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Anal Sex … how to make your partner try it again with you

Sex Ed

Anal Sex … how to make your partner try it again with you

I’m finding these days that the average person is often terrified, shy or uncomfortable when it comes to talking about sex. At lot of women I’ve encountered over the years will still blush at even a mere mention of a sex joke. Considering society’s sexual saturation of magazines, commercials, movies and TV, one would think people wouldn’t be so uptight or shy about the subject of sex. What I find even more shocking is that people these days are forgetting even the fundamentals of what sex is really about: love and the exploration of pleasing your partner’s needs. Society’s great double standard on sex is: we sexualize people everywhere but we don’t talk about sex. Actually, let’s talk about it, and let’s talk about one of the most taboo subjects during intercourse with your partner, one that most people do not want to talk about: Anal Sex.

Anal sex is probably one of the most controversial subjects I have encountered. The general consensus is twofold: either people are all about it and love the experience, or, they hated it and think it’s gross or won’t even try it because they’ve heard from other people about their bad experiences. However, I think most people’s negative perceptions of it are general unfounded. It comes down to a lack of knowledge and understanding about this subject, something that ends up shying people away from something that they could really enjoy if it were approached in a way that helped them have a positive experience instead of a negative one. I was actually one of those people who originally hated even the idea of it because I had a bad experience in my younger years with a bad partner who had no experience or knowledge on how to do it right. I’ve always considered myself a sexual person and generally felt like I had a pretty good knowledge of the human body. However, when I entered the adult entertainment industry, I realized how little I really knew about the human body and sexual arousal. I knew enough that the average person considered me a rockstar in bed, but when everyone you work with in the business is a rockstar in bed, you have to learn how to play all the instruments in the band and make music together with your partner as well. I’ve learned all sorts of things about myself, my body and just the way things need to go in order to have a good time on many different levels. I also consider myself a changed woman because of what I have learned from the adult business and most importantly, about anal sex.

People have to realize that if they are interested in having anal sex with their partner, they shouldn’t be afraid to ask. However, you need to do your research about it in order to learn and understand how anal sex needs to be done in order for both parties to enjoy themselves. Everyone’s anus is shaped differently, just like every woman has a differently shaped vagina. Just like a vagina, an anus can be easier to penetrate (or not) depending on several factors. One, has your partner ever had anal before? Two, how aroused are they? Three, how relaxed is their partner making them feel about the whole experience. If they haven’t done it before they probably are going to be a lot tighter even when fully aroused because their anus hasn’t been stretched out and they may not be relaxed. Yes, rule number one; you have to do a little stretching of the anus, especially if they are on the smaller or tighter side. Therefore, you can’t just stick it in and expect your partner to be all for it. There is a process you need to do with your partner before you even attempt to start sticking it in there.

The first step is you have to make sure your partner is aroused. Spend the extra time doing foreplay and/or having traditional sex. The second step is, pick the right starting position. If you (or your partner) haven’t had anal sex before, a great position to try starting out with is Doggie. I find this position to be a great starting position because it straightens the colon out so penetration can occur without any weird angles. Be sure to put some lube on your finger and gently slide it in your partner’s anus. It’s even better for a woman when you are engaged in vaginal sex and foreplay while performing the insertion of a finger into her anus. I find that this is actually a great way to enhance the initial experience in a very arousing way that’s not painful, especially for first timers. If your partner is enjoying themselves with just a finger, then I recommend you both go to a sex shop together and buy a few different size butt plugs. I also I recommend the biggest one you buy is the girth of your partners penis. I personally like glass toys, they usually are a little more expensive but these are smoother and don’t stick or grab any skin during the slow insertion process … I know you were probably hoping I was going say a finger should do the trick! Sometimes it does, but you have to assume that your partner’s anus is small and you both need to explore that together. It’s always better to take anal sex slowly and safely, and communicate well because if you end up hurting your partner, you will lose all the trust they had in you and they will probably not be open to the idea of having it again. Sex is about trust and the exploration of love and sexuality. We always need to take our partners into consideration. That means we should always make sure they are comfortable and do our best to avoid any unnecessary pain.

Once you both find a few butt plug sizes you like, go back to step one: Lots of foreplay and vaginal sex, with gentle and lubricated anal fingering. After your partner is fully aroused try step two: Doggie position, this time with your butt plug. Apply lots of lube onto the butt plug and don’t forget on and inside your partner’s anus as well. Put some lube on your finger and use the fingering to help lubricate the inside of the anal cavity. You can never have to much lube, my favorite lube are “Eros” and “Pjur”, both are silicone based lubricants. I find that silicone based lube lasts the longest and doesn’t dry up at all during intercourse. Lube is very important for anal, unlike the vagina that makes natural lubrication the anus doesn’t not produce any natural lubricant at all. While you are still in the Doggie position, having tradition sex, slowly insert the smallest butt plug you bought. Make sure you are listening to your partner’s body language and their verbal feedback. Communication is very important, the idea is to make sure every time you are having sex or anal sex that the experience is a good one. Leave it in the entire time you are having sex, so your partner gets used to the feeling and the idea of having something inside their anus while they are having sex and having orgasms! If your partner is enjoying themselves or the butt plug falls out (which is a good sign they are relaxed) you can try the next size up in butt plugs you bought. Guys! This doesn’t have to happen all in one night. Sometimes this takes time and the more orgasms you give her while she has a butt plug in, the more she’ll be interested in trying more with you! Spend some time moving up in sizes with your butt plugs until you’ve reached the point where you are using the largest butt plug comfortably. Once the largest butt plug doesn’t brother your partner at all, you and your partner are finally ready to try anal sex.

Of course, repeat steps one, two, and then actual anal sex. I recommend that you still the use the largest butt plug because you need it to help your partner (or yourself, if you are the woman) relax. Anal sex isn’t just about stretching your anus. While that is part of the training, you also need to learn to relax and enjoy the feeling of the penetration. The last step to achieving the goal of being able to have anal sex with your partner is for your partner to lay flat on her stomach and perhaps try putting a small pillow under your hips if it makes the penetration angle more comfortable. Pull the butt plug out slowly then lube the penis and slowly insert the penis in. Guys! You must go slowly; the penis will probably be going in a little deeper than the butt plug you have been using. Kissing your partner’s neck, holding their hands, or rubbing their back to distract them is a good idea. I also recommend using a vibrator on your clit as a great distraction during initial penetration. Once you are full inserted, take it slow and again make sure your partner is having a good time. Remember, your partner is trusting you to not hurt them in any away, so even if the first time is just you just being fully inserted, and both of you enjoying the feeling together, that’s okay. Guys remember, if your partner isn’t enjoying herself, chances are you won’t get to do it again, so focus on her pleasure. If she has an orgasm that’s great, you will both be ready to move forward, if not go back a few steps and work on vaginal intercourse with a butt plug until she does. It might be a little uncomfortable the first couple times, but like anything you do, she will get used to it after you’ve done it a few times. Remember: if you as the partner messes this up, there really is no going back and your partner might or might not let you do it again, and it might take them a while to recover and trust you enough to try it with you again.

After you’ve become an adventurous anal sexpert, you will be more apt to explore the other kinds of awesome things you get to do in your sex life. You won’t be limited to just tradition sex anymore. One of the things that can help make your woman feel more comfortable with the whole act of anal sex is being clean. You should buy an enema bag and clean your colon, the best way to do that is to use warm water, and rinse with your enema until the water that comes out of your anus is super clean. This is an absolute must if you want to try one of my personal favorite things to do: something I like to call “Double Dipping”. This is inserting the penis the anus, and then switching to the vagina. I have found personally that this is one of the most intense orgasmic experiences I’ve had: first having an anal orgasm, followed immediately by a vaginal one. Another of my personal favorites is using toys to be “Double Penetrated” that is having something in my vagina and my anus at the same time. I recommend you try these, because they are amazing and fun, but remember, if you do, always remember to clean especially well before hand, and then afterwards as well. That means douching after “Double Dipping” girls. You don’t want to get a yeast infection just because you didn’t rinse afterwards. Think of it as having a shower both inside and out after sex, and if you have the feeling that you aren’t super clean while you are in mid sex, don’t do it, wait until next time.

At the end of day, it’s up to you and your partner to decide what levels of anal play and sex you want to go to but anal sex isn’t something you can just jump into, (for most people that is). Anal sex is supposed to be fun but you will find that it is also very intimate, because of the time and steps you need to prepare, but mostly because of the level of trust and communication you will both have to make sure that both partners are enjoying it to the fullest. Don’t be shy or uncomfortable to talk about your sexual desires or needs. We are all human, we all have needs and sex certainly shouldn’t be one of those things as a society we should be so uptight about that we can’t talk to our partners about our wants, desires and needs. So, with that said, communicate with your partner, explore your desires, go slow, be patient, be safe and have fun!

Happy Orgasms!

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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Nikki Phoenix

Nikki Phoenix (born May 7, 1987) is an EDM artist, Aerialist, Mainstream and Adult actress, Writer and Fitness/Lifestyle inspiration. Ms. Phoenix started modeling and acting and mainstream films before choosing to perform in adult films. She has appeared on “The Maury Show”, as well as appearing in the mainstream film “21 and Over”. She has not only released her own EDM Single and Dance Albums, she has also been interviewed by mainstream magazines, including Vegas Seven, and DJOYBeat, the premier DJ and Social media website as well as adult publications both in the US and abroad covering her and these events. Her music is not only available to DJs but also available for purchase on all Digital Media platforms, including iTunes and Amazon.


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