1. Costume Play
Almost EVERYONE has fancied someone at some point in their lives! It’s likely you have had a fantasy or sex dream about a person you’ve met and not been able to engage with sexually. This is where I LOVE the concept of costumes. Humans are highly visual creatures, 30% of our brain is taken up by the visual cortex and it helps us navigate the world. And we can use this to our sexual advantage.
It could be a girl or boy from high school whom you never could get a date with, your secretary or boss, your nurse or doctor, the checkout clerk… the list is literally endless! What if your “fantasy” could become a reality? Discuss with your partner, if you have one, the idea of costume play, and let it work both ways. It’s sad but true that the majority of “sexy clothing” is geared towards women, but women fantasise too! And I don’t know of a woman who hasn’t drooled over a fire fighter or police officer in her time. If a costumes’ per se isn’t in your head, maybe fabric is. Leather, latex, silk and lace are the mainstays of Sensation Play, and most sexual costumes and lingerie are made with both visual and tactile pleasure in mind.
Communication is key in any relationship, and sexual relationships are no different. Be it with a life partner or a sex worker. Communication is the only way you have a chance of getting what you want in life, and from another person. I personally wasted years being shy. You don’t have to be crass when communicating, just honest.
Role Play is optional with costume play, and vice versa. But they make a hell of a combination!
Bondage/Discipline Dominance/Submission Sadism/Masochism
Probably the most commonly referred to fetish in mainstream media. BDSM is an umbrella term which encompasses a large variety of sex play options. But above everything, consent is paramount when practicing BDSM. Keeping an open dialogue throughout BDSM play is not only important, but necessary. Establishing a safety word/action is important to assure all parties that there are limits, that they have a right to communicate these limits, and that their limits and participation or non-participation is entirely their choice. When BDSM appears in the mainstream media, such as the recent fad of The Fifty Shades of Grey franchise, I am always skeptical. BDSM is often portrayed as non-consensual or coercive, and sometimes downright torturous. Real BDSM is no such thing! Partners who practice BDSM have great respect for one another.
For beginners, the most common request and desire in BDSM is the “Tie & Tease”. One partner is restrained and sometimes blindfolded, and the other partner stimulates them. Toy wise I recommend purchasing a pair of safety handcuffs, for peace of mind; additionally a lovers work tie or silk scarf with wafts of her perfume adds a personal touch to the blindfold. It’s important both partners talk about what they want, no one can read your mind, not even an experienced fetishist or sex worker. If you want sensual, surprising, pain, cold, hot, hard, soft, fast, slow, you have the right to request it. A no to a request is simply that, not a no to you as a person, or to other possibilities.
What I really love about a Tie & Tease is that it allows you to take your time and explore the whole body. The erogenous zones are obvious, the genitals and nipples. But try going off the beaten track. Are they ticklish? Between their toes or behind their knees? Do they like a little biting? On their neck or hip bone? Do they like temperature change? Try adding a fan or heater to the room, or getting some ice or wax involved. What about their sense of smell? Their favorite body lotion or dessert topping can be included. There really is no limit when it comes to fetish and enjoyment. So try to be open minded and experiment, experiment, experiment. But do keep in mind that not everyone enjoys all the options under the BDSM umbrella, just like not everyone enjoys every ice cream flavor in the ice creamery!
3. Stimulate Those Nerve Clusters
For Men: The P-Stop via Anal Play
Anal play is BY FAR the most common request I get in my job as a sex worker practicing fetishes. There is a large amount of stigma associated with men and anal sex, mostly perpetuated by the myths that “being penetrated is emasculating” or “enjoying anal penetration means one is gay or bisexual”. But these are just that, myths. Enjoying anal penetration is just that, enjoying anal penetration. If you are a man and attracted to another man, you may not sit on the end of the sexual spectrum marked “heterosexual”, and that’s ok. But sexual preferences and sexual orientation are different things.
Men are blessed with this magical gland called the prostate. The Prostate Gland is the part of the male reproductive system where sperm joins other bodily fluids to become semen; and it is rather sensitive. The easiest way to access the prostate is via the inner wall of the anus. It is commonly likened to the female G-Spot, and is thus called a P-Spot. Much like the G-Spot in women, experimentation is required to locate the P-Spot, and then trial and error of preferred stimulation must begin. As with the P-Spot, the G-Spot can be difficult to reach and stimulate with your hands alone. A second pair of hands or a sex toy is recommended for your ease and pleasure.
For beginners, you will need some standard sexual supplies including: gloves, condoms, lubricant, wet wipes, tissues. Optional and recommended items include an Anal Douche and an Anal Dildo or Prostate Massage; don’t worry, these are not as scary as they sound and can usually be purchased and shipped relatively cheaply and anonymously online. I recommend Prostate Massagers manufactured by Rocks-Off Ltd, and Anal Dildos manufactured by Tantus and Fun Factory. All companies use silicone and make exceptional products.
For Women: The G – Spot Play via Vaginal Play
I’m lucky to be living in the era I am. Women have more opportunity to indulge sexually, most likely not been paralleled since the collapse of the Roman Empire. Body positivity, sex positivity and female friendly pornography means women are experimenting more and more with their bodies and with partners. But in my opinion, never thoroughly or often enough!
Masturbation is still often viewed as something which men do, and if women do it they don’t talk about it, and if they do, they certainly don’t brag about it. I hope to see this change in my lifetime. Women are blessed with a G-Stop. A cluster of nerves hidden on the inside of the vagina, directly behind the clit and under the pubic bone. Sensitivity between women’s G-Spots differ quite a lot, and the same goes for our clits. Some women find it mildly pleasurable, others find it highly pleasurable. The only problem is penetrative sex will not rub up against the G-Spot the way it likes. Much like the P-Spot in men, experimentation is required to locate the G-Spot, and then a vigorous trial and error of preferred stimulation must begin. As with the P-Spot, the G-Spot can be difficult to reach and stimulate with your hands alone. A second pair of hands or a sex toy is recommended for your comfort and pleasure.
For beginners, you will need some standard sexual supplies including: gloves, condoms, lubricant, wet wipes and tissues. An optional and recommended item is a G-Spot Massager; these can usually be purchased and shipped relatively anonymously online, but a good quality one will set you back over AUD$100. I recommend toys from Fun Factory, Lelo and BMS Factory.
Evelyn Amoure: A debaucherous sweetheart. Lifelong lover of alternative sexual practices, turned purveyor of the flesh. Evelyn works as a Professional Pansexual Escort, providing men, women, trans and others with Companionship, Girl Friend Experiences, Erotic Massages and Fetish Play. A believer in body, sex and fetish positivity, she practices what she preaches! Everyone can be loved, and you can try to love everyone. Follow Evelyn at her website www.evelynamoure.com and on Twitter @EvelynAmoure
Catch her upcoming works on her blog:
- Anal Play and Hetero Men: Sexual Preference vs. Sexual Orientation.
- The Average Client: What to Except When You’re Expecting A Client
Featured image courtesy of Evelyn Amoure
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