Ever wondered what really happens on a hot girls’ night out? Meet Juliet Adelaide and her friends in The Secret Life of a Hotwife as they drive into the sassy world in this no-holds barred account of a hotwife’s lifestyle, and uncover all you’ve ever wanted to know, from the sensual and provocative to the risque and unspeakable.
Based on the steamy real-life experience of Juliet Adelaide, author of The Mrs Sexy Chronicles, this exclusive first-hand account of her exploration of sexual freedom and insight into the life of a hotwife will leave you begging for more.
Chapter 17 Teaser – Polyamory
Communication in a Hotwife lifestyle is even more important than in a monogamous lifestyle. There are obstacles in scheduling and when some fuckboy tells you he wants to see you but then can’t answer texts about when, it can be frustrating. That goes for single people in the dating world too but I have a husband’s schedule too. We have agreements about how many nights I go out per week and how many I need to be home to take care of his needs or for my reclaiming nights. When I first start seeing a man, I always point out that scheduling and answering messages is a requirement for me.
I have to clear times on my schedule with Scott and they know this. They usually start off good about communication and scheduling but get lazy. If they get too lazy, I tell them to fuck off. That’s when they try again. I will allow a little room for error but that’s one of the rules between my husband and I, pre-scheduling times for me to see lovers. If they want to continue fucking his wife, then they damn well better respect his simple rules. It’s just good manners and if they don’t have good manners, I don’t want to fuck them anyway.
Juliet Adelaide has a Bachelor’s degree in Humanities and Culture from Arizona State University. She started dating her husband at the age of 17 and they were monogamous for 25 years. They are a devoted couple who only recently opened their marriage to new sexual experiences allowing Juliet to become a hotwife.
“mrs Sexy” is the witty, erotic and true story of her experiences with this new polyamorous lifestyle. Juliet, (aka Mrs Sexy), takes you through the most personal moments of her romantic and sexual adventures.
I’m thankful to exist in a world/time where certain lifestyles and sexualities aren’t considered taboo. I’ve lived both sides, the vanilla lifestyle and my sex work lifestyle, and on both sides of the fence I never feel judged. I think that says a lot about society’s acceptance of alternative lifestyles and kink.
How Did You Learn To Squirt?
LOL I don’t think anyone learns how to squirt. I was in a very complicated engagement a couple of years ago, the physical attraction was lost and I felt like my pussy was “dead” metaphorically speaking. While I was single, a girlfriend of mine gifted me a cute rechargeable bullet.
After months without any sex, one day in the parking lot of a local grocery store I decided to give myself pleasure. I had never been comfortable with masturbating but I was desperate from so many months without sex. I squirted all over the car in embarrassment. I’m not sure why it was embarrassing before but now I love it and I love masturbating.
Why I Love Squirting
The thing I love most about squirting is that I can only squirt when I’m extremely relaxed and in absolute pleasure. It’s almost like heaven. It’s my biggest stress reliever to just sneak away for a moment and please my body.
Once my pussy squirts I feel tired, dizzy, hungry, and adrenaline all at once. I have trouble sleeping most nights but a nice squirting orgasm can cure the insomnia in an instant.
Why Men Enjoy Watersports
Most of the men that enjoy squirting are submissive in some way. Either that or they’re trying to execute something from their bucket-list LOL. Some are so vanilla that they don’t even realize they’re subs. They will meet my every need and or command just for a chance to get their face/body soaked by Miss Trina. I give them just what they need but not without making them drool first.
Preparing For A Watersports Session
You would think that I would have some type of set up ready but fortunately, I enjoy the impromptu clean up after I squirt. Generally I keep a towel close by but that’s only after the first round. I like to keep it spontaneous, maybe he will catch it all in his mouth so we don’t need the towel LOL.
One of my favorite lovers would hurry to the bathtub and lay down in it with me standing over him squirting uncontrollably. There’s really no way to prepare.
What To Expect For First Timers
One of the biggest myths about squirting is that the liquid is urine and it really isn’t. Before I became a squirter, I didn’t know whether it was urine or not. I didn’t really believe that it was possible for someone’s pussy to squirt but I made a girlfriend of mine squirt and that was the first time I found out that what I saw in the porn shows wasn’t fake.
It also wasn’t urine. It doesn’t taste like anything to me. If you are with a woman who squirts, you are a special kind of lucky.
I’m Katrina. I have light gray/blue eyes and nice natural DDs. I’m 5’6” 140lbs of exotic beauty. Art keeps my attention along with the right man. I am selective but very easy to please. If you can make me laugh We’ll probably hit it off. Planning a trip to Miami? spend time indoors, go on dinner dates, or a night club and anything else we want to keep us both satisfied.
It wasn’t that long ago that I had heard about cuckholding. As a matter of fact, it was three years ago. I had just started dating a Black man who was, shall I say, very adventurous. He would mention the phrase “cuckold”, but I was too embarrassed to ask what he was talking about. So I just sat there quietly smiling. I must have looked as awkward as I felt! Because he pulled up a slew of videos from cuckoldsessions.com and proceeded to show me. “I’ve done that! And that! And that!” He told me over and over again as the videos rolled past the screen of his phone. I was taken aback by it that first time. But, I was open and found myself more curious than disgusted.
I never imagined myself participating in a cuckold session. As a teen in the midwest, I dated white boys. But, by the time I was twenty-two, my wishes turned into realty and I found myself dating Black men. With that new found attraction to the dark side came an entirely new and exciting world of sex and sexual awareness. I knew at that time that I was done with white boys for good. I even vowed that I would never let myself be seen undressed by a white boy ever again! So, how did I manage to get talked into cuckolding a white boy for my Black lover? To me the idea alone was gross!
Enter: Timothy. “Who’s Timothy?” I screeched to my best friend, Rene. She laughed and told me not to get too excited, “He’s a white boy”. The confusion I felt seemed to last forever, but it was soon offered some explanation. Rene and I have both been enjoying the same Black man, Micheal, for months now. Threesomes have certainly become common practice between us, needless to say. So when she said that Micheal was bringing over a white boy named Timothy, I was dumbfounded. “He’s going to be our little white boy cuck!”, she finished. I had mixed feelings right from the start. I didn’t want a white boy in the same room with me while I was having sex. However, the thought of showing a white boy what he couldn’t have -me- while Rene and I had wild sex with a big Black man was arousing to say the least! Nevertheless, my thoughts were racing back and forth.
It wasn’t more than an hour later that Micheal brought Timothy over to the apartment. There was the expected awkward introduction and the mild exchange of small talk. The tension was still pretty thick though. Within the first few minutes, we set up some guidelines (and if you are interested in having a cuck of your own, quickly laying down guidelines is a must!): Timothy would no longer be called by his name, but instead he would be addressed to as “cuck”, “cuckboy”, “white boy”, “white loser”, even “pathetic little white boy”. Anything in fact, as long as it was insulting and belittling. At the same time, Micheal was to be referred to as “Master”, “King”, or “Black King”. The goal of cucking was to humiliate the cuck and praise the Black King. And believe me, we did just that!
At first, the mood was pretty routine. We had forced Timothy to a chair before Rene, Micheal, and myself engaged in some strong foreplay on the couch. Micheal’s pants soon came down and we sucked him. So far so good. Somewhere during the time, Rene and I were sucking and stroking on Micheal, I turned to see our faithful cuck boy sitting naked on the edge of his chair, tiny pasty pee pee in hand. To say that a shiver of disgust ran up my spine would be an understatement. “He’s so gross!” I cried.
We decided that some real humiliation was in order. First order of business was to force Timothy to put some super tight rubber bands around his little dick. Then it was comparison time! It seems that a size comparison between the cuck and the King is common formality during a cuck session. And yup, you guessed it, Black is bigger! Tie the little white boy to the chair and it’s back to having real fun on the other side of the room.
I must admit that having a cuck changed the way that I feel about having a white boy in the same room while I’m having sex. I don’t mind it as much, so long as he’s tied up and slapped periodically. It’s a form of justice perhaps. Revenge. Or, just plain fun! Find your own niche and be creative! I think what I love most about having a cuck is that we can agree that anything goes. The Black King has total control and can do what he wants to the cuck at anytime. This may include anything from slapping and belittling to as much as pissing on him! The cuck is at his mercy. Use benches for multiple cucks and cages for their pee pees. Explore cuckoldsessions.com or search “interracial cuckolding” for more ideas. Any way that you dice it, having a cuck is exciting and a little kinky. I highly recommend!
Andrea Dillinger – 26 year old Scorpio. Interracial for over four years and counting!
Ever wondered what really happens on a hot girls’ night out? Meet Juliet Adelaide and her friends in The Secret Life of a Hotwife as they drive into the sassy world in this no-holds barred account of a hotwife’s lifestyle, and uncover all you’ve ever wanted to know, from the sensual and provocative to the risque and unspeakable.
Based on the steamy real-life experience of Juliet Adelaide, author of The Mrs Sexy Chronicles, this exclusive first-hand account of her exploration of sexual freedom and insight into the life of a hotwife will leave you begging for more.
Chapter 16 Teaser – Punishments And Rewards
Michelle also disagreed with us on the normality of polyamory. It’s not God’s plan according to her. I said to her that if there was a God, I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t want more love in the world. Polyamory is just that, more love, although it involves romantic relationships with more than one partner. It also maintains a basic belief of knowledge, honesty, and trust between all partners. These qualities are difficult in many monogamous relationships but since they are critical points in polyamorous relationships, more effort is made by polyamorous people. My husband was even able to be friends with my lovers, especially Mark, Nick and Tanner, oddly enough, the three other men I loved most other than Scott.
I told the ladies it’s because we don’t keep secrets amongst one another. Whether it’s sexual, friendly or any activities we might do together, I am always honest about how I feel about them and what I do with them. If we have no secrets, everything just seems to work better in Scott and I’s primary relationship. There are a wide variety of ways in which polyamory can work. Some couples live together as all equals. Others, like Scott and I, have a primary relationship with external lovers permitted. In the beginning, I planned on anything external just being sexual, but I couldn’t help but develop feelings for these people. Scott knew they mattered to me and he loved me enough to let me have more love in my life.
Juliet Adelaide has a Bachelor’s degree in Humanities and Culture from Arizona State University. She started dating her husband at the age of 17 and they were monogamous for 25 years. They are a devoted couple who only recently opened their marriage to new sexual experiences allowing Juliet to become a hotwife.
“mrs Sexy” is the witty, erotic and true story of her experiences with this new polyamorous lifestyle. Juliet, (aka Mrs Sexy), takes you through the most personal moments of her romantic and sexual adventures.
We all know what BDSM means by the book (Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism).
My personal view on Kink and BDSM: It is about erotic thrills such as bondage, spanking using different implements, explore and experiment with some type of rough or painful play to enhance sexual pleasure and intensify orgasms.
What’s more important in BDSM is it is not only pain and pleasure, the dynamic of power play also plays an important role, it is not only the physical thing but also the mental and emotional aspect as well.
What Is Medical Fetish?
Medical Fetish comes in different varieties and different levels, from sexual attraction to doctors and nurses, medical uniforms to realistic physical play including surgical procedures, anesthesia and intimate physical examinations such as gynaecological examination and rectal examination.
I was a manual therapist and worked for physiotherapists for many years, my ability to understand the structure and function of the human body gives me an advantage to explore medical fetishism and how to eroticize them.
Reasons Subs Love Medical Play
Most of them are curious about what medical play is. Some of them are seeking another type of pain, that means they are into pain but not from corporal punishment, they are not into beating but something intense but less impactful i.e. needles, cutting, electro torture.
A Typical Medical Play Session
Most sessions start with body examination and restraint, sometimes with a gag and blindfold. If the session involves catheterization, deep sounding (to the bladder) and breath control, I need to be able to communicate with my client so there will be no gagging.
My favorite tools and/or equipment are: urethral sounds, catheters, needles, E-Stim, anal stretcher, and speculums.
What To Expect Before Trying Medical Feitsh Play For The First Time
First make a list of what you want to experience and research/understand what is involved. Then research the Domme who can provide the service. There is a difference between medical play and medical “roleplay”, make sure the Domme can provide what you want. Ask questions, and be polite.
You don’t have to go for everything if you are not sure. Book an introductory session and try out whatever is on your list. If you don’t like it, just be honest and use your safe word, do not force yourself to accept it, this is not what medical play is all about.
Madame Li Ying – I am well known as a professional dominatrix specialising in medical fetish. My play style varies according to whom I am playing with. I am energetic, strict, playful and wickedly sadistic. I am very hands on, very assertive in every day life and I will use My Feminine powers against you to move you to My liking. When I give command I expect it to be obeyed.
I can be intimidating but being naturally intuitive I will also make you feel safe in your submission to Me. I will bring you to a place where you have secretly longed to be, make you completely surrendered, under My complete control.
I first started having kinky fantasies when I was a very young girl. At first, I was very guilty and thought I was weird because back then, none of my friends talk or share about such things. It was only much later and in recent times that I discovered that there were others who were kinky and there was even a community where people congregated.
That made me feel a lot better about myself and excited to know that there were actually others into what I enjoyed. This meant that I was able to hang out in a space with like minded people and truly be myself and what I am, instead of always having to skirt around my kinks with vanilla friends.
What I Love About Pegging
Pegging is essentially anal sex reversed – instead of a male penis in a woman’s ass, the woman wears a strap-on and fucks the male’s ass. I’ve always been fascinated with the power exchange aspect of D/s. In the same way, pegging is a means for me to induce power exchange when traditional gender roles during sex are reversed.
The act of penetrating a man is not only fun but mentally arousing for me – making me feel powerful, strong and pushes me into a very dominant headspace. Not to mention, all that hip thrusting doubles up as a real good cardio workout!
Reasons Subs Enjoy Being Pegged
Most subs who come to me for pegging want to experience submission by having their most vulnerable and private areas violated. Some enjoy being emasculated through anal sex and also request to incorporate this with some form of sissy play.
Others are more experienced and have already embarked on their own anal exploration and just want their male G-spot to be stimulated. I must say though, it is exceptionally enjoyable when subs come to me knowing that I love pegging and they want to please me by offering their holes to me.
My Domination Style
Being safe, sane and consensual is what all my clients can expect from me. My style of domination is sensual yet firm – think of that sexy colleague that caught your eye at the office pantry, who turns out to be the no-nonsense manager on your team. As the person in charge, I take the effort to do my own research about the kink and find my own practice before I involve my subs.
I believe that communication is key to any successful session – I always engage potential subs before any session, find out if they have prior anal experience and structure an appropriate scene tailored for the sub to explore pegging based on their context. For example, if a sub were to tell me that they have not tried any anal play before, I would recommend basic anal training before jumping into a full on pegging session.
What To Expect In My Pegging Sessions
Well, just like any good sexual encounter, my typical pegging session starts with building up sexual tension between me and my sub. It could be anything from dirty talk to tease and denial – getting the sub aroused and relaxed is rather key to making penetration enjoyable and easier later in the session.
I personally use the strap-on harness from SpareParts – it is super comfortable, adjustable and looks super sick. The harness can accommodate a variety of dildos, giving me the versatility to meet my client’s needs. Unless you’re a size queen, I always start with my smallest dildo and am very generous with lube! So, don’t worry, I’m not going to tear you a new asshole on our first date. 😉
Pegging Tips For First Timers
As with trying anything new, go in with an open mind. You might like it or you might hate it, but it is always important to try, especially with someone who knows what they are doing. Besides reading up, I would recommend all aspiring clients to also try and explore your own body before hand – stick a finger or a small plug up your ass first and see how that feels for you.
Cleaning out before the session can also help make the entire process more enjoyable for all parties – less fear or shame from any potential mess or bad smells. End of the day, if you’ve been toying with the idea of getting pegged, feel free to drop me a message and I will be more than happy to take you down this delicious rabbit hole.
Mistress Haze – A tall and athletic dominatrix based in Singapore that is passionate about creating fun and exciting scenes. She enjoys turning confident and assertive men into soft putty, bending them to her sensually deviant brand of kink.
I enjoy being tied up by people I have an attraction to. This attraction doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual in nature, but there has to be interest (from both sides) in being close and intimate with each other. So for me, I don’t really seek out to be tied by people who tie specific styles of Kinbaku; rather, I seek out specific people who I am interested in exploring our relationship together, whatever that relationship might be. Sometimes I am driven by lust, sometimes I like the way a person moves, sometimes it is somebody I would like to get to know better (like a close friend of a close friend), and sometimes it is to realize a deep friendship.
That all being said, I do think there is a correlation between the people I am attracted to and the kind of rope they happen to do. I would say that I am a fairly intense and extreme person; in my Kinbaku exploration I have discovered how much I love to suffer (physically and mentally) and how much I love to be objectified… and as a former competitive athlete in sports that require intensive endurance training, I also find that my physical body craves to be pushed to a limit that it has been trained to be hard to reach. With these desires along with my personality, I naturally find myself tying with people who work a lot with the body, movement, suffering, and objectification. And often these people all kind of hover in the same circles, like-minded attracting like-minded. To name a few riggers I have had the pleasure to get to know through ropes and I think reflect what I am attracted to in ropes: Nicolas Yoroï, Kristina Marlen, Alex Nawa_Ronin, Felix Ruckert, Tamandua, Butterfly Bondage, and Pauline Massimo. These people and their way of tying speaks to me in ways that words cannot quite describe and I feel very lucky to have been able to meet them on a deep level both in and out of the ropes. Certainly, they have played a huge role in my development as a person who is tied. I also need to mention a rigger who I have not tied with but who has been an inspiration for me since the beginning of my rope journey, and that is Akira Naka. I have always been drawn to the beautiful, romantic suffering that is portrayed by him in my eyes.
There are also a few rope bottoms that I am inspired by, and I would like to mention Natasha Nawataneko in particular. We have known each other since I first started rope bondage and in so many ways we have accompanied each other on our journeys in rope bondage. She is one of the wisest and most genuine people I know, and these qualities poor from her soul when she speaks, breaks, and is being tied. I am totally inspired by her and her constant ability to stay honest and present with what is going on insider of herself while still remaining a considerate and generous human being. Being around such inspiring rope bottoms as Natasha certainly affect how I am tied and the experiences I invite into a rope bondage scene.
So, yes bondage is not about styles or collecting experiences. It is about people. And I like the style of the people I am interested in tying with, on either side of the rope. And often that style as more to do with the way they move and how they are as a person, and how we attract each other, rather than anything to do with the ropes themselves.
Photo and rope by Pauline Massimo
What You Should Know Before Trying Out Rope Bondage
I would say that they should spend time thinking about the why. Why do you want to do rope bondage? You might want to do it because you saw a pretty photo on the internet and it inspired you. It might be because you have been having fantasies about being tied up for a long time and you would like to finally try it out, or you might have absolutely no idea! But there is something about it that makes you curious. There is no right or wrong answer. But it is good to constantly evaluate this question (and the answer might keep changing, or be totally different depending on who you are tying with and what you want to do).
I think it is important to constantly evaluate this question because it will help you to better find the rope bondage experience you are looking for with a person who best matches your intention. If you are not interested in doing rope for sexual reasons, then it is best to recognize that and seek a partner whose intention matches yours… because how awful would it be to start doing rope with somebody whose intention was to be sexual when that is not what you want! No matter how good of a person you both might be, it likely would end up in an unpleasant situation to say the least, for both parties involved. When we can be honest with ourselves and our own desires we can do a better job of taking ownership for our own experiences and making sure they are what we want to have. This can apply to everything from finding rope partners, teachers, and spaces that feel good for you and help lift you up and make you feel comfortable enough to dare to be dangerous.
I would also strongly recommend people who are interested in learning to tie or be tied to seek out guidance in person. Online material can be a great sub-element for your learning and development, but it does not provide you with the important nuances that come with learning a practice that is kinetic. Seeing how the rope can affect another, having somebody there to guide you and explain how it could work for you and your body, and provide a safety net… all in person… is invaluable. Humans understand the emotional and reactions of other humans best in person. And this is exactly what rope is about. We need living examples, and meeting others who share such an edgy interest in person help us to build a network of people we can relay on and gain experience from… and furthermore can serve as a safety net we can lean on when we need others who understand to talk to about our experiences and make sure we are all safely being dangerous together.
Lastly, I would also like to emphasize that there is skill and development in being tied. Contrary to popular belief, it is not the rigger who magically creates an experience for the rope bottom to enjoy. It takes two to tango, as we say in English. We create an experience together. A dynamic. A scene. And both parties need to be present and aware of their own bodies, reactions, and feelings. There are not just things that a rigger should learn; there is also so much out there to learn for somebody to would like to be tied. Go to bottoming workshops, talk to other bottoms about their experiences, and find perspectives and techniques that work for you. Invest in yourself, and in the people who you would like to be tied by. If you come into a session expecting to be served an experience, then perhaps rope bondage is actually not for you, because if you aren’t willing to put energy, presence, and responsibility into a session then you are not doing your part in contributing to a mutually safe and rewarding experience for you or your partner.
Saara Rei – A Stockholm-based performer, rope artist, and kink educator with a professional background in modern and ballroom dance, as well as teaching and public speech coaching. She has been practicing Japanese-inspired rope bondage, often referred to as Shibari or Kinbaku, since 2014.
I would say almost every aspect of my life could be considered a practice in alternative lifestyles. I live in a cooperative: a house where everything is done cooperatively among all of its residence, from expenses to cooking to social gathering, everything is shared. I live a non-monogamous lifestyle, where the relationship agreements I make with others do not limit sexuality to be exclusively shared with one individual.
I love BDSM, and especially rope bondage, as a lifestyle; most of my close friends and relationships in general have been formed through BDSM and I spend the majority of my free time reading, speaking, teaching, learning, and going to events around BDSM and specifically rope bondage.
I also identify as genderqueer and have been “out of the closet” since I was in middle school; I even helped to organize the ‘Gay-Straight Alliance” when I was in middle school where we fronted the “Day of Silence” protest among other events. As well, I am also a huge sci-fi geek who dreams of cosplaying their favorite characters, and I am mathematician by training! Without a doubt, I love all facets of kink and alternative lifestyles. I have never been a person who has taken kindly to being told how I should be and what I should do. I don’t necessarily believe that everything mainstream is bad!
But I do believe that everybody should be able to explore freely for themselves who they are and what they like, and to be able to do that without fear or exclusion from society. I think judgements about how one should be do not just come from mainstream society… how many times have I been told I am “more queer” when my hair is short? Or that a real feminist cannot be submissive? Or that my rope is not “Japanese enough”? Why should we listen and be shaped by such voices? Voices that oppress me? I think I make it my life mission to say “NO” to such voices.
For me, it does not matter where such voices comes from, they are still boxes formed by judgements that tell me I must be a certain way or I cannot be. We should spend our time lifting each other up, especially in alternative cultures; we are fighting for our freedom to be ourselves – making war has casualties. And when we are few, those casualties can mean extinction. There is room for us all to be kinky and weird. Let’s not let the illusions of money, fame, and capitalism make us forget that.
Photo and rope by Nicolas Yoroï
How My Interest In Kinbaku Started
It’s a cute story, I think, about how I discovered Kinbaku. In the summer of 2014, a close friend of mine had returned from her first Nowhere Festival in Spain (a festival inspired by the Burning Man Festival in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert). As soon as I saw her to receive all her stories about her experiences, she began to tell me about a love affair she had with an Italian guy there, who swept her away by tying her up in his tent. And how she was so taken by this experience that she decided to go to Italy to visit him and to take some rope bondage lessons with him.
She then proceeded to ask me if I would take a beginner’s course with her in Berlin, where we both lived, as soon as she was back from Italy. And as you might expect from somebody who grew up in San Francisco followed by Berlin, my answer was a very unbothered “sure”. Since I was young I was always aware of my perversions. I often fantasized about being watched while I was in the bathroom, or being used by somebody sexually in public locations. I always knew I had a strong desire for submission, to put it generally, but I never really thought about the means to my submission much, such as bondage or pain, for instance. Perhaps they were always there, and sometimes would appear during sex in the bedroom, but never with much awareness.
Living in San Francisco, a city where alternative lifestyles were the norm, kink was always around me; kink.com made up an entire block in the center of the city and it was normal to see people walking around naked in the streets. I remember having to sit down with myself in my early 20s, having to contemplate if polyamory was really for me or if I was merely complying with social norms! So as you could imagine, my perspective on reality was quite non-normative to begin with.
And so kink has been around me casually since the start of my sexual exploration without much effort, and with that as well a lack of interest in really pursuing it as a lifestyle; like never managing to go to the museums in your hometown, kink and bondage just was never something that I really bothered to actively pursue… until the beginner’s course in rope bondage in Berlin!
My friend and I attended a two day beginner’s course hosted by a person named Caritia and her partner at the time, Steven. I had an expectation that I would like to be tied, which was confirmed, but was surprised to find how much I also enjoyed tying! The playfulness, the intimacy, and the creativity my close friend and I were able to share during these two days was inspiring. I loved both sides, but of course my sexual desires really called for me to explore being tied the most! After this workshop I proceeded to go to as many jams and workshops as possible – and the rest is history!
Photo by Shantel Liao, Rope by Butterfly Bondage
Learning Deeper About Rope Bondage
Luckily, living in Berlin, there was a lot going on at the time, especially at a venue formally known as Schwelle7, run by a now dear friend and teacher, Felix Rucket. It was there that I was able to go deep into rope bondage; it also happened to be the place where twice a year some of the most experienced people in rope bondage from all over the Europe would gather to exchange knowledge and, most importantly for me, play together.
At Schwelle7, I was able to form close relationships with people that also involved rope bondage. And of course these relationships did not form over night; they took time and energy. But after years of meeting the same people in what was a small community at that time, and living, moving, breathing together, you become familiar with each other. And relationship dynamics form between everybody. As in any community. And the beauty of this development is incredibly fulfilling, and is what kept me coming back.
If you want more of something in your life, then you need to invest your time and attention. Going to rope bondage and kink workshops, jams, and events gave me knowledge, experience, and community. And not once did I ever think of achieving something, but rather simply investing more in what I want in my life and enjoying every step of the process.
Photo by Zor Neurobashing, Rope by Nawa-Ronin:DiscoverKinbaku
What I Experience While Being Tied Up
This question is both very simple and very complicated. It is simple because I always try my best to always do the same thing when I am being tied: be present in the experience I am having and allow all reactions permission to be expressed exactly as they would like to be expressed. And it is complicated because this is hard to do! And there is absolutely no recipe for doing this, not even for myself! We are all so different from moment to moment; my mood, emotions, and physical fitness are constantly in flux and there is not so much I can actually control, as I see it.
With that, I believe that we all have to constantly work to towards finding our way back to ourselves – what we are feeling, thinking, and reacting. And rope can be extremely confronting in that our physical body is being disturbed and that this can bring out a whole array of emotions that can be hard to predict. Practicing BDSM in general has certainly helped me to bring more awareness to what I am feeling, especially when playing with emotions that I tend to avoid or ignore in the everyday life (like humiliation, shame, or fear).
Sitting with these emotions in a container that is a session, feeling and processing them, and coming out on the other side to see what the world has not ended and the person who has witnessed me in these feelings still cares for me has had a profoundly positive affect on my life.
As well, in terms of my physical body, my background as a ballroom dancer and competitive swimmer has given me a lot of insight that has been easy for me to transfer into my experience in rope bondage. Developing insight into how my body moves in space and feels when pushed has allowed me to cultivate an awareness of what is happening to my body that tells me when it is ok to push and when it is not.
Part 2 to follow…
Saara Rei – A Stockholm-based performer, rope artist, and kink educator with a professional background in modern and ballroom dance, as well as teaching and public speech coaching. She has been practicing Japanese-inspired rope bondage, often referred to as Shibari or Kinbaku, since 2014.
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Chapter 15 Teaser – Obey The Rules
After all, safety, communication and honesty are the most important rules to any alternative lifestyle relationship. Apart from that, other rules can be made up along the way, depending on one’s preference. I gave the ladies a naughty wink and told them that sometimes Scott will even give me rules for the night; such as I can give the guy a blow job but not fuck him or I can fuck my date but he must cum on my face and take a picture. He even will give me naughty challenges that I must obey. Some of these include rubbing my lover’s cock over his pants in the bar, finding a semi private area at a public place to suck my date’s cock, or masturbate under my own panties while on a date. These challenges keep Scott involved and excited. They are also usually fun nights for me and all I need to do is play by the rules.
Julie laughed and said that these rules definitely sound fun to her and that she would love to play such games too. She confessed that she too likes a little public play with the guys she sees from time to time and that it would be even hotter if she was ordered to do something specific by another lover. She then asked out of curiosity what happens if I’m unable to complete an assigned sexual task. Would I be punished for not being able to give a guy a blow job because too many people were around? I chuckled and answered that I’d have to face some fun punishments if I am unable to complete the assigned tasks and that in such cases, the consequences for breaking or bending the concrete rules can be quite unexpected.
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“mrs Sexy” is the witty, erotic and true story of her experiences with this new polyamorous lifestyle. Juliet, (aka Mrs Sexy), takes you through the most personal moments of her romantic and sexual adventures.
My feelings on kink is to each his own. As Dan Savage observed, when it comes to sexual preferences, there’s no such thing as “normal” as the spectrum is so broad.
My kinks are girls’ legs in skirt and heels, also seeing them tied up and gagged and dressed as such. Albeit I am straight and not into cross-dressing per se, I have dressed up in skirt and heels out of curiosity in teens.
I went out in public for the first time to a club called Shampoo in Philadelphia on alternative night. People were like-minded so it was more comfortable. A female friend made me up nice in the face. Corset and a thick sweater covered my broad shoulders.
I wore a short skirt just above the knee with five inch heels first, a miniskirt later, and eventually my purple skirt and sandals. It was nerve wracking yet exciting, but too uncomfortable to do regularly. I wear them for several hours once in a blue moon, so I was willing to impose on myself to look good.
How My Interest In Kink Started
Venturing out in a skirt and heels that were each literally as short and high as possible. I went to this club several times in that same outfit and it was a monumental task on it’s own.
Bondage was a whole new adventure.
Fetishes & Kinks I’m Into
Albeit I have ventured out dressed up several times, I had never been tied up before. I’ve always wanted to experience it. There is a connection between my skirt/heel fetish and bondage. The main reason I did it was to make my legs look the best I could. 6.3 inch heels (very expensive but sturdy material with a high arch, and ankle straps also conveys bondage) shapes lower legs up dramatically.
SM spandex skirt with a shortened hemline but still fits will help the legs appear more shapely. Wearing them greatly inhibits movement and is viewed by some as a form of bondage. The discomfort of wearing turned me on at the same time. But imposing on one’s self willingly for the sole purpose of looking sexually attractive for others conveys submission. I like seeing girls dressed as such (sometimes in frigid temperatures) for the same reason.
My Experience With Zoe
She gave me directions to her home – a nice single home in the suburbs. Zoe was nice, a casually dressed middle-aged woman, which I liked as I am not into S&M. I changed in her bathroom. I was very self conscious at first – wearing a skirt that short and barelegged feels so vulnerable and exposed. But she genuinely liked my legs and told me so upon seeing me.
I brought a five minute video of model Jewell Marceau (girl pole tied in backyard pic) so she could replicate it. She did almost exactly except for the type of gag she used. I didn’t like ballgags at first (too S&M) but hers was pink with thin leather strap so it didn’t look that way. The fairly large size gagged me thoroughly – it held firmly, muffled my voice and made speaking impossible.
I always found the sound a girl makes while gagged, (“mmph mmph” is the onomatopoeia) arousing. I instructed her to ignore me if she saw me struggle or hear me make any sound. I wanted her to have complete control by making sure I was held firmly in place and that there could be no communication between us whatsoever.
Physically it felt pretty much as I expected, even felt kinda good as strange as it sounds. The rope felt snug. The complete surrender of control to her was quite a sensation. Being gagged feels more helpless than I thought. Even when she spoke directly to me face to face, I couldn’t respond in any way.
Sensory deprivation was by design from being left alone. No TV, music, just dead silence and blank walls to look at. I liked fantasizing that I had been kidnapped, standing still but occasionally struggling. It did become very boring at times but it was a good experience overall. Standing in heels, unable to sit or take them off was the most uncomfortable part but not as bad as I thought.
She did come down to check on me once within the hour, making sure the rope was secure. It was expensive but worth it.
Article by Fred Keeler
Article images courtesy of Fred, featured image from Shutterstock
