SimplySxy

Author: G.I. Gem

  • The Army Bunk Talk: How Do Straight Boys Stay Calm When Beyoncé Comes On?

    The Army Bunk Talk: How Do Straight Boys Stay Calm When Beyoncé Comes On?

    I thought that being gay in the army was going to be hard. I would have to hide in the closet, spin lie after lie, and live with the constant anxiety knowing that I could be exposed.

    Almost nine months in the army and now I realise that I was just being a melodramatic gay boy. I have gotten used to lying about my sexuality, and pretending to be lusted over by Sora Aoi, Julia Oppai, and Maria Ozawa. I might have to refresh my knowledge of Japanese AV Idols though; one guy was puzzled that I “liked” Sora Aoi. He thought being 31 was too old to be a sexy AV idol.

    In fact, the problems I had with being surrounded by these straight guys were very different. They cared about sports and would talk about the EPL. This was equivalent to selecting “Force Quit” in my brain (task manager for Windows users). I cared about pop culture and wanted to gag over Rihanna’s Met Ball outfit, Rupaul’s Drag Race and Olivia Pope. When we were watching 50 Shades of Grey, they were focusing on Dakota Johnson’s goods while I had a seizure over the song Beyoncé song playing in the background. If I ever become a stripper, I want the ‘Crazy In Love’ remix to be played during my debut performance.

    Okay, the previous paragraph just reeks of stereotypes. Gay boy who doesn’t like sports, worships Beyoncé. Straight boys love soccer.

    Other problems include being the only feminist. I once argued with five section mates at the same time about feminism. BAM, another stereotype. Straight boys have a problem with feminists. Hello? How can you not be a feminist? You came out of a vagina.

    I have not encountered blatant homophobia yet. The guys I have met say the typical, “I don’t have a problem with gay guys, as long as it’s not in my presence”. Another common phrase is “I’m okay with the masculine ones, not the feminine ones”. I cannot really judge them for the latter because even the gay community can’t sort our shit out with all the “no fem, seeking masc only” bullshit. So while they are saying mildly homophobic things, at least they’re not picketing or saying shit like “Fags go to hell”.

    Being gay and serving my nation isn’t as dramatic as I thought it would be. Hundreds of gay guys have served National Service and didn’t whine about it. There’s an expression in the Singapore army called “suck thumb”, which means to suck it up. I guess sucking a metaphorical thumb is nothing when you’ve literally sucked cock.

    Sure, the people I’m surrounded with say problematic things I find offensive, but I’m just a lanky, Beyoncé loving, ass loving, nerdy dude. I can’t change the way my fellow enlistees think unless they want to.

    Side note, I realized it’s a good thing I don’t have a uniform fetish; I would be too distracted and turned on to get anything done. The uniform pants may be baggy but they don’t hide boners.

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?  Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • The Pink Soldier

    The Pink Soldier

    A soldier defends his country with pride. He fights for the people he loves and for the land that he grew up in. Assuming that soldier wanted to be a soldier in the first place. But for Singaporeans like me, being a soldier is not a choice because of the mandatory conscription

    Don’t get me wrong, I love my country. It’s a small country with low crime rates, no natural disasters, and delicious food. Aside from the fact that I can’t get married here and I can get arrested for having gay sex, it’s a lovely place.

    I have been in the army for almost four months. Running, marching, and doing push ups in the sun while getting yelled at is something I am pretty much used to by now.

    Like most Singaporean boys, I dreaded my enlistment, two years of my life taken away while my female counterparts get a head start in their higher education and careers. However, as a GAY Singaporean boy, I had more things on my mind. Do I declare my sexual orientation to the army and let all branches of the government know I’m gay? Effectively destroying any chance of getting a job in the government sector? If I don’t declare my sexual orientation to the army, which is what most gay Singaporeans do, then I would have to go back into the closet.

    I don’t have a problem returning back to the magical world of Narnia. All I had to do was say “Bro” all the time and know the names of female porn stars.

    “Bro, check out Maria Ozawa’s tits in her new video, she gets jizz all over it.” or something like that.

    My platoon mates are nice guys (mostly). But like most straight guys, their anuses tighten up whenever another vaguely gay comes up in conversation.

    “I don’t have a problem with gay guys, as long as they don’t be gay around me.”
    “Gays are fucking disgusting.”
    “Eww, faggots.”
    “Don’t be a faggot.”
    “Did you see the way that faggot was staring at us?”

    And all that jazz, all of which I have grown used to hearing. I would love to bitch them out one day about their homophobic remarks, but there’s just too much at stake. I risk outing myself, which would make me an outcast to be picked on. I risk losing any “friendships” that I had forged. We are brothers in arms, comrades for life, unless you liked cock.

    The Singapore Armed Forces obviously isn’t the best place for homosexuals. We’re not allowed to serve openly and homosexuality is still listed as a mental disorder on health declaration forms. Any lack of masculinity made you a target for others to mock and jeer at.

    I tell myself that I am proud to serve my country even though it treats me like a second class citizen for being gay, I tell myself that the words of others don’t matter, I tell myself that these “brothers” of mine will accept me for who I am. But are they just lies I feed myself to give me the strength to push through? The next twenty months will tell.

     

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?  Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!