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Tag: Cuckold

  • Swingers Lifestyle Revealed: Our Unusual Relationship

    Swingers Lifestyle Revealed: Our Unusual Relationship

    Our relationship is a strange one. When people ask us what we like to do, we often need to take more thought than a “normal” couple would and censor the answer just a bit. We do enjoy things like drinking, dancing, going to movies, etc. But in the whole scheme of things, we are often bored by those normal activities. We found a lifestyle that better suits us. A lifestyle that allows us me meet fun, like-minded people, and to explore limitations within ourselves. We have an open relationship, or as some call us: swingers.

    My wife and I met when I was deployed to Germany for Operation Enduring Freedom. I am 12 years older than she is, and when we met she was only 18. She had only had one sexual experience to that point and it was not a good one. She had written off sex as something that people do, but that she would never enjoy. Once our relationship developed to that point, she realized that there was a lot of fun to be had that she had never tapped into, and I realized that I had awakened a side of her that she had never seen. I decided that I wanted her to be able to explore this new sexual fondness, so then began the conversations about whether to make this fantasy into a reality.

    Our first experience was with a single male. As awkward as it was, it made both of us realize that this is a lifestyle that we can both really enjoy. From that first experience, it has grown into an open relationship in which we both are able to play with couples or singles, alone or together. And even as most people do not understand it, after being in this lifestyle for over 8 years, we are closer than ever with one another. We love the new opportunities and adventures that this has given to us, but even more than that we cherish the new friendships that we have been able to make.

    Probably the most common question that we are asked is “how do you two make such an alternative lifestyle work?”. Our answer is actually the most obvious: honesty. We always tell each other what we are going, and make sure that the other is good with it. We help each other fulfill fantasies, and always share our experiences with one another. Rules have to be in place, always followed, and understanding that different situations can bring about different rules at any time. We have had a few bumps in the road, but overall we have had great experiences and wouldn’t want to live our lives any other way.

    Scott and Rachael

    Rachael is 27 and bi. Scott is 39 and straight. We have been married for a little over 6 years. We are on SLS at ohiocpl23 and Rachael has her Twitter https://twitter.com/sharedwife23

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  • Cuckold Relationships

    Cuckold Relationships

    As a couple gets comfortable with a cuckold lifestyle their sexual attitudes and activities often change.

    For the woman there is often a sense that sexual pleasure is something she has a right to enjoy.  The woman’s sense of sexual entitlement sometimes leads into her increasingly dominating her cuckold.  In contrast, the cuckold may feel sexual pleasure for him is secondary or something he has to earn.  The ways and type of sexual pleasures a cuckold earns is generally left to the woman.

    Some women may enjoy limiting the frequency or type of sexual pleasure that their cuckold has – some examples of this might be;

    • The cuckold must wear a condom when he is allowed to have sex with the woman even though she doesn’t use one with her other partner.
    • The cuckold is not allowed to ejaculate inside the woman as this privilege is reserved for her boyfriend/lover.  This rule is sometimes combined with the condom one so that the cuckold must stop having coitus before he ejaculates, withdraw and finish by masturbating while wearing the condom.
    • The woman no longer gives the cuckold oral sex even though she gives it freely to her lover and the cuckold must provide it to her whenever she wants.
    • The cuckold is restricted from having any regular sex with the woman.

    Many men find that their feelings of sexual arousal become heightened after becoming a cuckold.  Similarly their interest in sex becomes much more focused on their partner’s activities and pleasure.

    Over time the woman might find a regular boyfriend/lover whom they share a bond with.  At the same time, the cuckold may find ways of pleasing his lady apart from regular, penetrative sex.  For example, some cuckolds learn to give their lady a great massage or pedicure.  While the cuckolds have less traditional sex they sometimes learn to derive emotional pleasure from doing other sexual or non-sexual things for their wives/girlfriends.

    Some women may find that they enjoy having several boyfriend or lovers while others only want one extra partner at a time.

    One issue some women experience is that their boyfriend/lover wants to them leave or divorce themselves from their cuckold.  In these cases, the women often end the relationship.  To avoid this problem, it is best for the woman to make her status and intentions clear at the outset.  Some women actually seek out boyfriends/lovers who are married since they are much less likely to become demanding because they need to keep their activities secret.

    Other changes in the couples relationship might include:

    • The woman taking trips and vacations with her lover.  These might be trips where the lover accompanies the woman and cuckold.  For others, it usually means the woman goes off with her lover leaving her cuckold at home – usually to do chores.
    • At times, the cuckold might be required to seek out new potential boyfriends or lovers for the woman.
    • The cuckold sometimes chauffeurs the woman and her lover on a special date.

    Steve O: Emotional Responses in Cuckold Relationships

    Read Steve’s latest article on Cuckoldry & Pornography on SimplySxy.com!

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  • Initiation into Cuckoldry; for husbands and wives

    Initiation into Cuckoldry; for husbands and wives

    It is important to recognise, modern cuckold lifestyles are definitely a niche or fetish that isn’t for everyone.  Before a husband or wife approaches their spouse with the idea of using cuckoldry to spice up their marriage, they need to proceed slowly while guarding their mate’s feelings.  The way a couple’s participation in a cuckold lifestyle unfolds, where the husband initiates things, is generally very different than if the wife does.

    For Husbands

    For a husband, revealing his interest in being his wife’s cuckold can be risky as she may misinterpret his motivations and assume he has a hidden agenda.  When many women learn of their husband’s interest in cuckoldry, they become upset and assume that their husband is looking to get into “swinging”, break up their marriage, have an open relationship or even atone for his own infidelity.

    Before a husband mentions being a cuckold to his wife, he should carefully consider what it is about the cuckold lifestyle that he finds exciting.  Given the counterintuitive nature of being a cuckold, this self-reflection is important for several reasons.  Firstly, so the husband can better determine if he truly is ready to be an actual cuckold in real life.  There are several things he can do.

    He could try imagining his wife having sex with certain men he knows among his friends and/or co-workers.  He might find that the idea of certain men having sex with his wife is more arousing, distressful or objectionable than others.  He needs to understand that his wife might be attracted to men who are similar to him in appearance and personality or she might want someone who is very different from her husband.

    If the husband can understand his feelings, he can better adapt if or when his wife does accept a cuckold lifestyle and things don’t unfold the way he originally imagined.

    Another thing a man should try is imagining his wife going off on a “date” or having sex with another man when he is having sex or masturbating.  He will likely find that his fantasising will add greatly to his arousal.  After he has an orgasm, he should continue reflecting on how he would feel if his wife was having sex with someone else.  In this post-orgasm state he will likely feel more jealousy, resentment and other negative feelings.

    Riding the “Arousal Wave”

    It is important to recognize the emotional effect that sexual arousal has overall, especially on men and their sexual fantasies.  It is relatively easy for a man that is sexually aroused to enjoy kinky fantasies and fetishes, but once he has an orgasm, his interest and “openness” often diminishes or disappears along with his arousal.  Prior to having an orgasm, a man is riding on a wave of sexual excitement.  Once he has an orgasm, that “arousal wave” crashes down and his perspective is often radically changed when he has to deal with some hard realities.

    It is vitality important that the man learn to deal with and minimise the negative emotions he feels about being a cuckold when he is not aroused.  A simple way for him to do this is to keep fantasising about his wife being sexual with another man, both when he is aroused and then again right after he has an orgasm.

    Another technique a man can use to help him deal with cuckold-angst is reciting a “cuckold mantra”.  Here, the man thinks up a key phrase that is meaningful and repeats it silently to himself or aloud somewhere private.  The phrase should be something that the man finds a bit challenging to think about and say.  The mantra is then repeated 10-12 times at least twice a day.

    Examples:

    “My wife deserves more sexual pleasure than I can give her“,

    “I want my wife to have a well-endowed boyfriend who she fucks on a regular basis“.

    It might seem trivial but this technique is a kind of self-hypnosis that can really help a man partially overcome his negative feelings about being a cuckold.

    For Wives

    Women enjoy modern cuckoldry in different ways depending on their temperament and up-bringing.

    • For some, it is about breaking a taboo and being a wanton woman.
    • For others, it is about some form of exhibitionism where they have the starring role in an erotic production.
    • A fun way to dominate their cuckold.

    When a wife wants to discuss with her husband the idea of using cuckoldry in their marriage, she needs to think how her husband might react to the idea of being a cuckold.  Under no circumstances should she just reveal her cuckold fantasy to her husband without careful consideration since doing so to a man who is highly cuckold-adverse would make it extremely difficult to ever get him to change his mind.  Instead, she needs to think about his personality and what type of cuckold he might be; voyeuristic or submissive and then act accordingly when planning her next move.

    One thing a wife might do is to try and learn more about her husband’s sexual fantasies by being observant and snooping around.

    When she has sex with him, does she recall anything that happened that might reveal something about her husband’s sexual roadmap? For instance, does he often approach her to have sex when she wears certain lingerie?

    During this exploratory stage, the woman might try doing some new things sexually to see how her man reacts to them – like:

    •  Try seducing him in a setting or location outside the bedroom.
    •  Introduce the use of sex toys or a new sex toy to their lovemaking.
    •  Use explicit language to describe her sexual arousal or the pleasure she wants or is feeling.
    •  Purchase some new risqué lingerie and surprise her husband with it.
    • Describe to her man a sexual fantasy or dream she had, adding to it in ways that he might find exciting.
    •  Purchase or download sexual explicit videos that feature cuckold-related themes like a woman with two men, sexual promiscuous “soccer moms”…etc, to view with her man.

    The woman needs to pay attention to how aroused he becomes when they are doing something that is new and different from their regular sexual routine.  Anything else, the woman can learn about her man’s sexual “triggers” which can help her ease him into the idea of being her cuckold.

    In the next instalment, I will go over some ways a couple’s relationship can change once they become involved and comfortable with cuckoldry.

  • Ask Us – Steve O

    Ask Us – Steve O

    I come from a traditional Chinese family and upbringing and am constantly turned on by the thought of my wife with another man but I fear that she might be offended and disgusted. How do you suggest I approach this? – Repressed

    Mr. Repressed,

    Many men let their sexual arousal and fantasies cloud their thinking but your concerns about your wife’s feelings shows that you are ready to approach things with a good balance between your sexual desires and practicality bravo!!

    Yes some women might feel their husband’s fantasizing about them being with another man is a way of separating from the marriage or gaining their own sexual freedom in an open marriage.

    I would suggest you think carefully about why you find the idea of being a cuckold arousing and then consider things from your wife’s point of view to see if you can find things that she would enjoy about such a lifestyle. After careful consideration you might come up with some ideas.

    Also try purchasing some adult videos that feature “cheating wife” scenarios to watch with your wife.
    When you do decide to reveal your kinky interest in being a cuckold to your wife do so only when she is sexually aroused and more likely to be receptive kinky ideas.

    Is sex the only reason for a cuckold lifestyle? What really happens when emotions come into play? – Danny

    Danny,

    You raise a good point that I will cover in another instalment but it is worth going over here.

    For some women a hot-wife lifestyle is all about breaking taboos by having hot sex with other men. These women enjoy “recreational” sex outside their marriages but nothing more. Other wives enjoy having a boyfriend in addition to a husband. They have one primary extra-marital partner and develop a “part time” relationship with him but there does need to be boundaries.

    Some women actual seek out extra-marital partners who are married because these men are much less likely to want a deeper relationship.

    Before a wife has her first extra-marital encounter it is important that the couple discuss “boundaries”. It is often advisable that the couple draw up a “cuckold contract” together where the wife and husband specify expectations, limits and requirements for both.

    If you have a question for Steve O, drop him a question at our Ask Us page and he will gladly answer it for you.

  • Emotional Responses in Cuckold Relationships

    Emotional Responses in Cuckold Relationships

    The emotions in cuckold relationships are usually complex and can be at times intense.  In order to prevent problems, both the man and woman need to learn to first carefully consider their emotions and discuss things prior to doing anything and on a regular basis as they immerse themselves in this special lifestyle.

    The woman must reconcile her societal conditioning.  Most women have been raised to be “good girls”, meaning they were expected to suppress their sexuality and enjoyment of sexual pleasures.  The cuckold should make it clear to the woman that he accepts and supports the sensual and sexual pleasure she enjoys outside their relationship while he remains faithful to her.  This is important for most women so they do not feel the guilt associated with what they would normally perceive as infidelity, and so they can fully enjoy their sexual freedom.  In some cases, special consideration must be given to help the woman overcome her good-girl conditioning.

    Virtually all cuckold men experience a varied set of emotions that often leaves them feeling conflicted about their situation.  Many men bounce between several different emotional states as they ponder their situation – arousal, fear, guilt, humiliation, jealousy, regret, shame, submissiveness.  This is one reason that couples should not rush into doing anything.  The novice cuckold needs time to adjust emotionally to his conflicted feelings.

    This rich set of emotions the man experiences is known as “cuckold angst” which many men actually learn to appreciate.  For other men, special consideration is needed to help them overcome the negative emotions they experience.   It is important to recognize the important role a modern cuckold can have in a woman’s life. He can be her life mate, helper, confidante and servant.  His most valuable trait is his willingness to support the woman emotionally, sexually and sensually in addition to being faithful to he while she enjoys her sexual freedom.  To most, he appears to be a typical husband/boyfriend but to her he is an invaluable part of her life.

    In the next installment I will review some key lifestyle terminology and cuckold sub-categories.

  • Modern Cuckoldry

    Modern Cuckoldry

    How and why a couple gets involved with a cuckold lifestyle are quite varied.  Below are a few of the pathways couples typical take into this lifestyle.

    Man initiated

    Firstly, some husbands (boyfriends) initiate things as part of a sexual fantasy about seeing their partner with another man.  These men mention their unusual fantasy to their partner and the woman reacts to it.  Quite often the woman become upset with the man.  She wonders if he is in some way rejecting her or looking to go outside their relationship himself.

    There are also men who become attracted to some type of cuckold lifestyle as they age and have less sexual stamina.  The husband who is 50-something finds he cannot get an erection as easily as he did in the past.  Some men develop a secret cuckold fantasy that is partly based on their voyeuristic interests and partly because they feel guilty that they cannot satisfy their wife.

    In any case, after resisting the man’s idea, some women change their mind when the right situation and man becomes available.  Eventually she becomes curious by the idea of having her existing relationship combined with the freedom to indulge herself while her partner remains faithful to her.

    Sometimes what was originally the man’s fantasy grows into a very different reality.

    Woman Initiated

    Less often the woman suggests introducing cuckoldry into the relationship for one reason or another.

    There are many motivating factors for a woman in a marriage that includes cuckold benefits.  The first and foremost is sexual variety but also having a marriage/relationship that is unequal in her favour with respect to sexual pleasure and freedom.

    Some of the typical motivations women have for initiating or trying a cuckold lifestyle are:

    • Breaking a taboo
    • Enjoying some sexual romance and adventure
    • Humiliating her husband or boyfriend
    • Being the centre of attention (i.e. Queen Bee)
    • Satisfying her sexual desires
    • Indulging in some form of exhibitionism

    A small number of women in “the lifestyle” only engage in extra-marital sex with partners that are exclusively female.  In these situations the women either enjoy their bisexuality or are sometimes actual lesbians who want to have a traditional marriage with a man but also enjoy indulge their innate desires.  The important factor here is that the husband must remain faithful to the marriage and his partner while she enjoys herself with female partners.

    The Cheating Woman

    For some women, they have never accepted the idea of being in a monogamous relationship; cuckoldry just seems natural to them.  Other women just crave variety, adventure or enjoy breaking a taboo.

    The trick for the woman who is “cheating” is converting the relationship and her man into a modern cuckold while avoiding any problems.

    Swingers

    Some couples that are into the swinger scene gravitate to cuckoldry in a gradual process.  As the man gets older, his sexual energies begin to wane while the woman’s sexual appetite remains the same or increases with age.  Quite often these couple make a slow transition to cuckoldry.

    Older Couples

    There are very traditional couples who, beginning in this lifestyle, start when they are in their fifties or older.  This occurs when a menopausal woman takes hormone replacement therapy (HRT) to combat hot-flashes and osteoporosis.  A side effect of this medication is a huge boost to the woman’s libido right when her man’s sexual prowess is diminishing.

    In these circumstances, the woman find herself sexually frustrated and unfulfilled while the man becomes depressed with his inability to satisfy the her.  Quite often both partners are relieved when they work out a cuckold-related arrangement.

    Second, Third… Marriages

    There are women who go through one or more tumultuous marriages and divorces before marrying the “right guy” or a “nice man”.  After some time in their new marriage these women find that something is missing in their marriage; that they crave a “bad boy”.  These women need to seek out men for sex that is completely different from their “ideal” husband.  Some women “back-slide” and call on their ex-husbands to provide them with the sexual satisfaction their nice ones can’t give her.  Overtime these women find that having a modern cuckold relationship works best for them.

    It is important to recognize that no two couples or situations are exactly alike.  There are literally limitless ways in which couples can engage in some form of cuckold lifestyle.

    The historical definition of a cuckold is a man whose wife is unfaithful and becomes pregnant by another man.  This breech of fidelity was considered very scandalous.  In many cases, the cuckold man did not know about his wife’s dalliances and the factor that an illegitimate heir was being raised in his house.

    In some cases, these old style cuckolds chose to ignore their cuckold status and remained silent about the wife’s infidelity.  If a woman’s actions did become public, the consequences for her were often dire.

    In modern cuckoldry, the husband (or boyfriend) is fully aware of his status and what his lady is doing.  In most instances, the cuckold’s direct knowledge of his lady’s activities is an important part of her enjoyment of the lifestyle.

    The following are factors that may help women enjoy their sexual freedom in a cuckold relationship:

    • Opportunity;  Now that more women are working outside their homes, they are often  provided with many more opportunities to meet men, travel for business …etc.
    • Sexual Advantage;  It is relatively easy for a woman to meet and attract men of her choice.  Using her flirtation skills, even a woman wearing a wedding band can attract men to her in many social situations.
    • Carnal Capacity;  The typical woman has a greater capacity to enjoy sex than a man. Many women are multi-orgasmic while men generally are not.

    Since modern cuckoldry is a taboo or fringe lifestyle, there are many practical matters that the woman and cuckold must address, like privacy.  Very few women would want their family, friends, neighbours or co-workers to know about their special lifestyle.  The couple should consider how they will protect their privacy with respect to their new lifestyle.

    No matter how things develop, it is important that a couple discusses things openly and not rush into anything.  For instance, some men may have a cuckold fantasy but are not ready for the reality of accepting their wife having extra-marital sex.  It is best to start slow.  Many cuckold-wanna-be men can quickly be overcome with their emotions which can cause problems.  Similarly, women can be overwhelmed with feelings of guilt or regret for wanting to try or actually having an encounter outside her normal relationship.

    When a couple decides they are ready to take the plunge into cuckoldry, there are things to consider in avoiding potential problems;

    • Prior to her engaging with another partner, the couple should discuss various scenarios that they both find arousing.  They should even go to a public place like a shopping mall where they pick out pretend partners for her to enjoy.  Looking out over a crowd, the husband would point out a man walking by to the woman.  She would then rate his selection.  She in turn would then pick out someone walking by that she though was desirable.  Each time, the woman would explain what she found attractive or unattractive in each selection.

    Doing this types of mental exercises will help prepare the man and the woman for the real thing:

    • The woman picks out a sex toy and has her man use it on her.  Before starting, the woman should give the sex toy a masculine name like “Andre” and tell her man about it.  She should tell her man that she is in the mood for some fun and to get Andre.  If needed, the woman should also instruct the man to prepare the sex toy by washing it and applying any necessary lubricant.  While she enjoys the sex toy she should occasionally say things to taunt the man like “Oh Andre, that feels so good”.  Even though this type of play acting might seem silly it really isn’t.  This is an exercise that exposes the man (cuckold-in-training) to being a cuckold-by-proxy where the woman is being pleasure by another “man”.
    • Draw up a cuckold contract to defined boundaries, requirements and expectations for both the husband and the wife.  One rule often defined in these agreements is that the woman will break-off any relationship in which if she begins developing deeper feelings of attachment for the other man.
    • The woman’s first extra-marital encounter is very important.  In all cases her physical and emotional safety must be a priority.
    • The husband’s (boyfriend’s) direct involvement and presence during the woman’s first encounter should be avoided in case he isn’t yet ready for the intensity of the event.  Overall, the cuckolds level of involvement with the woman’s activities is something to be considered and discussed before doing anything.

    One important aspect of almost all cuckold relationships is the way the woman keeps the cuckold connected and engaged with her sexuality while she enjoys her freedom outside their relationship.  The following are some examples of how a woman keeps her cuckold involved with her sexuality:

    • Telling him about an upcoming encounter she has planned or about a man she is interested in.
    • Have him help her prepare for a “date” with another man.  This can include taking her shopping for special clothes and lingerie.  Helping her bathe and dress for the date…etc.  Making it his job to put condoms, lube…etc in her purse before she leaves for her date.
    • After her date, tell him all about the other man, where they went and what they did including some of the sexual pleasures she enjoyed.
    • Tell him about any future dates she has or men she is interested in dating.
    • Sending her husband photos from her cell phone of things she does on a “date”.
    • Encourage her cuckold to express his feelings and concerns so she can address them.
    • Allowing him to meet her date and eventually watch her having sex with this other man.  Not all women are comfortable with this, especially early on.
    • Have the cuckold approach men she is interested in seeing to ask them if they would like to have a “date” with the woman.

    A woman keeping her cuckold man engaged with her in various ways is important to both maintain their relationship and ally his fears of losing her or their relationship.  This also helps engage one of the motivating factors for a cuckold – voyeurism, even if it is limited to just knowing that the woman is having an encounter with another man.

    Once a couple adopts a cuckold lifestyle they often find that their motivations and interests in it change over time.  For example, a wife that was at first only looking for sexual variety might slowly begin to dominate her cuckold in some ways.

    In the next instalment I will review some of the expected and unexpected issues that a couple might face as well as the emotional side to cuckoldry.

    Read Steve’s latest article on Cuckoldry & Pornography on SimplySxy.com!