is exactly what I love about this world: There is no wrong or right way to do things; there is a matter of safety and consent of course, but after you enter the play arena, it’s pretty much based on the rules and negotiations of the participating parties. No one else needs to follow their rules unless they are a part of their lives in an engaging way. To each their own. It’s wonderful, it’s infinite, and worth every single moment of exploration.
Misconceptions About Dominants
Professionals who are also Lifestyle Dominants add such a huge value to those who are both new as well as seasoned players. Why? We play with so many different types of people in such a short span of time compared to those who are just Lifestyle. We grow at an exponential rate and adjust to every person we interact with by adapting to their fetishes and preferences. Money is great, but at the end of the day, it needs to be sustainable to become a full-time occupation.
I love playing. I delight in figuring out each person, solving which type of dynamic works best, making up protocol for those I am responsible for should they earn a place in My life. Dominants may be perceived as bitchy or that They get to relax and “just get served all day,” but NO. It’s hard work. Even more so for professionals: In the lifestyle, Dominants have to take care of the people they play and establish dynamics with; they are responsible for protecting their mental health, their physical bodies and awareness of medical conditions, improving their spiritual selves, and overall, making sure they have fun. It’s a literal relationship – it doesn’t have to be romantic, but it takes just as much effort in order to build something together that meaningful. Sure, it can be light and have no strings attached, but that doesn’t mean focus is not held for the duration of the entire playtime.
Professionals have to do all of this as well as become a business person such as recording their finances and redistributing those earnings to life necessities, marketing, possibly touring different cities, equipment for creating new content, and countless others. We have to remember each sub or fetishist and evolve together with their progress. It’s so much more than just being called “Mistress” or “Goddess” or “Domina” and having Our boots cleaned and giving punishments through impact.
Why A Beginner Should Engage Me As A Dominant
As a Professional Domme, I am able to hold a safe space without judgement while using an extensive rolodex of experience in multiple areas and scenarios. Being Lifestyle is a great way to exchange intimacy with someone’s skills no matter the difficulty. The latter is much more intense with higher work expectations, but more rewarding than the prior.
Being an artist makes Me even more versatile as I’m able to come up with creative solutions to situations that any kinkster may present Me. It keeps Me sharp and expands My own way of playing as I tend to make every scene unique even with regular players.
How Does A Beginner Choose Between Being A Dom Or Sub?
Some people have a disposition where they think they may stand either wanting to control a situation or wanting to be controlled in a situation. This can start as one thing and change to another. For example, for those in positions of power in everyday life – the entrepreneurs, corporate partners, and political leaders are in control most of the time – and that may not be what they want in private. They might crave the opposite and want to relinquish all responsibility to someone else they trust.
I’ve known Tops who have had many people go up to them wanting them to Dominate, but over time, they get tired and want someone else to take over for their own personal experience. For those who are just starting out, My advice is to go out and try both and see where you fall. I’ve seen subs become Switches, voyeurs become fetishists, and those in D/s dynamics give that up completely to just enjoy eroticism.
The Competitiveness Of Being A Dom In The Kink Community
In the last 5-10 years, kink has become much more popular in media through fan fiction that lead to Hollywood films, multiple televised documentary series that portray daily life with specific types of dynamics, and even fetish fashion penetrating celebrities’ wardrobes to red carpet events or their thousands of dollars worth of music videos. Social profiles are not just accessible to those who are tuned in the lifestyle, but EVERYONE. Sexuality has been so constricted by society, one is driven to break out of the conditioning we were taught since young. Curiosity drives people to try new things. It’s easier to do that when you see a famous person dipping their toes into alternative culture alongside local people to your city advertising kinky services.
I think having a brand of what type of Dom/me you are, not for the sake of show, but truly being niche in something no one else is doing or no one else can do but you helps you shine. What makes you different from the Dom/me next door? The public is quick to categorize people into race or by specialty. I’ve managed to step over those labels because instead of being the mixed Asian or Chinese-Filipina-Spanish Domme, I am actually known for being a nurturing Sadistic Sensualist specializing in hypnotic healing and impactful discipline through eroticism. Plus, I also create My own art Myself. Therefore, I am more.
Characteristics I Look For In A Sub
What I seek for potential subs is quite simple: Common sense, a sense of respect and reverence, and a willingness to be trained [by ME] – no matter how experienced they are. Good hygiene is also important – many come to Me freshened up or showered with even their best underwear on. Approach Me like you are applying for a job interview, but make it personal. I want to know why you want to serve Me.
Give Me a glimpse at your previous experiences. What are your interests? What are you curious about? What are considered your hard limits? Do you know Mine? They should after reading My website – all of My information is on there. If they read it, I will know by what they reference or what questions they ask. In My eyes, subs should be open to being molded into the most useful entity to their Dominant. Forget everything you learned previously if it no longer applies, or, use what you have learned previously and thoroughly research on how you can serve Me better. Offer yourself not just in play, but outside play to My needs.
Know My desires because you genuinely want to fulfill them and not your own fetishes. I mentioned skills previously: For subs who are seeking either professional or personal counsel, this means anything I can use that you are proficient at. This can include driving, bartending, website development, cinematography, video editing, etc. I will never let you forget you are here to serve Me, and the longer you stick with Me, the more you will be rewarded with becoming integrated into My Life.
I want to thank SimplySxy for having Me today and for asking these thought provoking questions. Questions about how I began My journey and what I specialize in can be found on My Publications page via My website at DOMINAMARA.ORG. My Youtube.com/c/DominaMara channel is an informative resource with many videos from when I first became independent and what I’ve learned: How to approach a Mistress, why I don’t Switch or sub, what My thoughts are on fetish wear, and much more. I still offer photo prints for any of My images found on My website, and any supportive donation is always appreciated as every creative output is funded out of pocket. If you cannot gift due to difficult times, sharing My content through forwarding, reposting, retweeting, collaborating, and featuring Me works just as well.
Catch the video version of this interview here –
Domina Mara – I hail from the heart of California with an exotic mix of Chinese, Filipino, and Spanish blood. My career began in 2013 as a professional BDSM player at a local dungeon in Los Angeles, and created a solid foundation for My knowledge of Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, and Sado-Masochism. As a Dominant Mistress, My greatest joy is watching you transform into the most humble and genuine submissive with PURPOSE.
I am currently accepting select in-person sessions in Los Angeles as well as remote online text, phone, and cam sessions to play with My regulars and kinky newbies around the world. While I’m not playing, I am renovating My Home like many others during this lockdown time, and will be releasing the makeovers on my YouTube Channel [Youtube.com/c/DominaMara].
Due to the pandemic, My travels to the UK, Philippines, and Middle East were cancelled this 2020 and postponed until further notice. Sign up for My Newsletter via DOMINAMARA.COM to receive monthly updates on travel, Youtube videos, new photo sets, interviews, product releases, and other collaborations in the works.
