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Tag: Disability

  • Disability & Sex Work

    Disability & Sex Work

    I love sex! LOL. The weirder the better, I love roleplays and kinks, and people being fully themselves during sex. But in general, I think sexuality is an opportunity for joy.

    My Companionship Style

    I don’t think I’m necessarily the ideal companion for everyone. I’m a fat and curvy redhead who is pushing 40, and I like seeing people who appreciate that about me and see all of those things as positives. I also love seeing people who are disabled and/or kinky and/or marginalized who are looking for an authentic connection based on mutual respect and fun!

    I see all respectful clients 21+ and love vanilla sessions too, but I particularly specialize in clients with disabilities, Milf/mommy, and catering to non-impact kinks and fantasies. I have my own disabilities which limit things like hiking or going to the beach so an ideal match are clients who are comfortable with spending more indoor time. (smiling devil emoji LOL).

    Misconceptions About The Sex Lives Of People With Disabilities

    How much time do you have? I think it’s generally that disabled people aren’t sexual and aren’t currently having a ton of great sex. A lot of sex workers and clients are disabled but we don’t really talk about it that much, which is a mistake. It can give us an opportunity to connect and help me really be able to meet clients’ intimacy needs which includes their access needs.

    Exploring One’s Sexual Needs With A Disability

    I think the thing that is important is to know it’s okay to be disabled during sex. It’s okay to not want to do certain positions or not be able to do certain things, in fact – it’s normal. Everyone has sexual things that we like and don’t like, and this may or may not be related to our disabilities.

    We should all be thinking about the way our minds affect our sexuality, and disability is just one aspect. I also really encourage people to reach out to disabled sex workers if they have the ability. The relationship between an escort and a client is unique and can be a great way to help you learn about what you like and don’t like with someone who has no other agenda than your (and mutual) pleasure and joy.

    Recommended Sexual Activities Together

    I recommend people work on seeing whatever makes them unique as a strength sexually, rather than a negative. While they also affect my ability to work as much as I’d like, my chronic and mental illnesses have helped me be able to connect to clients better, even non-disabled ones. I know so much more about bodies now than I did before I was disabled.

    Don”t Be Afraid To Explore Your Sexual Needs!

    I think a lot of times, stigma is the hardest part of all. I recommend that you talk openly about disabilities and the way they affect or don’t your sex life. Of course this is AFTER you are in a sexual relationship with a disabled person. It is rude to ask disabled people about their sexuality or what they are able to do unless you are in a sexual relationship with us.

    But just like most things, I recommend having as much fun as possible and exploring whatever sounds the most pleasurable!  Sometimes that may not be sex but may be a back rub or something else! There are a lot of ways that we can be intimate with each other and disabilities only increase those opportunities!

    Kitty Milford is a Syracuse, NY based sex worker with big tits, a big, ass, and a big personality. She’s a BBW Milf redhead specializing in Milf/Mommy, non-impact kink/roleplay, gfe, and clients with disabilities. She is also a writer and used to be a lawyer and loves books, seltzer, and lingerie. Since the pandemic she’s been focusing on virtual services. See more at kittymilford.com or email her at kittymilford@gmail.com. 

    Follow Kitty Milford on

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/kittymilford1

    Website: https://www.kittymilford.com/

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  • How People With Disabilities Explore Their Sexual Needs With Sex Workers

    How People With Disabilities Explore Their Sexual Needs With Sex Workers

    I used to be very traditional when it came to sex, but over the years, Mr Jones and I have explored and grown together into a very sex positive couple who live a very open and sexually free lifestyle.

    Misconceptions About The Sex Lives Of People With Disabilities

    People often think those that are disabled can’t have sex or don’t want to. It’s important to not jump to these conclusions. Mr Jones often says we are still humans just like everyone else, and we deserve the chance to feel pleasure even if it may not be in the traditional way.

    Exploring Mr Jones’ Sexual Needs

    Mr Jones is 35 and born with Cerebral Palsy. He uses a manual wheelchair, but honestly lives a very normal life as a husband and a father. When exploring, it is important to have constant communication and not get too discouraged if something doesn’t work.

    If we have an epic fail, we usually just laugh it off and go back to the drawing board. If we are both satisfied by the end, who cares how we had to get there as long as we got there.

    Sexual Activities We Do Together

    We do anything and everything we want, it’s just that sometimes, we have to adapt positions to match Mr. Jones physical abilities. We find it very helpful to include sex toys and even sex furniture to help enhance the experience.

    Encouraging People With Disabilities To Explore Their Sexual Needs

    Most importantly, talk openly, don’t be shy or embarrassed and communicate what you both need from each other. Do research, talk to others in similar situations as yours. Use the internet to connect and network.

    We welcome anyone to reach out to us on our social media as we are always happy to connect and talk. We use a Reddit group called r/disablednudes to connect and explore with others, and highly recommend it.

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    Twitter: @piperjones80

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    We are Piper Jones and Friends which consists of myself, Luscious Lucy, and Mr. Jones. We are your average married couple/family with vanilla jobs. We do this just for fun and of course the extra income doesn’t hurt. Lucy is our mutual friend with benefits that contributes content as well.

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    Article images courtesy of Piper Jones & Friends; featured photo by Leah Kelley from Pexels

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  • How People With Disabilities Are Exploring Their Sexual Needs By Engaging Companions

    How People With Disabilities Are Exploring Their Sexual Needs By Engaging Companions

    I believe that sexuality is the most beautiful thing that can exist and be experienced when it is done with respect, openness and consent! So, if we follow this logic, being the most beautiful thing that exists, it is important that it be lived in a healthy way by each living being that wish it. (When I say ‘’wish it’’, I mean that being an asexual person, it is as good as respect oneself in the fact that it is not a felt need).

    I believe that sexuality is something that, when done well, allows us to be even better towards ourselves, our body, our self-confidence and our sexual happiness. Since I became a sex worker, my self-esteem has quadrupled and the respect I have for myself and for my limits is more present and respect than it has ever been before!

    I therefore believe that sexuality must be a positive thing for every living being! With this in mind, people with disabilities have the right, just as much as anyone, to live their adventure and to feel this pleasure! This is the main reason that I offer services accessible to all!

    How Common Do I See Clients With Disabilities?

    At the moment, I count among my regulars, seven people with a handicap. This is without counting all the people I only see once or twice, who also have various disabilities.

    I do not have exact rules to say if you are a regular or not, but mainly when I see you at least three times in a year, according to your situation you are considered for me as a regular.

    Finally, I consider physical disabilities as much as intellectual disabilities. In my sexual support with handicap, I have met people with various physical illnesses such as: people in wheelchairs, people with degenerative diseases, intellectual disabilities, autism, etc. I’m also thinking that mental health is something to put importance to mention here, since they deserve sexuality like everyone too.

    Reasons For Seeking Companionship

    First, I want to clarify one thing. Each person has their own reason for coming to see me. Whether they have a disability or not, all the reasons are as valid as each other. In my opinion, one reason is no more or less important than another, because it is part of the non-judgment that each person should feel.

    So, after this clarification, to answer the question, the majority of the reasons that I was told were related to an affection loving need, a sexual need to fill and a need to feel more “Normal”.

    The nicest thing a customer has said to me is also the saddest thing that I have been told. The client mentioned to me that what made him feel so good with me was that he finally felt like a real man. What is a real man? It broke my heart to know that it was the first time he feels this when it should have been forever if that’s how he wanted to feel. I found it really sad that his disability made him feel sexually different.

    *Also, it is always convenient for them to book an appointment with me since I offer free outcall service when you have a disability preventing you from moving around easily. HAHA

    How I Feel About Helping My Clients

    I feel pampered!

    Pampered because they trust me. Because they also bring me a few things too. They make me evolve as the person I am now, and I give them the chance to have a healthy lived sexuality.

    I will always be grateful for each of my meetings with them as well as with all my other clients, because each meeting leaves me a small part of them in exchange for a part of me!

    The Challenges I Face

    I would say that my biggest challenge in this type of relationship is to set my limits, keeping in mind that the person may not have the same understanding of my limit. For example, when you explain to someone a limit, did he really understand what it meant? Does he understand that this limit is related to the situation and not to his handicap? Each living being with an own understanding has its capacities and its education, whether you have a handicap or not. So, this challenge comes up in many of my working relationships.

    To counter this problem, I learned the techniques of an effective communication and I try to apply it as much as possible in all my human relations. However, learning to give your thoughts and your limits remains an everyday challenge, and this also apply when I do sexual support!

    What To Do Prior To The Engagement

    I think the person should just keep in mind that it’s important to tell me the whole truth about their situation and to communicate as much as possible how they feel. As mentioned in the previous question, this is a super important basis in a client/sex worker relation and even more when we talk about support for sexuality with disabilities. But if these two basic principles are well done, it will be a superb experience filled with laughter and tenderness!

    Aliss Swan – Hi! I’m Aliss, an independent courtesan in Montréal, Québec. You will find in me a smiling tattooed woman full of energy. I’m a devoted person with a big heart with an open mind. I’m still a student and I travel a lot, so I love meeting new person and enjoying with them a warm and happy connection! I’m open to all handicap, size, origins, gender and orientation. Let’s be happy together!

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  • How does someone with a disability build sexual confidence?

    How does someone with a disability build sexual confidence?

    Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com. For today’s question, we touch on a topic related to sex and disability from you and we’re delighted to have sex educator Rebecca Dewar share her answer below.

    With or without a disability, sexual confidence is built in similar ways. Education and experience are interrelated to sexual confidence. To become sexually confident, education is essential. Accurate information about human sexuality is available (books, websites, sexuality health providers like sex therapists\counselors, sexuality educators); it is important to be educated or know about your own disability regarding what you can or cannot do in relation to sexual activity for your overall health and well-being.

    For example, a female with an injury and\or illness that causes severe immobility of the body (wheelchair users) should not use hormonal methods of birth control especially pills because the risk of obtaining a blood clot is greatly increased as compared to able bodied females. Education can help individuals with disabilities become interested and open minded to sexual experiences since curiosity becomes piqued. Through experiences, people with disabilities get to know their sexual likes and dislikes as well as realize what features and\or qualities they find attractive in other people. With experiences, however, the risk taking of vulnerability becomes unavoidable. In the same sense, risk taking and vulnerability lead to building sexual confidence because of being willing to try new things with others.

    Rebecca has her master degrees in social work and human sexuality of which both degrees are clinically focused. Sexuality and disability is her area of interest regarding research and practice within the fields of social work and human sexuality. Read the rest of her profile below and the links to follow her!

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  • Tips for a couple with disabilities to enjoy sex

    Tips for a couple with disabilities to enjoy sex

    Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com. For today’s question, we touch on a topic related to sex and disability from you and we’re delighted to have sex educator Rebecca Dewar share her answer below.

    Effective communication is an important factor between persons to enjoy sexual activity. Effective communication is learned through sexual experiences as well as it is a part of sexual confidence. I suggest for a person with a disability to talk about their disability with their partner regarding sexual activity; to do such, it means being vulnerable by taking the risk to discuss personal conditions with someone. Discussing a person’s disability is a way of opening up and establishing a line of effective communication between partners. In addition, effective communication may involve talking with each other during sexual activity of the likes, dislikes, what feels good, and what does not feel good. Also, informing each other of the pressure of touch (hard\soft) and\or thrusting motion (fast\slow) of sexual intercourse are aspects of effectively communicating with one another.

    To enjoy sexual activity, another important factor to discuss is bodily positioning. Sexual activity can occur in a wheelchair. Some wheelchairs (usually motorized power wheelchairs) can recline backwards making the missionary style of sexual intercourse possible if the partnership is between someone in a power motorized wheelchair and an able bodied person. It can be a comfortable position for the person in the wheelchair because their back remains flat against the wheelchair backing keeping their back in a spinal neutral position. It may also be a comfortable position for the person in the power motorized wheelchair to receive oral sex from an able bodied person. For people who use power motorized wheelchairs, it is easier to be in bed to give their able bodied partner oral sex because the bed is less confining than the wheelchair allowing for a variety of bodily positioning. For people who use manual wheelchairs (wheelchairs moved by arm\upper body strength to the hands on the wheels) can do a version of missionary style positioning for sexual intercourse; by that I mean, the positioning consists of the person in the manual wheelchair sitting up with an able bodied person sitting on their lap face-to-face allowing for the front of the bodies (genitals) to touch each other. People who use manual wheelchairs can also give and receive oral sex.

    An able bodied person can lay their back against a high flat surface such as a table or pool table or possibly sit on a countertop or bar stool type of chair to allow the person in the manual wheelchair to have mouth ease of access to their partner’s genitals. Often, a person in a manual wheelchair can transfer out of their wheelchair to a couch, bed, or recliner (La-Z-Boy type chair, etc. to receive oral sex from their able bodied partner. In bed, it can be more comfortable for the person with the disability to lay their back against a wedge for sexual activity. Also, when in bed, a pillow under the pelvic area of the body of the person with a disability can be more comfortable for sexual intercourse in relation to the pushing and thrusting motion since the pillow helps take the brunt of the movement off the lower spine. In bed, the spooning position is another comfortable way for persons with disabilities to have sexual intercourse from rear or front entry depending on the way people are laying. A variety of positions for people with disabilities exist to try to enjoy sexual activity.

    Sexual enjoyment for people with disabilities often takes creativity. Creativity can be anything! For example, it is possible to use handcuffs to assist in holding a person’s limbs if the person has paralysis as a result of a disability. However, it is also significant to mention, ‘outercourse’ activities can be just as enjoyable as activities of intercourse. Outercourse activities are sensual; by that I mean, outercourse activities are arousing involving the senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch) of the human body. For example, persons who gently yet firmly massage each other while music plays in the background on a low volume with a scented candle lit fits within the sexual activity of outercourse. Furthermore, some people with disabilities are unfamiliar with their bodies; so, they might not be able to express what is sexually pleasurable to them. Partners sexually exploring their bodies together can consist of outercourse practices leading to intercourse activity. Moreover, there is a certain form of sexual enjoyment for people with disabilities referring to the importance of the human touch called Pleasuring Mapping.

    The concept of Pleasure Mapping is based on conscientious touch (a.k.a. tantric touch). Conscientious touch involves focusing the touch of massaging or deliberate caressing only on a single area of the body at a time allowing for sensual energy to be felt in that one area (hands, arms, face\neck, shoulders, etc.). Often, conscientious touch can help people with disabilities in intimate relationships get to know their bodies in a sexual manner with each other. Pleasure Mapping enables people with disabilities to know their bodies sexually and allows for them to know their likes and dislikes as well as communicate them with their intimate partners. Essentially, a variety of tips exist for people with disabilities in intimate relationships to enjoy sexual activity.

    Rebecca has her master degrees in social work and human sexuality of which both degrees are clinically focused. Sexuality and disability is her area of interest regarding research and practice within the fields of social work and human sexuality. Read the rest of her profile below and the links to follow her!

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  • Common myths about Sex and Disability

    Common myths about Sex and Disability

    Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com. For today’s question, we touch on a topic related to sex and disability from you and we’re delighted to have sex educator Rebecca Dewar share her answer below.

    The most common misconception of sexuality and disability surrounds the myth individuals with disabilities are asexual. Asexual regarding individuals with disabilities refers to void of sexual feelings and\or desires; so, the myth is the belief just because a person has a disability (any type of disability) also means a person who has a disability does not feel sexual excitement (a.k.a. horny) or the extreme liking of another person (a.k.a. attraction). Another misconception is the belief people with disabilities are not sexually desirable (a.k.a. unattractive) individuals because of being considered “not normal” in appearance and\or cognitive ability.

    People with disabilities (any type of disability) should only have sexual relationships with and marry other people with disabilities is a myth across the board regarding the topic. Other common myths include people with disabilities do not need sexuality education as well as people with disabilities do not get sexually assaulted. In addition, different myths are attached to individuals with physical disabilities vs. individuals with cognitive challenges (intellectual\developmental disabilities). For example, it is a common myth people with physical disabilities are unable to have sex; people with cognitive challenges often are considered sexually aggressive.

    The myths mentioned are all false beliefs! Asexuality can be viewed more as an individual’s choice in relation to one’s sexual orientation, behavior, and identity. People with disabilities are sexual human beings and can express their sexuality in a variety of diverse ways; so, for lack of better words, it is insensitive to assume people with disabilities are asexual. Just like “normal” human beings, people with disabilities do feel horny as well as have their own specifics of what is attractive to them in others. People with disabilities are viewed as unnatural and undesirable because of physical impairment, possible bodily disfigurement, and\or challenges with cognitive processes. However, contrary to the societal popular misconception, attraction to body disfigurement dates way back to Ancient China (10th Century) when foot binding was a common practice done to girls. The practice of preventing the growth of young Chinese girls’ feet by tightly binding each foot was torturous yet considered beautiful. Often, people with cognitive challenges are viewed as undesirable because of the assumption they do not know about sex.

    Everyone learns about sex from somewhere – hopefully, the information is accurate! People with cognitive challenges may need to be taught about sexuality, but desire should not be based on development of needing skills. The phrase “birds of a feather flock together” does not apply to sexuality and disability! Individuals with disabilities may not want to have sexual relationships with and\or marry other people with disabilities depending on their attraction and relationship style. People with or without disabilities need sexuality education! School systems often only teach on basic male and female anatomy as well as “preach” the message to avoid pregnancy; frequently, students in special education classes do not receive the information. There is much more to be educated on regarding sexuality than just anatomy and pregnancy prevention! It is sadly true people with disabilities are sexually assaulted; in some cases, sexual assault has been the only sexual experiences of people with disabilities. Often, people with disabilities do not tell anyone about being sexually assaulted; so, the trauma is often buried within persons with disabilities who have been sexually assaulted. It is an absolutely ca-ray-zee misconception people with disabilities are thought to be asexual, unattractive, and undesirable yet are considered to be sexual “enough” to be sexually assaulted! It is clear to see the absurdity within the myths.

    Where did the myths or misconceptions come from regarding sexuality and disability? Good question! The Theory of Social Constructivism can be looked at to provide an explanation. The theory provides the perspective of examining links between subjective meanings and how they become social facts. Subjective meanings of social interactions are studied with a big piece of the theory coming from cultural development in relation to societal messages passed on through time. To change myths or misconceptions, it takes a person or persons to become educated and let their voices be heard by writing, public speaking, lecturing, teaching, etc. on different viewpoints to debunk false beliefs.

    Rebecca has her master degrees in social work and human sexuality of which both degrees are clinically focused. Sexuality and disability is her area of interest regarding research and practice within the fields of social work and human sexuality. Read the rest of her profile below and the links to follow her!

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  • Does having a disability impact one to enjoy sex fully?

    Does having a disability impact one to enjoy sex fully?

    Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com. 

    We have collected your questions on sex and disability, and are delighted to have Arlene Jane Tinga to answer them below.

    Does having a disability impacts one to enjoy sex fully?

    Before I answer the question, I have to state that although we have the dictionary definition of sex, sex can still be defined in many ways depending on the individual, books, country, and even culture that you ask. So, can having a disability impact the full enjoyment of sex? The answer is, it all depends on the individual.

    When it comes to sex for individuals with a disability, sex is something that is usually not discussed or even given any thought to. Although, this does not mean that individuals with a disability do not have sex. Depending on the disability of the individual, sex can mean something entirely different from the typical definition of sex and thus what many people perceive or consider as enjoying sex fully, may not always be the same for an individual with a disability.

    Thus, having a disability does not necessarily impact the enjoyment of sex, but rather creates new ways of enjoyment for sex.

    Are people with disabilities at higher risk of sexual abuse?

    Yes, many individuals with a disability are at higher risks of becoming victims of sexual abuse. Yet, individuals with a developmental and intellectual disability are even more at high risk of becoming sexual abuse victims due to their inabilities to comprehend certain situations.

    What are some misconceptions about sexuality and disability?

    Many people tend to perceive individuals with a disability as not being typical, thus not associating the individuals to sex, sexuality, or any topic revolving around sex and sexuality. For individuals with a developmental disability, such as those diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), many people perceive these individuals as being childlike and asexual. For individuals that have a physical disability, many people perceive that those individuals are not physically able to have sex.

    Also, people assume that if you have a disability, the thought or topic of sex and sexuality is taken off the table.

    How can society change the mindset towards these misconceptions?

    Society’s misconceptions and perceptions towards individuals and sexuality can change if society were to be educated on sex, sexuality and disability. Due to people not being educated or knowledgeable about sex and sexuality when it comes to individuals with disabilities, these individuals are misunderstood and their experiences in life are looked upon completely differently than the experiences of typical developing individuals.

    Arlene-Jane (Arlene) Tinga has a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Women Studies from University of California Riverside. Her Senior Thesis research was; Masturbation: More Taboo for Women Than Men. She has been working with the developmental disabilities community since 2006 and is a member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists.

    Read the rest of her profile below and follow her to find out more!

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