Tag: swinging

Are my new friends swingers?

So … you’ve found a couple of people both of you find appealing and now you are thinking that you are interested in swinging with them, but how on earth can you discreetly find out if they are swingers or have even considered swinging? Honesty, that won’t be as easy as it sounds, but it is possible. First off, there is always the secret swinger’s handshake 😉 Don’t worry if you don’t know that one yet, it is more of a joke among swingers than an actual thing. With only about 5% of the general population being swingers, there is a good chance that they will not be interested.

The key here is to go slow. Get to know them, learn their likes and dislikes. That will give you clues as to their swinging interest. There are a few really good swinger ‘indicators’. Talk about places you like to travel and encourage them to tell you where they have been. If you say you’ve been to Jamaica (if you want to be less subtle then say Hedo) and find out if they have as well. Ask if they have ever come across a bartender named Delroy—that will let you know that Hedo is on their list of play resorts. If they say they use www.TrystTravel.com to book all their trips, you are all set!

If they (or you) have a hot tub, joke about whether suits are required. You can tell a lot about them from their responses. If they mention that they always wear suits because it would just be awkward otherwise … my advise is to give up … at least for now. However, if she grabs your butt as she strolls by, or much better still, your lady’s butt, you’re golden!

My point is, odds are that your new friends are not swingers but that does not mean that won’t change over time. Some people have just not been exposed to swinging yet, and you can slowly ‘nurture and educate them’. In the meantime, focus on building the friendships as you’ll never know what’s in store for you. Though I must caution you that you stand a very high risk of losing your new friends by trying to introduce swinging to those who are not ready to embrace it (and the majority are not). In addition, jealousy can be a terrible monster and can quickly emerge in the wrong situation, sending your new friends running for the hills. So be careful, because just by asking if they are swingers could lose you some really potential good friends. So remember, slow and steady gets the sex!

Enjoy,
Sandi
www.SandiOnSwinging.com

Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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October 6, 2015
Secrets to Getting Your First Invite To A Swingers House Party

So you want to get invited to a house party designed for swingers. Well, I have to warn you that it can be both easy and hard at the same time to get that elusive invite. Don’t worry, I know it sounds confusing, but you have me to help you through it!

The easiest step is to get things started. All you have to do is find a swinger who is hosting a swinger’s party, or simply someone who is going to attend one, and then convince them to let you tag along. Okay, so that first step is exactly not as simple to accomplish as it was for me to write it down.

Let’s start with meeting someone first.

Always keep a lookout for the outgoing couple as they usually get more than the average of number party invites. Guess having a fun personality is something people want to be around. Go figure. So next time you are at a swing club, don’t be that wall flower hiding in the corner. Instead, why not take a seat at the bar? It is so much easier to meet other people when you are at the bar; everybody will want a drink at some point throughout the evening so there is a good chance they will end up right beside you. Now, get the ball rolling by saying something really ‘interesting’ to them like … “Hello”, keeping in mind they are there to meet compatible people too. By just saying hi, you have made yourself open for them to speak with you as these very people may be a little nervous as well, so do your best to keep the conversation going. For all you know, you might just end up chatting the night away with someone really interesting. The more people you meet the more likely you will find someone compatible.

During such conversations, be sure to mention that you are thinking about attending a house party, that you have never experienced one and that you are curious as to what to expect. Never be aggressive, just inquiring. Showing an interest can be the one thing that will get you an invitation. Remember that although there are swinger house parties that take place on a regular basis, the group of people you are talking to may not have one planned out at this point in time. Be patient and you will be on your way to your first house party circuit. In the meantime, do continue to enjoy yourself at the club and strike up friendship with some of these great folks.

House party attendees generally consist of a good mix of seasoned veterans and newbies. A lot of hosts like to help beginners get started in a low pressure atmosphere, which is precisely what a house party is. Tell the people you meet that you are new (that is if you are—it is not a good idea to lie) and the odds are that seeing you are a newbie, someone will definitely ‘jump on you’, so to speak. In fact, what I am saying is that since everyone has been a beginner at some point, we all aim to help the “newbies” out, which is what you will be called for a little while. Don’t worry though, it is not that bad and you will grow out of that label really fast.

Congratulations! You now have a friend or two in the <a href=”http://www.SandiOnSwinging.com“>Swingers Lifestyle</a>. Now, we are off to your next swinger’s house party or … you can also come visit me and maybe you will <a href=”http://www.SandiOnSwinging.com“> meet other fellow swingers </a> too … Enjoy! 🙂

Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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September 13, 2015
Sexy Reads – My Life on the Swingset

Starting with a first date with a couple of swingers, followed by working through social anxiety and shyness, recognizing the importance of touch in life, evolving feelings about love and expectations, having threesomes, orgies, and prostate orgasms, going through a divorce, and leveling up in life and sexuality. For five years, Cooper S. Beckett has written for Life on the Swingset, here he has collected personal essays, stories, erotica, and prescriptive “how-tos” into this memoir of his life on The Swingset. He speaks honestly and earnestly about a unique way to live life, one that allows for sexual and loving growth and experimentation, a strong sense of community, and the ability to do what we all crave whether we know it or not: Be honest with ourselves and others about what we want sexually, and out of life.

Excerpt

Sex is Sex is Sex
With or Without Penetration

Somehow, I managed to achieve that elusive disconnect between the traditional notion of sex (i.e. me putting my penis into things other than mouths) and the word “sex.” Dan Savage recently said that if there was one thing the heterosexual world could learn from the homosexuals, it’s that sex is any form of sexual congress. This concept ensures that we’re not simply stampeding to the perceived goal line, and don’t feel we haven’t achieved something if there isn’t penetrative penis-in-vagina sex.

I felt that way for a long time.

Recently I wrote about a party where I consciously tried to change this concept. I made myself aware of my pattern, which would be to try to blow my way through interactions to get to the sexual finale in order to be able to play with as many of my friends as possible in a short amount of time. It never had anything to do with not respecting the time I spent with each of them, I loved all of it. I care deeply about those women whom I manage to spend quality sexy time with at parties, and since many of them I only see at parties, it makes it all the more important that I find the time.

This line of thought was detrimental, however, because it caused me to put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself, perform giving oral, perform receiving oral (but don’t fucking come!), and then perform sexually all the way to the goal line. Often by the second tryst of the evening I was already beginning to struggle. Beyond that, all involved were lucky to get half-mast.

This, as an aside, is what caused me to go from pretty good at digital stimulation to exceptional. I know that sounds braggy, but there are few things I am good enough at to brag with such confidence, as fingering. And, I can provide references if needed.

So, why did I do this?

If I was shortchanging myself by not being able to relax and enjoy things, and if I was shortchanging my partners, what was it? It just made sense to me, because that’s what you do as a full swap swinger, right? You swap and fuck. Rinse, repeat. Was that an ookier colloquialism than I intended?

Hmm. It’s because I’d convinced myself that this was what was expected of me. When I start something (say, putting my hand down there and feeling her response) I ought to see it through, right? Right?!

Then I began to recognize that these notions I had about swinging at the beginning (most told to me by my “swinging sire” about whom the less said, the better) were, perhaps, incorrect…or at least misleading.

Early on, I painstakingly shaved every inch of my genitals because I was told that this was how things were done. That no one would play with me if I wasn’t immaculately groomed. That if I wanted it licked, it should be bare. I shaved daily, despite my skin clearly having a problem with this type of attention. It took my doctor asking me why on Earth I keep shaving when my body clearly doesn’t want me to for me to wonder about the logic of what I was doing.

So I stopped shaving, and nobody cared. Nobody who mattered, anyway. In my attempts to live up to the “swinger standard” that was sent down from on high, I didn’t see what was right in front of me. Rules only have value if you, and those around you, feel they have value. It amuses me (and horrifies in equal part) that a group of people such as we swingers, so hell bent on ignoring that which we “should” be doing (i.e. being monogamous, sticking with one gender or another) could get so caught up in other “shoulds.” You should always come, you should always get it up, you should always reciprocate, you should always fuck. Why the hell would these ideals always line up?

Well, the short answer is that they don’t. And that we’re often sheep. We reject one dogma to follow another and get swept away. In the past, I’ve also felt somehow shortchanged if events didn’t progress, if I “only” got a hand job. I stop and think about how amazing and disgraceful a thought that is, and how my 16 year old self would conspire to have me shot if he knew I’d even considered that thought. I was jaded, and had a bad case of “the shoulds.”

But perhaps I’ve achieved enlightenment. Things certainly feel different. I’m currently flying the final leg of my trip back to Chicago from a week in paradise at Desire Resort & Spa, the first Life on the Swingset trip to Desire. At the resort I decided to no longer focus on penetrative (penis-in-vagina) sex. It was like a weight had been lifted. The removal of expectations about what things would become allowed us to concentrate instead on what things are.

To live in the moment, for a change.

I focused on whether I was giving or receiving pleasure. I could make out for a while with someone. I could perform oral on others. I could allow an urge to simply do one single thing with someone be paramount. And just as when I stopped shaving, nobody pitched a fit and banished me. In fact, everybody I was lucky enough to encounter seemed to be as excited about what was going on in the moment as I was. Never was there a “We’re not going to fuck?” or “Why aren’t you hard?”

I realized that I’m far more interested in the pleasure of others than myself. I spent the week giving pleasure to those open to receive it; orally, digitally, nJoy Elevenally.

“Cooper, you braggart,” you say, “you think you’re better than me?”

Not at all, random voice guy who interrupts my essays sometimes. I receive as well. I had some truly spectacular moments of orgasmic bliss. But because I was not focused on when we would complete the transaction and I would insert my penis into her (or his, I’m equal opportunity) nether regions, I was able to see every bit of sexual interaction as the glorious experience it truly is. Nothing makes people want to please you more than putting yourself out as a giver of pleasure.

And isn’t that a wonderful way to live?

So, mark the date and time. My last party was not an isolated incident of emotional evolution on my part. That was just proof of concept. Desire represented physical, emotional, and (dare I say) spiritual growth within me.

My heart is full of joy.

Find out more and purchase My Life on the Swingset at:

Informational page for book, and purchase from the author: http://my.lifeontheswingset.com

Purchase in paperback: https://www.createspace.com/5055218

Purchase on Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/My-Life-Swingset-Adventures-Polyamory-ebook/dp/B00R07TZQ6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1422488473&sr=8-1&keywords=my+life+on+the+swingset

Image courtesy of Cooper Beckett

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April 8, 2015
My experience on Ashley Madison

How my Ashley Madison adventure began. I was simply banished to the upstairs TV one night when the rest of the family was watching some musical movie like Oklahoma that I was just not in the mood for. I was watching CNN and Noel Bitterman was being interviewed. As is typically the case with his interviews, he was being skewered by the host. Yet he was so affable I started to focus on him even though it didn’t really occur to me for some time what he was talking about. I finally caught the term “married dating” and then understood what the topic was. At first I wasn’t interested as I was never really interested in “swinging.” “Swinging” always seemed like some deviant activity from some raunchier episode of All in the Family. But the guy, Noel Bitterman, seemed so calm and positive about the site and his service that it occurred to me, given my life circumstances, that perhaps I should check this out when I could. I barely caught the name and the next day at work I googled “Ashley Morgan,” getting confused I think with Katy Morgan (the HBO porn star). I finally did latch onto the Ashley Madison site via an article by Dr. Phil. By the time I found it, I just had to try. The site is very welcoming and easy to get into and easy to navigate. Once you start clicking it really is rather seductive.

I wrote about my first time logging onto Ashley Madison here:

http://regularguygonebad.blogspot.com/2010/12/april-2nd-day-will-live-in-infamy.html

A typical Ashley Madison profile and what the kind I am into

Well what I’m looking for is a profile that says I’m Jennifer Connelly with Sarah Silverman’s humor and am really just looking for a middle income mid-40’s guy who loves to quote music lyrics! 🙂

But in truth, as I have learned, you have to be honest with yourself. Who am I? Who am I likely to attract? What do I want, what do I enjoy? Knowing that I simply look for the profile that entertains me. I guess I inevitable use my wife as a gauge for who I can attract. I typically do an advanced search for women between 5’2” and 5’10”, from 110 pounds to 150 pounds who are listed as “in a relationship.” I typically don’t write to women who have not personally written out anything in the notes section of their “personal preferences,” “what turns me on,” and “what I’m looking for.” I also tend to shy away from women who have uploaded a picture. What I have learned is that when a women uploads a picture, particularly a sexy picture, you are now one of about 300 messages in her inbox. If a woman has not taken the time to write out her personal wish list then she is probably just peeking into the mirror and not likely to engage with anyone who writes.

At that point I really just concentrate on the lady’s profile. Again, is this someone who will be attracted to me? If it’s not, it really isn’t important how interested I am, it ain’t going to work. I don’t go for the dominatrixes or the women who seem to feel a need to tell how talented, smart, and powerful they are. It’s not that I don’t like that in a women, but if that is on the front end, then they are likely to be keeping a score card and that’s not for me.

What I tend to go for and who tends to like me is the outdoor, down-to-earth, laid-back, slightly flaky girl that is interested in talking about literature sometimes but is likely to stop mid-conversation about Shakespeare if she sees a cute puppy. I’m probably a bit like Ben Stiller looking for a goofy Jennifer Anniston in Along Came Polly or Ben in the Heartbreak Kid looking for a funny Tom-boy Michelle Moynihan; hey why can’t Ben just get it right the first time so he doesn’t have to spend a whole movie ditching his bitchy wife!

What’s “right” way to create an AM profile or is everyone guaranteed a hook up?

Well of course we are guaranteed a hook-up as long as we plop down the $249 Premium Membership “guaranteed affair” plan from good old Ashley Madison! I’m not sure if anyone ever actually collects if they don’t hook up? It may be too embarrassing to admit that so I have always viewed that guarantee kind of like those supposed “winners” from that Arnold movie the Running Man.

That being said if you are honest with yourself and spend time finding the right person, navigating away from the Ashley Madison “online hosts,” and writing good letters you really should get responses and eventually meet someone if you are willing to find the time to make it happen. Now that might take 10, 20, or even 100 notes but like selling a house, you only need to be successful once, right!

Tips to share on what to put in a profile for a successful hook up.

Now, how to get to that hook-up; that’s the big question. And I’m probably the last guy to be qualified to tell you what to do, but I’ll take a shot.

But, in my typical fashion I’ll digress first. I’m a sports guy and love a good sports analogy. I was once reading an article about (I think) John Calipari (coach of the Kentucky Wildcats). He said his agent once asked him, “What is your brand?” Odd question, he thought but the longer he thought about it, the more it seems really relevant.

I think it’s very relevant to Ashley Madison. What is your brand? I mentioned that Human League song above, “Here Comes the Mirror Man.” On Ashley Madison a lot of mirror men are going to be coming at each lady. I’m a pretty good looking guy with a decent chest and (at least) an average schlong. But amid the masses on Ashley Madison, I’m sure after 100+ messages my chest and schlong are no better and certainly no more interesting than the first 100 chests and schlongs a given lady has seen.

So I ask myself, “what is my brand?” Is my brand to be a “mirror man?” Is that what my target niche is looking for? Read the profile, probably not! Watch some TV, does Don Draper snap selfies in front of the mirror without a shirt on (I mean if Polaroid had made that a fad in 1968)?

No, I am looking for an “alternative 3rd place to be enchanted and beguiled and to find sexy fulfilling adventures.” I suspect most ladies who might be interested in me would be likewise. And so perhaps a photo of me on top of a mountain, running along the river trail, in front of the Eiffel Tower, or overlooking a pair of crocodiles during last spring’s Wild Africa Trek at Disney (that’s me!) would be more seductive than to see my chest. That says I’m well traveled, I’ve experienced a lot, I know of the finer things in life. In short, I’m interesting; you’ll want to be with me, I’ll make it interesting for you! In business you want to have a high “perceived value.” On AM, make your brand, yourself, have value! The mirror man on the next message is like that WalMart ad, cheap and common. Be Brooks Brothers, and let the ladies enjoy getting to reveal you. Oh, and you have to let them see you smile? They don’t have to see your eyes at first. Really, showing your entire face right off the bat says “I’m crazy and likely to get us caught.” But women like men who make them smile, so show them your best pearly whites!

So read their profile and say things that demonstrate that you have in fact read the profile. Be funny. Even serious ladies like funny. Don’t be brooding and don’t be angry. Don’t say no for her, be confident.

In the immortal words of Mr. Rourke “smiles everyone, smiles, smiles….”

A memorable Ashley Madison encounter.

After one year on Ashley Madison I had met four women, had sex with three. One woman only once, one woman twice, and one woman I had seen intermittently for about six months. I had really enjoyed spending time with Sandra but life was making it difficult for us to meet. I had started my blog and to some degree was more interested in that than have an affair. We stopped seeing each other, not officially but by just not communicating anymore; no harm, no foul. I had pretty much decided to stop.

Then one day I saw a profile that really caught my eye. I just wrote from the heart so to speak which means I was super silly. She wrote back. We just kept writing. Something about her was captivating and yet I didn’t think it was ever going to happen.

The funny ironic thing is that Sandee was never actually planning on meeting anyone. She enjoyed playing a bit with the men and I suspect enjoyed the attention. I, on the other had, really didn’t have anything to lose and got increasingly curious. I was going to find out who she was and meet her no matter what crazy stuff she threw at me, and she threw a lot of crazy funny stuff at me. At one point she said she was actually 26 and then later said she was in her 40’s. But she was never scary crazy or threatening; just fun!

Finally we met and she was so gorgeous! Funny too, even more so in person. We have been seeing each other off and on for over three years now. In some sense I feel like she could be the soul mate I have never met. Most of the time I’m just happy to be around her. I’m pretty sure she feels the same way.

Sex is fantastic. We are equally into each other. No person is the dom or the sub or any other character just two people who are attracted to one another and enjoy one another.

Was there any follow up from the encounter?

Yes, always! Sandee and I are the best of friends and hopefully will be forever regardless of what happens. We hope to live in the same retirement community and get married in our 80’s!

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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March 15, 2015
Swinging as a Single Male

Swinging is a fantastic lifestyle if you know what you are looking for and know what you are hoping to get out of the lifestyle. For me, that is the wonderfully diverse and usually great fun sexual encounters with a great group of open-minded people who see sex as something to be thoroughly enjoyed. It is not just the sex act itself, although that is the driving motivator behind why we swing, but it is the chance to be around other like-minded people who view their sexuality and sex in a positive and pleasurable light. When in regular society, can you be talking about what turns you on and how you enjoy different sex acts within minutes of meeting someone? The swinging world affords you the ability to connect with people who think just like you do about sex. People who believe that openness, variety, and social sex can be enjoyed without jealousy or negative emotions.

Swinging as a single male does create a unique set of challenges, but those challenges can be completely overcome if the single male embraces the lifestyle and truly understands where he fits into the swinging dynamic. Many single males fail as swingers and cause couples in the swinging lifestyle to swear off most single males because these single males just don’t get it. Frankly, they come across as assholes who seem to be only thinking about getting laid. These single males fail to realize that they are being allowed the privilege of providing fantasy fulfillment with a female or couple, and they need to understand how that is done. It’s not by talking to a female or couple and asking, “do you want to fuck?” It’s by being a gentleman and understanding the nuances of what the female or couple are looking for as part of their sexual fantasy. It’s by listening to what the female or couple has to say; it’s by picking up subtle verbal and non-verbal clues; it’s by communicating clearly; and it’s by thinking with your big head instead of your little head. I get mad when I see some of these jerks who profess to be swingers because I understand that these guys are why single males sometimes get a bad rap. I also understand that the bad rap is well deserved by the way some of these guys act. And, I understand why it’s sometimes hard to overcome the stigma of being a single male swinger. Because, many times, it’s well deserved.

Single males need to understand that not every female or couple wants to be with them. That is okay. I’ve gotten to know some great couples in the swinging lifestyle, and I’ve never had sex with them. Maybe I don’t turn them on, or they don’t turn me on, but that hasn’t stopped us from having some fun open conversations and enjoying the lifestyle all together in a group setting. Early on, I figured out the formula for being a successful single male, and that was don’t be an ass; listen to both the husband and wife or the single female; and adapt to what they are looking for. That doesn’t mean be a phony. You should always be yourself; be honest; and be open about what you like and what your desires are. However, re-prioritize your need to get laid and get off with their needs and desires. Trust me, you’ll still end up having a great sexual time and cumming more than you can imagine; just don’t make your pleasure the priority.

Successful single male swingers understand that no means no; not everyone is attracted to each other; not every woman wants to have sex the minute they meet you; and that each female and couple has their own unique set of boundaries, fantasies, and openness when it comes to swinging. Again, single males need to understand where they fit. From my experience, that is they bring extra diversity and pleasure to the female. Single males also need to understand that they need to be non-threatening to the male half of a couple. You’re there to add to their pleasure, not try to date or steal the wife. At the end of the night, you go away. You play by their rules. Understand that most males in the couple enjoy seeing their wife deriving pleasure from another guy. Maybe that’s what makes me a successful experienced single male swinger. I’ve been part of a couple. When I and an ex-girlfriend of mine went swinging, I loved to see her get fucked by another guy. I loved to watch her have orgasms with him. I loved to talk to her about how hot she looked taking his cock or how wet she got while he was licking her pussy. Swinging is about sexual pleasure for all involved, but single males have an added responsibility in understanding how they fit into the equation. It’s not just about the single male’s pleasure. It’s more about the female or couple’s pleasure that they are with.

At the end of the day or night, the single male will have plenty of fun too. I have been swinging for 19 years and I can hardly think of a bad experience I’ve had. I’ve been part of one-on-one sessions; with couples; and part of wonderful group sex. I’ve been to hotel parties, house parties, swing clubs, and met individually. Each experience is different, but each brings its own enjoyment in that they all center on sexually open people being able to be honest and open about what they enjoy sexually and not being afraid to show it. The swinging lifestyle is not for everyone, but if you are an open sexual person, you probably want to give it a try.

Find out more about Darren Swinger and some photos of his sexual encounters on the next page!

October 25, 2014
The Misconception of Swinging
Some might ask, “What’s all the hype about swingers and living this particular lifestyle?” It has been a hot topic for decades, yet people shy away from the subject when they hear these words muttered, but why? For many, understanding the real meaning and true concept of this inner action amongst consenting adults is a lot to wrap their hands around. Allow me to give you my take on the topic; Swinging is basically a turnout of people looking for something engaging where there are no rules and seduction is a succulent utopia. Yet it certainly has been misconstrued by many. Why do couples swing? Maybe their relationships have become dull, boring or uninteresting? Maybe they’re looking for a way to spruce up their sex life and kick it up a notch?

There are people who do not really know the true meaning of swingers and or swinging couples, thus they don’t really understand the lifestyle and what it entails. They’ve been called philanderers, sexually stimulated by others wanting to engage at revelry. Some might suggest it to be a fetish of dominating adults where they lay around in sexy lingerie or in the nude waiting to get laid. Some call it an adult orgy, a one night fling amongst adults, a wild night of merrymaking. There is an array of words that one could use to describe it; nonetheless a fool’s paradise would be the best way for me to narrate this matter in hand. Let me first state what swinging is NOT … Swinging isn’t getting playful with one’s partner and having immediate sex. It all starts by building an atmosphere of affection.

Is this something for everyone? No, but for those who participate in this lifestyle, it is as common for them as it would be for an ordinary couple to have date nights together. For some, swinging is as routine as it would be to go out to dinner every week. In the 1960s, swinging was something big in the hippie era and it is something that has been going on for years and years where people are pleasured by the thoughts of meeting someone new where they can release their inner desires and deepest fantasies. Who goes to swing clubs? Bisexuals, heterosexuals, gays and lesbians.

You can participate with a partner(s) or you can watch and live it up in your own world of lust. Swingers can be single adult men or women or couples who are looking to meet new people and endure some delicious fun that can be both intoxicating and provocative. Those who don’t understand it call it perverted, while swingers simply call it getting kinky.

If this is new for you and you’re thinking of taking a swing at it, being prepared is key if you don’t want your first time at a sex club to be your last. You’re never under any obligation to participate at a swing club, no apologies or excuses are ever necessary. If someone you’re not into approaches you, a polite “No, thank you” will get the message across. If that sounds harsh, explain that it’s your first time and you’re just there to watch. Something to take serious note here is that every club is different, but at most you can expect to find a buffet, a bar, porn playing on a TV, couches, and a few playrooms in most all of these clubs that you go to. The playrooms are usually where the foreplay/action happens, though you’re likely to see couples fooling around all over the club. There are also some clubs that have a naked rule for the playrooms even if you’re not participating, so my advice would be NOT to be the fully clothed creepy one eyeballing everyone who is not clothed. That’s gawky for sure!

What can you expect? What are the rules and terms to know if you’ve never been in a swing club?
- Be Friendly … Know the fundamental etiquette of swinger clubs. There is really no need to get assertive as soon as you walk in, so don’t strip down to your skivvies and start going at it as soon as you walk in the door.
- Be SAFE! I’m saying to practice safe sex. Keep your junk in your trunk until something is agreed upon. Don’t just assume anything. Guys, please … bring the condoms!
- Whatever you do, DON’T give off any sort of mixed signals. If you’re asked to join someone or a couple and you are not interested, a simple “No, thank you” is best. Beating around the bush with a “maybe later” will only keep that annoying person around you for hours stalking you like his/her prey.
- KNOW THE RULES! No touching unless you’ve been asked to join in. Always keep an open mind. Be respectful of others. Most swing clubs have a buffet where it’s much easier to meet and greet. There is generally also BYOB alcohol policies at a club (they provide the drink mixers), so get yourself a nice glass of wine to relax a bit along with a few snacks, and be seated. DON’T get drunk! Often first timers tend to have one too many to take the edge off so that they are relaxed but this can be a deal breaker folks because it is quite insulting to say the least if you have to be drunk to endure sexual pleasures with someone.
Do understand that there are a variety of clubs. Where can you find them? They are all over the place and vary amongst cities and states. Some clubs as premise clubs do not allow “street” clothes in the play room areas, so if you do not want to run around there naked or wrapped in a towel, sexy lingerie such as a bedroom costume is an excellent choice. Know the dress code! In some, you need towels only and in others, women wear sexy lingerie and men wearing underwear are appropriate. You can find an array of sexy lingerie including adult theme party lingerie at www.SimplyDeliciousLingerie.com. Visit the bedroom costumes section where you’ll find something erotic and titillating. If you are looking for adult travel choices or for swinging, I would like to suggest www.TrystTravel.com? This is an excellent choice and a favorite of mine where they will assist you in fulfilling your deepest desires. Specializing in Adults Only Erotic Vacations, Tryst Travel is an excellent choice for your adult vacation. Here you will enter a world unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. They specialize in vacations that are designed to entice the senses and stimulate your deepest desires in a variety of locations.

Stay tuned for my next article where I will reflect on swingers and the proper swinger terminology used, along with suggested sexy adult theme party lingerie pieces that are arousing, intoxicating and sexy to wear at any swingers club!

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October 10, 2014
You Have More than One Partner? : An Intro to Non-Monogamy

Girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, and wives, generally when we picture these relationships in our minds, we think of them as including just two partners. Ah, but that’s where we may benefit from expanding our lovey imaginations. These types of “typical” boyfriend-girlfriend, girlfriend-girlfriend, and boyfriend-boyfriend etc. relationships are called monogamous relationships. However there are several other relationship styles that people choose to participate in that include more than two partners, these are called non-monogamous relationships.

When someone says they are in a non-monogamous relationship, that could mean one of several things. They could be in a casual, open, swinging, polygamist, or polyamorous relationship. There are several other variations of non-monogamous relationships, but for the purposes of this article, we will just stick to these five common types. Everyone has different definitions to go along with these types of commitments, but here is a general definition break down of all the ways people get their lovin’:

Monogamous – Most of us are pretty familiar with this one, but just to be clear…a monogamous relationship is a sexually and emotionally exclusive relationship between two partners where there is an agreement that the partners will be committed to each other and have no outside partners. If there are outside partners, this is generally considered cheating or being unfaithful.

Casual – Generally, there is no sexual, emotional or romantic commitment in casual relationships. However, there is at least an emotional or sexual bond or attraction between the partners. In short, the partners get along together really well and are sexually and/or emotionally compatible; they just don’t expect commitment from each other.

Open – This relationship style is a bit more flexible such that its definition can change depending on the couple. A good rule of thumb definition is this: an open relationship is between two partners who have decided that they will both have outside sexual partners while remaining emotionally exclusive with each other. Some choose to have a “don’t ask don’t tell” or a “not in our house/bed” policy about their outside partners, but again it depends on the couple. Also, things such as STDs/STIs and sexual safety concerns are also generally talked about regularly within open relationships.

Swinging – Can sometimes be known as “partner swapping” and/or a social activity, where a committed couple has decided to have sex with other single partners or couples; sexually engaging with these outside couples generally happens as a couple. Often, swinger couples find like-minded play partners through swinger meet up groups or websites.

Polygamy – This type of relationship has seen a lot of attention lately through the reality shows such as Sister Wives or My Five Wives. Polygamy generally consists of one person (typically this person is a male) who has married several spouses (generally females), this specific type of polygamy is called polygyny (man marrying multiple women). A rarer form of polygamy is polyandry (woman marrying multiple men).

Polyamory – This may be the most complex of the non-monogamous relationships because polyamory tends to take on more of a fluid/flexible approach to relationships, while also having its own set of boundaries. Simply, polyamory can involve an individual who has multiple sexual/emotional/intimate partners with none of those partners taking priority over the others. Another form of polyamory includes primary and secondary partners; where a couple is each other’s primary partner, and both of them date secondary partners. Of course, there is the possibility of primary partners becoming secondary partners and vice versa, or having an intermingling of lovers and partners.

There you have it, your first introduction and glimpse into different types of non-monogamous relationships. Gives a new meaning to the more the merrier, yeah?

Nicole Nelson, Freelancer

March 23, 2014
Initiation into Cuckoldry; for husbands and wives
It is important to recognise, modern cuckold lifestyles are definitely a niche or fetish that isn’t for everyone. Before a husband or wife approaches their spouse with the idea of using cuckoldry to spice up their marriage, they need to proceed slowly while guarding their mate’s feelings. The way a couple’s participation in a cuckold lifestyle unfolds, where the husband initiates things, is generally very different than if the wife does.

For Husbands

For a husband, revealing his interest in being his wife’s cuckold can be risky as she may misinterpret his motivations and assume he has a hidden agenda. When many women learn of their husband’s interest in cuckoldry, they become upset and assume that their husband is looking to get into “swinging”, break up their marriage, have an open relationship or even atone for his own infidelity.

Before a husband mentions being a cuckold to his wife, he should carefully consider what it is about the cuckold lifestyle that he finds exciting. Given the counterintuitive nature of being a cuckold, this self-reflection is important for several reasons. Firstly, so the husband can better determine if he truly is ready to be an actual cuckold in real life. There are several things he can do.

He could try imagining his wife having sex with certain men he knows among his friends and/or co-workers. He might find that the idea of certain men having sex with his wife is more arousing, distressful or objectionable than others. He needs to understand that his wife might be attracted to men who are similar to him in appearance and personality or she might want someone who is very different from her husband.

If the husband can understand his feelings, he can better adapt if or when his wife does accept a cuckold lifestyle and things don’t unfold the way he originally imagined.

Another thing a man should try is imagining his wife going off on a “date” or having sex with another man when he is having sex or masturbating. He will likely find that his fantasising will add greatly to his arousal. After he has an orgasm, he should continue reflecting on how he would feel if his wife was having sex with someone else. In this post-orgasm state he will likely feel more jealousy, resentment and other negative feelings.

Riding the “Arousal Wave”

It is important to recognize the emotional effect that sexual arousal has overall, especially on men and their sexual fantasies. It is relatively easy for a man that is sexually aroused to enjoy kinky fantasies and fetishes, but once he has an orgasm, his interest and “openness” often diminishes or disappears along with his arousal. Prior to having an orgasm, a man is riding on a wave of sexual excitement. Once he has an orgasm, that “arousal wave” crashes down and his perspective is often radically changed when he has to deal with some hard realities.

It is vitality important that the man learn to deal with and minimise the negative emotions he feels about being a cuckold when he is not aroused. A simple way for him to do this is to keep fantasising about his wife being sexual with another man, both when he is aroused and then again right after he has an orgasm.

Another technique a man can use to help him deal with cuckold-angst is reciting a “cuckold mantra”. Here, the man thinks up a key phrase that is meaningful and repeats it silently to himself or aloud somewhere private. The phrase should be something that the man finds a bit challenging to think about and say. The mantra is then repeated 10-12 times at least twice a day.

Examples:

“My wife deserves more sexual pleasure than I can give her“,

“I want my wife to have a well-endowed boyfriend who she fucks on a regular basis“.

It might seem trivial but this technique is a kind of self-hypnosis that can really help a man partially overcome his negative feelings about being a cuckold.

For Wives

Women enjoy modern cuckoldry in different ways depending on their temperament and up-bringing.
- For some, it is about breaking a taboo and being a wanton woman.
- For others, it is about some form of exhibitionism where they have the starring role in an erotic production.
- A fun way to dominate their cuckold.
When a wife wants to discuss with her husband the idea of using cuckoldry in their marriage, she needs to think how her husband might react to the idea of being a cuckold. Under no circumstances should she just reveal her cuckold fantasy to her husband without careful consideration since doing so to a man who is highly cuckold-adverse would make it extremely difficult to ever get him to change his mind. Instead, she needs to think about his personality and what type of cuckold he might be; voyeuristic or submissive and then act accordingly when planning her next move.

One thing a wife might do is to try and learn more about her husband’s sexual fantasies by being observant and snooping around.

When she has sex with him, does she recall anything that happened that might reveal something about her husband’s sexual roadmap? For instance, does he often approach her to have sex when she wears certain lingerie?

During this exploratory stage, the woman might try doing some new things sexually to see how her man reacts to them – like:
- Try seducing him in a setting or location outside the bedroom.
- Introduce the use of sex toys or a new sex toy to their lovemaking.
- Use explicit language to describe her sexual arousal or the pleasure she wants or is feeling.
- Purchase some new risqué lingerie and surprise her husband with it.
- Describe to her man a sexual fantasy or dream she had, adding to it in ways that he might find exciting.
- Purchase or download sexual explicit videos that feature cuckold-related themes like a woman with two men, sexual promiscuous “soccer moms”…etc, to view with her man.
The woman needs to pay attention to how aroused he becomes when they are doing something that is new and different from their regular sexual routine. Anything else, the woman can learn about her man’s sexual “triggers” which can help her ease him into the idea of being her cuckold.

In the next instalment, I will go over some ways a couple’s relationship can change once they become involved and comfortable with cuckoldry.
March 7, 2014