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Tag: Sexual fantasies

  • Ways To Explore Your Sexual Fantasies

    Ways To Explore Your Sexual Fantasies

    For myself, sex is whatever I want it to be and that is what I find so fulfilling about sex. It is a space where one can express themselves in their most raw state. As a sexual being myself, the journey of sex is full of unending pathways. There are tons of options to explore with sex and it’s one of life’s greatest treasures. Sex is life.

    Does Living Out One’s Sexual Fantasies Make Sex Better?

    It brings excitement and a chance to explore oneself when living out fantasies. Sex is one of the most individually unique experiences someone can live through, why would you want it to be stale and boring? Living out fantasies is what brings joy to sex. Never let it get stale, the moment that sex is boring is the moment it all starts going downhill.

    Favorite Sexual Fantasies Of Mine

    Luckily I have been given the chance to act out most of my sexual fantasies (thank you porn industry). But one I’ve had rattling in my brain lately is being impregnated with eggs a la ovipositor. There’s something about the strangeness that appeals to me.

    Tips To Bring Up Ones’ Fantasies

    I find that just being transparent, up front, and clear when communicating will do wonders when sharing fantasies with your partner. If you’re trying something new as a couple, it’s crucial that both parties are fully aware of one another’s position and feelings. Be open with your partner though, maybe show them some porn if the fantasy you like together one evening.

    Transforming Fantasies To Reality

    Goodness me, easily – just do it! I’m kidding, that’s easier said than done. But in my world, I try to watch some porn of the fantasy I’m curious about then move to acting out the fantasy on my own. Some fantasies require a little bit more involvement than others which is why I like to view some porn of said fantasy if I can. After that, get creative!

    Fantasies I Like To Try

    A fantasy of mine that I’ve yet to explore is Zentai suits/latex/rubber encasement. Zentai suits are full body suits and the anonymity of it all sparks an interest in me. As for some uncommon fantasies, I’ve seen so many that I tend not to categorize them into common and uncommon. I would say that figging seems pretty uncommon and painful to boot.

    Hi, it’s me, Kingsley, the best spunky, tattooed girl from Virginia! I am clip maker, creator, indie porn performer and most importantly, a cum sommelier. I’ve been performing for what will be three years in August. The porn world has been the best career choice for me and I’ve been running with it every since. I am indulged and voracious with a bizarre sense of humor mixed in. I feel I am at my most creative when performing for strangers on the internet. So let me help you get off! It’d be my pleasure.

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    Photos courtesy of Kingsley

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  • Exploring Camgirl Nikki’s Favorite Fantasies

    Exploring Camgirl Nikki’s Favorite Fantasies

    Personal I love sex. Of course, like any work there are good days and bad.  I’m a little bit of an attention seeker and used to masturbate in front of my last boyfriend or send him videos to get his attention. He was the one that suggested ‘if I like to masturbate so much, I might as well get paid for it’.  So, I did.

    It took me a while to overcome the nerves and to understand how it all works, as I‘m not good with computers. But after a couple of weeks when I started to make a regular income, it just got more exciting each time… Sometimes before I start, I get a little stressed worrying about how I look, but once I get a few clients giving me compliments, I relax and get right into it.

    Overall, I think this is a great way for some to make money but it probably doesn’t suit everybody, you need to have a genuinely high sex drive as you can’t really do a good show if you’re not enjoying yourself.

    How Experimental Are You?

    I don’t know if I’m super experimental.  I’m not consciously looking for new ways to have sex. I do love nasty sex.  I get fixated on new kinky ideas and follow it all the way.  I particularly love it when my clients introduce me to their fantasies then play it out on cam, I really get into it and it makes my day so much more interesting and exciting dealing with new kinky fantasies.

    Normally I like to be submissive, I love being a sex slave or toy to be played with and be told what to do. Especially if it gets messy, maybe drool from gagging, running over my naked body, being made to push my limits.  But recently I’m also getting into the Mistress thing.

    I could really imagine meeting some of my clients and treating them like slaves, forcing them to lick my asshole or sit on their face, things like that. I think I just love the master/slave dynamic in either direction it’s played out.

    Uncommon Sexual Fantasies I’ve Heard Of

    I’m not sure what is common or uncommon as only a few years ago I was completely naive about sex and only had one partner. Now I get into all sorts of sex games and fantasies.  I love watersports – peeing on each other is amazing.  I had my first show for a female client not long ago, I had orgasm after orgasm on cam with her.

    Other things I find myself getting really carried away with (as fantasies only) are age or incest related. Maybe it’s just because it’s a little different from the usual. I know it’s very controversial. I can’t do such fantasies on my regular cam site, as they don’t allow.  But I have clients that like to talk to me as if I were their little girl.  I don’t really see it as wrong as I’m blatantly not underage, or related (I’m an obvious Milf) lol.

    So it not as though I‘m encouraging any real illegal behavior.  I think it’s important people differentiate what is a turn on in fantasy from real life.  That said, from what I see, the ‘daddy’ thing seems to be quite a common thread in the porn industry.

    My Favorite Sexual Fantasies

    I think it’s the slave thing, I love that feeling of a client being my master, telling me what to do and giving in to his demands.  I find I can relax and not worry about what they want to see because they are telling me exactly what they want from me.  It makes the job that much easier not having to worry about what kind of show I should be performing, as a result, less stress having to think equals more fun.  As long as the client shows their appreciation by being generous along with their demands so I don’t feel taken advantage of.

    In real life, with a trusted partner, I love the feeling of being gripped around the throat with one hand or my  mouth forced open while being fingered hard with the other while he spits in my mouth.. I also love having my head held while his big cock is down my throat or made to rim him. I get so carried away doing this I could go into a frenzy licking his asshole. I’ve no idea why it drives me so wild but I absolutely love it.

    So it’s an easy step for me to play slave to my masters during cam shows.

    Advice For Beginners Exploring Their Fantasies

    I think you just have jump in at the deep end, don’t over think it and don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get it right, some people are just not clear about what they want.  If it doesn’t cause you harm then go for it.

    If you talking about fantasies while doing cam shows, the only thing I would strongly advise is to avoid things that can put you out of action and make you lose money as a result. During one crazy, kinky session I was asked to fuck myself with the heal of one of my stiletto shoes.  It was a great show, I really enjoyed it at the time, it got very nasty and I liked that hehe.! The next day I realized I had done some damage to myself and had to take a few days off from camming.  I won’t be doing that again as much as I get tempted.

    Other common things you should avoid that can cause problems is using the same dildo in your pussy after fucking your ass with it..  At the end of the day if you don’t cause problems to your health, made someone happy and made money at the same time; it’s a job well done.  A win-win.

    Just try have a common-sense approach, keep yourself safe and go for it. You’ll be surprised what gets you going if you give yourself over to new ideas.

    Nikki – Nikki Is a petite Asian girl with an enormous sexual appetite. She has been camming for nearly 2 years. Streamate  is  her regular site that she appears on most days but loves the opportunity to work without rules in private Skype shows for  her more trusted clients and occasionally  she appears on Chaturbate but  prefers the private show format  Streamate offers.

    Follow Nikki on

    ManyVids: Nikki_Cremeux.manyvids.com

    Streamate: www.Nikki_cremeux.cammodel.com

    Chaturbate: Rhonarocks

    Twitter:  @Rhonarox or @Ncremeux

    Skype show requests or personalized videos  can be emailed to her on Rhonarox99@gmail.com.

    Article images courtesy of Nikki

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  • How To Explore Your Kink & Sexual Fantasies

    How To Explore Your Kink & Sexual Fantasies

    I firmly believe when people operate from a place of transparency, communication and harm reduction, so called “alternative” lifestyles can be just as normal as “traditional” lifestyles. In my experience, a lot of people engage in kink, even those who would consider themselves generally vanilla.

    It’s important for people to have various ways of expressing and exploring their sexuality, and kink is one of the most comprehensive ways of doing that. “Alternative” is in the eye of the beholder. There are so many ways for this to look: it’s a spherical spectrum where you can pick and choose what you enjoy and with whom.

    How My Interest In Kink Began

    I think I’ve always had an interest, sex wasn’t taboo in my house growing up. I liked understanding other people, there are so many things we can express and experience. I recognized what negative sexual situations were: exploitation and power imbalances; but also how those instances could be done with consent and equality.

    I was single for the first long time in my early 20’s and I decided I’d let myself explore myself for a change. I had previously spent the last decade teaching my partners how to have good sex and intimacy. I explored my local community, went out to events, got hooked and the rest is history. I knew it was important to pursue self discovery and kink was an endless playground.

    Knowing What Kink You’re Into

    Start by thinking about what turns you on, and then get into the Why of it. This will help you identify what activities will be geared towards your interests. I get turned on by power dynamics, I like it when there is a strong dominant and disntinctive separate submissive energy.

    So, I look for things that will include those feelings: roleplay, impact play, femdom, etc. Try stuff! Don’t be afraid to try everything at least twice. What you experience with one person will not be the same with another person, or even the same person at a different time. Like any relationship, it takes awareness, accountability, communication, and curiosity to be successful.

    image from FetPhotoman fine-art nude and Shibari photo workshop

    How To Learn More About Kink

    Ask questions. Do your research. Leave your shame at the door. Take it seriously, but light-heartedly. Go to events/shops etc and connect with a variety of people. Get as many opinions as you can.

    Don’t be afraid to fail: you will get better at everything over time and each experience is absolutely valuable and wonderful.

    Popular Sexual Fantasies

    Group sex/duos and power dynamics! Both most popular and ones I enjoy. A lot of people have fantasies of being touched, worshipped, and aroused by mulitple partners. There’s an erotic romanticism about it that I find appealing. Dom/sub play, especially in a role play context, is incredibly exciting.

    It allows me to express different aspects of myself and fulfil various desires and cravings. Adding an artificial element of taboo and risk is a great way to get that “sexy danger” feeling in a safe way.

    Tips For Beginners To Make Their Sexual Fantasies Happen

    Develop your vocabulary! Learn ways of expressing what you like and how you like it. Your partners, even if they’re more experienced, are not mind-readers. They will do the best they can based on their knowledge and experience, but you are unique and you need to contribute to the success and enjoyment of your experience.

    The more fun you have, the more fun your partner will have: we love to make each other feel good, do everything you can to facilitate that for each other. Communication and transparency. There is no such thing as failure unless you lie. Be excited about getting what you want and giving your partner the same by refining your techniques and signals.

    You never know what you might enjoy.

    Emele Devine – I’m the nerd with the knockers, fashioner of fine birthday suits and all-around dork. I enjoy everything from sci-fi to sex and bondage to Buddhism. I like to think I’ve got a child-like curiosity that is refined with adult patience.

    Follow Emele Devine on

    Email: emeledevine@outlook.com

    Twitter: @devineemele 

    LeoList, Perb.cc: Emele Devine

    I’m always working on lots of projects and coming up with ideas I love to get feedback on. Best to check in on my Twitter, I post all of my new work and adventures there.

    Images courtesy of Emele Devine

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  • Exploring Your Sexual Fantasies

    Exploring Your Sexual Fantasies

    I think that sex is an extremely important part of nature as a whole, but it is incredibly overrated in society which leads to some kind of cult following. I think it’s a beautiful thing when two or more people decide to get freaky as long as everything is consensual and nobody’s getting hurt (unless they want to), but we must respect those who want nothing to do with any of that. It’s also extremely important not to take yourself too seriously as a “sexual being” because that’s when things stop being fun!

    Being Experimental During Sex

    I’m extremely experimental with significant others. If there’s ever something they want to try with me, we discuss it and once a mutual understanding is met, we try it out.

    Uncommon Sexual Fantasies

    Recently, I found out about balloon fetishes and I have plans to make videos with that kind of fetish genre. One I can’t remove from my brain is scat; it’s literally a fetish surrounding feces. I will never do anything related to the scat fetish.

    Fantasies specifically, consensual non-consent seems to be a common one among people that has a huge stigma about it. I have to agree that it’s very taboo, but I have experimented with it.

    My Favorite Fantasy

    Being used and abused, like a fucktoy while I’m practically black out drunk. I love drunk sex.

    How To Explore Your Fantasies

    If you don’t feel comfortable experimenting with someone you know or just anyone, I would suggest saving up some cash and going to a sex worker. That will be a perfectly professional environment in which you can explain exactly what you want done without feeling any unnecessary shame!

    Lola – My name is Dolores, but you can call me Lola; I’m 19. I’m a camgirl and I sell explicit content whilst studying Fine Arts at Uni.

    Follow Lola on

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    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock, article images courtesy of Lola

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  • Ways To Spice Up Sex

    Ways To Spice Up Sex

    I’ve experimented in everything that I’ve been interested in trying. There are definitely somethings that I’ve never been interested in, and I’ve known that from the start. I’ve been asked to star in adult films in the past, which I turned down (I’d hate for a friend to accidentally Google me), and I’ve avoided any of the more…interesting…toilet play fantasies.

    It seems that BDSM is a common gateway into exploring sexuality, which I tried early in my sexual journey. I learned quickly that there are a lot of men that fantasise about strong women in corsets with whips, and I remember dressing as a headmistress with a bamboo cane one night. Those things can cause some serious damage!DSCF0379

    More often than not I get requests for threesomes from guys with other girls, and occasionally I get to enjoy a threesome with two guys (being spoilt is an indulgence of mine).  I’ve explored exhibitionism, group sex, toy play, partner swapping, cosplay/uniform play, roleplaying, and “anonymous sex”.

    I’m not sure there is a name for it, but “anonymous sex” included a very trusted friend organizing a playdate for me with someone I had never met before. I was blindfolded the entire time, he never spoke, and we rolled around on the bed for hours. Not a fantasy to try unless you trust whoever is setting it up for you, but it was very exciting!

    What would I suggest to other couples? Well, to start off most with, no one knows you better than yourself. “Experts” like me can hold your hand and tell you that what you are feeling is natural, and that everything is ok, but you need to be honest with yourself, and your partner.

    The most terrifying feeling you will have is the moment before you awkwardly blurt out, “I know I’m a heterosexual but I really just want to try a threesome with someone of the same sex because I think it would be hot, please don’t judge me I love you, what are we having for dinner? Hahaha, threesome? I didn’t say anything about a threesome…”

    It will be awkward, and even if you both agree that you want to try something kinkier, you won’t know where to start. Adult films are terrible at teaching you how to explore your kinks, you’re better off having a frank discussion with someone at the local adult shop, someone online on a fetish site, or read a lot of articles. It won’t be as sexy as watching your favourite fetish film, but you’ll learn more about it and be more prepared when you try.

    Trust me, if your kink is anal and you think you’ve watched enough videos that you can figure it out yourself, you may just scare your partner off it forever!

    Chasey Devil is a curvy, cheeky Mediterranean private escort with a passion for life, adventure and exploration. She has a great smile and an infectious personality, and has had many years’ experience helping others explore their sexual fantasies. Follow her on

    Website: www.chaseydevil.com

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/Chasey_Devil

    Scarletblue: https://scarletblue.com.au/escort/chasey-devil

    Chasey Devil specializes in the Girlfriend Experience (GFE) and enjoys meeting new people, easing them into new experiences and providing fun and passionate encounters. Go check her out!

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock, other images courtesy of Chasey Devil
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  • Kink Up Your Sex Life With Cosplay

    Kink Up Your Sex Life With Cosplay

    What can I say about sex? Personally, I think sex is absolutely a satisfying and healthy experience. It’s one of my favorite past times and my overactive imagination is constantly spinning things in a sexual manner. You might even say I’m ‘obsexed’. But for all the hype I’ve built up around it, sex is an unusually casual thing in my line of work. That never causes it to get boring in my personal life though. I’m happy to try new things and diversify the abilities I have in my sexual arsenal.

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    How I Started Cosplaying

    I’ve enjoyed making and wearing costumes since I was a kid and since I’m always looking for an excuse to dress up, I began attending California based anime conventions back in 2009.  Something I like about anime conventions is that the focus of the con is on animated characters and those are my favorite cosplays to bring to life. The types of characters that you find in anime series are personality types represented in their extremes and so you get a lot of variety in the kind of cosplays you get to choose.

    For instance, there’s the always demure, often chaste, secret-pervert type of characters such as Chii from Chobits or Maria The Virgin Witch. On the other end of the spectrum you have the sexually brazen girls like the sisters from Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt.  Then you have the spunkier tomboy like Gaige the Mechromancer from the video game series Borderlands 2. You can see where I’m going with this, I like exploring all roleplay opportunities. The bratty as well as the submissive. Each of these are fun to cosplay as, in and out of the bedroom!

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    Combining Sex & Cosplay

    I love to cosplay as Shimakaze from the Kantai Collection because she is a Japanese war vessel personified as a thong-flashing sexpot. She’s overly confident and so it’s fun to cosplay as her while she gets her ego put in check with a spanking. Another cosplay sex scenario that is in my highlight reel is incorporating tentacle play. You bust out a  wriggling tentacle dildo dripping with lube and any character can be instantly transformed into a hentai wet dream. That’s what I’m always eager to do in the bedroom, fulfilling mine and my partner’s fantasies.

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    How To Cum Hard & Have Mind Blowing Orgasms

    Mindset is key here! Roleplay can help put me in the proper frame of mind to achieve my horniest orgasms. Even if it’s a solo masturbatory session! Some of my preferred scenarios include: monster/fantasy, abduction, harem wives, deflowering, and taboo themes.

    As far as physical stimulation goes, I’ve learned through experience that firmly pressing a Hitachi (or any type of powerful vibrator) against my clit while I’ve got my pussy stuffed leads to squiirt-inducing orgsasms, without fail.  And if I want to cum my absolute brains out, I insert the end of a sharpie or a small butt plug into my anus. That bonus stimulation makes me cum so hard I see Jesus.

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    How To Make Sex Kinkier

    The good news is: you can always make sex kinkier, thereby making it hotter! Without jumping to extremes too. Roleplaying is a naughty and super effective way to get a reaction out of your partner. It takes a little courage to come out of your comfort zone the first few times you attempt it but if you are going at it with a person whom you can expose that vulnerable side to, then you will have your foot in the doorway to a very titillating new world of pleasures. Plus it doesn’t have to cost a dime!

    Imagination goes beyond costumes too. Tease your partner before you lay a smooch on them, make them ask out loud what it is they want. Linger on their erogenous zones and let them feel the warmth of your breath near their most sensitive bits before diving in. Lick between their toes while you watch them get themselves off. There are so many simple moves you can make to amplify everyone’s pleasure levels, I’m just rattling off the ones that come immediately to mind.

    Dresden is a fresh faced fetish model and actress who specializes in girl-on-girl porn. She can be seen shaking her stuff in several B-movie horror films as well as on your favorite kinky websites. Follow her always NSFW snapchat for free @pleasureclone. Follow Dresden at:

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/Dresden333

    Websites:

    http://www.cosplaydeviants.com/profile/Drezden

    http://www.kink.com/model/58978

    http://www.insexondemand.com/iod/home.php?s=p:Dresden&o=d

    https://www.manyvids.com/Profile/818849/Dresden333/

    http://clips4sale.com/107410

    http://trashytrendy.tumblr.com/

    Be sure to tune into to realtimebondage.com on Sep. 10, 2016 at 11:30am to watch in real time as Dresden endures grueling bondage and unspeakable acts of torment! You can catch Dresden at these upcoming industry events:

    •             November 4th-6th:: Edison, New Jersey for Exxxotica Expo
    •             January 18th-21st:: Las Vegas, Nevada for AVN’s & AE Expo

    Images courtesy of Dresden
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  • I Fantastize About My Wife Having Sex With Other Men

    I Fantastize About My Wife Having Sex With Other Men

    When I have sex with my wife, I fantasize about her with another guy which enables me to reach a orgasm faster. Does this mean there is a cuck possibility in me? 

    Clearly you fantasize about being a cuckold husband so you have the potential to be a cuck. The question is are you now or will you ever be ready for the real thing.

    It is very easy for a man to become overwhelmed and allow his sexual fantasizes to run wild – it’s a hormonal thing.

    If you want to be a real cuckold who is faithful to his wife and supports her sexual freedom and extramarital activities, you need to step back and consider several things.

    First and foremost, why do you want to be a cuckold; what is it that excites you about another man having sex with your wife?

    There are three themes or motivating factors for a cuckold; bisexuality, voyeurism and submission-humiliation.

    Is your desire to be a cuckold a covert way of sabotaging your marriage -or- getting your wife to allow you some extra-marital dalliances?

    Is your marriage strong enough to the stresses that involving a third party might cause?

    Aside from the sex why would your wife enjoy being a hot-wife?

    Have you considered how your marriage might change after telling your wife about your fantasy and further how it might change if she went ahead and acted on it?

    How would you feel if your wife began having more sex with another man than she has with you?

    How would you feel if your wife rarely or never had sex with you anymore but instead saved herself for her lover?

    One thing you might try is doing a thought-experiment. When you are in a public place with your wife, look at the men walking by and silently imagine how you would feel if some of them were having sex with your wife. It is important to do this exercise while you are with your wife when you are not sexually aroused.

    In this situation you might find that the idea of some random guy having sex with the woman you married to be quite stressful.

    This is a very complex topic and I welcome follow-up questions.

    Have a question on your mind related to sex? Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com! 

    Steve is a middle-aged husband and father living in the northern US. By day he works as a technical analyst/project manager for a large company by night he explores the depths of alternative sexual lifestyles – mostly involve female-led relations.

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

     

  • Is there no turning back from a cuckold lifestyle?

    Is there no turning back from a cuckold lifestyle?

    My husband and I have been discussing about introducing cuckoldry into our relationship. However, if we do, is there no turning back once we start?

    No question that introducing cuckoldry in any relationship is not something to be done lightly; you are justifiably concerned about acting on this.

    On an emotional level there is indeed “no turning back” once the wife has exercised her rights as a cuckoldress. This is why communication is vital before anything is done and after.

    First it is important for both the husband and wife to talk through all of their desires, fantasies, and fears. It sometimes helps to write things down and even draw up a cuckold-contract. This would be a semi-formal agreement that lists boundaries, expectations, rules and requirements for each party.

    This type of document also documents the husband’s willingness to be his wife’s cuckold.

    Before the wife does anything, the couple should do various “exercises” together to prepare them both for the real thing. One exercise involves using a dildo or other sex toy together, but do so in a way that will be more psychologically challenging for the husband.

    To do this, the wife would purchase or pick-out a dildo she likes and give it the name of a man she knows that she find attractive – “Bill”. Then when she is in the mood she should tell her husband that she needs “Bill” to fuck her one evening. After some foreplay with her husband she should take out “Bill” and use it on herself while saying things like “Oh Bill you make me feel like a real woman”. Over the course of days, weeks or months this exercise should be repeated many times and each time, the wife should say things as she enjoys “Bill” that are more intense and/or humiliating for her husband to hear. Eventually the wife should have her husband use the dildo on her while giving her oral sex.

    The wife’s first extra-marital experience is an important one and finding the right man for this can be difficult. For the first-time it is often advisable that the husband not be present as the situation might be too intense for him and his presence would inhibit or spoil things for the wife.

    Have a question on your mind related to sex? Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com! 

     

    Steve is a middle-aged husband and father living in the northern US. By day he works as a technical analyst/project manager for a large company by night he explores the depths of alternative sexual lifestyles – mostly involve female-led relations.

     

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

  • Rape Fantasies: Does It Mean Anything?

    Rape Fantasies: Does It Mean Anything?

    I have a forced/simulated rape fetish although I have never told anyone or tried it with my current girlfriend. Am I normal?

    Rape fantasies are very common, across genders. In fact, most things that are taboo are common fantasies. Specifically, giving up power and taking power are common themes in many sexual desires and fetishes.

    Finding these things arousing does not mean you want to hurt people or be hurt by them. Taking power allows us to feel potent, in control, larger than life. It allows us to determine the course of someone else’s experience. It allows us to feel strong and powerful. Giving up power allows us to release, to surrender, to feel small and insignificant. It allows us not to be in control, not to make decisions.

    All of these desires are human, common, and normal. Everyone craves some or all of them sometimes. The key is to venture into these territories consensually. When it’s what we want, all of these experiences release endorphins and feel pleasurable. They build trust between the partners and deepen the bond.

    As for you, you have options: If it feels too scary to address with your girlfriend, you could keep these desires strictly private. Nothing wrong with that. You can enjoy them by yourself.

    Or you can let her in on your fantasies. Given that rape and sexual violence are real sources of fear and hurt for many women, your empathy and consideration is important. You can share your desires as part of a more general sharing of all kinds of desires for both of you. You can also share these specific ones about rape with a measure of concern. The catch in both of these cases is that you’re talking about desire, not initiating action. Make that clear.

    Talk about these things when you’re not having sex. Talk about all kinds of desires. Be open to thought-experiments: Would it turn you on if you are the one being forced? Be curious about what turns each of you on by changing the variables of the fantasies: Would it turn her on if you were whispering? What if you were yelling? Or silent? Would it turn you on if she were acquiescing? Or struggling? Talk about limits: How would you feel if she slapped you as part of the scene? How does she feel being held down? Or bound?

    Take your time, and have these conversations slowly. Take a break if either of you are feeling threatened or defensive, angry or resentful. Neither one of you should feel pushed into anything, or made to feel their desires are bad or wrong. Desires are just desires, turn-ons just turn-ons. What you choose to do as a couple is up to you. Remind yourselves that you don’t – you really don’t – have to fulfill each other’s every fantasy. And you don’t have to have perfectly matched turn-ons to have a great sex life.

    Talk about everything only as possibilities, knowing that some of the desires you each have will be doable, and others not. And remember that, you’re not wanting to rape your girlfriend. You’re wanting to experience a fantasy with her if and only if she also wants to experience it with you. And in that realm, there are many possibilities.

    Have a question on your mind related to sex? Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com! 

     

    Karen B. K. Chan is a sex educator, emotional literacy trainer, and speaker in Toronto, Canada. Above all, she’s dedicated to widening the definitions of what’s erotic, cultivating ease and acceptance, and proving that emotional literacy, play, and honesty are sexy. Read the rest of her profile below!

     

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

  • My Partner Fantasizes About My Friends And Colleagues

    My Partner Fantasizes About My Friends And Colleagues

    My partner recently shared his sex fantasy with me, and that he fantasizes of people such as my friends, colleagues and strangers on Facebook. I will have felt less stressed if he fantasized about porn stars or actresses but this freaks me out and I wish I hadn’t asked. Do I need to address this with him or not talk about it again?

    How frustrating it must be to have asked and wish you didn’t! Alas that is the minefield of really getting to know someone you love.

    Fantasy life is as varied as people are different. Some people never fantasize (what’s the point?), some people only reminisce about past experiences in fantasy, some people revisit the same fantasies over and over, and other people thrive on fantasies being novel and numerous.

    That your partner fantasizes about friends and colleagues and Facebook strangers is neither unusual or a cause for concern. My interest is in addressing what makes you feel freaked out. Do you worry that he might act on it? Do you feel repulsed by imagining him having sex with them? If so, take a deep breath and remember that neither of those things are true. (And if they ever happen, you can freak out about it then).

    If the upset you feel is not dissipating, I’d suggest talking to him about it. But be clear that this is about you, not him. Go to him for support, not as an appeal for him to change or feel badly. Which means beginning the conversation like you would if you saw a kid with a puppy and felt sad for the puppy you never had as a kid. Nothing is wrong – not the kid, not the puppy, not even your sadness. You would just like some love for being freaked out, and perhaps some reassurance (that he’s not after your best friend or hooking up on Facebook).

    And, since this is about you and not about him, you can also get support from friends. If you don’t want to put them or your partner on the spot, you can just start by talking about your curiosity about sexual fantasies in general. If you have friends who can be very honest with you, I think you might feel soothed by hearing how common it is to fantasize about all kinds of people.

    And certainly, you can put this all behind you and not mention it again. But the bonus of talking to any loved one about this is that you let them know you – about the quirky ways you are stressed out, about your worries and your vulnerabilities. It’s a chance to deepen your relationships, and an opportunity to ease sexual anxieties (which everyone has).

    Have a question on your mind related to sex? Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com! 

     

    Karen B. K. Chan is a sex educator, emotional literacy trainer, and speaker in Toronto, Canada. Above all, she’s dedicated to widening the definitions of what’s erotic, cultivating ease and acceptance, and proving that emotional literacy, play, and honesty are sexy. Read the rest of her profile below!

     

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock