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What does eat me mean?

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What does eat me mean?

Previously posted on

Has this ever happened to you: you’re driving down the road and then someone cuts you off. Before you realize who is in the car with you, you mutter something under your breath at the other driver…. something you might not want your kids to hear?

Just the other day I was driving on the freeway. Some rude guy sped up and honked at me when I was merging into his lane. I have a tendency to talk to the other drivers while I’m driving in my car. In this instance, when he honked at me, I sighed, “Come on dude, don’t honk at me. You saw me signal; Eat me.” My nine-year-old daughter was in the backseat of the car with me. After a beat, she asked “Mom, what does “eat me”

Ah, those teachable moments…

I had to pause for minute. Then I began to think aloud: “Well honey, I don’t really know. I can’t imagine “eat me” indicates anything sexual because it’s being said out of frustration or anger. ” This answer seemed to satisfy her curiosity but it left me thinking…

I reflected on how much language around sex has anger or violence associated with it. For example: think of all the different euphemisms for intercourse: Nailing, banging, hitting it.  Masturbation: beating off, whacking the mole. Or even Frustration: fuck you, bite me, eat me.  All of those have a negative connotation to them.

I’m not sure why people say “eat me”. I don’t know about you but I certainly wouldn’t want someone I was angry with or didn’t care for to perform cunnilingus on me. I would not want to force someone to do that either. For me, this seems to be another example of our failure to teach about how important PLEASURE is when talking about sex and sexuality. If it was clear to children, teens, and adults that pleasure is a goal when talking about the behaviors around sex, would we be so quick to talk about sex in terms of violence and/or anger?

There is something else I’d like to point out here:  I didn’t know the answer to her question. I was not lying to my child to get out of giving her an answer to her question. I don’t know about you but I feel like I had a pretty good bullshit detector when I was a kid. I also want to point out that not knowing the answer was okay. My kids know that I am imperfect and human. As much as I might like to think I know it all, I am shown all too often that I don’t.

Why does so much of the language around sex have to do with violence and aggression? What does “Eat Me” mean to you? If this has happened to you, how did YOU approach this with your kids?

This article has been republished with permission from Lanae St.John.
Please visit Lanae St.John’s website  to view the original post and more of Lanae’s works.

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Lanae St.John

Lanae St.John is a San Francisco Bay Area based Sexy Mamas Blogger, BoardCertified Sexologist, and Sex Educator. Her work with clients normalizes conversations about sexuality between parents and children, while helping adults to discover a more sexually positive outlook. By teaching parents to nurture the budding sexuality of their children in ways that foster self-respect and acceptance for the totality of their personhood, she helps them raise children who become empowered, beautiful, strong, sexually healthy adults. Lanae also coaches couples and individuals on their sexual questions and concerns, helping them to optimize their sexual experiences and achieve healthy adult sexuality via a sex-positive approach to sexual education. Lanae received her Bachelor of Science in Psychology and a certificate in Women’s Studies from the University of Wisconsin- Madison in 1991. She completed the Associate in Sex Education and Clinical Sexology before going on to receive her Masters in Human Sexuality in 2011 from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Currently, she is a Ph.D. candidate studying Human Sexuality. Ms St.John is a contributing sexpert on the sex education site What They Are She is also co-founder for the site, a site that seeks to empower women to discover and enjoy their own sexuality. She is a Sex & Relationship Panelist for the popular site and is also an expert on, a website combining sex educators and medical professionals together to talk about the female orgasm. Her blog, “The MamaSutra®” on Good Vibrations’ website, was voted into the Top 25 SF Bay Area Mom Blogs in 2011 and she was listed #1 in the 30 Must-”Like” Sex-Positive Facebook Pages. Lanae also co-hosted Season 1 of a show called Sexxx Talk Radio on the Progressive Radio Network – the podcast can be found on iTunes. As The MamaSutra®, Lanae has been featured as a sex-positive parenting expert in SSEX BBOX – a web series documentary featuring people and experts from four cities around the world. Lanae is also featured in the not-yet released feature length documentary “Revolutionary Sex” (working title) by NuReality Productions. In March 2013, Lanae was part of a contingent of Sexologists to travel to China. She lectured on Childhood Sexuality: Fostering Growth Into Sexually Healthy Adults to the Chinese Sexology Association and was asked to submit her paper to The Chinese Journal of Human Sexuality. Coming soon, Ms. St.John can also be found as one of the Expert Faculty of Sex Coach U and as one of Dr. Ava Cadell’s “Love Coach All Stars”. A Board Certified Sexologist (American College of Sexologists, A.C.S.), Lanae is also a member of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (S.S.S.S), The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (A.A.S.E.C.T.) and the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health (I.S.S.W.S.H.) Lanae is the proud mother of two daughters with whom she actively embodies her message of empowerment, freedom of expression, and a sex- and body-positive mentality.

Get in touch with Lanae via email at


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