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The importance of masturbation in a marriage

Sex Ed

The importance of masturbation in a marriage

The couple that masturbates together stays together?

One of the biggest misconceptions people have in relationships is that your partner is going to know your body better than you know it yourself. But on the contrary, understanding your own body and how it functions sexually, including what feels good to you and how to achieve an orgasm, is what makes for better, more intimate sex with your partner. That’s one of the many reasons why masturbation—especially mutual masturbation—can help create better intimacy in a relationship or marriage, both sexual and emotional.

For many women who are married or in long-term relationships, the frustration of not having an orgasm during sex or even foreplay can cause a lack of enjoyment and intimacy problems in the relationship. The best way to discover how to have an orgasm is to masturbate on your own and see what feels good. For some women, this can change the sexual intimacy in a relationship dramatically. When a woman is able to have an orgasm with her partner, she releases oxytocin, a hormone responsible for feelings of love and bonding, which has been coined “the love hormone.” For men, solo masturbation can be a way of helping with problems concerning erectile dysfunction, stress release, and learning new techniques on how to prolong orgasm.

Once you have both spent time getting to know your own bodies, you can move on to mutual masturbation, which is a fantastic way to help your partner understand and learn what turns you on—and it can turn them on as well. This can be very erotic, sexually stimulating, and a fun way to add some spice to the relationship. The best way to start off masturbating mutually is to take turns achieving orgasm, really paying attention to your partners’ techniques and turn-ons. You can also do it at the same time, which may evolve into oral sex or some other form of pleasuring each other.

As relationships move forward, our bodies and minds change. What may have brought a person to orgasm in their 20s may be different from what turns that same person on in their 40s. Masturbating and finding new ways to stimulate yourself and then showing that to your partner—on a regular basis—can keep the sex passionate, intimate, and sizzling hot.

 This article has been republished with permission from Dr. Dawn Michael.

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Dr. Dawn Michael

Dawn is a Certified Clinical Sexologist and Intimacy Counselor. Her proven techniques have helped thousands of couples to not only improve their sex lives but the intimacy in their marriage as well. Promoting healthy sexuality and sex positive views for couples and individuals is one of Dawn’s passions. Dawn uses a holistic approach with her patients providing help with sexual dysfunction, age related sexual health, lack of desire and hormone related issues, working with other practitioners to find solutions to all sexual related problems.

Dawn is a public speaker and educator providing information on women’s and men’s sexual health issues. She is a professional member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) and The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS). Dawn is presently completing her doctoral studies at The Institute For Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.

A professional writer with several hundred published articles in the field of human sexuality, relationships, and sexual health. She has been a featured guest on the Ricki Lake show, Dr. Susan Block show, Playboy Radio, Howard Bragman radio, Houzz publications, Corset Magazine, Your Health Connection Magazine, PsychCentral, eHarmoney, Wellness and YourTango to name a few. Dawn is a writer for the L.A. Love & Marriage Examiner.

Get in touch with Dawn via email at


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