Sex does not mean penetration and it sure as hell doesn’t start or end at penetration. Sex is what I like to call a slow dance. I’ve very much devoted a lot of my time to teaching safe rough sex, whether it’s coaching couples or on a porn set. As soon as my sex life started, I felt different. I never understood my friends that only talked about penetration and orgasms. I didn’t know what I needed but I knew that there’s so much more.
Sex can start with a simple glare or any kind of touch. Be present, in tune with your partner’s physicality and emotions. Simply, sex can be anything the energy a person or an infinite amount of people can make.
So, on this subject, who the hell am I? Once my sex life started, I found sex boring. So, naturally I started to experiment. I began to be intrigued with body language and paying extreme detail to how my partner ticks. Everyone has a different energy and aura. This led me to experimenting as a submissive because I was so new to these feelings that I didn’t feel comfortable being responsible for another person’s wellbeing. Also, I wanted to know what giving up control felt like.
Down the rabbit hole we go until I was practicing BDSM in some facet everyday as a submissive and masochist. Then I met a Leather Master who gave demonstrations for people willing to learn. I watched the way he connected with any play partner. This included him doing a demonstration on what we call Mind Fucks on myself that first day. I knew I had a whole other dominant side, and this was the man that I wanted to learn from. I was mentored by him for five to six years before I had to move for work reasons. That was six years ago and still to this day he’s like a second father. No matter what, there is always more to learn with anything in life.
I didn’t start my career in the Adult Industry until I moved to Tampa and went to, what I thought was a lifestyle event, FetishCon. I never knew industry world, but you have two eyes, two ears, and one mouth for a reason. I just watched and tried to soak up as much as I could. Now, four years later, I am full time running multiple websites that cover such a vast array of fetishes it makes my head spin. I also do couples counseling and true male masculinity support work. All change starts within ourselves.
What I Love About Rough Sex
Trust, hands down. Whether you’re the one in control, the one out of control, or in a constant exchange between the two. If done right, there’s always that special moment. Whereas the one in control feels their partner let go. Placing their well-being in their hands. The one out of control feels everything drift away relinquishing all their everyday worries. When there’s a constant exchange, all involved feel the passionate connection to let go. Yet, keep the passion flowing.
Misconceptions About Rough Sex
That it’s abuse. Not letting your partner go after passion has died is abuse. Limiting your partner from achieving goals or fantasies just because they’re with you is abuse. There’s a BIG difference between giving away your trust and having it taken from you. So many beginners fall prey to this. T
he number one thing I get asked when talking about this is, “I was taught to never hit a woman, but she begs me to slap her. What do I do?” Educate yourself, there’s a proper way to do anything. Always negotiate and respect your partners limits. You can always re-negotiate to expand later, which is much better than violating the trust they gave you.
3 Basic Rough Sexual Acts Beginners Don’t Fully Understand
With beginners and some seasoned players. It’s almost always choking, slapping, and hair-pulling.
Take hair-pulling for instance. I hear, “They said pull their hair, so I pulled it and now they’re mad.” This goes for male or female, try just grabbing your hair pulling it. It can hurt and it feels like dead space. Now run your fingers up the back of your neck close to the scalp and grab a handful from the root. You can feel your own energy and suddenly you feel that connection.
With slapping, there’s a pad of muscle in the cheek that can safely take a hard slap depending on your partners personal limits. Too high on the face will leave a sore black eye. Too far back can cause hearing loss or a temple hit. Too far forward can cause a knock-out or loss of consciousness. I always say to start light. All Bruce Lee needed was one inch.
Hold your non-slapping hand against your partner’s jaw opposite of the side you intend to slap. Now make sure your partner’s jaw is closed. Place your slapping hand against that sweet spot in their cheek. Start with a one to six-inch slap. Once comfortable there is no need do increase distance, rather increase power behind the slap. Watch your partner’s eyes, they will tell you everything you need to know for feedback if they’re not giving you feedback.
Now choking is one of my favorites. If my partner at the time doesn’t have any limits against it, I will clean choke them out for a few seconds. I had a partner I had really gotten to know well. I would choke her out right at the brink of her orgasm then hard slap her as she came back. This caused her to have explosive orgasms every time, though every person is different.
Be present and aware of your partner’s body language and limits. I was teaching a seminar on this. Almost choked myself out against a wall to demonstrate when I heard, “You never mess with the blood flow. You’re supposed to choke from the front.” There’s a very simple way to explain why this is wrong. NEVER choke from the front. The front of the neck is the airway, the sides of the neck are blood flow. If I take away your air, then I’m going to have to manually get your lungs working again. Simply, that airway is surrounded by a hard cage in your windpipe. Intense pressure can crush this cage which could lead to death.
Now when you choke by placing your hand firmly around the throat, only touching to light pressure on the windpipe. Then you squeeze the two main veins in their throat to cut off blood flow. You’ll get the same feeling, but you’ll be in much more control causing a better connection. If your partner passes out. All you must do is let go. Their heart will still be pumping. As I stated, everyone is different. There’s this thing I call a person’s count, some people choke out in a second while others can take a minute. There’s a trick to learning your partner’s count.
When learning, have them hold their arm in the air without locking it out. Tell them to hold it there the best they can. Watch their arm move up and down, until it drops below their shoulders. This will give you an idea of that person’s count. Be ready for them to drop out even if that’s not your intention. Better to be extra safe than let someone that is trusting you get hurt. This means be prepared to catch them or do this where they will be safe if they were to fall quickly.
I’m Miles Striker, an Army 25th Infantry Veteran. I got into the Adult Industry with a goal to make intense content while redefining the Male Dom and male sub genres. I’m also known as the Porn Stuntman when I leaped out of a moving car to make a movie ending look real. I’ve dabbled in just about every fetish as well as created some over the years. Mentored by a Leather Master for 5+ years before becoming a Professional Dom. I travel the country and abroad making fantasies a reality for my customers. While teaching safety and technique to those who want to learn. I also do couples counseling and “True Masculinity” support work. Toxic masculinity isn’t masculinity at all, just little boys who throw tantrums. Nominated Best Male Fetish Performer and Best Male Webcam Performer, 2018 and 2019 at the Fetish Awards.
Email me at TheMilesStriker@gmail.com For the following:
- Further your education via in person or webcam (must be willing to talk, no texting).
- Have a complaint about anything I’ve said (please let’s talk about it).
- Live Webcam or Pro-Dom sessions.
- Order a Custom & make your fantasy come to life.
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- FetishCon 2019 August 6-11 (St. Petersburg FL)
- Exxxotica Miami 2019 Sept. 5-9 (Miami FL)
- Atlanta TBD
- Las Vegas TBD
Photos courtesy of Miles Striker
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