Tag: climax

Are You Getting The Sex You Need? (Which isn’t always the sex you want…!)

I’m a sex coach. There – I came out! It’s a weird title to have ‘Sex Coach’ because it conjures images of someone standing over you whilst you’re shagging and screaming ‘Yes! Great penetration! Keep at it!’ But a sex coach is simply a therapist who specialises in helping people to get the best out of their sex lives. I also happen to be a sexworker with twenty years experience under my belt. As with all careers mine has evolved and in the context of the job it is becoming more ‘hands off’ and more instructional, supportive and therapeutic.

It’s an exciting place to be and I would love to share this with you.

Over the course of my career I have helped men and women to get in touch with the real them, who they really are and what they really want from their sex lives. When I worked as a professional escort I of course attended hotels and client’s homes to offer what is called an ‘out call’ in ‘The Business’. These were also exciting times for different reasons, sneaking past hotel reception, identifying where the lifts are and being as inconspicuous as possible. Then there is the knock on the hotel room door – who will be on the other side of it? What will he/she want? How can I help him or her?

There is little difference between that and the unknowing of the therapeutic relationship and I will tell you why:

Some years ago I attended a party where the attendees were all sexworkers. The main topic of conversation was what happens ‘when the real session starts’.

In the business, ‘the real session’ happens after the sex. This is well known within the industry. The real session is when the client tells you why they have really booked to see you – they may be lonely, they might be in a sex-less marriage or they might have lost all their sexual confidence.

Reminding you of anything?

The therapeutic relationship. I’ve been a (very loud!) advocate for sex worker’s rights and the sex worker’s valid and valuable role in society as sexual educators and informal therapists. It goes with the job.

In ‘the real session’ the client becomes open, vulnerable (this often happens to us all after climax, it’s a biological and psycho-sexual response to orgasm) and very, very honest. It is at this point that the client moves from what they want(ed) to what they need. This process is both fascinating and saddening all at the same time.

Why the fuck are we all running around grabbing at what we want when all the time what we really need is bubbling underneath the surface? Why have we just spent four hundred quid on being spanked for an hour when all we really needed was a hug? My hugs are free people, roll up…

Notice the next time you have sex (or have a wank/a rumble in the jungle) how you feel before you climax and how you feel afterwards. A little therapeutic trick/identifier for this could be as simple as asking yourself ‘On a scale of one to ten, how relaxed am I?’ and then asking the same question afterwards.

Now do you want to take this to the next level?

‘On a scale of one to ten, how lonely am I?’

I bet you your bottom dollar that you find yourself feeling lonelier afterwards. Why is this? Because we often misinterpret sex for emotion. Now do not misunderstand me – sex is emotion and emotion is sex – but only if you are aware of this and/or you have a regular partner to make love to.

I have said this before and I shall continue to shout this from the rooftops – you can make love on a one night stand.

But….

In order to do this – you need to recognise what you need, rather than what you want.

The tips above will help you to take just one step towards achieving this. I am keeping this as short as possible to keep your attention. I’ll be back, with more help, advice – and love.

Here’s to what you need….

Feel free to get in touch, I’m at: www.sexcoaching.london.

BIG Hug!

Matt-at-Lotus xx

Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

October 11, 2015
Multiple female orgasms and what men don’t get about it

Occasionally my body just sort of skips over the actual orgasm. I get excited, I feel myself getting closer and closer and then all of a sudden I no longer feel excited. It is a bit of a let-down because orgasms do feel so amazing. I have had this happen while masturbating (which is really confusing because I am obviously doing what I like) or with a partner. But, I can get to orgasm in so many different ways; so I just take a break for a moment and go for it again (and am usually successful).

Multiple Orgasms!

I most definitely am capable of multiple orgasms. I really don’t need any recovery time between orgasms. Just like a man’s penis can be extra sensitive after they orgasm, my clitoris is incredibly sensitive. I can go again right away, I just prefer to give my clitoris a small break. That being said, there are times that it is nice to just bask in the feelings after a really strong orgasm.

In the last couple of years, I got into BDSM with a partner. I have been able to have multiple orgasms for as long as I can remember. But it was not until this relationship that I discovered how many orgasms I can really have when I just relax and let my body do its thing. I believe this is partially due to the level of trust we shared. I had no fear of my body doing weird things. I turned my body over to him and the results were phenomenal. I have had so many orgasms that I lost count; I eventually fell asleep exhausted and dehydrated.

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard a woman say “I cannot get off during oral sex, I’m too scared that I’ll pass gas or something horrible”. Have I done that? Absolutely, and I have never had a man get upset or make a big deal about it. The typical response has been “it is super sexy how much you get into it”! You have to relax, listen to your body and allow yourself to feel the pleasure.

What the men don’t get about orgasms

I think the biggest thing men don’t seem to understand is that we don’t all reach orgasm the same way. Some ladies require clitoral stimulation to orgasm, some can reach orgasm by just g-spot stimulation. Some lucky ladies (like myself) can get off by nipple stimulation. I have had partners that were “trained”, so to speak, by their previous partner. They do the same thing over and over again whether or not it is working.

My best advice for men is to listen to the woman they are with. Ask questions if she does not seem to be responding to what you are doing. If she moans or trembles, explore what you are doing more. Let her know that you care about her pleasure and find it sexy when she is enjoying herself.

I am Staci, an independent escort from Portland, Oregon. But I like to think of myself as more of a no-strings girlfriend. I grew up in a conservative (read: sexually repressed) small town environment. I moved to the city, found my sexuality and never looked back! Click on the links in my profile to visit my website and Twitter!

Featured image courtesy of Staci Ash
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

September 21, 2015
How a female Orgasm feels like

I grew up in a household that did not talk about sex. My Birds and Bees discussion with my mom went something like “When mommies and daddies love each other, they do things in their bedroom that kids don’t need to see.” and the rest was left up to sex education at school. I don’t know about where you all grew up, but they definitely didn’t discuss orgasms in our sex-education.

That being said, I am sure I had my first orgasm at a pretty young age, probably in elementary school. I did not know I was having orgasms at the time, but I knew that touching myself felt good and it helped me relax. In high school, I started reading magazines that talked about masturbation, finding your g-spot and orgasms. I started exploring myself more and discovering different ways that I could reach climax both alone and with a partner.

I did not realize until my mid-twenties that there are women in the world that have never had an orgasm. I cannot imagine. The more orgasms I have, the more orgasms I want to have.

How it feels during a build up to an orgasm and the eventual climax

I do not know if there is anything I can equate an orgasm to or a great way to specifically describe it. I even have different types or levels of orgasm depending on what type of stimulation I am getting. (I can reach climax enough ways to write a whole article on.) But, I guess the best place to start my description is in getting turned on. So many things turn me on! Sometimes a commercial on TV does it, a memory of a past sexual experience, or even the feel of a certain fabric against my skin.

When I start to get turned on I feel myself becoming wet, sometimes to the point of dripping. I feel a sort of tingle or tickle in my clitoris, like it is just begging for attention. Externally my clitoris goes from being indiscernible to becoming engorged, making it really easy to find. Typically my nipples harden and go from being ticklish to feeling pleasurable when touched.

As I am stimulated, I can feel my heart rate rising. I have a hard time keeping my eyes open and I cannot concentrate on anything but how good I am feeling. All of my muscles begin to tense up. When I get really close to orgasm I can feel my pelvic muscles start to twitch; usually slowly at first, small and random. The twitches become more frequent and increase in strength. If I am reaching orgasm by clitoral stimulation, the feeling of the rubbing on my clit can feel overwhelming; I almost want it to stop but I want so bad to reach climax.

When I do reach climax, all of my pelvic muscles contract in quick waves, my legs tremble, my eyes literally roll back in my head, and I experience an intense sense of euphoria. This can last just a couple of seconds or considerably longer depending on the amount of build-up and the continuation of stimulation as I reach climax.

After I reach climax I feel very relaxed. Almost like the feeling after a great massage or even a good meditation session. My brain is clear, my muscles relaxed and I just want to snuggle and go to sleep. Or, I just want to have another orgasm.

I am Staci, an independent escort from Portland, Oregon. But I like to think of myself as more of a no-strings girlfriend. I grew up in a conservative (read: sexually repressed) small town environment. I moved to the city, found my sexuality and never looked back! Click on the links in my profile to visit my website and Twitter!

Featured image courtesy of Staci Ash
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

September 18, 2015
New App Makes Users Lick Their Screens To Learn How To Go down on Girls

In our digital age, there are also some novel approaches to the issue of the female orgasm.

‘Lick This’ is an app which claims to help improve your cunnilingus technique. Designed by Pablo Rochat and the suitably named Chris Allick, Lick This is an app that helps you to improve your technique by slobbering on your touchscreen.

Rochat and Allick want to make people laugh and get them talking about technology and the human body. Tongues are wagging! But is Lick This indeed likely to make you a better lover or will you simply have spent half an hour on your own in your bedroom licking your phone?

For those who prefer the natural way, Lick This might seem an uncomfortable technological development. After all, if kids are now learning about sex from porn and cunnilingus techniques from Siri, what happens to the reality of the body and the intimacy of sexual discovery?

Our iPhones guide us through urban jungles, they help us hunt and gather our food, they even choose mates for us, so the new thinking is that there’s no reason they shouldn’t train us as lovers too.

Lick This provides three exercises – flicking a light switch, boinging a beach ball, and rotating the handle of a pencil sharpener – to train your soft palate in the arts of licky love. Flicking the switch helps you build an up-and-down rhythm, boinging the ball teaches you to work with a wriggling target, and I don’t really know what rotating the handle of a pencil sharpener is supposed to do other than cover your phone in saliva.

Scientists build orgasm machine that delivers a climax at the push of a button

Anorgasmia is scarily common. It seems that 43 pecent of women and 31 percent of men are reported to experience an excessive amount of difficulty reaching orgasm. Ten to fifeen percent of women have never had an orgasm in their lives.

Now a machine has been built which claims to deliver orgasm at the push of a button. This is the work of a team led by North Carolina surgeon Stuart Meloy.

The machine is designed to be a medical implant which is a little smaller than a packet of cigarettes. It requires an operation and the patient needs to be awake during the surgery in order for the surgeons to find the best possible position for the electrodes.

Jim Pfaus , who studies the neurobiology of sexual behaviour at Concordia University told New Scientist that women will sign up regardless of how painful this procedure may be.

‘If young woman of 15 are having painful operations to enlarge their breasts….. are you kidding? Of course it will be used’ he said.

For more articles by Eva Evan, read her bio below and visit www.tantricmassagelondon.com to find out more.

Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

All other images courtesy of Eva Evan
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April 20, 2015