I’d like to try and get my partner to consider anal rimming, but how can I convince her and make it sound less terrifying?
Before you ask your partner to consider anything, there are some things for you to consider. There is still quite a bit of taboo surrounding analingus or anal-oral sex, particularly in the heterosexual community. It’s true that anal sex is increasingly seen as a sexual option by heterosexual couples, and has very much made it’s way into mainstream sexuality – the anus is absolutely a sexual organ for everyone. Much of the ‘ickiness’ we get from butt play is socially and culturally ingrained, and some people find this easier to overcome than others.
There are several things you can do to make rimming more appealing to your partner.
Groom your arse:
This is will make things aesthetically ‘less terrifying’, and help keep you clean. I won’t paint a picture of how bad things could be, but people generally prefer not to fight through a stinky arse-bush with only their tongue just to smooch a dirty pucker-hole. The first step to a potential ass-eating is accessibility, so make sure that arse is waxed or shaved.
Consider your hygiene:
Prior to the potential arseplay, be sure to shower, and clean your arsehole with a mild soap. If you’re only engaging in non-penetrative play you can simply use as finger to gently stretch and rinse around and just inside your hole. If you have ideas for penetration, it’s nice to empty your bowels as much as possible prior to play, as this is when the lower colon is at it’s cleanest. Anal douching (enemas) can also be a great tool for cleansing – they’re relatively inexpensive and absolutely add an air of confidence to the cleanliness.
Protected Sex:
Rimming is sex. Unless you are a fluid-bonded couple (one that shares semen, vaginal fluids or blood) it is always best practice to use protection. For analingus, dental dams are the official recommendation of almost every safe-sex advocate, but unlike condoms, dental dams can be difficult to find; they’re also ridiculously overpriced. In a pinch, you can DIY a dental dam two ways: by cutting a length-wise slit in a condom, and opening it out into a rectangle; or cutting out the palm from a disposable latex glove. Disposable gloves are good to have on hand for any anal play – they aid in protection, fun, and easy clean-up.
Start slow:
Rather than asking your partner to actually put her mouth on your arsehole, suggest she use her breath to caress it. Help her out by using your own finger to touch yourself, and show her that YOU’RE not afraid of your own body. Work together on some pleasurable sensations, and let her see your enjoyment. Allow her the time to explore this new experience at her own pace, while enjoying it for what it is.
Let her begin with her lips on your thighs or buttcrack, and try not to be thrusting too eager an arse at her. You will need to be prepared to exercise patience, and even some understanding if things don’t go as you’d like.
Talk:
Listen to her worries and/or fears. Do what you can to address them. Discuss your sensual and sexual desires openly, and find out exactly what she is comfortable with. Ask about her sexual desires, and find out where you mesh. Show her this article.
Do keep in mind everyone has their limits. For some people, analingus will just never be something they want to explore, and finding ways to ‘convince’ them to try it is not advisable. Find opportunities to negotiate – if analingus is a hard limit, perhaps there are other forms of anal play you can both find mutually satisfying.
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MisKnickers is a Melbourne-based writer and educator with over twenty years professional experience. As someone who loves variety (identifying as a gender-fluid, pansexual, switch!) MisK’s passions are always changing, but her strong sense of justice keeps her committed to the sex-positive movement and striving for sexual and gender equality. Read the rest of her profile below and follow her on Facebook and Twitter!
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