Tips For Beginners To Have Rough Sex
Open and honest communication. No one should ever think less of you for playing it safe. Talk about your expectations, wants, needs, and limits. Have this conversation with yourself. Once you’ve figured out these things, seek education for anything you have doubts on. Above everything else, the first step is learning how to read your partner and to create a safe space for them to let go.
What Rough Sex Props/Tools Do I Need?
Almost anything can be used. Once you understand the safe areas to beat, slap, whip, or squeeze. You’re only limited by your imagination. I’ve built an entire toy chest from the dollar store. I’ll explain the basic principles to follow for no-hit areas and the go wild areas. No hit areas are basically non-protected organs and non-protected bone. This would include kidneys, lower back, joints, eyes, ears, chins, center of chest, and throat. The easiest way to know if you can safely hit an area is to feel for muscle. Depending on limits, you can pound hard on muscle. I used to say this is why I got to the gym while getting the crap beat out of me. More muscle development, more places to hit.
Your hands coupled with your mind are the single most dangerous or rewarding tools in your arsenal. Those alone can build or break a person. They’re technically all you need to get intense from foreplay through sex and into aftercare. Aftercare consists of what I call providing them a space to put themselves back together after intense play. They might be frightened, crying, or completely out of it. Lost in euphoria. This is a crucial time to make sure you maintain that safe space and listen to them. A place to talk openly and free about anything. You just had an intense emotional and physical experience that released mass amounts of dopamine and serotonin into the brain. It can turn people’s worlds upside down for up to a week. Check in on one another for days to come. If they don’t feel safe to be open and talk about anything in this moment, it can mess them up for longer. Be present, watch their body language. If in doubt of what they need then simply ask them. This doesn’t just go for the person that had control. No matter how the power exchange was split up. Intense sex like this can dislodge suppressed memories and trauma you didn’t even knew you had. Communicate after practicing rough sex for some time with good partners you’ll realize that your shoulders get lighter. Your anxiety and depression will deeply decrease. This is what I call the tension release.
Me personally, I love edge-play. Edge-play is considered to be what we call an Intense Mind-Fuck. You must make sure that your partner knows the risks before hand with this and you’ve established a lot of trust. You must be in sound mind and attitude because you’re constructing their reality. Once someone is that deeply into the play, the level of trust is so intense that I can use fear-play. If done right, they will believe anything you want them to. They have completely and willingly surrendered themselves to you. Just like the first day I met my mentor. He made me believe he cut my penis off, but he had gained my trust so much that I said to myself, “I guess I don’t need that anymore.” Turns out I never even got undressed. During edge-play, if you have the slightest doubt or negative emotion, your partner will internalize this. Use caution. This act can cause long term issues. Also, ask about medical history and mental illnesses. By this point you should be on that level with this person. Understand the risks and seek education before proceeding. My favorite tools to use during edge-play are a razor-sharp combat blade, blindfold, words, and my hands. Do not let just anyone in that deep. Even as the person giving up control, you are just as responsible for your own safety. This is what I call real hypnotism.
Ensuring Safe Rough Sex Play
One thing I hear so much is, “We are a Dom/slave dynamic we don’t need a safe word.” Not all but most cases in which I hear this, it’s usually because of inexperience or trying to grasp on so tight to labels and/or definitions to define their world instead of creating one together. Let’s be real. We all know that actual slavery is illegal. Try telling a Dungeon Monitor at a play party after your partner screams the universal safe word, “RED!” That you don’t use safe words. Dungeon Monitors are there for your safety. Universal safe words start with GREEN, “Good to go, give me more!” YELLOW, “I’m getting nervous.” This does not mean stop. Re-evaluate their body language. RED, “Stop immediately.”
Get comfy and talk about what came up. This could be any reason for any persons no matter their side of the dynamic. Safe words are communication, praise your partner for using them. BLACK means, “I am so lost in it right now that I am trusting you to know when to stop.” This does not mean stop by any means. This is an awesome place to be. I would laugh, cry, or shiver uncontrollably in this state, but I could probably take a beating that would break my bones and not feel a thing as well.
Another one I hear is, “I heard the person giving control away is the one really in control anyways because they have safe words.” On paper this is true. It’s a very popular belief and should probably still be used as an excuse when your vanilla friends find out what you do. This mindset can damage and limit your sex life drastically with your partner. It’s called a power exchange for a reason. Getting extremely rough with your partner while the one who wants to give up control knows they have it and the one willing to take control knows they’ll never get it. That’s the best way to mind-fuck yourselves and build huge resentments for one another. When all that time could be spent learning about and experimenting with each other to build an unbreakable bond filled with trust and mutual respect. Also, with how deep this bond can go. There’s no way you can tell me that the one giving up control is always in control. Never forget, the absolute exchange of trust for all parties is a gift. It needs to be respected, cherished, and taken care of to blossom.
During knife play, never play with a dull knife. Yes, you read that correctly. This is one of the biggest misconceptions out there that has caused injury and death. Always freshly sharpen, clean, and sterilize the blade before every use. There are simple reasons for this.
Why would anyone use a dull blade? Usually they think it’s safer. This is a dangerous weapon. Thinking it is safer because it is dull will make everyone complacent. That’s how accidents happen, and people get stabbed. Seek education.
There are benefits using razor-sharp blade and showing everyone involved how sharp it is. I used to run mine through a piece of paper like a warm knife to butter in front of anybody I’m playing with. Now they know it’s sharp, they’ll hold still. Now I know it’s sharp, I’ll be extremely careful not to do anything that I wasn’t intending on doing.
If you intentionally or unintentionally cut someone, the blade was sterile and the wound will most likely heal without leaving a scar. I was absolutely lost in a primal consistent back and forth power exchange with a partner who was always fascinated with knives. I pulled out my sterile combat blade and let her know that she could play with it if she wanted too. I knew the risks, furthermore I was not into being intentionally cut with a knife. I had trust that she wouldn’t seriously hurt me. While we were destroying my entire house having rough sex. She grabbed it before I slammed her into the drywall. She looked me deep in the eyes and ran that blade all the way down my chest and arms a few times. Never say you’ll never be into something between consenting adults. Don’t kink shame or worse, close you mind off to possibilities of expansion. I started bleeding. Then she started finger painting on my chest while I choked her. It was some of the best sex I’ve ever had. Though it wasn’t about the act. It was about the person doing it and the trust I had with her.
With that said, play safe. Make sure you are tested after every partner as well as the people you play with. It only takes one time. If your partners or potential care about you, they will have no problem. You cannot take care of anyone if you don’t look after yourself.
Ways To Kink Up Rough Sex A Notch
One main point I haven’t talked about is rope. There are more ways than I can think of on how to incorporate rope and bondage into rough sex, from light to extreme. On the contrary, there’s twice as many ways to do it wrong. Rope can extremely kick rough sex to the next level if done right. If done wrong, blood flow and oxygen to extremities can be reduced or blocked. It can cause phantom pains or limbs to not function right or even death. Rope is an amazing thing especially for that bond and the power exchange. For the purpose of this article, I will say to seek out education. Respectfully ask a known person with good references that’s experienced with rope. Ask if you can shadow and watch them closely when they play.
Note your questions, wait until he’s done with aftercare and ask them. There’s so much respect given by experienced players to people that genuinely want to learn. This could lead to that person training you to be safe, sane, and consensual with it. Yes, there’s safety tricks like always have a pair of medical scissors with you etc. Although, until you’ve learned the basics and start developing your own style, I would suggest good proper high-grade bondage equipment. It’s faster on and off as well as removes the idea of control from your partner. Put them in any position you like and have fun.
You will never know it all. Keep your mind open to learning and expanding. I learn everyday on and off set; from play partners, models, producers, people, the universe. We are all learning and expanding every moment from our surroundings if we choose to see it. The key factors to Safe Rough Sex are Trust, Consent, Communication, Mutual Respect, Aftercare, and Education.
I’m Miles Striker, an Army 25th Infantry Veteran. I got into the Adult Industry with a goal to make intense content while redefining the Male Dom and male sub genres. I’m also known as the Porn Stuntman when I leaped out of a moving car to make a movie ending look real. I’ve dabbled in just about every fetish as well as created some over the years. Mentored by a Leather Master for 5+ years before becoming a Professional Dom. I travel the country and abroad making fantasies a reality for my customers. While teaching safety and technique to those who want to learn. I also do couples counseling and “True Masculinity” support work. Toxic masculinity isn’t masculinity at all, just little boys who throw tantrums. Nominated Best Male Fetish Performer and Best Male Webcam Performer, 2018 and 2019 at the Fetish Awards.
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