Author: SimplySxy Editorial Team

Murphy’s Law on Sex. Are you feeling lucky?
Most people are familiar with Murphy’s Law that is commonly mentioned as Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. We at Simply Sxy came across a list of Murphy’s Law on Sex. Enjoy reading them for a good laugh if you have not seen them before!
1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
2. Nothing improves with age.
3. No matter how many times you’ve had it, if it’s offered take it, because it’ll never be quite the same again.
4. Sex has no calories.
5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
7. Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got.
8. No sex with anyone in the same office.
9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.
11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
12. Virginity can be cured.
13. When a man’s wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can’t stand years later.
16. Sex is dirty only if it’s done right.
17. It is always the wrong time of month.
18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either.
21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night – Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
22. The younger the better.
23. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
26. Before you find your handsome prince, you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs.
27. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
28. Love your neighbor, but don’t get caught.
29. Love is a hole in the heart.
30. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
31. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
32. Do it only with the best.
33. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
34. One good turn gets most of the blankets.
35. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
36. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
37. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
38. Thou shalt not commit adultery…..unless in the mood.
39. Never lie down with a woman who’s got more troubles than you.
40. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
41. Never argue with a women when she’s tired — or rested.
42. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn’t.
43. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
44. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
45. Never say no.
46. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn’t love her.
47. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
48. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
49. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
50. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
51. Love comes in spurts.
52. The world does not revolve on an axis.
53. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
54. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
55. Don’t do it if you can’t keep it up.
56. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
57. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
58. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
59. “This won’t hurt, I promise.”
November 14, 2013
40 Mistakes Men Make While Having Sex With Women – Part 1

One of the gripes many women have with men is that men do not know what a women wants, especially when it comes to sex. Not enough foreplay, being too rough, fumbling while removing her bra are some of the common ones we have heard. Thankfully, we found a rather complete list which some of the points seem pretty relevant. Here’s the first 20 with more to come.

Ladies, do you agree with the list and gentlemen, are you guilty of anyone of them? We will like to hear your comments!

1) NOT KISSING FIRST
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you’re paying by the hour and trying to get your money’s worth by cutting out non-essentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there’s a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you’re trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake repeatedly across your partner’s face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it’s not passion, it’s avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

5) BITING HER NIPPLES
Why do men fasten onto a woman’s nipples, then clamp down like they’re trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can’t stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they’re a doggie toy, isn’t.

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you’re trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you’ve ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you’re going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT
Condom disposal is the man’s responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK
Women, unlike men, don’t pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she’s not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid’s toy.

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it’s all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you’re trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you’re not careful, it can hurt so don’t get carried away. It’s best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior ofher vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY
You’re attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY
Don’t force the issue by stripping before she’s at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it’s just undoing a couple of buttons.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST
A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.

18) GOING TOO FAST
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool – she’ll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly,with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

19) GOING TOO HARD
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

20) COMING TOO SOON
Every man’s fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

To be continued…

November 12, 2013
Toy Maker: Jimmyjane

Jimmyjane, Live Sexy.

HELLO TOUCH. GET YOURS TODAY AT SIMPLYSXYLIFE.

In the world of luxury vibrators, Jimmyjane is no stranger. Since their launch in 2004, they have been on the forefront of redefining the phrase “sexual wellbeing”. Born in San Francisco, Jimmyjane combines their proprietary technology with a design centric approach to the birth of sex toys.

Founded by Ethan Imboden who leveraged an integrated design philosophy together with acute business acumen, Jimmyjane has quickly evolved into a driving force in transforming the sex toy industry. With an emphasis that “everything should be beautifully designed”, it has really shined through in the toys which Jimmyjane produces.

Their products have received critical acclaim and won multiple design and adult lifestyle awards. It’s not surprising that at the recent 2013 AVN Awards, Jimmyjane walked away as the “Best Pleasure Product Manufacturer – Small”. While they might have a diverse product range offering beads, vibrators, lubricants to massage essentials, one of their most innovative sex toys on the market is the Hello Touch. Featured on Gizmodo which states that it “may be the best sex toy ever invented”. Well, we’ve tried and tested the Hello Touch, and it’s definitely something worth trying at least once.

Being committed to supporting healthy, playful and intelligent enjoyment of sexuality, we believe that Jimmyjane will continue to revolutionize the adult lifestyle market for decades to come.

November 5, 2013
INFOG: Secrets of good Erection

Secrets of good Erection. As the saying goes an elephant never forgets. Once you have read this, we are sure you will use these tips for a sexier time.

This infographic is brought to you by The Institute for the Study of Urologic Diseases (ISUD).

Explore more infographics like this one on the web’s largest information design community –Visually.

November 4, 2013
INFOG: Sex Fantasies

Researchers show that the best part of sex for ladies is foreplay. Guys prefer making their partner orgasm. Look at infographic below to see the preferences of your partner.

Explore more infographics like this one on the web’s largest information design community –Visually.

October 31, 2013
INFOG: Most Bizarre Male & Female Fetishes & Fantasies

For the most part, many fantasies and fetishes are normal and healthy. However, some take these desires to disgusting — and sometimes illegal — levels. Here are some of the most unusual things that turn people on.

Explore more infographics like this one on the web’s largest information design community – Visually.

October 30, 2013
Toy Maker: Fleshlight

So, what is a Fleshlight?

For the guy who indulges in male masturbation tools to simulate the feeling of being inside a woman’s vagina, the Fleshlight has been around for ages. But for the average guy on the street who fancies his hand more than anything else, you’d probably be thinking it lights up a dark room. Well, you’re almost right, the exterior casing resembles that of, you guessed it, an actual flashlight with a cap at the end that allows you to vary the amount of pressure you feel while being inside.

Made of medical and food grade, phthalate-free polymers, the Fleshlight’s insert is soft to touch and feels almost like real skin. Couple the experience with enough lube and it’s probably the closest feeling you’d get to being inside a woman. With multiple designs and textures within the “tunnel”, you’re always spoilt for choice and when you get bored, a simple switch of the insert is all you need. Did I mention that the Fleshlight is also super simple to clean and maintain?

Designed and marketed by Interactive Life Forms, Fleshlight has been around since 1998. Steve Shubin, the genius behind the Fleshlight was awarded the patent for a “device for discreet sperm collection”. Since then, Fleshlight has sold more than 6 million pieces worldwide and has expanded their product range to include a whole variety of pleasure products.

Taking things a step further than most other companies

, Fleshlight created a range of Fleshlight Girls and Fleshjacks which are custom-molded sleeves made from the exact molds of popular pornstars’ intimate parts. The vulva, mouth and anus exact replicas of your favourite pornstars simply for your entertainment. For those on the go, Fleshlight also comes in more discreet molds and even allows you to custom build your own model.

Fleshlight, the world’s #1 male masturbation tool, use it yourself or with your partner. It even works when she’s on her period.

October 29, 2013
How safe are my Toys?

A recent scare in Sweden prompted an investigation on sex toys after some were known to contain a toxic chemical called Phthalates. There have been many reported cases in recent years of children’s toys containing dangerous chemicals especially those produced in China. As China is the major exporter of sex toys, producing 70 percent for the world’s market, how are we certain that the materials used are safe for us to put into our bodies? If you are thinking of purchasing a toy or already own one, here are 5 tips you should follow for your safety.

Tip 1 – Buy “Phthalate-free” toys

Phthalates are a chemical used to make plastics more flexible and softer. They are banned in children’s toys but can be found in nail polish, adhesives, paint pigments and sealants. The United States Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) classifies Phthalates as a possible human carcinogen (cancer causing). Other studies have also linked Phthalates to infertility, reproductive issues, kidney and liver damage. A Greenpeace-TNO reported that seven out of eight sex toys contained more than one Phthalates in varying concentrations from 24 to 49 percent.

As no safety regulations currently exist for sex toys, packaging with “Phthalate-free” claims are unverified and might also be false. Nonetheless, looking out for it is a good place to begin.

Tip 2 – Do not buy soft toys that bend

Sex toys that are soft and bend easily are most likely to contain Phthalates. This check is particularly important especially if the packaging does not mention the materials used in producing the toy.

Tip 3 – Smell it

If the sex toy smells “rubbery”, unpleasant or similar to that of a “new car”, take it as a warning sign.

Tip 4 – Look for harder sex toys

To reduce the risk of exposure to Phthalates in your sex toys, buy toys that are made from silicon, Pyrex glass or stainless steel. Not only are these toys plastic free, they are also non-porous. Non-porous toys have a smooth and impermeable surface that does not have any tiny nooks for bacteria to hide in.

Tip 5 – Look out for quality through the branding

As 70 percent of the world’s sex toys are made in China, chances are the one which you are thinking of buying or already own comes from there. Beware of toys that are not of a household brand and are sold cheaply due to the low quality of materials used in manufacturing. Brands such as Lelo, OhMiBod, We-Vibe, JimmyJane, Nexus, B Swish, Fleshlight ensure a high level quality standard for their products. Your sex toy is going to give you all the fun you can get. Do not put your health at risk as a result of buying a toy just because it is cheap. Quality products are safer, last for years and leaves you stress-free to fully enjoy them.

Be Informed

Now that you have gone through our 5 buying tips, be sure to do your homework by reading up on the sex toy you are considering buying. This allows you to shop at ease to protect your body and your money.

October 27, 2013
Toy Maker: Tickler

Tickler, the rebel in the world of vibrators. They create vibrant, colourful and playful vibes that scream personality. The company’s main slogan, “Which Tickler Are You?” goes in line with their vision that every individual is unique with their own ideal toy. Hence leading to the development of six different ranges of vibrators. With over 15 different designs, you’ll never get bored of Tickler.

Founded in 2009 by a diverse group of people with the skills to create some of the finest sex toys in the world, Tickler has grown in both size and depth. The Swedish designer label is based in Stockholm and Shanghai and the brand creates fun and exciting vibrating toys. Their toys innovative designs means that it manages to hit even the most elusive places. Fully waterproof, Ticklers are built to be amazingly powerful despite their small size as one of our product reviewers found out first hand.
(You can read her review of the Curvy Rockettickler here).

While, International Tickler Day is still awhile away on the 23rd of June, owning a Tickler means you can enjoy it yourself or with a partner anytime of day. Tickler is available online in Asia at SimplySxyLife. You can also check out the full Tickler range at www.ticklervibes.com.

So, “Which Tickler Are You?”

October 22, 2013
Condom Tips
When it comes to sex, everyone wants to have the best time of their lives. Hence, it is better to be safe than sorry. Condoms are one of the best contraceptive options (99% effective) that can prevent unwanted pregnancies and STIs including HIV.

Below is a four step method to follow in ensuring proper use of a condom during sex.

Step 1

A condom must be put on first before coming into contact with the vagina, anus or mouth of the partner. Carefully open the wrapper from the jagged edges and take out the condom. Never rip it open or use your teeth as this might cause the condom to tear.

Step 2

Place the condom with the tip pointing upwards on top of the penis. Check that the condom is in the right direction so that it can be rolled downwards. Squeeze the entire reservoir tip of the condom gently (to remove the air) and roll it down the shaft of the erect penis.

Note that you have put it on backwards, throw it away and use a new one as the pre-cum will have already come into contact with the condom and flipping it over may cause pregnancy.

For men who are uncircumcised, make sure you pull back the foreskin before putting on the condom.

Step 3

Apply lubricant over the condom if necessary. This helps to protect the condom from damages and also ensures smooth entry into the vagina. Some lubricants also contain spermicides which can help to reduce any risk of pregnancy.

Remember never to apply oil-based lubricants as they can cause the condom to breakdown. Always use water-based lubricants.

Step 4

After ejaculation during sex, hold the condom at the base of the penis and withdraw it from the vagina. This is to ensure that the condom is not left inside the vagina of the lady. To remove the condom, hold the base and gently roll it off. Tie it up, wrap it in tissue paper and dispose into a waste bin.

Extra tips for a more enjoyable experience
- Ensure that the condoms are kept in a cool dry place. Heat and sunlight can cause the latex to break so do not leave the condoms in a car or in a wallet.
- Check the condom for its expiry before usage. Throw away any condoms past their expiry date.
- During sex, check occasionally for any tears on the condom or if it has slipped off the penis and dislodged in the vagina.
- Applying lubricant into the tip of the condom before putting it on helps to avoid breakage and enhances the pleasure for men.
- Replace condoms if switching from vaginal to anal sex or vice versa. This reduces the risk of infection.
- Practice wearing a condom if you have never done so before. Condoms are easy to use with practice and experience.
This article is brought to you by SimplySxyLife. You can purchase Durex condoms for 70cents a piece here
October 20, 2013