Tag: Rape Culture

Celebrity Scandal, Nude Photos, and the Perpetuation of Rape Culture

By now, most people have heard/read about/possibly gotten over the whole nude photo scandal that occurred when an anonymous website user gained access to and posted numerous personal photos of several female celebrities including Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton, and Ariana Grande in various stages of nudity. Whether or not you care about celebrity news or are a fan of one of the victims, this is a worthwhile situation to think about and discuss. Taking and posing for sexy nude photos should be something a woman can do without risk or fear of people other than the intended audience seeing them because stealing these images from their owners is a crime and publishing them on the Internet without consent is a gross violation and should be viewed as sexual assault and anyone who subsequently distributes and promotes the publicity of these photos is participating in that sexual assault. Any one who thinks it is “not that big of a deal,” rolls their eyes, and comments that the women in these photos should not care or should even embrace the fact that the entire world can now view their naked bodies and use the images as they like is contributing to the ever-pervasive and destructive rape culture that has become engrained into our society.

The point that needs to be made clear here, is that this is an issue of consent. Women who take and pose for nude photos with the intention and permission given for distribution on the Internet are within their rights to do that. The situation with these celebrity photos is very different. These women were not posing for photos to be shared with the public. These were not nude scenes shot for a film or a magazine spread. These were intimate, vulnerable moments that were meant for personal use. Their consent was not given. What this anonymous hacker did was steal their personal property, commit an act of sexual assault, and then invited others to share in the violation.

Jennifer Lawrence’s photos have been discussed the most due to her current reign as Hollywood’s “It girl.” Many people, including self-proclaimed devoted fans of Lawrence are saying that she should “own it” or even laugh it off in her typical “I don’t give a f*ck, things aren’t that serious” Jennifer Lawrence way. Why would she be upset that millions of people are getting enjoyment out of viewing her naked body? Don’t she and all other celebrities WANT that kind of attention? If she didn’t think there would be a chance the public would see these photos why would she take them? In fact, GQ (a predominately male-intended and male-viewed magazine) has chosen Kim Kardashian as its “Woman of the Year,” an honor that includes a nude photo spread in the magazine. So, if we “honor” a woman by having her pose nude in sexually enticing positions, then it must be completely acceptable for us to want to see photos like this of other female celebrities, right? No big deal. Lawrence and those other women should get over it. IT’S AN HONOR to have your naked body on display so people can enjoy it.

These responses, my friends, are a part of rape culture. “They should have expected the photos to be leaked when they posed for them” can be equated to “She should have expected to be sexually assaulted when she decided to wear that skirt.” And “Lawrence should laugh this off” equates to “You know she probably enjoyed it/wanted it/likes the attention” after a woman is sexually assaulted. And just as some people want to help prevent women and girls from being raped by teaching them self-defense, telling them not to walk alone, etc., so to is the initial response of “don’t take these kinds of photos” or “be more careful with where they are stored.” It’s victim blaming. While both sets of advice may intend to help the individual avoid situations should a crime occur, it ignores the perpetrator and what should be done to prevent THEM. We need to address the issue of privacy and safety at hand and focus on the criminal act that occurred. We need to stop shrugging off the fact that these women were violated and rightly deserve to be angry/hurt/however they genuinely feel. We need to stop acting entitled to tell them how they should feel or act as a victim of such a crime. And we need to teach children/young people/adults –both men and women–that this was an act of sexual assault and is WRONG. The answer is not to stop taking sexy photos. Just as the answer to preventing rape is not for women to stop wearing skirts.

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September 9, 2014
6 Tips on Listening to Victims of Sexual Assault

We’ve all felt apprehension in that situation: having to listen to a friend or loved one who has suffered as a victim of sexual assault. How do we then respond to that trust? What can we do to help the victim feel supported and accepted?

1.       Understand your role

We’re fortunate to not be police officers; they have the added responsibility of extracting information in an empathetic manner, figuring out what really happened, and collecting evidence for a case. As a friend or loved one, you’re not there to investigate, but to help the victim feel that they’re not going through this alone.

2.       Don’t solve the problem

We tend to bring in our own solutions and preconceptions in an effort to be helpful. There is a time for this, but be sensitive that it should always be about the person you’re listening to. First of all, attend to the emotions of the victim. What they need from you are words and responses of affirmation, to lighten the burden on their shoulders by offloading negative emotions.

3.       Mirror their emotions

Respond appropriately to the victim’s emotions. Don’t laugh if the victim is not laughing; it doesn’t matter if you think it’s funny. What’s most important to them at this time is solidarity, knowing that they’re not going through this alone. Mirroring involves body language more than speech, which is also why some things are best done face to face, silence over the phone can be misconstrued.

4.       Show your full attention

Sometimes the information can be very heavy, and you’re tempted to distract, and or change the topic. It’s important to not let your discomfort in the situation show, as the victim might feel dismissed or trivialised. If you’re not in the correct frame of mind or you can’t afford the time, apologise and set up an appointment at a later time. If you do feel discomfort…

5.       Don’t take what he/ she says too personally

This isn’t the time to measure who is more right and who is more wrong. Even when the victim expresses unfair criticisms on other parties, keep in mind that a person’s recollection of a situation is always coloured with strong emotion and that the process of sharing this emotion is helpful at that point of time. For example, if the victim says “I hate all men” and you’re a man, take note that this is the emotions talking, don’t feel blamed, pay attention to the frustration and difficulties the victim is going through.

6.       Be very sensitive to preserving the confidentiality of the victim

When someone confides in you, they’ve taken a huge step of faith to be able to trust you with their story. Even when you need to tell someone else about it, be very careful to keep all the identities secret. The last thing you want is to have betrayed the victim’s trust and instigated gossip and slander in the process.

Remember, that listening is a privilege, an act of deep trust on the part of the victim. Listening empathetically is not just limited to sexual assault; it will help your relationship grow, no matter the context. Empty yourself of preconceptions, judgements, and just go along for the ride.

March 16, 2014
SlutWalk Singapore
SimplySxy is delighted to have the opportunity to collaborate with SlutWalk Singapore (SWSG). This collaboration is in-line with SimplySxy’s mission to create awareness and provide accurate sexuality education for all our readers. SWSG has been active since 2011, conducting workshops, talks and events on a regular basis. For starters, here’s a little you should know about SlutWalk:

History of SlutWalk

SlutWalk started in Toronto in Feb of 2011 as a response to Constable Michael Sanguinetti’s statement at a York University safety forum that “women should avoid dressing like sluts in order to not be victimized.” This sparked a backlash which has resulted in SlutWalk groups forming all over the world — from Seoul to New York City to Helsinki to Delhi to Johannesburg — to protest a culture that blames victims for rape, and to challenge the attitudes that come with that, which usually leave sexual crimes under-reported as a result. We recognize that we need to end not only the acts of sexual violence, but the excuses that allow that violence to continue.

A Manifesto

We are tired of being oppressed by slut-shaming; of being judged by our sexuality and feeling unsafe as a result. We recognize that we need to end not only the acts of sexual violence, but the excuses that allow that violence to continue. This is not just a women’s issue or a men’s issue; it is everyone’s issue — regardless of gender identification, class, religion, race, or any other identity markers.

We seek to:
Join us in our mission to spread the word that those who experience sexual assault are not the ones at fault, without exception. Sexual assault is never justifiable, regardless of age, gender, class, profession, or race.

SlutWalk SG is currently carrying out a survey on Rape Culture and your participation is greatly appreciated. It will only take a minute of your time and the link to the survey can be found here. Watch this space as we bring you updates on SWSG 2014. For more information, please visit http://slutwalksg.com/
February 1, 2014
My Introduction To Rape Culture

I remember exactly when I first understood what “rape culture” meant.

I was nineteen and a sophomore in college. I was talking with a woman I knew about gender and sexual politics, and I just wasn’t getting it. She was describing what it was like for her to move through the world as a woman, to be constantly under sexual surveillance, to always be worried about whether some guy would harass or attack her, to never know if she could walk down the street without getting cat called. This was pretty foreign to me, because I’d never seen any of this happening.

Partly, that was because I’d never really fit in with most other boys and I didn’t understand how the performance of masculinity encourages boys and men to compete with each other to demonstrate their manhood. I simply didn’t play those games. But more than that, it was because men don’t do the same things when they see a woman with a man. I had no idea that women’s experiences walking down the street were so different when I wasn’t there.

So my friend gave me a challenge that changed my life. She offered to walk down the street on a weekend night and allow me to walk behind her so I could see what happened. I took her up on it and the next Friday night, out we went. She was dressed in pretty standard “going out” clothes and we headed out to the strip of stores, bars, and restaurants that most college campuses seem to have within walking distance. I stayed about twenty feet behind her- close enough to observe without seeming like we were together. And I was shocked at what I saw.

Individual guys whispered or made comments about her as she passed them. They’d ask her where she was going or simply turn and stare at her ass. Groups of guys were worse, though. I could see them checking her out and talking to each other about her body and appearance. A few times, one guy in a group would say something and the rest of them would laugh while staring at her. And twice, one guy said something, followed by another guy escalating either the volume or the message, with another dude chiming in. I could see them all competing with each other to be the most macho, not caring that their games were at the cost of my friend’s feelings of safety.

It was an eye-opening experience for me. It was the first glimpse I got at the crap that women have to put up with, simply for moving through the world. I started paying attention to it more and thought about how I would feel if I couldn’t go anywhere in public without having to think about getting harassed, how I would feel if I couldn’t feel safe walking down the street. If a picture is worth a thousand words, getting to see this for myself was worth so much more.

Over time, I came to see that I needed to do more about this than simply not participate in it myself. In my workshops on sexuality, masculinity, and gender, I’ve had the opportunity to talk with people of all ages, genders, sexual orientations, and backgrounds about these topics. And one pattern that consistently shows up is that there are a lot ofcisgender men who act like this without realizing the impact it has. Many of them are so surrounded by the Act Like a Man Box that they see it as totally normal. Some of them would like to break out of it, but they don’t know how and don’t have the support to do it. And a lot of them are scared to change because other people will attack and shame them back into the box. It’s not just men who reinforce this prison.

I also started to understand the connections between street harassment and sexual assault. One of the common threads is the belief that one person’s desires for sex, sexual attention, or validation as a man outweighs another person’s autonomy, safety, and consent. Another is that very few folks are actually teaching boys and young men about respect. Most of the conversations that I’ve seen center on shaming them without giving them the skills they need to navigate relationships. What if we could actually talk with boys about how to ask for sex, or ways to flirt without being creepy? I know some parents who are doing this, but the “boys will be boys” attitude is still common. Just as most people shy away from talking with girls about these issues out of discomfort with addressing adolescent female sexuality, we also avoid looking at adolescent male sexuality with any clarity. So is it any surprise that people grow up confused about relationships? Is it all that shocking that many of my coaching clients struggle with these same issues as adults?

I’m deeply grateful to my friend for showing me what rape culture is about. For helping me understand that the world she moved through was so different from the one I moved through. For making it possible for me to take my first steps towards understanding what she and other women deal with every day. If you’re a cisgender man, I really encourage you to ask a friend if she’d be willing to do this experiment with you. Trust me. It’ll change your life.

This article has been republished with permission from Charlie Glickman. Please visit Charlie Glickman’s website to view original post and more of Charlie’s works.

November 30, 2013