SimplySxy

Category: Kink

  • Fan Submissions: No Finesse Whatsoever

    Fan Submissions: No Finesse Whatsoever

    “Is this water or silicone based lube?” Mike questioned from the bed.

    I stared back at him from the bathroom sink. “Um, silicone.”

    “Oh, well I thought you couldn’t use silicone lube with silicone toys, something about it messing up the toy’s surface.” Mike responded quizzically.

    “Oh, Fuck. I don’t know.”

    I pulled the string of pale purple anal beads from the sink of warm water and pinched them slightly.

    “Pretty sure they’re just rubber.”

    My relationship with Mike grew out of a shared interest in spirituality, whatever the fuck that really means. I was searching for a way out of my vapid sorority saturated college experience and he was available, ready and willing to lure me into one of the strangest relationships I’ll ever know. So, what began as a bond formed over hot coffee and discussions of The Secret, turned into a weirdly fulfilling sexual conquest and bout of experimentation. It’s also what led to my ability to give one hell of a blowjob. I can say that with confidence because I probably gave the kid over 200 blowjobs. I was also taking tips from Sasha Grey videos. He unfortunately, ate pussy like a real amateur. No finesse whatsoever. He treated the whole ordeal like a medical procedure, nerve-racking and tedious. Nothing worse than revealing in a state of post orgasmic bliss and seeing your significant other’s face pull away from your pussy in twisted confusion and fear.

    Despite the excessive exchange of oral sex, our sex-ationship held an experimental element that resembled a Masters and Johnson type affair. Our sex had purpose, outside of meaning and intimacy, which it was virtually devoid of. We were pioneers on a sexual frontier conquesting through the use of sex toys, amateur YouTube videos and shared fantasies. Originally, it was all his idea. One night early on, he pulled out a drawstring bag from beneath his bed as I was reading a compilation of Buddhist fables. Without speaking he dumped the contents onto the bed, smiling coyly like some perverted Santa Claus delivering gifts on Christmas. Strewn across the red sheets lay brightly colored cock rings, anal beads, Velcro handcuffs, strange squishy blue dice with words that read “suck” or “pinch” or “kiss”, and a shiny egg-shaped vibrator. “My bag of toys, for you.” He remarked, playing even more into the perverted Santa Claus role. Truthfully though, I loved them all. Each toy brought on a new challenge. I became obsessed, in a way, with the excitement it provided. I felt empowered.

    I certainly had my own sexual interest too. They developed mostly out of watching consecutive episodes of True Blood. Something about the erotic subordination of humans during vampire sex that caused me to raise an eyebrow with investigatory excitement. The way this translated in the bedroom was far less fantastical. It involved Mike choking me during intercourse to act out the domineering role of a hollow hearted and sex driven Bill Compton. Most of our fantasies played out that way, providing fleeting enjoyment that fell short due to lack of intimacy.

    The relationship will always be memorable despite its lack of meaning. In its aftermath, it helped with many things. It led me to finally buy my own vibrator: fitted with ten pulsating speeds and a waterproof technology that really made bathing a worthwhile endeavor. I grew to know what I like; where, when and how. It made me comfortable to have sex with myself and ask subsequent partners to partake in what I most enjoyed. While the sex-ationship was doomed to collapse but in a serendipitous and realistic way, it’s moments were fun and exciting albeit also deeply embarrassing.

    “Ok, well either way, rubber or silicone, bring them over here.” Mike responded decidedly.

    “So the video said that if I put them in before I eat you out and then sloooowly pull them out as you’re coming, it will intensify your orgasm or something.”

    “Will do.” I replied laying my head back onto the pillow, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply. “Here we go,” I thought. The process itself was mediocre, as it usually was. A combination of inconsistent tongue flicks and infantile sucking that seemed more like a series of muscle spasms than anything else. Eventually though, through the powers of pelvic muscle tightening and nipple stimulation, I began to reach my plateau. I bore down into the bed, arched the small of my back and exclaimed hurriedly, “Ok, I’m about to come.”

    As the rush of feeling flowed through my lower half, I barely noticed the gentle motion of beads being pulled slowly from within my ass. And then … shit. Literally. I didn’t really smell or see anything but it became evident that female ejaculate was not the only fluid I secreted at that particular moment. Mike pulled away with force but surprisingly his expression was less exasperated then it was after most instances of pussy-eating. He rushed to the bathroom, beads in hand and quickly threw them into the sink. I laid there, paralyzed, and not in the post orgasmic way I usually enjoyed. “Did I just shit on the bed?” I thought to myself in a moment of sheer panic. I sat up suddenly and looked down. Nothing there. Thank god. The last thing I needed in that moment was to resemble a puppy caught in the act of soiling the Persian rug in the living room. Suddenly Mike reappeared.

    “Well, I’ve got to go to work.”

    “That didn’t turn out very well did it?”

    He smiled. “Could have been better.” He kissed me on the forehead. “Might want to let those soak for a little while.”

    I smiled back meekly, feeling my cheeks redden like I was in a Charlie Brown cartoon.

    After he headed out, I drudgingly walked into the bathroom. Still unaware of whether I had excreted shit on the beads, I tossed them into the trash. They really didn’t intensify my orgasm anyway.

    SimplySxy welcomes articles written by our readers on any topic of their choice. Each submission is edited and published the same as from any of our Sexperts and Contributors.

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  • Cuckoldry & Pornography

    Cuckoldry & Pornography

    In keeping with this month’s topic I will review the ways in which “porn” or erotica is depicted and can be used by those involved with or interested in a cuckold lifestyle.

    For Uninitiated or Novice Couples

    First, there are a lot of website that feature videos of hot-wives, soccer moms, sluts, horny housewives, size-queens, MILF, GILF … etc.  Most of these are staged professionals or semi-amateur productions.  Some are good, others unrealistic compared with the way most couples/women practice their own form of the lifestyle.  At least some of the semi-amateur videos provide a depiction of how a cuckold relationship might work at times.

    Aside from the videos that have an overtly cuckold-related themes, just about any might be useful for a shy husband or sexually bored wife to get their partner to reveal more about their feelings about certain sexual activities—as a prelude to actually mentioning a cuckold fantasy either has.

    A husband might show his middle-aged wife a video showing an older woman having hot sex with a young virile man to get her thinking about her own “cougar” fantasy.

    It is usually a good idea to prepare some quiet time to watch these videos together when everyone is in the mood to watch something and maybe play afterward.  While watching the video, the husband or wife should try and arouse their partner just a little.  Doing this can help the partner open up to ideas that they have suppressed or denied.

    For some women, just watching a sexual explicit video can help them overcome their “good girl” conditioning.  Getting to see a woman freely enjoying her sexuality in an real amateur or well acted production can be very liberating.

    For Experienced Couples

    For couples already involved with a cuckold lifestyle, adult videos or erotica can serve a different purpose.  They can be used to help the couple further explore the variations and extremes of the lifestyle. After viewing videos on things like double-penetration, gang bangs, D&S play, glory hole … etc. the couple can make a more informed decision if they want to explore these sexual “avenues”.

    Apart from videos, there are web sites and forums that carry captioned images with cuckold-related themes.  For example: a photo of a woman in the throes of sexual pleasure as she couples with a lover is captioned “Oh, You are so much bigger and more satisfying than my husband”.

    These types of images can be used by a perspective cuckold to prepare himself for the real thing. I know one husband who refers to these images as “visual mantras”.

    Follow the rest of our Pornography special feature with articles from contributors and exclusive interviews with porn stars on SimplySxy.com!

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  • The Intimate Thoughts of a Crossdresser

    The Intimate Thoughts of a Crossdresser

    The truth is that there is simply no straightforward, one simple answer as to why men crossdress.  If there was, you probably wouldn’t be reading this article: the discussions on this taboo subject would have been settled a long time ago and many men would be free to express their femininity without fear of ridicule and rejection.

    In my personal experience, the fascination with woman’s clothing started when I was very young.  I must have been about 5 or 6 years old, and I remember going to great lengths to get access to my mom’s lingerie.  My most vivid recollection goes back to my teenage years, anxiously and secretly purchasing pantyhose from a local shop and then wearing them under my clothes while walking home.  I felt and still feel to this day, a need to wear woman’s clothes almost on a daily basis, whenever I can find the private time.

    To be honest, I can’t quite explain where these feeling come from or why they started in the first place. Many times I find the feeling hard to control, especially if I go a few days without dressing up.  The mass media likes to reason that crossdressing is a sexual perversion, and so they naturally see the desire to crossdress as purely for sexual gratification.  The problem with this theory is that when I (and most other crossdressers) first felt the desire to crossdress at a very young age, we didn’t know what sex really was or had any sexual feeling.  I often would go to sleep wearing my homemade stockings and carefully taking them off in the morning under the bed sheets and hiding them in the drawer under my bed before my mom would walk into the room.

    There are many misconceptions and stereotypical views about crossdressers, one of them being that most people believe crossdressers are homosexual and desire to be with other men.  Although there are cases where this is the fact, the truth is that most crossdressers are heterosexual men.  A lot of them are married, have families and lead regular lives.  For many, crossdressing goes through several evolution stages and sometimes ends at the point when the crossdresser desires a transition to living full-time as a female.  Many crossdressers describe the need to crossdress as ‘feeling more comfortable wearing woman’s clothes’.

    This is sometimes coupled with the desire to be seen as a woman.  To not simply dress like a woman, but behave like one as well, to wear make-up, lingerie, shoes and otherwise, pass as a woman.  Then there are others who crossdress purely for sexual excitement.  Crossdressing covers a wide spectrum and therefore it is hard to define them as any one group.  Some men crossdress because they are unhappy being men and wish to escape the male role.

    Let’s face it, women have way more selection when it comes to fashion and are allowed to express themselves in many distinct ways.  Just walk into any women’s fashion and beauty mall and then walk in the men’s section and you’ll know what I mean.  For me, I love feminity! I love the feeling of being a woman and wearing all the gorgeous makeup, soft sexy dresses, high-heeled shoes and exploring the female realm. It’s such a real thrill for me and countless other crossdressers.  I highly admire women and their beauty and their many feminine qualities. I regard the female physique as a work of art.  There are also others who don’t mind the male state, but like to put on women’s clothes occasionally. Some men crossdress simply to make a passing social or fashion statement, and some because they have emotional needs that can only be met by the comfort that wearing women’s clothes gives them.

    Sex, particularly with other people is not the main reason why most men crossdress and masturbate because they are now themselves, the ideal woman, and the man no longer has to fear rejection, criticism or disappointment which might come with attempts of intercourse with a woman.  The fact is that women crossdress all the time and are free to wear men’s clothing without fear of ridicule or turning heads.  It is not uncommon to see a woman walking down the street wearing men’s apparel.

    Men on the other hand are supposed to fit into a very rigid gender role and are not able to freely express their femininity beyond maybe, crying at the movies.  The true reason why men crossdress remains somewhat of a mystery to this day.  Crossdressing is an intensely personal activity for many men, often done in secret, late at night and sometimes guilt-ridden.

    Crossdressers usually will do this in secret when the wife and kids leave the home.  They have their day planned!  They will even go so far as to shave off their body hair, take a hot, perfumed, bubble bath, and dress in something silky.  However, many crossdressers just enjoy the feeling of certain material against their bodies and go no further than dressing up as a woman.  More and more crossdressers are “coming out of the closet” and if lucky, their wives will accept the way they are as long as they keep it private and away from friends and family.

    In my particular case, my girlfriend knows that I crossdress and she has accepted it, which I am very appreciative of her for doing so.  Apart from my girlfriend, no one in my family knows to this day, and this can be psychologically challenging for me at times.  For the past 45 years, I have done a good job of concealing my other self.  Most crossdresses become very good at being Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.  Today, I enjoy being Marcy whenever I can and have taken many steps to perfecting my female persona.

    Marcy’s biggest goal is to be as passable as a woman as possible.  I haven’t ventured out of my house as a female but strongly hope that one day soon, I will be able to freely be Marcy in and out of the house in a place where I will not have to fear weird stares, ridicule and rejection.  I’m optimistic that as our society grows more accepting of diverse gender expression, we will see more crossdressers stepping forward to share their stories and feel more open about discussing the topic of crossdressing with family and friends without the need to justify their behavior, and are no longer shamed by everyone.

    I know some people out there will mock me and say that I need help.
    I say to you, you have never have never walked in my high-heeled shoes.
    Judge me if you want, it makes no difference.

    Marcy Simpson

    Founder of Crossdresser Society.com

    Featured Image courtesy of Marcy Simpson.

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  • Cuckold Relationships

    Cuckold Relationships

    As a couple gets comfortable with a cuckold lifestyle their sexual attitudes and activities often change.

    For the woman there is often a sense that sexual pleasure is something she has a right to enjoy.  The woman’s sense of sexual entitlement sometimes leads into her increasingly dominating her cuckold.  In contrast, the cuckold may feel sexual pleasure for him is secondary or something he has to earn.  The ways and type of sexual pleasures a cuckold earns is generally left to the woman.

    Some women may enjoy limiting the frequency or type of sexual pleasure that their cuckold has – some examples of this might be;

    • The cuckold must wear a condom when he is allowed to have sex with the woman even though she doesn’t use one with her other partner.
    • The cuckold is not allowed to ejaculate inside the woman as this privilege is reserved for her boyfriend/lover.  This rule is sometimes combined with the condom one so that the cuckold must stop having coitus before he ejaculates, withdraw and finish by masturbating while wearing the condom.
    • The woman no longer gives the cuckold oral sex even though she gives it freely to her lover and the cuckold must provide it to her whenever she wants.
    • The cuckold is restricted from having any regular sex with the woman.

    Many men find that their feelings of sexual arousal become heightened after becoming a cuckold.  Similarly their interest in sex becomes much more focused on their partner’s activities and pleasure.

    Over time the woman might find a regular boyfriend/lover whom they share a bond with.  At the same time, the cuckold may find ways of pleasing his lady apart from regular, penetrative sex.  For example, some cuckolds learn to give their lady a great massage or pedicure.  While the cuckolds have less traditional sex they sometimes learn to derive emotional pleasure from doing other sexual or non-sexual things for their wives/girlfriends.

    Some women may find that they enjoy having several boyfriend or lovers while others only want one extra partner at a time.

    One issue some women experience is that their boyfriend/lover wants to them leave or divorce themselves from their cuckold.  In these cases, the women often end the relationship.  To avoid this problem, it is best for the woman to make her status and intentions clear at the outset.  Some women actually seek out boyfriends/lovers who are married since they are much less likely to become demanding because they need to keep their activities secret.

    Other changes in the couples relationship might include:

    • The woman taking trips and vacations with her lover.  These might be trips where the lover accompanies the woman and cuckold.  For others, it usually means the woman goes off with her lover leaving her cuckold at home – usually to do chores.
    • At times, the cuckold might be required to seek out new potential boyfriends or lovers for the woman.
    • The cuckold sometimes chauffeurs the woman and her lover on a special date.

    Steve O: Emotional Responses in Cuckold Relationships

    Read Steve’s latest article on Cuckoldry & Pornography on SimplySxy.com!

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  • Uncuffed: An Intro to Kinky Exploration

    Uncuffed: An Intro to Kinky Exploration

    If you are a curious beginner looking to explore the multiple facets of kink with your partner, whether that means buying your first set of handcuffs or acting out an intense fantasy, there are three guidelines to start you off…to get you off.

    Communication with your partner is crucial to having a good kinky time.  If this is your first time expanding your sexuality and testing your comfort zone then there is a lot to talk about with your partner.  It can be a little awkward at first to address these sometimes new and edgy topics, and that’s okay.  You’re allowed to feel a little uncomfortable.  Start out slow when addressing kink with your partner; maybe mention you read an article or an erotic story online about some light bondage and a blindfold and were wondering if your partner would be open to tying you up (or vice versa) with a tie or fuzzy handcuffs and blindfolding you with a scarf.  Sometimes it is easier to begin with small changes to your sexual routine to get more comfortable, before experimenting with more intense changes, like replacing that scarf or fuzzy handcuffs with rope or leather bonds.

    It also can be helpful to give each other a verbal outline of what will happen (at least the first few times) so there are no surprises that your partner may not be expecting or enjoy.  For example, if you are tying your partner up and then blindfolding them, explain to them how and what you will tie them up with, and explain that you can stop at any time if you or your partner becomes uncomfortable.  Talking it out is a great way to reduce any stress or nervousness you or your partner may experience during this new adventure you are embarking on together.

    Consent is also a critical piece of kinky exploration that ties (pun intended) in well with communicating with your partner.  Consent is so important for you and your partner’s sexual experience.  After talking to your partner about wanting to trying that light bondage, or wanting to be blindfolded for a little sensory deprivation if your partner does not want to try those things you need to respect that.  Consensual sex is the best kind of sex, and if your partner feels obligated or bullied into trying these kinds of things, it likely will not be enjoyable for either one of you and will not make for promising sexual exploration in the future.  If at first your partner does not seem too keen on the idea of incorporating these new kinky ideas into your sexual repertoire, that’s okay.  You might try showing your partner that article or erotic story you read that gave you the idea in the first place, or looking into some literature for kinky beginners.

    If after reading up on kink through articles, books, or erotica and your partner is still hesitant, you should respect that and just give it some time.  Let the conversation rest for a while, maybe your partner is stressed at work currently or is having difficulty within their family.  Showing you respect their decision and/or can wait for other areas of their life to settle down will show your partner you respect them and honour their consent, and may keep your partner’s mind open to consenting to some kinky fun in the future.

    Lastly, after you have discussed what you are going to try with your partner, how you are going to try it, and have received verbal and (maybe a little nervous) enthusiastic consent, you need to keep safety and sanitation in mind as well.  This basically means using safe products for you and your partner, and to have a basic understanding of the kinky toys you might try using before actually using them on your partner.  For example, if you are going to use handcuffs, make sure you know how to easily get in and out of them.  Or, if you are going to use any sex toys like vibrators or dildos, make sure you know what they are made out of and know if those materials are healthy for you and your partner (be aware of latex and other kinds of allergies).  After you are done using toys, make sure to wash and store them properly too for next time.

    A final word on safety; depending on what you are choosing to explore sexually with your partner, having a safe word may be beneficial.  Having a safe word, like “red” for stop or “yellow” for slow down, or something silly like “watermelon”, can give you and your partner confidence and security in your kinky exploration.  If what you are experimenting with gets too intense for one of you, you can stop whenever you want by using your word.

    Keeping these three simple rules in mind: open communication, consent and safety for you and your partner while you begin to experiment and broaden your sexy horizons, will hopefully lead you both to a healthy, confident, (kinkily) blossoming sexuality.

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  • Is Cock and Ball Torture for You?

    Is Cock and Ball Torture for You?

    Don’t ask me why some men like having their naughty bits punished with cock and ball torture (CBT), but they do.  And my favourite bottoms are the ones that really, really do.

    So picture the scene: I’m at my favourite dungeon on a Saturday night.

    In walks a 4B – Beautiful, Buff, Bald, and Black, I call this the 4B’s of Destiny, because he is, destined to play with Me.  Then picture him naked.  His brains, name or height don’t matter, just enjoy him oiled up and blindfolded.

    I check the time, this scene could last two hours and since I didn’t get a nap before starting to play at 11:30 pm, two hours of intense poking, slapping, hitting, pumping, and twisting can wear me out.  Then we must be in a space conducive to fluid spillage, arm and leg room to swing and kick, and seating and/or laying options.  I like my bottoms to be as comfortable as possible for the pain I inflict.

    Nerve endings are beautiful things.  The more sensitive the skin area is, the more nerve bundles there are to play with.  They register pain and pleasure faster, and when syncopation occurs, the nerves can no longer distinguish pain from pleasure.  Just watching the body writhing in reaction to the stimulus of slaps, strokes, or bites can bring the utmost delight.

    Since I’m in the mood for stingy vs. thuddy pain tonight, I choose my instruments carefully.  Knives are the first course to start my encounter with his skin.  I trail the cool flat stainless steel blade slowly, watch the skin and fine hairs prickle in response.  Then I dip the tip, creating pools of just enough pressure but not enough to pierce through the skin.  Whether I use one blade or two, I create a symmetrical dance undulating across the smooth surface.  I put on a pair of my Love Bites Vampire Gloves and lightly touch flesh.  His skin is all goose bumps now, and I head to his throbbing cock.  He’s uncut, and the extra sensitivity is what will drive him crazy with craving and mad with the intense pleasure.  I slowly wrap my hand around the head, pulling the foreskin.  He jumps and then leans into the gloves’ grip.  He tosses his head back and forth, shaking it violently to clear the flood of chemicals in which he is now drowning.  His body has signalled that I have him where I want him.  Skin shudders as the nerve endings are sending both pleasure and pain messages to the brain.

    A study from Radboud University Nijmegen in the Netherlands shows that men’s cognitive performances were impaired when they were around women.  I was shooting for maximum cognitive failure, and the limpness of his arms, the surrendering of his cock to my use, made it clear he was mine to do with as I pleased.

    It felt like I raced through the next hour and a half, teasing his flesh, making his body arch and moan.  His pool of pre-cum made a sticky mess everywhere.  I knew he was aching to cum and each time the tip of a blade crossed the tip of his cock or my gloves gripped his cock hard and stroked, he would spurt a little more pre-cum.

    Now he was ready to be mounted.  I instructed him to stand, his eyes barely coherent to my instructions, gave him water to drink, and then forced him to his knees facing my “bro” cock.  He dined hungrily on it, moaning in pleasure and stroking his own cock.

  • You Have More than One Partner? : An Intro to Non-Monogamy

    You Have More than One Partner? : An Intro to Non-Monogamy

    Girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, and wives, generally when we picture these relationships in our minds, we think of them as including just two partners.  Ah, but that’s where we may benefit from expanding our lovey imaginations.  These types of “typical” boyfriend-girlfriend, girlfriend-girlfriend, and boyfriend-boyfriend etc. relationships are called monogamous relationships.  However there are several other relationship styles that people choose to participate in that include more than two partners, these are called non-monogamous relationships.

    When someone says they are in a non-monogamous relationship, that could mean one of several things.  They could be in a casual, open, swinging, polygamist, or polyamorous relationship.  There are several other variations of non-monogamous relationships, but for the purposes of this article, we will just stick to these five common types.  Everyone has different definitions to go along with these types of commitments, but here is a general definition break down of all the ways people get their lovin’:

    Monogamous – Most of us are pretty familiar with this one, but just to be clear…a monogamous relationship is a sexually and emotionally exclusive relationship between two partners where there is an agreement that the partners will be committed to each other and have no outside partners.  If there are outside partners, this is generally considered cheating or being unfaithful.

    Casual – Generally, there is no sexual, emotional or romantic commitment in casual relationships.  However, there is at least an emotional or sexual bond or attraction between the partners.  In short, the partners get along together really well and are sexually and/or emotionally compatible; they just don’t expect commitment from each other.

    Open – This relationship style is a bit more flexible such that its definition can change depending on the couple.  A good rule of thumb definition is this: an open relationship is between two partners who have decided that they will both have outside sexual partners while remaining emotionally exclusive with each other.  Some choose to have a “don’t ask don’t tell” or a “not in our house/bed” policy about their outside partners, but again it depends on the couple.  Also, things such as STDs/STIs and sexual safety concerns are also generally talked about regularly within open relationships.

    Swinging – Can sometimes be known as “partner swapping” and/or a social activity, where a committed couple has decided to have sex with other single partners or couples; sexually engaging with these outside couples generally happens as a couple.  Often, swinger couples find like-minded play partners through swinger meet up groups or websites.

    Polygamy – This type of relationship has seen a lot of attention lately through the reality shows such as Sister Wives or My Five Wives. Polygamy generally consists of one person (typically this person is a male) who has married several spouses (generally females), this specific type of polygamy is called polygyny (man marrying multiple women).  A rarer form of polygamy is polyandry (woman marrying multiple men).

    Polyamory – This may be the most complex of the non-monogamous relationships because polyamory tends to take on more of a fluid/flexible approach to relationships, while also having its own set of boundaries.  Simply, polyamory can involve an individual who has multiple sexual/emotional/intimate partners with none of those partners taking priority over the others.  Another form of polyamory includes primary and secondary partners; where a couple is each other’s primary partner, and both of them date secondary partners.  Of course, there is the possibility of primary partners becoming secondary partners and vice versa, or having an intermingling of lovers and partners.

    There you have it, your first introduction and glimpse into different types of non-monogamous relationships.  Gives a new meaning to the more the merrier, yeah?

    Nicole Nelson, Freelancer

  • Female Domination and Female Led Relationships

    Female Domination and Female Led Relationships

    I was recently amused to see the following statement on Wikipedia which claimed that “71% of heterosexual males preferred a dominant-initiator role”.  Wikipedia referred to a study done by Kurt Emulf in 1995 as to the source for their statement.  I am here to tell you that in the last fifteen years of my experiences as a Dominatrix, and as the Dominant Partner in all of my relationships with men, the men whom I have come in contact with have proven to me that it is exactly the opposite of that published study.  In fairness to that study by Emulf, I have to wonder which demographic group of men he studied.  I have found that typically, male “Blue Collar” workers might fit the mold he presented.  They usually have to put on the macho front and try to act like they control “their little woman”.  Whereas, in almost all cases, the “White Collar” males who I have come in contact with almost all showed an attraction to Dominant Females.  These men, in most cases, jumped at the opportunity of serving a Dominant Female and catering to her needs in private.

    Female Domination is a relatively new term, and has primarily gained popularity over the last twenty years as more and more women have moved away from the stereotype of an “at home Mom and home maker”, and have moved into the business world with positions of increasing responsibility.  While the emergence of the woman in the business place has been taking place, at the same time, another event has been transpiring.  More and more of the men who are in high pressure positions within the business world have been looking for an outlet to relieve the pressure and demands which were put on them in the business world.  These men have found that pressure relief valve, in many cases to be submission to a Dominatrix or allowing their wife or partner to institute a Female Led Relationship at home.

    When you think of Female Domination, the first thought that jumps to your mind is that of Leather-Clad Women in black stockings and high heel pumps with stiletto heels, and rightfully so.  This is the image that most men who are looking for a Dominant woman have in their minds.  That is exactly why I and most Dominant women dress in Leather, Black Stockings, and High Heel Pumps or Boots most of the time.  It serves two very important purposes.  First, it fulfils the desires of the men who come to us looking for Domination Sessions.  Secondly, when attired as mentioned above, it allows us to see the men who are attracted to us on a daily basis, and gives us an idea as to whether or not they might be a good candidate to serve us as a slave.  When men can’t take their eyes off of you when you are dressed in a dominant manner, it’s usually a clear tip off of what they are attracted to.

    I can tell you from personal experience, and you can also read the actual account of what happened in my book “At Her Beck and Call”, which illustrates my point.  I met my husband/slave on the Internet about thirteen years ago, and determined on the first date, that he was a good candidate to become the subservient party in a Female Led Relationship.  How?  Very simple!  I noticed right away that he could not take his eyes off my nylon clad legs or high heel pumps.  When I let my dress slide up and expose the garter belt holding up my sheer nylons, he was transfixed on the image.  My hunch was right as soon as I questioned him as to whether he preferred a woman in garter belts and stockings or a woman who wore pantyhose.  He was embarrassed, but he admitted to me that he found my attire to be a lot sexier than a woman wearing pantyhose.  Later, back at my house I confirmed that he was a good candidate for a Female Led Relationship when I pushed his face down to my high heels and he immediately began to worship them.  It didn’t take me long to move our relationship along to the point where he surrendered all control over to me and became my adoring slave.  I am happy to report that we’ve now been married for over ten years, and Troy is still always there at My Beck and Call.

    I get this question from women all the time.  There has to be more than just the dress and attire, doesn’t there?  Absolutely, there has to be the correct mindset on the part of the woman, first and foremost.  The woman has to want a man who will get down on his knees, worship her body, be compliant with all of her wishes, and cater to all of her needs.  The woman in the relationship has to take charge and make Female Domination a reality in her relationship.  It is not hard to do at all.  Most women are held back by that old stereotyped image which I mentioned previously.  Those days are gone, and the faster every women realizes it, the better off all females will be.  Men will let you have control and will do your bidding, if you will just take the initiative and make that Female Led Relationship happen.

    I am a strict believer in male chastity, and I have kept my husband locked in a Chastity Tube for many years.  He has learnt that he will never get a release and orgasm unless I am totally satisfied with the number and quality of orgasms he has given to me, and totally pleased with his behaviour in our marriage.  I will devote another article strictly to the how to’s on male chastity, but I need to mention one important fact here.  Once a woman locks up her partner’s cock in a Chastity Tube, magic happens.  The male will become more adoring, more attentive to the women’s needs, and becomes more obedient to every wish that the female should utter.  Men are not controlled by their mind.  They are controlled by what is between their legs, and when women realize that, take control, and institute forced male chastity into the relationship, the woman finds quickly that she becomes the Queen of the household.  I’ve found that to be true ever since I locked my husband into a Chastity Tube, and I’ve also received the same feedback from every woman who I have talked with who did the same thing.  The move pretty much guarantees a successful Female Led Relationship.

    You do not have to be a professional Dominatrix like me to have your man kneeling at your feet, worshipping your body, giving you all the orgasms you could ever desire, and loving every minute of serving you.  You just have to take control today of your relationship and make it happen.  When he comes home tonight, put on that short leather skirt, garter belt, sheer stockings, and killer high heels.  See what happens.  I’ll bet that you can have your mate down on his knees in minutes kissing your heels, worshipping your legs, and waiting for your next command!

    Click Here to See My New Short Story  “Two Slaves Are Better Than One” by Mistress Benay on Amazon Now for only 99 Cents

  • You Need Orgasms

    You Need Orgasms

    We are all born with functioning sexual organs designed to supply natural pleasure for the body.  Some of us get lucky and get both sets, but that has its challenges as well.  Discovery Channel aired a documentary on women’s orgasms.  The scientists gave a woman an MRI while she masturbated and watched her during orgasm light up over eighty sections of the brain, providing it with oxygen and nutrients. That means we feed the brain every time we orgasm.  It makes perfect sense, since we are designed to procreate.  We signal the body to stay healthy, useful, and regenerative, as orgasm is still needed for reproductive purposes.

    An old wives tale goes like this:  If you put a penny in a jar every time you make love during the first year of marriage, then take a penny out of that jar every time you make love for the rest of your marriage, there’ll still be enough money left for the flowers at your funeral. We are designed to fuck.  Our culture has controlled our procreation urges.  We are taught to disapprove anything beyond those created rules.  That’s not healthy for us.

    Our closest genealogical relative is the Bonobo monkey, and they fuck everything all the time and, guess what, they are the most peaceful creatures.  We could learn something from our ancestors.

    We are sensual beings, all desiring the positive elements of our senses:  Food and drink with taste; pleasant floral, musky smells for our noses; art in whatever form of beauty the eyes perceive; music, rhythmic sounds, soft voice, lectures, poetry for the auditory; the written word for the auditory digital; and human touch and other kinesthetic experiences that give us physical pleasure.

    Dacher Keltner, in his book Born To Be Good, teaches us the biological importance of emotional pleasure for the physical body.  His understanding of the common emotions represented across all humans and mammals alike, showed the clear natural values we should give to pleasure.  It is innate to our being …

    Followed finally by the erotic.  This is a learned skill.   Not developed until some level of maturity of the individual.  Many of us don’t reach it till our maternal and paternal duties are over with.  The kids are gone, leaving the bored husband and wife looking at each other wondering, Is this it?  The unfulfilled fantasies come back with a vengeance, and like a bad cold, they won’t release you till they have left your body.

    It’s the way the body signals it’s time for growth.  Fantasy, like dreams, are a way the body communicates a need to you.  Have you ever had a dream that keeps returning?  Does it get louder each time, turning into a nightmare?  Dream research teaches you that you are ignoring something when the dream gets louder.  If, for instance, you are getting chased constantly in your dreams, then you are running from something.  Dreams provide a metaphor to the emotional issues in your life.

    Fantasy represents emotional hunger.  It allows our bodies to come into the yin-yang balance of our natures.  We desire and fantasize about emotional states of pleasure we would like to be in.  The most common in the kink community, because of the size of the population, is the heterosexual male’s desire to be in submission, laying down the burden of making all the decisions.

    I have often thought that women of my generation have been afforded the luxury of choice by taking the easier road.  They cry, “Just tell me to do what I want to do.”  And you know what?  I would have cried that plea too, but I like making decisions.  As with gambling, I don’t always win and the losses are sometimes painful, but I own them all.  And that’s why I’m a Domina that needs an occasional switch opportunity to rest my weary head upon.  I’m the better for having loved and loss.

    Both sexes in all cultures have ways to go in learning how to be comfortable in our alignments.  The Northern European cultures, which threw out the hard liner religious views and have adopted open sexuality and drug use, still boast the lowest crime rates.  You would think we could learn from that.  Our dogmatic religious beliefs have atrophied the brain[1].  And we simply get stuck in stupid.

    [1] Owen AD, Hayward RD, Koenig HG, Steffens DC, Payne ME (2011) Religious Factors and Hippocampal Atrophy in Late Life. PLoS ONE 6(3): e17006. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0017006

     
     
    Namaste,
     
    Phyllis Rawley
  • Initiation into Cuckoldry; for husbands and wives

    Initiation into Cuckoldry; for husbands and wives

    It is important to recognise, modern cuckold lifestyles are definitely a niche or fetish that isn’t for everyone.  Before a husband or wife approaches their spouse with the idea of using cuckoldry to spice up their marriage, they need to proceed slowly while guarding their mate’s feelings.  The way a couple’s participation in a cuckold lifestyle unfolds, where the husband initiates things, is generally very different than if the wife does.

    For Husbands

    For a husband, revealing his interest in being his wife’s cuckold can be risky as she may misinterpret his motivations and assume he has a hidden agenda.  When many women learn of their husband’s interest in cuckoldry, they become upset and assume that their husband is looking to get into “swinging”, break up their marriage, have an open relationship or even atone for his own infidelity.

    Before a husband mentions being a cuckold to his wife, he should carefully consider what it is about the cuckold lifestyle that he finds exciting.  Given the counterintuitive nature of being a cuckold, this self-reflection is important for several reasons.  Firstly, so the husband can better determine if he truly is ready to be an actual cuckold in real life.  There are several things he can do.

    He could try imagining his wife having sex with certain men he knows among his friends and/or co-workers.  He might find that the idea of certain men having sex with his wife is more arousing, distressful or objectionable than others.  He needs to understand that his wife might be attracted to men who are similar to him in appearance and personality or she might want someone who is very different from her husband.

    If the husband can understand his feelings, he can better adapt if or when his wife does accept a cuckold lifestyle and things don’t unfold the way he originally imagined.

    Another thing a man should try is imagining his wife going off on a “date” or having sex with another man when he is having sex or masturbating.  He will likely find that his fantasising will add greatly to his arousal.  After he has an orgasm, he should continue reflecting on how he would feel if his wife was having sex with someone else.  In this post-orgasm state he will likely feel more jealousy, resentment and other negative feelings.

    Riding the “Arousal Wave”

    It is important to recognize the emotional effect that sexual arousal has overall, especially on men and their sexual fantasies.  It is relatively easy for a man that is sexually aroused to enjoy kinky fantasies and fetishes, but once he has an orgasm, his interest and “openness” often diminishes or disappears along with his arousal.  Prior to having an orgasm, a man is riding on a wave of sexual excitement.  Once he has an orgasm, that “arousal wave” crashes down and his perspective is often radically changed when he has to deal with some hard realities.

    It is vitality important that the man learn to deal with and minimise the negative emotions he feels about being a cuckold when he is not aroused.  A simple way for him to do this is to keep fantasising about his wife being sexual with another man, both when he is aroused and then again right after he has an orgasm.

    Another technique a man can use to help him deal with cuckold-angst is reciting a “cuckold mantra”.  Here, the man thinks up a key phrase that is meaningful and repeats it silently to himself or aloud somewhere private.  The phrase should be something that the man finds a bit challenging to think about and say.  The mantra is then repeated 10-12 times at least twice a day.

    Examples:

    “My wife deserves more sexual pleasure than I can give her“,

    “I want my wife to have a well-endowed boyfriend who she fucks on a regular basis“.

    It might seem trivial but this technique is a kind of self-hypnosis that can really help a man partially overcome his negative feelings about being a cuckold.

    For Wives

    Women enjoy modern cuckoldry in different ways depending on their temperament and up-bringing.

    • For some, it is about breaking a taboo and being a wanton woman.
    • For others, it is about some form of exhibitionism where they have the starring role in an erotic production.
    • A fun way to dominate their cuckold.

    When a wife wants to discuss with her husband the idea of using cuckoldry in their marriage, she needs to think how her husband might react to the idea of being a cuckold.  Under no circumstances should she just reveal her cuckold fantasy to her husband without careful consideration since doing so to a man who is highly cuckold-adverse would make it extremely difficult to ever get him to change his mind.  Instead, she needs to think about his personality and what type of cuckold he might be; voyeuristic or submissive and then act accordingly when planning her next move.

    One thing a wife might do is to try and learn more about her husband’s sexual fantasies by being observant and snooping around.

    When she has sex with him, does she recall anything that happened that might reveal something about her husband’s sexual roadmap? For instance, does he often approach her to have sex when she wears certain lingerie?

    During this exploratory stage, the woman might try doing some new things sexually to see how her man reacts to them – like:

    •  Try seducing him in a setting or location outside the bedroom.
    •  Introduce the use of sex toys or a new sex toy to their lovemaking.
    •  Use explicit language to describe her sexual arousal or the pleasure she wants or is feeling.
    •  Purchase some new risqué lingerie and surprise her husband with it.
    • Describe to her man a sexual fantasy or dream she had, adding to it in ways that he might find exciting.
    •  Purchase or download sexual explicit videos that feature cuckold-related themes like a woman with two men, sexual promiscuous “soccer moms”…etc, to view with her man.

    The woman needs to pay attention to how aroused he becomes when they are doing something that is new and different from their regular sexual routine.  Anything else, the woman can learn about her man’s sexual “triggers” which can help her ease him into the idea of being her cuckold.

    In the next instalment, I will go over some ways a couple’s relationship can change once they become involved and comfortable with cuckoldry.