I hold a liberal attitude towards sex and for me it brings immense pleasure, both physically and mentally. It can vary from a brief fun encounter to a deeply profound experience. Ecstatic happiness and very occasionally even sadness. I love the variety and am constantly surprised by experiences I encounter.
Sex and sexuality are highly individual and fluid states that change from day to day, week to week and year to year, influenced by a vast array of intrinsic and outside factors. For me it feels like a necessary and healthy part of my daily life and I’m lucky to get to devote a significant amount of attention and intention to the joys of seduction.
Getting Multiple Orgasms
I am very lucky that even when I started having sexual experiences in my teens, I found them extremely pleasurable. I remember being able to have quite intense orgasms. I probably have a mix of the right anatomy and the ability to focus on being present and connecting with the person. I actually have multiple orgasms on a very regular basis and have had clients be initially surprised and probably even skeptical about the waves of ecstasy that encompass me. They soon realise that my reactions are genuine (and probably a bit on the loud side much to my annoyance LOL).
Techniques For Orgasm Control
Controlling orgasms is only a recent interest of mine and it’s not what most people would expect. I’m trying to hold off and to be more present, especially early on in a ‘love making / fucking’ session. A tantric friend stared this journey of building me up to the point of orgasm and not letting me release – initially I was majorly annoyed as my body wanted the endorphin rush of the orgasm. But I found out that by holding off, the intensity and level of connection when release did come was often heightened even more. I didn’t think THAT was possible. LOL.
Techniques for orgasm control are the same techniques used in meditation and require a shift of focus and attention to the sensations that surround you. For example, as an orgasm becomes imminent, directing your attention for example on the shape of your lover’s body and really looking at their specific curves may shift your focus enough to stop your orgasm. Often of course you have to slow movement right down to decrease stimulation, otherwise your excitement will likely be too much. For men, adding pressure at the base of your cock (and squeezing your pelvic floor muscles) can be a good way to start exercising control.
Powerful Orgasms Through Orgasm Control
Sometimes the process of “holding off” can shift your focus so much that your arousal level drops and you need to build it up again. For men, this can occasionally mean losing your erection. With a bit of time and space to recover, it generally comes back.
Alternatively, holding off on an orgasm whilst maintaining a high level of arousal has led to the most earth shattering orgasms I have ever had, with waves that seem to roll over and over again. The first time can be a bit of a ‘what the hell was that?’ moment, especially for gents that have suffered with premature ejaculation issues. A prolonged orgasm that takes over your whole being and feels like it takes you to a higher level of consciousness – who doesn’t want to experience that?!
Practicing Orgasm Control
For solo travellers.
Masturbation is a good place to start with orgasm control as it can be trickier to do in the heat of the moment with a partner.
Be careful of over-stimulation: For guys this means choking your cock too hard as you masturbate and for women this can be an over reliance on vibrators. By using these methods of overstimulation, you desensitise the nerves around your erogenous zones and there is a feedback loop created where you can’t cum without this kind of heavy stimulation. As hard as it may be, you have to stop these techniques and get your body to re-learn what it is like to find pleasure in more sensual and gentle techniques.
Edging: When getting yourself off, as you feel your first orgasm getting close, suddenly stop and apply pressure at the base of your cock (if you are a guy) and squeeze your pelvic floor muscles.
Surfing: This is where as you get close to orgasm, you reduce the intensity / speed of your strokes / rub and allow yourself to remain at a higher level of intensity without ‘going over the edge’
Both edging and surfing can be repeated multiple times during a masturbation session and lead to stronger and more intense orgasms.
With a partner, the gist is generally the same except you are stimulating each other (and often yourselves). The beauty of having a partner present is that you can revel in the wonder of each other. I find my orgasms are always way more intense when shared with someone else. By myself I tend to cum once and I’m done. With a partner, the sky is the limit for me.
Tips To Make Sex Kinkier
Lets face it, sex begins with the mind, so starting the mental build up way before you get to the physicality of touching each other is paramount. Being open and willing to try new things with each other but with total respect for boundaries. Any specific kinks a person may have are best discussed well before a session. I sometimes like to ask a partner to write it down in a short story – it helps me figure out how they tick and to be honest I get off on reading about it. Writing it down takes away the feeling of being judged, so you tend to be a bit more honest.
Being open and willing to push your boundaries in a safe and trusting environment where both parties understand the meaning of stop when asked is imperative.
On my kink wish list is a sex swing complete with a stand. If anyone out there can recommend a good one please let me know.
Anya Sonder – I am a 30 something year old Adelaide based escort who is happy to travel upon arrangement. I provide a sensual, fun, intimate girlfriend experience with a kinky twist. I am deeply attracted to an intelligent mind and people who are passionate about life. I love working with clients who are new, shy, have had issues with sex and those who just love to indulge in pleasure. Take me out for dinner and let me explore your deepest fantasies. Follow Anya on
Scarlet Blue: www.scarletblue.com.au/escort/anya-sonder
Images courtesy of Anya Sonder
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