Personally, I love giving head. I consider myself to be pretty submissive in the D/s sense, and there is nothing I like more than servicing my partners. Giving a Dominant guy head is a giant turn on. But like with anything sexual, all parties need to be signed up for the same thing. Giving someone head when you’re both into it can be one of the hottest experiences but there is literally nothing worse than being pressured into giving head when you’re not up for it or receiving from an enthusiastic partner.
Preparation before giving a blowjob
Preparing to give someone a blow job can entail a couple of different things but really, you just have to be prepared to get messy. Drink some water, because you’re going to produce a ton of spit. I like to massage the sides of my neck and near my throat a bit to relax the muscles and my gag reflex. I tend to try and deepthroat my partners if they’re not too girthy and when I can manage it. Some warm tea just before doesn’t hurt! (Just try to avoid any herbal brands that carry essential oils like peppermint, chamomile or some other numbing agent)
Don’t ever miss these parts of his body
Well, not only ladies give head and it is really important to remember that everyone is different and likes different things. I really cannot stress enough how much talking to your partners before engaging in any kind of sexual experience plays into how hot it will end up being.
When I was shooting my blowjob clip with Owen, there was a lot of “Does that feel good? Am I covering my teeth enough?” and him responding eagerly with “Yes”, “Suck here, lick there”. Communication is so so important, even if it’s just a one time thing. If you’re receiving, you’ll probably feel a lot more relaxed if you feel like your partner knows what you like and if you’re giving, you’ll have a better understanding of what to do to make the receiver feel good and probably give a more confident blow job.
After all, isn’t that the point? The odds are that your partner knows their own body better than you do, so they’ll be able to tell you what feels good and where to stimulate. It just depends on who you’re with and how they like being touched. Personally, I’m all about some enthusiastic ass eating and sucking balls. I really like using my mouth to please people haha.
Kinky locations I’ve given a blowjob
I mean most of the places I’ve given head have been on cam or during shoots. I like the idea of being watched and told what a pretty slut I am as a role play scenario haha. I try to avoid public places. I’m super into consent and don’t like the idea of actually being arrested so I tend to keep my bedroom antics in the privacy of someone’s home. I’ve certainly given head in places I probably SHOULDN’T have…but those are stories I’m not sharing with the net!
Tips to make a guy go weak in the knees
Suck. The name is pretty misleading, just don’t blow. Round your lips over your teeth, relax your tongue before taking the cock into your mouth and then use it to massage the shaft while you move your head up and down. Suck the tip and keep your rhythm.
Planning on Touring through the UK and Europe for the month of October to shoot with FourChambers and hopefully some rubber fetish sites!
Article images courtesy of Nenetl Avirl
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My original view on squirting a little over a year ago was, “What is this sorcery?!” Then I read some how-to-squirt guides and after many failed attempts was left saying, “Is that even real?!” Frustrated, I gave up and chalked squirting up to being some mythical porn magic.
That is until I met Jace! When we first got together, we played a 21 questions game and he told me that his biggest turn on and fetish was squirting! Naturally, I panicked since I had tried and failed to do it, and all I want to do is please my partners. But Jace was up to the challenge to make me squirt for the first time.
He instructed me before we started to tell him when I felt the pressure like I had to go to the bathroom. He performed oral and started fingering me until he discovered the spot, and once he found it he just keep prodding it, which I didn’t mind at all. Once I let him know he pulled his fingers out but it was so fast I shot it all right in his face, it was a fairly impressive stream for my first experience. It shocked me and I was embarrassed, but Jace was far too proud and turned on to be worried about it.
Now I find it hard NOT to squirt when I masturbate or have sex, it turns me on so much and it is just the next step in orgasms!
Stimulation I require
At first I was only able to achieve a squirting orgasm after a lot of clitoral and G-spot stimulation together, which still is one of my favorite ways. I honestly didn’t think there was another way to do it, but I was wrong! One of my new favorite hobbies is finding out all the ways I can squirt and trying to beat my personal best of 15 times in a row. I’m thinking I should start to record some of the distances I squirt because I currently don’t even know what my record is.
In my scientific research, I have found that I can squirt from anal and clitoral stimulation, or clitorial stimulation alone. My most recent venture was with panty stuffing, which I found to be even more of a turn on. I can’t wait to find even more fun ways!
The bed does get messy though after I squirt…
My goodness does it ever! Squirting is just something I like to look at as a beautiful mess. I have started to lay down a towel to catch most of it when I know I am going to be squirting, but honestly sometimes it just happens and it’s a big oopsie. I try to be careful where I aim (when I can) as I have had a few accidents…
One time I killed a wireless keyboard and I’m still knocking on wood for my webcams’ safety. The worst one still to date, was when I was in my walk-in closet room, and hadn’t realized my roommates cat was under my bed. I still feel bad about that one.
My best suggestion for anyone who squirts is to lay down a towel or blanket if you don’t mind getting soaked. That and also moving all electronics and pets out of the ‘splash zone’.
Tips to achieve that elusive squirting orgasm
I myself was taught by my partner and I’m not really sure if I would have discovered the amazing feeling from squirting without him. One of the best techniques I’ve found is to stay super hydrated, so I drink glasses of water all day everyday. You’ll also find after a good squirt session that you’ll need/want even more water.
The next advice I can give is to explore your body and research the basic road map to the G-spot; every body is different but you’ll know you found that special spot. Then just keep stimulating it with your fingers, partner, or toy until you feel the pressure like you need to go, then remove your stimulant and push, and you should be squirting like a squirtle in no time!
My aspiration is to be a top 50 MVgirl, which is leading me to making sexy content daily and really thrilling members who have bought my snapchat and are getting sneak peeks!
Currently, I have a Fund Me project on ManyVids to fulfill my biggest fantasy to ride and squirt from two tentacles at once. Sexy details on rewards and that can be found here: manyvids.com/Profile/254749/lulubunniexoxo/fundme
I missed celebrating my birthday on cam, so instead I plan to throw a special prize balloon popping party very soon on chaturbate, if you don’t want to miss it, make sure to follow my twitter or even join my snapchat bros (a bro never let’s a bro miss a liveshow, never). Visit the rest of my profile and links to my social media and websites below!
Images courtesy of Lulu Bunnie Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!
My name is Isabell, to the outside world I’m a 31 year old Sales Rep from England, but behind closed doors I sell my used panties, photo sets and videos as well as a wide variety of more unusual fetish items. I am still fairly new to the panty selling scene, until 6 months ago I didn’t even know it existed. I was having a particularly wet and juicy day and my boyfriend said to me, “We should sell your panties, men would pay good money for panties as wet as yours.” The idea of it really turned me on and after a little research I decided to give it a go. I find the whole thing extremely sexy and arousing which ensures my clients are always satisfied with the panties I provide. I have acquired several regulars, both UK based and abroad and I am continuing to grow my client base on a weekly basis. I have recently become Panty Trust verified which provides the added reassurance that I am a genuine trusted panty seller and allows potential clients to read comments from others about my service before committing to buy. I have recently designed my own website which I will continue to improve in the coming months in order to make the whole buying process as simple and straight forward for my clients as possible.
I Love Sex
I am an extremely highly sexed person. I don’t believe sex to be about love I believe it to be about pleasure so for me, if a man can make your pussy tingle with a kiss to the neck or the mouth, then why wait?! I’ve never understood the whole 3 date rule thing; if you have a desire then as long as you’re not hurting anyone then just go for it. I wouldn’t say my sexual preferences are ordinary, in many people’s eyes they’re probably quite unusual. However, since I started selling my used panties, my eyes have been well and truly opened and I certainly wouldn’t say I have extraordinary sexual preferences, just a little wilder than most. There are so many different types of fetishes out there, some may say “disgusting”, but I say why not? I have yet to be asked for something that I think there’s no way I can bring myself to do that.
Can women fake orgasms well?
I think it’s easy to pull the wool over the eyes of a 1 night stand but a long term partner or a guy who is actually any good in bed would know in a heartbeat regardless as to how good of an actress you might be. Any woman can moan and groan at the right times but it’s her body that gives her away if her head’s somewhere else. A guy who knows what to expect when a woman is excited would question why she wasn’t very wet, why aren’t her nipples erect or when she “apparently” came and why didn’t he feel the contraction or extra wetness etc. Saying that, all women are different but I do know I for one cannot pretend with any man I’ve slept with more than once, he’d simply say, “So where’s the wet patch?” Hence the name Isabell Squirts ha ha ha!
What was on my mind the first time I had sex
The first thing that springs to mind would be the night I lost my virginity. The guy I lost my virginity to had been circumcised; at this point in my life I had never seen a circumcised penis before and remember thinking, “how do I wank this off without a foreskin for a cushion?” I’ve since learned the joys of lube so any future circumcised guys needn’t worry about friction burns! I remember lying back on the grass in my local park, nervous as hell while he frantically pumped up and down with a complete lack of rhythm, and thinking this doesn’t feel as good as my fingers. When it was over I stood up with grass stains all over the ass of my white jeans while he peeled a big slug off my back. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement but then I doubt many people could claim the earth moved for them during their first time. Thankfully things gradually improved with practice and I now have a wonderful sex life.
If you’re thinking of anything other than a shared fantasy, or how good something he’s doing feels, then he is definitely doing something wrong. The ironing pile may well be out of control, but what feels better, a mind blowing orgasm or a crisp ironed blouse?
I fantasize about other guys when having sex
Definitely. This is something I have always done, not because I’m bored or unsatisfied but because it excites me. I’m very lucky in that my current boyfriend is extremely confident in himself and will happily talk dirty to me about scenarios involving other men or women during foreplay/sex and we will both get excited and aroused by this which means we have a completely open and amazing sex life.
Article images courtesy of Isabell Squirts Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!
Do you watch porn alone and without your partner’s knowledge? Ever wished that you could watch it together with your partner? You’re not alone. In fact, many individuals do wish that they could get their partners to watch and enjoy porn together with them. Not only can watching porn together improve your sex lives, it can also bring the two of you closer and learn about each other’s secret fantasies.
So how do you bring up the topic of watching porn together? Sinn Sage, a top adult actress in Lesbian porn and two time AVN award winner, shares some suggestions to make the situation less awkward and intimidating when you decide to ask the question.
A growing number of women are watching porn
ABSOLUTELY. Women are increasing consumers of porn, and being that over 75% of the fan mail I receive are from women, I think it’s very clear that the days of porn being made for men only are long over. For many of us in the industry, the ancient notion that women are being “degraded” is thankfully being phased out, and people are beginning to realize that we are adults and humans and have every right to perform and enjoy sex as much as men. That old way of thinking of us as “victims” is beginning to come across as very sexist. I’ve always felt this way. Why is it okay for men to perform, why are they seen as autonomous, but the women are seen as damaged or somehow “victims” for claiming the right to our sexuality? How is that not incredibly sexist? Thankfully, those views are on their way out. And thankfully also, women are realizing that it is perfectly okay for them to enjoy porn as well!
Different tastes between men and women towards porn
Well, I must say that I loathe to point out the differences between men and women, because ultimately, we are all human and we all enjoy things differently, regardless of sex or gender. Anything I would say in response to that question would be a sweeping generalization. There are simply many types of porn that people enjoy seeing. I would say that the more gonzo style of porn that lacks connection, passion, or creativity would be something more enjoyed by a younger male viewer, who is maybe less sexually mature. I think that in general, most women and people who enjoy lesbian porn like to see that connection, that passion, and they enjoy seeing a focus on the woman receiving pleasure as well as giving it. I guess this is a problem with a lot of mainstream gonzo style porn, it’s all about the man getting off. I think a lot of couples and women, again, generally, enjoy seeing a passionate couple, regardless of gender, enjoying themselves and each other in a genuine way. Cosmo Online wrote a fantastic article about this, and it mentions me in the beginning:
How can I introduce porn to my partner so that we can watch together?
This is a tough one. Obviously, I understand that we are all sexual creatures and we can’t always be there to fuck our partner. Or perhaps we’re tired, or not in the mood, or whatever the case may be. For me it’s been easy to understand that my partner will and does watch porn. I think the problem comes in with insecurity and jealousness. People who get that way don’t understand the difference between reality and fantasy. My fiancee had an ex that made him throw out anything porn related and if she ever caught him watching something, considered it cheating on her. WHAT?! How anyone could feel that way blows my mind. It’s extremely unfair.
I guess to answer the question, I would just say that an open, calm, and honest discussion needs to take place, and realization that it can be a way to AMPLIFY your own sex life to enjoy porn together. Compromise is also important; you need to be watching something that both people enjoy. As far as bringing it up, just don’t be shy!!! Be confident, be open, and say it’s something that you want to try. If you are close with your partner, it should not be a problem. And if you’re not, why are you together?!
Recommendations
I would definitely say pretty much any porn with Sinn Sage would be where to start. I’ve noticed that male viewers really enjoy watching my strap on work, so a lot of the videos I’ve done for belladonna entertainment (Strapped Dykes 1 & 2) or any that I’m in of Strap On Specialist for Sweetheart video would be a great place to start for a couple. My award winning scene with Dani Daniels in the movie Dare by Elegant Angel would be a terrific one to watch as well, that scene is SMOKING hot, and anyone would enjoy watching it. It’s very intense!
Any scene I’ve done with Celeste Star would also be good. As for watching boy/girl stuff, I would probably go with any scene Belladonna was in. I haven’t watched a lot of boy/girl porn, but she was always very genuine and passionate and fucking horny and she will always be my all time favorite porn star.
There is a danger of watching too much porn…
Of course! Just like someone can eat too much ice cream, drink too much alcohol, and do too many drugs, someone can watch too much porn. Doing too much of anything that is fun leads to serious problems. I have a friend who is now unable to achieve an erection because he became addicted to porn. Our brains have all kinds of chemicals running through them that do various things, and what we input into our brain affects our neural pathways and creates physiological differences in us. It’s best to do everything in moderation!
Sinn Sage is available for custom videos or private skype shows at sinnsagemodel.com.
I love everything about receiving oral sex! It’s just something so raw, animalistic, and taboo about oral sex. The fact that some consider it “dirty” is a huge turn on. But, in detail, I love to cum in my man’s mouth and all over his face. There’s definitely nothing hotter than looking down and watching a guy please you with his lips, fingers, and tongue.
What I love…
I love a man that just dives in it and makes it fun. I like it when he sticks his tongue inside my pussy, sucks on my clit, and alternates his tongue and fingers. Fast or slow just depends on the mood at the time. I like them both.
I also like to play/experiment so I love a man that’s open to that. Use ice, fruits, etc. Play with different pressures, and speeds. Give me multiple orgasms; I mean I like to cum at least twice before I have sex. It gets my pussy hungry, wet, and very sensitive.
Mistakes men make…
First, let me start by saying that you really have to understand that each woman is different, and have different preferences. You cannot, I repeat, cannot do the exact same thing every time thinking that’s going to get the job done. That’s the first mistake guys make.
Another is not listening to her body/response as you’re doing it. You have to get comfortable and take your time. Follow her body; wherever she goes, you go there with her.
Another mistake is not taking their time and just rushing it or half-ass doing it. Don’t give her four licks, then come up ready to shove your cock inside her like you did something. Wrong!! Don’t stab, poke, bite, or give too much pressure. We’re just as sensitive as you are and biting or putting a lot of pressure can hurt or feel uncomfortable. And that fucks the mood completely up.
Also, don’t be afraid to experiment. Don’t be afraid of toys/vibrators. These guys could end up being your new best friends! But make sure you’re both comfortable with a type of toy. Tips for playing with toys: Try alternating with your tongue and vibrator on her clit changing the speeds. Rub her vaginal opening with your hand, tongue, vibrator. You could stick it slowly in while licking her clit, then pull it out and replace the toy with your mouth or tongue. Give a little, tease her, ask her to tell you what and how she wants something done. Then take your time either giving it to her right away or rationing it out.
Experiment and play!! Sex is supposed to be fulfilling and fun. So make sure that it is for your lady.
My name is Daphne Daniels. I’m a Pisces. I love to flirt, have fun, enjoy life. And oh yea, I’m a BBW Pornstar.Visit the links to my Twitter and Facebook to find out more about me!
Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com.
For today’s questions, we touch on a topic related to parenting and sex ed from you and we’re delighted to have sex educator Cath Hakanson share her answer below.
Is there a current lack of sex ed for children by their parents at home and why?
After 20 plus years of talking with people about sex, yes, I believe that parents aren’t doing enough sex ed.
Now, when I talk about sex ed, I’m not talking about ‘the talk’ that happens at puberty. That type of sex ed is common, even though research tells us that it isn’t helpful. I am talking about the type of sex ed that helps kids to develop the skills they need to have healthy relationships.
Every parents dream is that their kid/s will live a happy and fulfilled life. Part of that is the ability to have good friends around you and a loving partner. Sex ed gives kids the skills and knowledge they need as adults to live a happy and fulfilled life.
So why aren’t parents doing ‘sex ed’? I believe that parents struggle with sex ed because it is just too hard.
With a name like ‘sex ed’ , of course we are going to think that it is all about sex. And who wants to talk to their kids about sex?
Your kids might ask you something that you can’t answer? You might tell them too much and they will lose their innocence. And how do you even begin to answer their questions? Then they may start asking questions at the wrong time and place such as at the supermarket, or even at dinner with the in-laws! You may even be encouraging them to act out sexually with this new knowledge. Maybe your kids are too young yet, so there is no point in starting just yet. Or maybe you have just left it too late, another reason to not start! Plus, won’t they just pick up what they need to know from school? And talking about sex is just plain embarrassing, so why even go there?
Wow, a hell of a lot of reasons to not do sex ed. And I don’t blame you, as a parent I also found sex ed too hard! But the reason that I found it too hard was because I didn’t know what I had to do and how to do it! And once I realised that sex was only a small part of sex ed, it became a lot easier!
As parents should make the first move to talk about sex first, at which stage of a child’s life should a parent touch on and which topic?
When it comes to sex ed, it is never too early to start or too late! What you need to talk about depends on the age of your child and their natural curiosity.
Up to the age of 3, sex ed is pretty simple. It is about laying the foundations for lifelong attitudes about their body, gender differences and roles, and how to behave within and outside the home.
Between the ages of 3 and 5, kids are openly interested and curious about their own and other’s bodies. So sex ed is all about bodies, body ownership, genital play, reproduction, feelings, and boundaries in regards to touch, nudity, and privacy.
5 to 8 year olds are often full of curiosity and questions but are starting to be more private. Sex ed includes more in depth information about bodies, reproduction, puberty, sexual behaviour, friendships, love, families, sexual orientation and personal skills.
Visit Cath’s profile below and all the links to her website and social media.
Want to learn more about sex ed, sign up for Cath’s newsletter where you will receive regular, tips, practical strategies and encouragement delivered straight to your inbox.. it’s free! http://eepurl.com/bleBaj
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I am an adult entertainer and model, and from the Chicagoland area. I am in my late 20’s, and also seriously bisexual. I am not sure what it is to be not seriously bisexual, but I say that because I have always been attracting to men and women equally and have known it and been acting on it since I was in High School.
On threesomes
I think they are very fun, and if done right can be a satisfying erotic experience for everyone involved. Personally, I have been bisexual since I was a young teenager and they have always been super fun for me.
Do women want threesomes as much as men?
While I think that threesomes are one of the staple male fantasies, I think that they are something that can be very fun for the woman and that a lot of women do have fantasies about them. When a women knows that she is attracted to men, but wants to try out being with a women sexually, it is a lot safer for her to try a threesome. I think it makes bisexuality more acceptable to a lot of women.
Before a threesome…
I don’t think any preparation is…. needed. BUT – if you are a couple that are looking to do a threesome, I think that communication is always important. Finding out any rules or dos and don’ts that you have. The first threesome I had, was with a boyfriend of mine and the only thing I wasn’t comfortable with was penetration between him and the other girl. I do feel that for couples, picking the third person is something that should be done carefully. Sometimes you may want to ask someone that is a friend or someone that your already associated with but that can cause a lot of conflicts later on down the line. I have found that doing the friend thing can cause unwanted issues to arise. But, other than that- have protection on hand and maybe some toys, a glass of wine or an icebreaker if you’d like and an open mind. And be ready for fun!! 🙂
A hot MFF sex position
I think that doggy with the girl going down on the other girl can be fun. The guy laying down receiving oral while the other girl straddles his face. It’s really fun, especially if the ladies are in sync to share oral between each other, and I have never experience this obviously but I imagine it’s a pretty interesting experience.
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At the moment the fastest growing audience for porn is women. This doesn’t come as much of a surprise when you consider they’re the biggest group to be excluded (as viewers), be it by societal taboos, film content, or physical accessibility. The internet changed all that; easy access (no more trips to the XXX Shoppe), more content than you could ever need, and a new idea of anonymity that allows many taboos to be dropped. Mainstream producers have tried to cash-in on this new audience, and have succeeded to varying degrees, but women are one of the biggest viewers of amateur porn, and male directors and producers trying to cater to what they’ve been told are female fantasies are often missing the point – the subject matter may be more appealing to women, but it’s still filmed via the masculine eye; the camera still looks to the places men see as important or engaging during sex.
Zahra Stardust
So if you’re sick of the same old formulaic porn, or just never got into the whole ‘slam, bam, thank-you ma’am’ thing, listen up. There’s a whole new wave of porn being made by women FOR women, and Australia is leading the charge. As a population, Australia is small. As a porn ‘industry’ we’re even smaller, thanks to many a Draconian law and the fact you must shoot in the ACT to avoid most illegalities. But here’s the thing: in recent years several of our filmmakers have won coveted awards at porn and erotica festivals the world over. We have huge amounts of talent within our tiny pool. Australia had an astounding representation at this year’s Feminist Porn Awards (FPA), with nominations in more than half the categories, and several winners. Gala Vanting won ‘Hottest Kink Film’; Ms Naughty and Blake took out ‘Best BDSM Scene’; Morgana Muses starred as ‘Heartthrob of the Year’. Zahra Stardust received an Honourable Mention; and Bright Desire was one of three websites to get an Honoured Mention for ‘adult website’, quite a feat considering how many are out there.
I was lucky enough to speak with Ms Naughty, Gala Vanting and Zahra Stardust on feminist porn, inspiration and what the future holds.
MisKnickers (MisK): How long have you been making films?
Gala Vanting (GV): For a decade now!
Ms Naughty (MsN): I’ve been creating and curating porn online since 2000 but I didn’t start making films until early 2009. I did a short course in filmmaking and just made it up as I went along.
Zahra Stardust (ZS):I’ve been working in the sex industry for ten years in various capacities. I started as a stripper and performed in my first porn scene in 2009. A few years ago I began collaborating with other performers and producers to make films that combine art, sex and politics.
Ms Naughty
MisK: Who or what have been your major film making influences?
MsN:I have always been inspired by the work of Candida Royalle. She and Annie Sprinkle are my ‘porny godmothers’ – they paved the way for us. I also admire Petra Joy and Erika Lust’s work; they both emphasise the female gaze and put a lot of effort into making their films look good. Ovidie is also brilliant. She has such a great sense of humour. Beyond that, I’ve gained a lot of inspiration from attending the Berlin Porn Film Festival – there are so many amazing ideas and clever filmmakers there, I always find it inspiring.
GV: Annie Sprinkle was also one of the major influences on my choice to start doing this work. But I’d say that creatively, Vincent Moon is my biggest influence – just on the way that I shoot and the processes of production.
ZS:Internationally I was always head over heels for Belladonna and the incredible things she did with her body on set. I love Madison Young’s blending of art and porn and her projects exploring sexuality, pregnancy and motherhood. I’ve been lucky enough to work with my idols Jiz Lee, April Flores and Courtney Trouble, and always admired the production ethics of Shine Louise Houston. Here in Australia I’ve been inspired by community-owned, queer, feminist porn like Slit Magazine and projects aiming to document sexualities, like Sensate Films’ Slow Porn Manifesto.
Gala Vanting
MisK: How do you describe feminist porn, and did you start making it as a personal aesthetic or a social statement (or both!)?
MsN:The question of “what is feminist porn?” is a little bit like “how long is a piece of string?” There’s numerous discussions about how to define it; some say it’s not a genre but a movement, a group of like-minded individuals working towards change. Feminist porn creates space for the female gaze; it acknowledges that women want to look and want to be aroused. It understands that we do like looking at male bodies! It creates space for queer and trans representation, for a wider variety of body types and races and it allows room for men to be depicted as something other than robotic humping sex machines whose only goal is ejaculation.
Sex is such a huge subject, it’s so multifaceted and it’s a vital part of the human experience. Feminist porn isn’t just about arousal; it can be about emotion, about protest, about art. A feminist porn film can be sexy AND intellectual at the same time.
I started making my films for a number of reasons. One was purely commercial, but I also wanted to bring my own ideals and aesthetics to porn, to shoot stuff that you didn’t see often – a female point of view, an admiration of the male body, a focus on female pleasure and desire. I guess you could say it was a social statement: I wanted to show that porn could be better than it was – more sensual, less sexist, better looking, more realistic.
GV: Feminist porn is as diverse as feminism, and feminists. For me, it’s basically any porn whose production and presentation is influenced by a feminist ethic. Not everything that calls itself ‘feminist porn’ looks feminist to me, but there’s something about me that loves that debate and that diversity. For me it was a political project first and foremost. The aesthetics came later.
ZS: Feminist porn is a movement, genre, and ethic that affects everything from conceptualisation, production, marketing and consumption. As a movement the challenge is to think intersectionally about sexual politics and sexual rights relevant to those in our communities who are marginalised by criminal laws, over-policing, racism, ableism, and transphobia.
Zahra Stardust
MK: What inspires you to do this work?
GV:Sex. Intimacy. The people in my productions. My creative partner Aven Frey. And the response of the people who see our work.
MsN:I do it to earn a living, of course, but I also want to change the sexual and pornographic landscape. We’re still so backwards when it comes to sex and sexuality. The majority of porn isn’t really showing the beauty or diversity of our sex lives. So I want to expand the possibilities of how we depict sex and to make it into an artform. DH Lawrence once said that pornography was an attempt to insult sex, to do dirt on it. I want to lift it away from that, to show a positive, joyful vision of sex.
ZS: Outrage at injustice (over bans on g spot ejaculation, visible inner labia or fisting); wonder in exploring the thresholds of my body; pleasure in radical acts of intimacy and the creative process; and contributing to a community and body of work with broader significance.
Ms Naughty
MsK:Do you suffer from any social stigma regarding your work? Do you have to remain clandestine?
MsN: I do have to be careful who I tell because I live in a country town in a fairly religious area so I would imagine there would be people here who might take exception to my work. I’ve declined TV appearances because I don’t want to be recognised. At the same time, I recently spoke at a mainstream feminist conference and they were very welcoming.
GV:I choose to be pretty ‘out’ about what I do. But of course it comes with stigma. I’m also a sex worker, and pretty out about that. I notice that porn shares some stigma with sex work, but also kinda has some of its own unique little pressures, because it’s a form of cultural production very visible to the mainstream, and about which everyone has an opinion.
ZS: Stigma and criminalisation are leading killers of sex workers around the world. People performing in and producing porn face institutional discrimination – in setting up bank accounts, obtaining billing, finding leases, getting other employment, and on social media and crowdfunding platforms. We then face individualised stigma on a daily basis that overwhelmingly shapes our lives and identities.
Gala Vanting
MisK: Is it difficult to get a film made in Australia?
GV: In a word, yes. And is very much influenced by your own personal resources, because most producers here work completely independently.
MsN: I’ve made one feature film and I financed that myself. Every scene I shoot for Bright Desire is self-funded. There is no ‘industry’ to speak of, just a few people doing their own thing. Some of us have done crowdfunding, but mainly we’re really DIY. We network to find talent and locations but it’s pretty low-key.
ZS: So much so that it is the topic of my PhD research!
MisK: How does our (Australian) industry compare to those overseas? Would you ever contemplate working offshore?
ZS: Because the Australian porn industry is so tiny, much of our work involves shooting overseas. There’s quite a bit of crossover – Australian films are represented at all major international porn film festivals and we contribute to international queer and feminist porn dialogues, texts and community.
MsN:We’re tiny compared to overseas. I’ve looked at the options for working in Berlin or the Netherlands. Europe is so much more open about sex and porn. I’m often jealous about how easy it is to shoot there; you can hire studios, advertise openly, there’s a lot more talent and people take you seriously. But I don’t know if the weather would agree with me.
GV:I do (contemplate working overseas). I don’t have much involvement in the mainstream industry, so I can’t make a point of comparison there. I work mostly in circles of queer people and artists, who are always struggling to produce their work and who are always generously working on one another’s productions.
Ms Naughty
MisK: Do you think porn is becoming more or less culturally relevant, and how does this affect your role as a filmmaker?
MsN:I think porn has become a very culturally relevant issue thanks to the internet. It’s ubiquitous and that is causing a lot of moral panic. I understand the concern that young people are encountering it online and using it as their sex education, especially when official sex ed is so lacking in real-world information about consent, pleasure, technique and relationships. Porn can be fun but it shouldn’t be sex education. That’s like watching a Hollywood car chase and using it as driving instruction. We absolutely need to be improving our sex education and helping young people to think critically about pornography.
I also understand the feminist concern with the gender and race politics on display in a lot of mainstream porn. There’s far too much sexism and negativity out there and not nearly enough diversity in how porn depicts sex. I can understand the worry that bad porn shapes the attitudes of the viewers but I think it’s something that needs to be properly researched. I’ve yet to see any peer reviewed conclusive evidence that porn is addictive or harmful.
All of this does affect my role as a filmmaker because I’m aware of the need to show an alternative vision: to bring the feminist, female perspective to porn; to show sensual, fun, pleasurable sex; to show diversity and equality.
GV:It is always culturally relevant. Its relevance and meaning changes with time and geography. This affects my role in the sense that I need my work to speak to some of the questions that diverse forms of sexual expression beg about our culture.
ZS:I think user generated porn is where it’s at. With new technologies, people are taking over the means of production and representing themselves. We’re seeing more collaboration, increased community ownership, and the democratisation of porn. It’s exciting.
Zahra Stardust
MisK: What projects do you have coming up?
MsN: I’m busy with updating my various sites. I have a few ideas for features, but I need to find the time to develop them. In the meantime, I’m going to offer my feature film The Fantasy Project as a wider release very soon.
GV:At the moment I’m collaborating with CLAUDE, the NSW women’s sexual health project, on a film about queer women and bloodplay. It’s very interesting to team up with the public health sector to make provocative media about sexuality, and I’d love to continue to work in this way.
ZS: In October I can’t wait to co-present Getting Our Hands Wet: Fisting and Ejaculation along with queer femmes Gala Vanting, Sadie Lune and Wendy Delorme at the Berlin Porn Film Festival. It’s a 4 hour workshop involving discussion, anatomical diagrams, film screenings and live explicit demonstration.
MisK: How can people access your work?
MsN: My main site is BrightDesire.com – that has all my videos. I write regularly about porn and feminism at MsNaughty.
Images courtesy of Gala Vanting, Zahra Stardust and Ms Naughty Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!
I would like to think that I have fairly open views concerning sexuality. Sex is a very important part of life, and a key ingredient in any healthy relationship. I think that sex is often given a bad rep in the media, and that people who step outside of what is considered ‘polite’ by hetero-normative standards are often punished for defying the status quo. I wish North Americans had more liberal views towards nudity and the human body; that we spent more time admiring its beauty rather than oscillating between the polar extremes of body/slut shaming and hyper sexualization.
It’s hard for me to pin down the kind of sex that I like, variety being the spice of life. I most enjoy when a partner is open, spontaneous and playful. It is great that so many men find arousing their partners incredibly sexy, so not much to complain about there!
How he should thrust during sex
It is always better (in my opinion) to build up the pace of thrusting during sex rather than come out of the gate swinging. If you start at your max pace, you have nowhere to go from there. The speed and style of your foreplay should give you an indication of how to begin. If the lead up was slow and sensual, you’ll want to start at a slower pace. If however, your foreplay was passionate and involved, then you can go for more gusto right from the get-go. Her behavior will also let you know how quickly and or deep she wants you to thrust. A woman who is pushing on your lower back, or has both of her hands on your hips is generally signaling that she either likes the pace, or is indicating for you to thrust harder. Of course, if she says something along the lines of ‘harder’ or ‘faster’, it’s a pretty safe bet that you can step things up. A hand on the chest is an obvious sign to slow down if she is bracing against you.
Once into the swing of things, I prefer a guy to pick up the pace, at which point thrusting deeper is usually appreciated. It helps to wait until a woman is really wet for this, so that the sex is comfortable and deeper thrusting doesn’t result is her being uncomfortable. Going deep but slowly is a great sensation, especially if you grind your pelvis into your ladies. The pressure of going deep coupled with clitoral stimulation is a great combination.
If she comes first (congratulate yourself, modern gentleman), slow the pace until she has caught her breath (literally and metaphorically). Many women, myself included, are very sensitive after an orgasm and intense pressure can feel awkward.
My favorite position
If you can line it up where the man is standing (usually in front of the bed) and the woman is lying down then that makes for a great position to go deep and fast. If you can grab under the woman’s pelvis and lift her up it allows you to go much deeper than if she simply laid back.
Sometimes, the roles are reversed
I am all about gender equality. I prefer to set the pace when I am on top, it’s one of the reasons I like the position so much. Plus, it is nice to be able to lay back sometimes and just enjoy the moment, and I really like to be able to give that pleasure to my partner.
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I used to think double penetration was scary but after I finally tried it with two kind and patient lovers, I found I was all for it. Though I admit for quite some time I was only willing to have my mouth and pussy stuffed at the same time.
When taking the first step towards DP…
Make sure the female is relaxed and has cleaned her bowels if possible. It can get messy when surprise anal happens lol.
Difference in DP during masturbation and threesomes
I think it is. See there’s a limit to how much pain I will put on myself that’s totally different than the pain I will allow others to inflict on me. I’m a pussy, I hate pain but love to submit, go figure.
So when I’m doing double penetration during masturbation, I’m going to use a small flexible toy for my ass versus the massive cock I might take if I’m having sex or my partner wants to use something bigger.
Common mistakes during DP
The guy is too excited and trying to force or rush it in the ass. It’s okay to go slow and honestly, semi hard is better at going inside. It’s a lot easier to get it in when it’s more flexible. I can understand how that can be a bummer in a threesome when one guy’s in and you’re trying to get in, but you just can’t rush that anal thing unless the girl does it on the regular.
Otherwise I think the only other problem I’ve encountered is someone going too deep, whether with a real dick or a toy where you feel like between the two holes they are going to make your walls crash. It’s sexy but painful.
I’m Sexy Sapphire and over the years I’ve been an urban model featured on a book cover, in magazines and all over the net, a webcam girl, phone sex operator, writer and so much more. I’m kind of a Jill of all naughty trades. I’m also a writer with a monthly column or erotic stories in BADD Magazine check out SapphirErotica in BADD at http://www.baddmag.com. Follow me on social media by at the links below in my profile!
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