What isn’t BDSM?
Let’s clear some of the biggest myths around BDSM.
What are the top 5 Myths in BDSM?
#Myth 1: BDSM is a Fetish
BDSM is not a fetish. It’s an erotic behaviour or kink. A fetish is admiring something that not exclusively sexual but has erotic stimulating qualities. For example these days one of the most popular fetishes is foot fetish. Feet aren’t sexy for most people, but for someone with a foot fetish, they can quickly become the object of desire.
#Myth 2: BDSM is Uncommon
BDSM might be a taboo, but it’s far from rare. Especially since 2015 when the movie 50 Shades of Grey stormed into our lives. Durex survey revealed that out of five participants, one has already been engaged in some form of light bondage during sex. These numbers have shown a respective 37% in the U.K and 35% in the U.S. Not surprisingly the same number is around 65% with people fantasise to try it.
#Myth 3 People are always Submissive or Dominant
In BDSM the fulfilment requires having both roles during the role-play. In these scenes, the Dominant (or Dom/Top/Master) will have the power over the submissive. The Dom can humiliate, punish, control or reward the Submissive (Sub/Slave/Bottom) depending on how much they able to meet the Dom’s expectations. During these power-mind-games, both will have tremendous pleasure, sexual arousal and satisfaction from the power dynamic. A good D/S relationship when both meet their human need. The Dominant being powerful and significant. The submissive being in service and contributing to her/his Master’s pleasure and well-being.
However, bare in mind that if one relationship you act Dominant does not mean you have an overall Dom personality. Usually, dominant people like to stay in control, and submissive people like to obey and serve, so it’s a win-win. Individuals who are enjoying variety could switch from one role to another. These people love the mental challenge to expand their erotic boundaries. This type called: Switch.
#Myth 4 It’s all about abuse and pain
Rightly sadist and masochist can be these cases. However, most kinkers in the BDSM community mainly involved some for of bondage and D/S games. BDSM sex should be a situation where you can’t wait to see your partner to give or receive sensations. Create a fun, playful, naughty and erotically exciting sexual playground where people free to express their deepest desires to one other. It never should hurt, unless someone gets turned on by pain.
# Myth 5 It’s all about Sex
BDSM is rarely about sex. It might contain the element of sexual activities, but it’s not the payoff. Sometimes you can feel sexually so stimulated by certain scenes, mind-fucking manipulations that it would feel intimate, almost as good as having an orgasm without an actual ejaculation. Some people say it can be better than traditional sex. Only one way to find out if that’s true for you – try some BDSM sex tonight!
What’s all about the BDSM clothing?
There are a lot of hot kinky materials that stimulate the skin, such as rubber, latex, leather or wearing sexy uniforms such as school girl, nurse or dominatrix. Cross-dressing also a fun way to explore some of your kinkier sides. The term stands for cloth swapping. Example: Your man would like to wear your lingerie, stockings, panties or whatever he fancies during sex. Put some lipstick, make-up or wig on. Why not? It’s no harm to explore new things in the bedroom. Remember it just play, an act. You could become anyone you want to be for an hour or two. Who would you be?
Who practices BDSM sex can’t enjoy Vanilla Sex?
Vanilla sex refers to ordinary (aka traditional) sex.
Trying BDSM sex is like topping up your vanilla ice-cream with some chocolate sprinkles or syrup. You can add on the ice-cream or leave it. Both way you could enjoy the ice-cream right? The same applies to BDSM sex. In my opinion who practise any form of BDSM just has a wider range of colours to paint in the bedroom. Giving more sensations, attention and pleasure to their partner by respect and understand their true sexual desires.
Alexandra Holovitz is a tantric sex coach & hypnotherapist. She is known for her honest, passionate and authentic coaching style.
She works with high achieving men in their 40′ helping them to heal, express and empower thought tantra, mindset and self-compassion.
She believes in holistic healing (mind-body-soul) and by awakening sexual energy to thrive in life and business with deep connection, love and sexual liberation!
You can learn more about her work at www.alexandra.guru and connect with her via Instagram.
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