SimplySxy

Tag: Marriage

  • How Sex Toys Fit In Your Marriage: The Buzzing Happily Ever After

    How Sex Toys Fit In Your Marriage: The Buzzing Happily Ever After

    In a marriage, shared experiences, love, and challenges all play a role in keeping your connection intimate and strong. But it gets increasingly hard to create sparkling moments with each other when you have kids, jobs, and everyday worries. Funnily enough, one thing that is easier to arrange than a date night, a romantic getaway, or a crazy sex marathon is some playtime with a favorite sex toy. It doesn’t have to be big, it can definitely be discreet, and thanks to the robust functions of some of those baddies, it doesn’t require much time from 0 to a shared orgasm. 

    First, We Break The Sex Toy Taboo

    For years, sex toys were seen as a kind of taboo subject and were surrounded by a lot of misinformation. As people become more open about sexual health and wellness, these products are finally getting the recognition they deserve. It’s becoming more common for couples to use sex toys not just for their own pleasure but together, as a romantic or bonding experience or, dare we say, exercise.

    Rekindling the Spark

    Over time, relationships can become so predictable that there’s less sexual excitement, even though you’re comfortable with each other. Trying out new sex toys can help bring back that passion, that spark, that desire to explore one another..

    The Low/High Libido Drama

    There is no escaping the fact that, in most couples, one partner usually craves more physical intimacy than the other. This misalignment creates tension, stress, and problems with self-image – like “Does he want only for sex?” or “Am I not doing a good job in bed?” which aren’t true but are very toxic. 

    Sex toys solve that problem very effectively and can help when one partner has more of a sex drive than the other. 

    Exploring Together

    The world of sex toys is huge and has something to suit everyone. There’s no shortage of options when it comes to sex toys, whether you want to begin with simple vibrators or more intricate, app controlled or smart devices designed for couples. 

    Turn It Into Foreplay!

    Some couples like to go shopping together for sex toys, either online or in a store and that experience in itself is very sensual. It’s quality time that you spend looking into each other’s dirty minds, sharing ideas and looking forward to trying out different toys. 

    The More You Try, The Better

    Pick on, two, ten toys with a different sets of functions, try them on each others, see what works, what shape or vibration types makes your body – or bodies – click. 

    • Wearable Toys for Couples

    C-shaped vibrators and vibrating cock rings give her plenty of clit sitmualtion while helping him last longer.

    • Panty Vibrators for Date Nights

    App controlled or remote controlled little discreet buddies that hide in your underwear for very naughty public outings. 

    • Pegging Toys

    Strapless strapons distribute pleasure to both partners, but, in the hetero relationship scenario, puts the man in the receiving role – which is a interesting and intimate exploration. 

    • Pleasure-Enhancement Toys

    Butt plugs are not only cute and prepare you for anal play, but also can play a role in creating a double penetration sensations – very intense. Penis extenders, too, make him bigger and uncover a whole new horizon of sensations you can give and receive.

    Try evry little thing that makes you blush – remember, the best vibrators are those that work for your body.  

    Your Happily Ever After Sex Toys

    Bringing sex toys into your marriage is not about fixing something that’s broken – it’s about enhancing, building up, evolving. Many couples admit that introducing sex toys into their relationship was a game-changer, adding not a spark – a whole explosion to their shared sexual experiences, helping them explore their fantasies together. 

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  • Proven Tips That Will Make Your Marriage Happier And Stronger

    Proven Tips That Will Make Your Marriage Happier And Stronger

    It goes without saying that the honeymoon period in most relationships has a shelf life. Yes, there are some special couples that seem like they can keep it going for ages for little to no effort at all, but this isn’t the case.

    No matter what it looks like on the outside, if you want a healthy and happy marriage, you are going to need to work at it. And, getting it back to that honeymoon stage will require even more work.

    Of course, this doesn’t mean you can’t bring back those butterflies and feelings of excitement and anticipation. All marriages go through patches and some don’t even survive long enough to come out the other side. Despite that, there are many that do, but as was mentioned above, it does take work, industry insight, and dedication from both parties.

    Appreciation Is A Must

    If you are in a marriage that’s been going on for years, you’ve likely already experienced that drab stage. In fact, this is probably where you are at right now and how you found this page.

    It is easy for the passion to die down after years of repetitive motion. That passionate kiss when you walk through the door or see each other first thing in the morning turns into a simple peck on the cheek.

    Of course, there is nothing wrong with this, as sometimes that peck can be more meaningful and romantic than a smooch on the lips. You just have to make it that way. And, one of the best ways to do this is by constantly reminding yourself and your partner that you appreciate them.

    Even falling into a comfortable routine can be dangerous. You might be surprised to learn it, but half of the mean that cheat do so because of the emotional connection, not the sexual attraction of gratification. When you don’t feel connected to your partner or appreciated, you simply feel worthless or like you are going nowhere, working towards nothing.

    Whatever the situation is, it doesn’t have to be this way, even after years of routine. Find unique and different ways to make sure that each of you knows just how much you appreciate what the other does.

    Always Express Your Gratitude

    Speaking of appreciation, you have to always be willing to express your gratitude for the things that your partner does. Not only this, but your partner will need to return the favor.

    Hopefully, once you start thanking them for the things that they do, they’ll likely catch on a reciprocate. If you have to, sit down and make a list of the things that your partner has done or does on a daily basis.

    Does he get up and go to work every day for you and the kids? Does your wife keep your kids content and clean? Did one of you sacrifice being close to your family so that you could relocate for a job? Whatever and however little the act was, you need to make sure that you are acknowledging it. And, you want to do it before your partner has to point it out, otherwise, it is going to mean little to nothing.

    Keeping Things Interesting

    You can say thank you all you want. You can leave nice little romantic messages here and there, but if you aren’t actually taking your relationship to the next level, there will eventually be problems.

    Do you know how that morning or evening kiss can become routine? Well, sex can become routine as well. This is why Tim and Sandra from My Sex Toy Guide recommends incorporation sex toys into the bedroom. Sexual toys can be utilized by both men and women as well as used on both sexes, so no one should feel left out.

    These toys will not only open new and exciting possibilities in the bedroom, but they will take your satisfaction and contention to all-new heights and levels. Heights and levels that you’ve likely never experienced before if this is your first time.

    Keeping It Honest

    This one is pretty much a given, but it is without a doubt one of the hardest to practice.

    This is especially true when it comes to money. Have you maxed out all the credit cards when you and your spouse are looking for a permanent home? Maybe you’ve been hiding the monthly statements or avoiding the issue to keep it at bay.

    Well, this is certainly no way to deal with or approach the situation. You can bet actions like this will only come back to bite you later down the road. Eventually, your partner will discover something is going on. And, it doesn’t necessarily have to be related to money. It could be any number of things.

    Maybe you just aren’t feeling as connected to your partner as you used to. Whatever the situation is, you have to come out and express your true honest feelings because if something doesn’t change, it will eventually lead to infidelity or something worse.

    Keep Up Appearances

    Put on some weight? Maybe you aren’t dressing up or doing your hair as often. With many years and few kids under your belt, it’s pretty understandable as to how things like this can happen. And, that statement can go for men as well.

    Whatever the situation is, just think about when you first met your partner. Would you have walked around in stained sweatpants? Would you have even got close to him or her without cologne or perfume on, let along giving a peck with dirty teeth? The answer is more than likely no.

    Now, this is not to say that you need to undergo some big great transformation or you need to spend hours in the bathroom every day getting all dolled up. No, you just simply need to make an effort. And, let your partner know that you appreciate the effort they make by telling them that they look good before walking out the door, or simply come out and tell them that you appreciate the effort that they are putting towards their appearance and it is really working for them.

    Featured image from Shutterstock

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  • How Sleeping Apart Can Save Your Marriage

    How Sleeping Apart Can Save Your Marriage

    The image and idea of a couple sleeping together has long been one of the main symbols representing unity, content and happiness in a relationship. After all, if you can’t share the same bed, what is there that you can share?

    That’s the most popular opinion, at least. But what happens when sleeping together with your spouse becomes an inconvenience for one of you, or even both of you? Is it okay at that moment to opt out for separate beds, or even separate sleeping quarters? Still, most people you talk to would say absolutely not, and that does seem to be status quo nowadays.

    However, today I’m here to explain why I think that is prejudice and nothing more, and whether you sleep together or apart doesn’t have to affect in a negative way at all. In fact, I’m of the opinion that it can bring a lot of good things to your relationship, and here’s why.

    Snoring, Active Sleepers and Different Bedtimes

    Many people don’t know this, but back in the day of our grandparents it was perfectly normal for a married couple not to share a bed, and they did so for numerous reasons. My grandparents are a fine example of this; they’re one of the happiest couples I know going on their 50th wedding anniversary in a few years, and during 49 of those they’ve slept in separate beds. Why? Simple; my grandpa is an avid snorer, and it was simply impossible for my grandma to get a good night’s sleep in the same room as him, let alone in the same bed.

    Another reason why you might be considering sleeping apart is if one of you is what is called an active sleeper and has either done unintentional damage to the other person while unconscious, or is simply too frantic in his tosses and turns for their spouse to be able to stay asleep.

    And perhaps the most common one these days is simply that you work opposite shifts sometimes, and so your biorhythms differ either slightly or significantly. In such a situation, it’s really good to have separate sleeping quarters so that each of you can go to bed and get up at your convenience, without disturbing each other.

    Why Sleep is Important

    Most couples that go through this problem bare it for years before they realize they actually have a problem, and this is due to how the importance of sleep is vastly underestimated in this country. A recent study showed that a third of Americans are constantly sleep deprived, and this is having a detrimental effect on their health.

    A lack of sleep can lead to weight gain; it also messes with the insulin balance in your blood, raising the risk of diabetes and heart disease, and let’s not even begin to get into what it does to your mental focus and cognitive ability. Especially if you have children, being well-rested every day is paramount to conducting a successful romantic relationship.

    Your Sex Life Doesn’t Have to Suffer

    One of the most common reasons why people dislike the idea of sleeping apart is that they think their sex life will somehow diminish by doing so. And honestly, I really don’t see where people get this; the bed is far from the only place you can have sex.

    Furthermore, I think that not sleeping together can actually enhance your sex life by taking away the element of routine. You’re no longer sleeping in the same bed, so you can take the action to other parts of the house. Use the opportunity to get imaginative and bring some unpredictability into your sex life, because as we all know, you can never get enough of that.

    Summary

    So, as you can see, sleeping apart can actually be pretty beneficial to your marriage. The number one priority is that both of you are getting as much sleep as you need to deal with everything you need to deal with during the day, and some modern-day prejudice that says you’re a bad couple because of it should be just ignored and left behind. I hope this article has been helpful and I wish you the best of luck!

    Theresa Brawner – Theresa Brawner is a 28-year-old fitness instructor from Boston, MA, who writes articles for www.diet.st. in her free time. When she isn’t helping new moms get back in shape, you can find her in the kitchen, working on new recipes.

    Featured image courtesy of Theresa Brawner

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  • Is It Fine To Have Sex Before Marriage?

    Is It Fine To Have Sex Before Marriage?

    Does being sexually active needs to be only inside a marriage relationship? What happens if you have sex before you get married? This is a very controversial topic. A lot of things go into deciding what is ok and what is not.

    For everyone, sex comes with responsibilities. It does tend to emotionally bond you to the person you are physically active with, especially if you’re a woman. Women easily get emotionally attached on matters if that person is right or wrong. Once sex enters the equation, the relationship between two people, will be never the same.

    Sex plays a big role in marriage. Just like married couples may want to discuss children, religion, and where you both want to live after tying the knot, sex is too an important part of a relationship and it cannot be left to a by-chance situation. Having a sexual desire is normal and healthy; however it isn’t a good idea to not satisfy it and to wait until you get married. Many times, couples rush into marriage just to have sex as they do not want to indulge in premarital sex, which is a very bad idea for them. Things like proper use of birth control, self-respect, and respect for each other is a must.

    A person cannot be considered a bad person, just because he or she had sex before marriage. Not everyone is great in bed, and most people do not start out good at all but gradually learn with time and experience. Wanting to have a good sex life would only be possible if you listen to your partner and are able to respond accordingly. Not every newly married couple will be open about their sexual desires, fearing of what the other person may think of them. Meaningfulness in sex is a psychological matter, and related to the stability and happiness of any relationship and not only married life. Sex needs to be fully consensual and focused on pleasure for both the partners, whether married or premarital. Sexual compatibility matters a lot in married relationships, and bad sex, for many people, may lead them to think about ending their marriage. .

    While women are bold and empowered today. They are ready to embrace their sexuality, whereas the male mindset has hardly changed. The need of a virgin bride still holds on. In the earlier times, getting married was all about finding the right partner with a stable financial security with a respectful social status. These rules are not relevant any more. Today, men and women are experimental and want to be compatible with their partners in every way, emotional, physical or sexual. Young couples are more westernized, and do not find it to be incorrect to indulge in casual sex.

    The most important thing to keep in mind is that your sexuality is your own personal choice. Nobody should be allowed to give you directions on whom you should love and why. For just rushing into a marriage out of desperation to have sex that isn’t seen as sin, at times, may then lead to divorces.

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • Should we have sex before marriage to see if we are sexually compatible?

    Should we have sex before marriage to see if we are sexually compatible?

    Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com. 

    For today’s questions, we’re delighted to have sex educator Darleen Proud share her answer below.

    Should a couple have sex before marriage to see if they are sexually compatible?

    Absolutely! No one gets married thinking ‘Hey I’ll give it a go for a year or two and see how I feel’… Why would you go into any long term agreement without knowing what you are getting into?

    Sexual compatibility can make or break a relationship. In the old days couples did not have sex before marriage very often, it was forbidden. And surprisingly, very few divorces back then either. But how happy were the ladies? Did many of them enjoy sex? Did they have orgasms? The movie Hysteria suggests orgasms were something they went to the doctor for, to relieve hysteria…sexual frustration!

    Sexual compatibility can be tricky, sometimes the tiniest thing can tip a new partner the wrong way… perhaps one of you is a clean freak, and requires both parties to shower before sex. Maybe one of you hates oral sex and the other one loves it. What if you are into anal play and you find out your new partner will not go there? There is an endless list of differences and preferences that can make a massive impact on sexual satisfaction. Life is way too short for average or awful sex for the rest of your life!

    So yes, absolutely we should be taking the “try before you buy” approach to sex before marriage.

     

    Visit Darleen’s profile below and all the links to her website http://darleenproud.com/. 

    Her course for Guys who want to have sex more often…

    Coupon for 50% off her Udemy course – Bedroom Skills for Guys… become a legend in the bedroom.

    https://www.udemy.com/bedroom-skills-for-guys-become-a-legend-with-the-ladies/?couponCode=DPSS15

     

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • Is sex in your marriage getting boring and do new moms feel hornier after giving birth?

    Is sex in your marriage getting boring and do new moms feel hornier after giving birth?

    Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com. 

    We have collected your questions regarding sexual issues faced by married couples, and are delighted to have French Relationship and Sex Therapist France Licastro answer them below.

    Qn: What are some common problems married couples have with sex?

    Sexual communication is the common problem as women usually do not say what they like. Maybe bound by belief or shyness, and the men are not mind readers and cannot guess.

    For the men: the will to have more sex but often getting rejected by their partner.

    Qn: Are there signs a married couple can look out for that their sex lives are plateauing?

    The plateau is reached when women start to be bored with sex in general, and the men’s sexual needs are higher and the women‘s desire digress. The signs are when one wants sex and the other is not interested in either men or women.

    Qn: We’ve heard about married couples who have lost the spark in their sex lives after years of marriage and having children. How can they bring that spark back?

    Bring back the romance which starts during the day with genuine compliments via a small SMS, a sign of affection: holding somebody’s hand, giving kisses when coming back from work.

    Show gratefulness for any service done for each other such as taking the rubbish out or getting the washing done etc.

    Dress for each other.

    Qn: How can a couple resume physical intimacies after an affair?

    Intimacy is based on trust, and trust takes time to recover.

    Qn: Why are new moms so horny after birth?

    I have never heard of moms being horny after birth and if anything, it is the contrary. They are tired and busy with the baby that so often, the men are left for themselves when it come to sex.

    France Licastro is a French Relationship and Sex Therapist where she brings some of her French culture and helps people with issues in and out of the bedroom. She runs a private practice and gives interactive talks about relationship and sexuality on the Central Coast NSW Australia.

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • Mainland China, Family and Marriage

    Mainland China, Family and Marriage

    Marriage is an established institution pervasive in every culture, not even barring Chinese one. Tracking down its history, I notice that Confucianism plays a crucial role in influencing marriage choices, which leads to a focus of the social unit “family”. One may also have heard the proverb jia-he-wan-shi-xing (家和万事兴). It reads: a harmonious family results in success in everything. This core value that derives from Confucianism is dominant in Chinese culture including marriage. Alluding to the word “marriage”, I would like to explicate singly into heterosexual and homosexual cases, along with a brief background of heteronormative marriage in Chinese culture at the beginning.

    Historically, marriage is based on heteronormativity; that is, the basic institution of man and woman. The representation of Confucianism, in the philosophy Yin-Yang (阴阳), validates this conceptualization. Yin (阴)represents woman/femininity; Yang (阳)man/masculinity. In today’s Chinese society, when a man or a woman comes of age, marriage symbolizes success in one’s life. The proverb cheng-jia-li-ye (成家立业), which means “ marry and have a secure career”, substantiates this value. What is interesting, there are some crucial elements to actually manipulate such a marriage. It can also be said, children themselves have no one hundred percent freedom; some cultural values often intervene.

    The Chinese family prioritizes harmony. The word “harmony” in this context designates “filial piety”. It is always the parents who are most influential in the partner-choosing process. Li (2013:71) noted, children’s marriage is part of the parents’ life as well. I further observed parents always prioritize well-to-do prospective spouses. It does not really come as a surprise. Li affirmed, first comes money and then love (72). This phenomenon is considered a normal case to every single socio-economic landscape. Capitalism has been transforming our universal social values to focus on wealth. With regards to marriage, the spouse-to-be would be considered as a materialistic object. Love then remains marginalized as such.

    As for homosexual cases in marriage, there is not much difference between the social factors of “money” and “parental force”. The difference is the fact that in Chinese society, regardless of sexuality, children are expected to marry and have heteronormative marriages. In this case, parental force is significantly authoritative. As known, a substantial number of gay couples seek co-operative marriages and many decide to leave their hometown and their family to live on their own home with their same-sex partner(s). It is, nevertheless, not all pessimistic. Some parents, albeit still minority of the Chinese families, celebrate sexual diversity of gay children as seen in the documentary film “Mama Rainbow” (dir. Fan Popo, 2012).

    All in all, mechanism of marriage and family in mainland China is too deep into the Sino-philosophical principle “Confucianism”, for preference philosophy Yin-Yang. This core value is driven by capitalism, leading the culture into the materialistic juncture, while both “Confucianism” and “capitalism” are promoted by the government, the Chinese Communist Party. As Jackoben (2002) noted, “family values may be emphasized by states as a response to the perceived determining of family structure by capitalism”.

    I may end this issue here and next issue will be of more clarification of the ways in which the CCP have been manipulating the said factors. Happy reading!!! 🙂

    List of References

    Jacobean, Janet (2002) “Can Homosexuals End Western Civilization as We Know? Queer Globalization: Citizenship and the Afterlife of Colonialism. Arnaldo Cruz-Malate and Martin F.Manalansan IV.eds. 49-70 New York and London:New York University Press.

    Li, Yinhe (2013) “Money or Love Comes First?” Li Yinhe: My Social Investigation. Beijing: Zhonghuagongshang Press, 71-72.

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?  Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

     

  • The importance of masturbation in a marriage

    The importance of masturbation in a marriage

    The couple that masturbates together stays together?

    One of the biggest misconceptions people have in relationships is that your partner is going to know your body better than you know it yourself. But on the contrary, understanding your own body and how it functions sexually, including what feels good to you and how to achieve an orgasm, is what makes for better, more intimate sex with your partner. That’s one of the many reasons why masturbation—especially mutual masturbation—can help create better intimacy in a relationship or marriage, both sexual and emotional.

    For many women who are married or in long-term relationships, the frustration of not having an orgasm during sex or even foreplay can cause a lack of enjoyment and intimacy problems in the relationship. The best way to discover how to have an orgasm is to masturbate on your own and see what feels good. For some women, this can change the sexual intimacy in a relationship dramatically. When a woman is able to have an orgasm with her partner, she releases oxytocin, a hormone responsible for feelings of love and bonding, which has been coined “the love hormone.” For men, solo masturbation can be a way of helping with problems concerning erectile dysfunction, stress release, and learning new techniques on how to prolong orgasm.

    Once you have both spent time getting to know your own bodies, you can move on to mutual masturbation, which is a fantastic way to help your partner understand and learn what turns you on—and it can turn them on as well. This can be very erotic, sexually stimulating, and a fun way to add some spice to the relationship. The best way to start off masturbating mutually is to take turns achieving orgasm, really paying attention to your partners’ techniques and turn-ons. You can also do it at the same time, which may evolve into oral sex or some other form of pleasuring each other.

    As relationships move forward, our bodies and minds change. What may have brought a person to orgasm in their 20s may be different from what turns that same person on in their 40s. Masturbating and finding new ways to stimulate yourself and then showing that to your partner—on a regular basis—can keep the sex passionate, intimate, and sizzling hot.

     This article has been republished with permission from Dr. Dawn Michael.

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    Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com and we’ll love to hear from you!

     

  • Mainland China, Family and Marriage (Mock Up)

    Mainland China, Family and Marriage (Mock Up)

    Marriage is an established institution pervasive in every culture, not even barring Chinese one. Tracking down its history, I notice that Confucianism plays a crucial role in influencing marriage choices, which leads to a focus of the social unit “family”. One may also have heard the proverb jia-he-wan-shi-xing (家和万事兴). It reads: a harmonious family results in success in everything. This core value that derives from Confucianism is dominant in Chinese culture including marriage. Alluding to the word “marriage”, I would like to explicate singly into heterosexual and homosexual cases, along with a brief background of heteronormative marriage in Chinese culture at the beginning.

    Historically, marriage is based on heteronormativity; that is, the basic institution of man and woman. The representation of Confucianism, in the philosophy Yin-Yang (阴阳), validates this conceptualization. Yin (阴)represents woman/femininity; Yang (阳)man/masculinity. In today’s Chinese society, when a man or a woman comes of age, marriage symbolizes success in one’s life. The proverb cheng-jia-li-ye (成家立业), which means “ marry and have a secure career”, substantiates this value. What is interesting, there are some crucial elements to actually manipulate such a marriage. It can also be said, children themselves have no one hundred percent freedom; some cultural values often intervene.

    The Chinese family prioritizes harmony. The word “harmony” in this context designates “filial piety”. It is always the parents who are most influential in the partner-choosing process. Li (2013:71) noted, children’s marriage is part of the parents’ life as well. I further observed parents always prioritize well-to-do prospective spouses. It does not really come as a surprise. Li affirmed, first comes money and then love (72). This phenomenon is considered a normal case to every single socio-economic landscape. Capitalism has been transforming our universal social values to focus on wealth. With regards to marriage, the spouse-to-be would be considered as a materialistic object. Love then remains marginalized as such.

    As for homosexual cases in marriage, there is not much difference between the social factors of “money” and “parental force”. The difference is the fact that in Chinese society, regardless of sexuality, children are expected to marry and have heteronormative marriages. In this case, parental force is significantly authoritative. As known, a substantial number of gay couples seek co-operative marriages and many decide to leave their hometown and their family to live on their own home with their same-sex partner(s). It is, nevertheless, not all pessimistic. Some parents, albeit still minority of the Chinese families, celebrate sexual diversity of gay children as seen in the documentary film “Mama Rainbow” (dir. Fan Popo, 2012).

    All in all, mechanism of marriage and family in mainland China is too deep into the Sino-philosophical principle “Confucianism”, for preference philosophy Yin-Yang. This core value is driven by capitalism, leading the culture into the materialistic juncture. While both“Confucianism” and “capitalism” are promoted by the government, the Chinese Communist Party. As Jackoben (2002) noted, “family values may be emphasized by states as a response to the perceived determining of family structure by capitalism”.

    I may end this issue here and next issue will be of more clarification of the ways in which the CCP have been manipulating the said factors. Happy reading!!! 🙂

    List of References

    Jacobean, Janet (2002) “Can Homosexuals End Western Civilization as We Know? Queer Globalization: Citizenship and the Afterlife of Colonialism. Arnaldo Cruz-Malate and Martin F.Manalansan IV.eds. 49-70 New York and London:New York University Press.

    Li, Yinhe (2013) “Money or Love Comes First?” Li Yinhe: My Social Investigation. Beijing: Zhonghuagongshang Press, 71-72.

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?  Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

     

  • How Fifty Shades of Grey Saved My Marriage

    How Fifty Shades of Grey Saved My Marriage

    It was a beautiful hot summer day and my wife and I were driving to a local wine festival in our community. There was nothing particularly special about this day except for my wife’s willingness to visit the wine festival due to her not having a fondness for the taste of wine.

    Little Kaninchen and myself blend right into the crowd at events such as this. We are both in our early 40’s, athletic and both of us are successful professionals. Our children were just beginning to become mature enough that we could venture out without them in tow, just the two of us again. We hadn’t been on a date in ages, maybe even since pre-children, as sad as that truth may be.

    As we strolled from one winery to the next, tasting almost every wine imaginable, we began to relax from the everyday pressures of life in general. About halfway through the event, we steered for a large cluster of Clumped Birch trees that were running along the center edge of the festival. The trees were offering some desperately needed shade from the scorching summer sun.

    We laid on our backs in the cool shade cast below the Birch Trees, eating and drinking and laughing for almost an hour. It was the best time that I can remember having with my wife in years.

    And then suddenly out of nowhere my wife said that she was no longer happy in our marriage.

    LK and I have always been that ‘perfect couple’… I am sure that you have met others like ourselves, high school sweethearts that have been together since we were 15 years old and married at the tender age of only 18 years old. We were supposed to celebrate our 23rd wedding anniversary that year.

    For once I was completely speechless. I had thought that we had a wonderful marriage or at least a typical loving marriage.

    LK went on to explain that she had read a book and that the book had really spoken to her. She went on to confess that this book has given her the courage to be honest with me but even more importantly, that it has given her the courage to be honest with herself in regards to her true desires and the life that she wants to live.

    Again, speechless… I was certain that she had already planned, in great detail, her departure from our marriage without even allowing me a single opportunity to make things right.

    My normally well calculated thoughts were now in disarray and confused. Before I could even utter a word, LK went on to say that her repressed desires were to submit to me sexually. If I was in a state of confusion at the onset of this conversation I was completely disoriented now and was almost positive that she didn’t know what she was saying to me.

    I believe that quite possibly for the first time in our entire relationship LK had the floor, she was doing all of the talking with literally no response from myself.

    It would be revealed during this conversation that the book that encouraged my LK to confront her true desire of submission was none other than the popular Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. While reading FSOG she began to discover the many similarities between the main characters and herself.

    Little Kaninchen had spent most of her life trying to be what society would consider ‘a good girl’, which has an entire different meaning to us today.

    The FSOG trilogy was not a how-to guide for a BDSM relationship but it did allow her to be introduced to a non-judgmental world within the confines of it’s pages.

    My wife was drowning in our vanilla relationship that had become stagnant for many reasons over the years, all of which I will personally take responsibility for. Fifty Shades of Grey encouraged my wife to realize that she could confront the societal pressures and prejudice placed on what a loving relationship is supposed to look like. And more importantly what a ‘good wife’ is supposed to be.

    Mr. Fox

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