Tag: Special Feature

  • LGBTQ: Respecting Choices

    LGBTQ: Respecting Choices

    Socrates and Plato made no bones about their homosexuality. Shakespeare and Michelangelo’s greatest love sonnets were addressed to young men and Julius Caesar was referred to as “every woman’s husband and every man’s wife”.

    Few people refrain from acts of sexual gratification during their entire lives. While most experience sexual activities with members of the opposite sex, some partner with members of their own, and a small proportion interacts sexually with members of either gender. A number of others derive pleasure in putting on clothing generally considered appropriate for the other gender for reasons that include sexual satisfaction. Regardless of the types of sexual activities an individual may favor, most remain within their customary sexual preferences. A common myth asserts that one can readily identify adult male homosexuals based on their physically effeminate traits and lesbians based on their masculine appearances. In fact, most homosexuals display no distinguishable physical differences from heterosexuals. However, when they become socially visible—which many now do—the society in general makes the distinction because gays and lesbians are seen to perform homosexual roles. This has resulted in the marginalization of these individuals as they frequently become targets for social stigma and rejection due to their differences from the heterosexual orientation of the majority of society.

    A good case in example is that of Angie Zapata who was brutally killed two weeks shy of her 19th birthday. She was beaten to death with fists and a fire extinguisher. Her killer, Allen Andrade, met her on the Internet and they decided that would meet for a sexual encounter. However, Andrade turned violent and struck her repeatedly when he discovered Zapata was biologically a man. He was charged with first degree murder of a transgendered person. During the trial, the jury listened to numerous jailhouse phone conversations, including him telling a girl friend that “gay things must die”. Andrade was subsequently found guilty and sentenced to life imprisonment.

    Such continuing intolerance of alternative sexuality stems, in part, from historical roots as shown from extensively documented attitudes toward homosexuality from medieval times. Repression of homosexuals spread in the thirteenth century as an unanticipated consequence of organizational reforms in the church and class conflict in society. This was later fuelled by campaigns for celibacy that encouraged condemnation of sodomists along with witches.

    Thankfully in recent times, the pitch of public disapproval of homosexuality and transgenders has declined markedly as celebrities such as Neil Patrick Harris, the ever flamboyant Elton John, Carmen Carrera, and Ellen Degeneres have come out of the closet amidst media scrutiny and are educating the public that their sexual preference is a conscious effort and that we all reconcile our lifestyles by our chosen and adopted set of values. Instead of trying to determine the science behind alternative sexuality and to correct the “deviant” gene, let us take this opportunity to celebrate Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Month (LGBT Pride Month) this June and to embrace and respect our loved ones for the choices that they have made.

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  • How is Grindr Changing Gay Men’s Dating Culture?

    How is Grindr Changing Gay Men’s Dating Culture?

    For gay men active in the age of smartphone, installing Grindr on your phones seems to be a mandatory step to socialize with other gay men, or even meet your potential soulmates. Now in its fifth year and serving more than 5 million active users worldwide, Grindr has been dramatically transforming the dating culture for gay men. According to Vocativ, the app has been downloaded more than 10 million times since its launch in March, 2009. Its unique geolocating feature allows gay men to locate and interact with other peers in their area. It makes hookup or dating more convenient and often times, efficient than ever before.

    As a young gay man who only started using this popular app six months ago, I have to say that while Grindr has completely changed my understanding of gay men’s dating culture, it also has me worried about its negative influences on our community as a whole. It’s common to see gay men browsing different profiles on their phone, trying to find the ideal person for a hookup or date. Due to the nature of this app, most profiles will contain either headless torsos or topless hunks in a sexy poses. In a way, Grindr provides a perfect forum for those who enjoy the comfort of secrecy. For the majority of those who use it as a hookup tool, Grindr is a virtual closet where they can have fun while keeping their identities unknown. Silly as I am, I choose to challenge the popular trend by putting a clear picture of me on my Grindr profile, with the subject line clearly announcing my wishful thinking of meeting friends or lifelong partners. I ended up receiving mostly silent responses or even someone telling me that Grindr is not a place for me.

    What’s scarier are incidents where gay men were raped, robbed or even severely beaten or killed after meeting strangers found on Grindr. In the case of Dino Dizdarevic, the 25-year-old chemical engineer from Philadelphia who was viciously beaten and later strangled to death by a stranger he met on Grindr. When police found his body, Dizdarevic was already unrecognizable after the brutal assault. Incidents like this send warning signs to gay men, whether they use Grindr or not, about the dangerous nature of the app. With convenience and novelty comes the risk of turning yourself into a potential assailant or killer. While Grindr has benefited those who seek the short-term pleasure of hookups, it somehow leaves a negative impact on regular users like me, who now reconsider alternative options to socialize with other gay men. Fear of falling into traps, gay men might turn back to more traditional and reliable ways of socializing with other gay men. The uncertainty and risk reflect through Grindr’s convenience have planted the seeds of doubt and suspicion into gay men’s dating culture.

    But will gay men stop using Grindr eventually? Probably not. The convenience displayed by Grindr has been favored by many loyal users. While risk remains high for active users, I believe self-awareness and caution will convince most of them to keep enjoying Grindr’s connection-making ability. After all, not too many apps can satisfy many of their desires through simply tapping on a profile you like and starting a chat. Over time, a more refined and sophisticated version of geolocating dating app could emerge to bring gay men’s dating culture to another level.

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  • Making Love vs Shagging

    Making Love vs Shagging

    Matt-at-Lotus on a common dilemma we didn’t know we had

    Once upon a time in a gay sauna somewhere on the outskirts of the Midlands, sex was taking place or rather something mysterious happened between myself and a stranger who to this day, I have no idea what his name is. I do know that he is from Leeds. If you are a guy reading this, you may well be giggling to yourself because you know that it isn’t that unusual to have anonymous (the clue is in the name) sex with someone and never even get to the exchanging of names, let alone numbers. Who cares? Well, about what a person is (name, job, etc) I don’t give a damn. About who they are—I’m in.

    So allow me to paint you a pretty picture of this meeting of sweaty souls: I see the guy standing against the wall in the dark corridor of the sauna. He was, of course, wearing only a towel. I am pretty forward and impatient by nature so I simply nodded to him to follow me into the ‘rest room’ (the clue is not in the name) and we locked the door behind us. Then something amazing happened.

    I lay on top of him. There was no penetration except for tongues in mouths. Our breath was laboured, bodies sweaty and spines on fire. We rhythmically moved in unison. No speaking, climax, sudden climax in unison and then, then—it happened: we both burst into tears.

    I’m gonna give you a minute to process that …

    Want to know what happened there? We made love. Simple. As. That.

    No need for penetration. No props required. Just two guys (or souls, if you are that way inclined) sharing their nakedness on every level. We did not need to speak about the tears, we just lay there holding each other quite happily until we didn’t need to hold on anymore. Then we exchanged pleasantries (which is probably when I discovered he was from Leeds) and went our separate ways. I wasn’t left with the urge to marry him, stalk him or bum him.

    I was left feeling content and, wait for it: completely sexually satisfied.

    So, dear reader: making love or shagging?

    That is entirely up to you.

    Until next time …

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