Sex is simply a pleasurable activity people can enjoy; it doesn’t need to be more complicated than that.
Attitudes towards it have varied greatly across cultures, countries, religious doctrines, and throughout history. But when you factor out these influences, sex has two basic functions that can’t be distilled any further: the reproductive, and the recreational.
We generally aren’t trying to make babies every time we have sex. We only set out to deliberately reproduce when conditions seem favorable according to our individual, subjective criteria. Beautiful accidents do happen, of course!
Most of the time, sex is just a form of play, a way to relax, and a way to express affection.
Is There A Mental Side To Sex?
There is absolutely a mental component to sex. What occurs in the mind during a sexual encounter is far more important than what occurs in the body, even if we aren’t consciously aware of it at the time.
While the actual organ we call the brain is technically just part of our anatomy, our raw experience of life as a human being makes it easy to draw a subjective distinction between the mind and the rest of the physical body.
In the case of most normal actions we perform day to day, the brain leads and the body follows. This is not entirely the case with more primal, instinctive activities such as eating, and sex.
When we get turned on sexually, a feedback loop ramps up between the mind and the body that distorts logic and puts an emphasis on immediate gratification, generating a sense of urgency.
Without an erotic thought or the perception of some erotic stimulus by the mind, the body would not become aroused. By the same token, when all sexual stimuli are removed, and we stop thinking about them, our reproductive systems go from “FIRE WHEN READY!” to business as usual.
Our psychology is also the dimension in which our sexual preferences and beliefs exist. Without those, we wouldn’t be turned on by some things and repulsed by others, or deem some activities appropriate and others offensive. It’s all in your head.
What Women Want During Sex
That’s a tough question; everyone is different. As an intimate companion, I have been exposed to most of the sexual preferences women express, and can tell you conclusively, they vary greatly.
Supplement that with reading books like ‘My Secret Garden’, and ‘Sex at Dawn’, and one has no choice but to accept that there is no such thing as “normal” when it comes to human sexuality. We are probably the most sexually diverse creatures on the planet.
The result is that my personal sexual style has evolved to be an average of what seems to work most of the time with most women, with an awareness of things I can try if the one I’m with shows a preference for certain types of activities and not others; one broad distinction is those who wish to be choked and spanked, versus those who want neck kisses and gentle skin contact.
That said, when I look back on my experiences, it’s possible to identify some of the underlying factors that are present most of the time. The distribution is not even; some are seen more often, and I’d venture to say that even when the desired behaviours and activities change, there are common elements in the emotional and mental realms.
Usually a woman wants to feel desired by the man she’s chosen to share her body with.
She wants to trust him to handle her body the right way, to read her subtle signals accurately and respond with skill.
She wants to be free to express her sexual desires without fear of judgement or embarrassment.
She wants to win him over with her personality as well as her body.
She wants to savour the build-up and release of tension across the span of the encounter.
And she wants to feel confident she can give pleasure as well as receive it.
I acknowledge these are very general, but the more specific you get with this, the more divided people tend to become.
As long as you take note of what increases your partner’s pleasure, and fine-tune your techniques accordingly, you will get closer and closer to the sweet spot. And you can’t expect the same moves to work all the time; you have to modulate and oscillate; switch things up occasionally.
Most Underrated Sex Move
Missionary position seems to be somewhat underrated. I sometimes hear people dismiss it as boring and basic.
That’s simply not true; this position allows for deep eye contact, a feeling of closeness, and a torrent of sexual chemistry to be exchanged. Plus there are so many ways to juice it up. You can do it on a random piece of furniture or a kitchen bench. On a car bonnet.
Possibilities, people…use your imagination!
Most Overrated Sex Move
As for the most overrated, I want to single out shower sex. It sounds great in theory; you’re in a private little bubble of warmth together, all naked and wet, and the mood strikes.
But the reality doesn’t hold up to the fantasy.
If she goes down on you she gets blasted in the face with water. The shower washes away all her natural lubrication, so it starts getting uncomfortable fairly fast. There usually isn’t much space, and if your back hits the cold tiles, it’s a rude shock, especially in winter. Then there’s the fact that you can’t both be fully under the water at the same time, so one basks in the warmth while the other shivers.
It can be good in large, luxurious showers when the weather is warm, but most of the time it doesn’t live up to the hype.
Favorite Positions To Get Her Off
I just want to quickly say that if there is no chemistry, it doesn’t matter what technique or position you try; it won’t work.
This is the same for men and women alike. If you’re very turned on, almost anything will work. If you’re not really feeling it, almost nothing will. This is why a guy just looks silly when he tries to get a girl attracted to him by telling her what an amazing lover he is. “But I’ll make you cum so hard!” She isn’t attracted, so nothing you do to her will work, and she knows it.
Thus, I encourage people not to get too embroiled in their quest for the magic technique. It might be the chemistry or arousal that’s lacking, or some other factor beyond either person’s immediate control.
But again, missionary is usually a very pleasurable position. The man can contract his abdominals and move his pelvis so that it stimulates her clitoris with each stroke. You’ve also got the classic option of raising the woman’s butt with a pillow to hit her G-spot more directly. She’s in a comfortable position, laying on her back. The fact that the man is on top puts him in a good position to dominate and showcase his strength.
Then there is the pretzel. Sounds intimidating, but it’s not; no one needs to “bend like a pretzel”. Very briefly, it’s the one where the girl lays on her side, the guy kneels astride one of her legs, then the other leg can either just rest off to the side, or curl around the guy’s waist. This position is also pretty comfortable for the woman, and the man’s hands are free, which makes it easy to play with her clitoris while his cock is inside her.
If the lady would prefer to take matters into her own hands, cowgirl is probably the best option. It gives her the ability to control most of the motion to her liking, and because she is kneeling as opposed to squatting, she doesn’t need to be an olympic gymnast to sustain it.
Things Guys Should Never Do During Sex
Don’t keep going when she tells you to stop. You shouldn’t need me to tell you why that’s a bad idea…
Don’t coerce her to do things she doesn’t want to do. Don’t ignore her when she tells you she’s not really into something.
Don’t be boring; try to keep things interesting for her. Moment to moment, and day to day.
And don’t neglect your personal hygiene.
The two biggest complaints I’ve heard from women about other men’s grooming habits are body hair and bad smells. Back hair is a huge turn off for most women, so get rid of it if you have it. And it’s never a bad thing to smell like rich chocolate or freshly baked cookies. Having a subtle, signature smell can work wonders.
Darian Rye – Darian Rye is an elite intimate companion for women. As an ex-firefighter and trade qualified carpenter, he is an authentic man with real-world, practical skills. Having worked intimately with women across a broad spectrum of nationalities, backgrounds, and life stages for several years, Darian has cultivated a high level of aptitude and artistry as a male companion. He specializes in helping women explore their sexuality in a secure environment, free from pressure or judgment.
Follow Darian Rye on
Website: www.DarianRye.com
Twitter: https://twitter.com/darianrye
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/darianrye
Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
All article photos by Darian Rye
Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!
