Time to whip ’em out, all you penis-bearing humans. Let’s see what you’re packing. No, we’re not going to have a dick-measuring contest. But, we will be measuring. Today, I’m going to present the proper technique for getting the most accurate measurement of a penis. A Google search will generate all sorts of sites that provide simple instructions on how to correctly measure a penis. However, there are differences that should be disregarded. What follows is a distillation of those techniques as edited by me based on personal experiences and observations.
Step 1: Gather the following items.
Ruler (or a measuring tape if the penis is obviously greater than a foot long)
Tailor’s measuring tape AND\OR A length of string
Step 2: Get Hard
However you go about it, it’s critical to achieve and maintain a full erection. For this reason, it’s ideal to wait until the penis is as erect as possible before taking measurements. For most, it takes a while for the penis to attain its greatest volume. It also helps to ensure the penis is going to remain stimulated when left unattended. In my case, once I move from stimulation to something as clinical as measuring my penis, I tend to soften up in a hurry.
Consider masturbating or having some form of penetrative sex for a good five minutes or so before grabbing the ruler. For those with penises that are growers instead of showers, stimulate the penis for as long as you know it takes to fill out completely. Once you know the penis is fully erect, you’re ready to proceed.
Step 3: Measure for Penis Length
A little debate exists as to how to measure for penis length, but the most prevalent technique is to lay a ruler lengthwise along the top of the shaft from the base to the tip of the penis. Most agree that the ruler should be pushed into the pubic bone, as fatty tissues can reduce the length of measurement.
Some contend that penis length should be measured from underneath. With a lot of men, there’s easily an extra half inch or more of length to be had. Some consider this cheating, but my experience provides evidence that measuring from underneath is more accurate. I’ve noted that the extra half inch I find when measuring my penile length from underneath can be the most potent half inch of my penis. However, sexual technique and body types factor in most to this theory.
For those penises with exaggerated curves—to the left, right, up, or down—use the tailor’s tape or string to measure instead. A ruler will not take an accurate measurement otherwise. Almost all agree that penis length should never be measured from the side. It’s too difficult to get an accurate measurement that way.
Step 4: Measure for Penis Girth
The girth of a penis is its circumference. The easiest way to measure for girth is with a tailor’s measuring tape. If you’ve ever been measured for a fitting or had a garment altered, you should be familiar with a tailor’s tape.
Simply wrap the tailor’s tape around the thickest part of the penis. The point where the tape meets back up with itself will provide the girth of the penis. Use care to ensure that you do not angle the tape as this will result in a greater measurement than is accurate.
Don’t have a tailor’s tape? Use a piece of string in the same manner, but use your thumb and forefinger to note the point where the string meets back up with itself. While keeping that point marked, straighten the string and measure the distance using the ruler.
Step 5: Measure for Penis Width
Not many sites mention measuring for penis width, but this is an important factor to consider and can be the most difficult measurement to discern. The sites that present how to determine the width offer a simple equation that many may remember from school as the formula for determining the diameter of a circle. The circumference of a circle divided by 3.14 (π) equals the diameter of the circle. This approach will work fine for those with a round penis, but many of us don’t have round shafts.
The top of my shaft is flat with only the slightest taper at the edges, while it is swollen and rounded on the underside. My girth is 5.75 inches. If I divide my girth by 3.14, the width of my penis should be 1.83 inches. This is an incorrect measurement, though, because of how my penis is shaped. Measured with a ruler perpendicularly across the thickest part of my shaft, my width is 2.25 inches. That’s quite a discrepancy from the application of the girth/3.14=width formula.
Step 6: Repeat, Repeat, Repeat
Penises are moody. Personally speaking, there are times of the day and times of the month at which I am prone to fuller erections than at others. To gain the most accurate measurements, it’s advisable to repeat the measurement process at least three times. Once in the morning, once around noon, and once in the evening is one such approach. Note the measurements each time, then add them together and divide them by the number of times you measured. This will give you an average that you can use as the final measurement.
There are reasons beyond machismo to measure a penis. One of the most practical reasons is in order to properly size condoms. Another reason is for the sizing of cock rings or chastity devices. It’s no fun to have to go to a hospital to have those removed when you realized you used an undersized one. Measuring a penis can also be a fun experience to share with a lover. I mean, who doesn’t like someone fiddling with their diddle?
There you have it. Pretty simple, huh? Armed with a ruler, tailor’s tape, and/or length of string you can ascertain your accurate size. For those with a penis at their disposal, happy measuring.
Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
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