How Doing Porn Cured My Shyness

Remember back at school there was always that one kid who had really messy hair, spent all her time in the library and was always a bit of a social outcast? Hello! That was me! I had my fringe covering up most of my face, braces, super thick glasses and my best friend was a cake. When I look back at my school photos, I can certainly say that I was an ugly duckling. I found it insanely hard to talk to people and I’d always void any awkward social interactions.

My family moved from the south of the UK to the north and that’s when things started to change. I decided I didn’t want to be part of the background anymore. I joined a volleyball club and during weekends, my family would go swimming together. I also started to watch what I ate with a bit more vigilance. It was tough but after shedding most of my puppy fat, getting my braces removed and having a haircut, I finally felt confident to say hello to the girl sitting next to me in my maths class.

How I looked before and after:

I made some really good friends by my final years in high school and felt confident enough to begin wearing skirts and dress in a more feminine way. However, I still wasn’t sure if I was doing it right. My mum would keep telling me how pretty I was getting but who believes it when their mum tells them that? This was also around the time I discovered Reddit; mostly to talk to people about comics and video games. Reddit is a sort of sharing platform/forum/everything-internet-sort of website, and it’s huge in the geek community.

My best friend was a big redditor and convinced me to post a picture up on “Asians next door”, a sub-reddit dedicated to homely Asian girls (as opposed to the super model kind.) I was really nervous taking that first photo, however the response I received was so positive and unexpected. People really liked my photo. I was getting compliments from random internet strangers, saying that they liked my face! I’d never gotten that kind of attention before and I felt on top of the world. For the next couple of months, I posted more pictures and it became really fun to check out people’s reactions.

My favourite part was replying to comments, saying thank yous and getting to know everyone. Some people would comment on all my posts and I felt like I’d made some really cool friends. It was also weird because we’d have conversations that spanned a couple of days due to the forum style’s comments. At some point, a fan suggested that I try webcam modeling. I’d never even heard of it before, terms such as camgirl were totally alien to me and I was a little bit apprehensive about what I would be doing. It seemed like a big jump to go from posting photos of myself to doing camshows, which seemed to revolve entirely around sex.

Camming didn’t turn out to be like that though, at least, not for me. I decided to just be myself and see what happens. It was just a step up, so now I could talk to people in real time. I was so nervous the first time and I had no idea what I should be doing or saying. I was thinking how should I be sexy? How should I pose? But I didn’t have to. I was just being my dorky and clumsy self.

People seemed to really like me. I did a dance, which I called a panty dance since I was in my underwear. It wasn’t sexy, no poles were involved, but I did manage to do the running man! Everyone was laughing, but they weren’t laughing at me, they were laughing with me. Honestly. I still can’t believe it sometimes. I come online, I talk about my day and see what everyone else has been up to. We talk about movies and books and games. I do get naked and do naughtier stuff, but that feels like a natural progression. Like a date. You get to know fans on cam so intimately.

I’m having fun and it’s such a thrill to flash my boobs or wiggle my bum. I’d never thought people would even want to see that! I still get nervous every night before my shows, but I know I have friends waiting for me. I’d noticed some girls who have also sold adult videos to their fans. I thought, why not me? It’s not so different from posting photos. But I wanted to do something more personal than regular porn. I felt like it had to be more personal because sex is really personal. I decided to start filming my sex life and making videos that excite me. It’s very different to the organized professional porn videos most people are familiar with. I only ever filmed with my real friends that I really care about, and trust (who also trust me with a video camera).

Eventually, I even put all this on my own website. It’s very simple because I’m terrible with technology yet it works and it’s fun being creative and trying to do everything myself.  I write a blog and share my life in words, pictures and video with my growing set of fans. The whole thing feels empowering. I am my own boss and it seems like I get paid for just living my life the way I would anyway.

I’m only a teenager and so I am still exploring and learning about my sexuality. I’m still pretty new to dating and my website and career have really helped me explore this side of myself. I find it therapeutic. My fans and I are always sharing tips on how to improve one’s love life. Some people have told me they don’t know how to categorize my work. Is it professional porn, is it amateur, am I just an out of control camgirl? The truth is, it’s just me. A girl who was super shy at school who managed to find herself and become a fulfilled, more confident person thanks to the internet, camming and making her own porn.

This is my first article for SimplySxy. If readers like it and are interested in my perspectives on love, sexuality, porn and femininity, I will be look forwarding to getting to know readers better and explore some juicy topics over the next few months. Please feel free to ask me questions in the comments section. What I love most about the internet is the two-way nature of media.

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