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The elusive orgasm

Sex Ed

The elusive orgasm

Women’s orgasm are very different to those of men, and have been a mystery to men and women alike.


Tantric massage is not supposed to concentrate on genital orgasm, but on  experiencing the powerful feelings of energy and bliss which circulate in the body,accompanying sensual arousal,  and which can lead to total body orgasm.

However, today in the age of communication, more and more books and articles are being written about various aspects of  the female orgasm.

Below we describe 3 different ways of helping women to achieve orgasm – the traditional way – via a new app -and a new medical invention.

Does this sound familiar:
MAN: Finally gets to go downtown and fumbles to get his hand where it counts.
MAN: Starts random up-and-down or circular motion, hoping to God he can hit the spot and not be surprised.
WOMAN: Moans and man thinks he’s doing well. WOMAN: Stops moaning.
MAN: Shifts technique or goes into overdrive, and woman asks him to slow down.
MAN: Slows down. Five seconds of mild positive response later, nothing.
MAN: Feels like a dog trying to open a door with no thumbs.
WOMAN: Gently stops his increasingly erratic attack after 10 minutes.

Best case scenario, they move on to something the man can understand – penis in vagina.

Most men admit they’re not fans of asking for directions. But they’ll happily read a manual – especially one that tells them how to make you orgasm in a new way. US author Timothy Ferris has come up with a book called ‘The Four Hour Body’ where he explains his ‘One Taste Method’.

This technique requires 15 minutes of 100 per cent concentration on approximately three square millimetres of contact. Nothing more. Test this and practise it with your partner. Apparently,the pay-off will alter your sexual experience forever.

NO PRESSURE Remind each other that this is a goal-less practice. There is no objective, just a focus on a single point of contact. This should remove all expectations and pressure. He is going to touch you for 15 minutes. You don’t need to do anything. The only focus should be on the short stroke just as the emphasis would be on the breath in most forms of meditation. View it as an exercise in mindful awareness. And the more you focus, the greater your satisfaction.


Its time to get naked. Lie on your back and bend and move your legs apart.

1 – Separate the labia.
2 - Gently retract the clitoral hood upwards with the heel of his palm.
3 - Anchor the clitoris with his right thumb by holding the hood back.
4 - Get him to put his left hand under your bum, with two fingers under each cheek, and his thumb resting on, not in, the base of the entrance to the vagina. Doing this acts as an anchor and help you feel more relaxed.

Now comes the important part: finding the “upper quadrant” of your clitoris, which is a tiny area crammed with thousands of nerve endings. Tell your partner to imagine he’s looking directly at your clitoris from between your legs, with the top of the clitoris as 12 on a clock face. Get him to find one o’clock – ideally a small indentation or pocket between the hood and your clitoris – with his index finger and begin stroking using the lightest touch possible and only 1.5mm or so of movement. The tip of his finger is better than the pad. Have him stroke at a constant speed for periods of two to three minutes – it’s OK to change speed between periods.

5 -  Once 15 minutes are up, end with “grounding”. easing you out of the experience, which conveniently avoids fixation on having a full-blown orgasm as closure. Get him to put pressure down on your pubic bone and up towards your head, using overlapping hands. You dictate the pressure. Most women find the strongest pressure the most pleasurable. You may find you want to have sex now.

For more articles by Eva Evan, read her bio below and visit to find out more.

Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

All other images courtesy of Eva Evan
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Eva Evan

Eva, at Tantric Massage London in Kensington, has trained and qualified in various forms of massage, tantra and tao in the USA, India,Thailand and England. Meditation and yoga have been a major part of her life for over 40 years and she has studied under, and been initiated by, great teachers from the Hindu, Buddhist, Sufi and Taoist traditions.


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