Kink is a massive part of my life, both professionally and personally. I believe that folks come to kink for all sorts of reasons, from satisfying deep primal urges, to healing, to spicing things up in the bedroom. All are valid ways of exploring connection, validation, and catharsis.
How My Interest In Kink Started
Probably when I was kidnapping and tying up my Barbies. This has been a part of my life as far back as I can remember, even though I may not have always had the opportunity to express it.
My Domme Style
My style is playful. I’m quite a chameleon, so I can deliver anything from severe to nurturing, but there is always an element of playfulness. I laugh and smile, no matter what the vibe. It’s because I’m enjoying myself, and that’s how I express it.
Transition To Virtual Domination Due To Covid
It was as natural as could be, despite the circumstances. I think the way I Dominate translates fairly well to providing online services. I’m perfectly fine with monologuing to a camera for an hour. And I believe I have a knack for making people feel comfortable, even if it’s through a computer. It’s certainly a lot more work. You have to be on your phone constantly.
Luckily, I’m very good at online marketing, consistency, and branding, which worked to my advantage. Difficulties for me ended setting up boundaries surrounding how much I work. It’s very easy for me to never stop working, especially so if I’m working from home.
The other difficulty is that many kinks don’t translate super well to video sessions. It was a learning curve to find the ones that really work well.
A Typical Virtual Domination Session
Virtual Domination allows you to keep in touch more often, so it’s actually advantangeous, I find, to making deep and long lasting connections. For my regulars, we keep in touch throughout the week via text (I use Niteflirt), with weekly sessions or content requests. Each sub is different, but I like to start my sessions with a bit of catching up and relaxing into each other.
I ask them to show me what implements/toys they have on-hand. The majority of the session, just like in-person, includes whatever kinks they would like to act out. Because I can’t touch them, what this looks like, is me telling them what to do to themselves. And then I also leave some time at the end to decompress and chat about the scene. I always ask what they are going to do when we hang up the call for aftercare.
Recommended Sessions For Virtual Domination
It really depends. Sometimes it just doesn’t feel the same when you’re doing it to yourself, even if a Dominatrix is ordering you to do it. Some folks are simply not into topping while submitting. Also, virtual sessions depend on what equipment/implements/toys/wardrobe the client has available to them. Sometimes you end up ordering to fuck themselves with a margarine covered banana, because there’s literally nothing else around. Not that you can’t do a session without implements, but for some kinks it’s more essential than others.
Impact play, or other pain play can be really great for some folks, but not the best for others. Asking people to deliever pain to themselves can sometimes be tricky territory. Keep checking in, and really encourage them to listen, and stay focussed. Just make sure that the client is somewhat experienced with using the item. Even with your supervision, they can end up hurting themselves by doing something incorrectly. This could be using a hairbrush for spanking, clothespins zippers, nipple clamps, CBT, wax, ice, stress positions, and more.
Pegging or strap-on play is usually a good go-to. Most people are familiar with fucking themselves with a dildo. This could mean orally, vaginally, or anally. A suction cup is helpful. From the other side, the Dom(me) can wear a strap-on to give them the visual.
Humiliation or any other verbal kinks works well, because touching isn’t necessarily required to make the kink feel “real”. Your dirty talk skills will really shine in a virtual setting.
Tease and denial is also a fun one, especially if they have a vibrator on hand, extra points if it has bluetooth technology so that you can operate it. E-stim similarly so. Count downs are a common thing in virtual sessions.
Sissification, feminization, bimbofication, dollification all work fairly well virtually, just as long as the client has some items to dress up into. Even if they don’t, the language surrounding these kinks can still be very salient.
Gagging can be useful for parts of the session, but it also takes away one of the ways to connect with each other, which is not always conducive, since you already have touch taken away. But, making people talk through gags and drool on themselves is always fun. Again, make sure that this is done safely, since you are not there in-person to help them if they start choking.
Fluid play can be done too, just as long as they’re into being ordered to consume their own fluids.
Lady Pim – A Professional Dominatrix and kink educator, working out of The Ritual Chamber in Toronto. She takes in-person sessions (currently on hiatus due to Covid-19), sells custom content, offers remote/virtual sessions, teaches on a variety of kinky topics, and conducts one-on-one kink consultations. She is also the host of the multiple award winning Bed Post Podcast, a sex/sexuality show which features interviews of sex workers, sex educators, and other sexy people.
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