SimplySxy

Tag: Open Relationship

  • What It’s Like Being In An Open Relationship

    What It’s Like Being In An Open Relationship

    My relationship towards sex has evolved over the years, and I fully expect it to change in years to come! With every positive sexual interaction I’ve had, I’ve realized more and more that sex (for me) is about connection in all forms, and someone’s personal reason for seeking connection is not for anyone else to judge.

    Sex can meet your need for love and caring and affection, but it can also be utilized to process grief and anger, to fight loneliness, or to discover, accept, and even love parts of yourself that you can’t indulge in anywhere else. It can be furious, healing, ridiculous, relaxing, whatever is true and authentic for you and your partner(s) in the moment, it’s all valid.

    At this point in my life, having sex is most often a celebration of how deeply I can enjoy myself and others, and I’m grateful for the opportunities to do so!

    Why Non-Monogamy Appeals To Me

    Most importantly, consensual non-monogamy allows for the flexibility to ask for what you want and need from your partner(s), and for your boundaries to adjust with you as you all change and grow. I’ve never been a person who makes choices based on what is most widely accepted, but rather based off of what I want, and what aligns with my own internal moral compass; so the option to curate relationships in a way that feels right to me is essential!

    Open relationships also require you to have confidence in your own inherent value, to be in tune with your emotions, and to keep your communication with your partner(s) open and honest. These skills are incredibly important to me in any relationship, and dating in a non-monogamous way has helped me develop them for myself as well.

    I also choose consensual non-monogamy as a feminist statement. When I am not sexually bound to only one person, it is undeniably clear that I belong to no one. I am a fiercely independent person, and the only person that I want to have ownership over my sexuality is me.

    And yes, open relationships are a lot more work, but they are also a hell of a lot more fun! As someone whose hedonistic side roars quite strongly, it’s essential to me that I be allowed the freedom to follow my impulses when I think it’s safe and appropriate to do so. It’s also fun to reconnect with your partner(s) after a sexy escapade with someone else… sharing some special details can keep the spark in a primary relationship burning brightly, and at the very least it’s almost guaranteed to make you feel grateful to be able to come home to someone who knows and loves you after an exhausting night out.

    Is There A Stigma About Open Relationships?

    Absolutely, there are a ton of biases and misconceptions that people have. Some of the more common negative misunderstandings are:

    – People in open relationships are afraid of commitment

    – Real, trusting, romantic relationships can’t exist without monogamy

    – People in open relationships are wildly promiscuous/hypersexual

    – Open relationships require no boundaries

    – Non-monogamy is inherently immoral or dangerous

    – Having an open relationship increases the likelihood that your partner will leave you

    There are also plenty of people who are open to consensual non-monogamy, but perhaps have misplaced expectations about what that will look like, including:

    – Having an open relationship will fix all issues with my current partner

    – Engaging in non-monogamous dating means that I don’t need to have accountability to my partner(s)

    – I will now always be in competition with other people for my partner’s attention

    Rules In Open Relationships

    The best part about being in an open relationship is that the rules are what you make them! No two non-monogamous relationships are exactly alike, because there is no reinforced, socially accepted structure that everyone is expected to follow. What I usually require is that everyone involved communicates honestly about their needs, comfort levels, and personal boundaries… but I think that would be beneficial in any relationship, monogamous or not.

    Trust in a relationship is built by not only honoring the boundaries that all parties have agreed to, but also being upfront and speaking your mind (in a caring and respectful way) if you’d like those boundaries to change BEFORE acting on any desires.

    Tips For Couples To Explore Open Relationships

    In my personal experience, there must be a base of mutual trust, care, communication, and respect in your relationship before you start including other people in it. If you and your partner are comfortable being vulnerable with each other, asking each other for reassurance, and validating each other’s experiences and emotions, you have a lot of the tools you’ll need to navigate consensual non-monogamy!

    It’s also important to know that, especially at first, choosing to try an open relationship will most likely feel uncomfortable. This does NOT mean that non-monogamy is not for you! Changing up the familiar and stepping outside of your comfort zone is always going to feel weird, probably even painful. It’s up to you to decide how much discomfort you want to try and work through.

    It’s helpful to be extra caring, attentive, and affectionate with your partner during moments of discomfort, and it’s ok to ask for that care in return! Knowing that you and your partner have each other’s best interests at heart, and that you both value the bond you’ve created together, will ease the transitions in your dynamic.

    I would also recommend that if you’re considering opening up your relationship, you not only think about what it will feel like for you to connect with other people, but what it will feel like when your partner does the same. It’s easy to get swept up in the (admittedly hot) fantasies about all the adventures you’re going to have, and forget that you may feel very differently about it when your partner wants to have those same adventures. Don’t create boundaries based only off of your own desires, but also off of how much freedom you feel you can offer your partner without resentment.

    Victoria Lindelle – Victoria is a warm, playful, and elegant provider offering otherworldly companionship in Los Angeles. A life-long lover of sensuality and affection, she strives to always cultivate authentic connections, and to enjoy the best cheese and chocolates life has to offer.

    Follow Victoria Lindelle on

    Website: MissVLindelle.com 

    Twitter: @MissVLindelle

    Email: MissVLindelle@protonmail.ch

    Tours: Victoria is always available to meet new friends in LA, or to fly to you! Inquire via her website

    Article photos from Victoria Lindelle

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  • How To Embrace Polyamory

    How To Embrace Polyamory

    Although I am currently in a monogamous relationship (I just had a baby, I’m not in at a place in my life where I want to focus on anyone but my child and her father) I have explored having multiple partners and being in an open relationship.

    With apps like Tinder and immediate access to pornography we’re left searching for more than the same person we’re intimate with for years. As humans, redundancy can get well, boring.

    I was once a very jealous person, putting all of my self worth into the hands of my partner. When I learned to love myself more than anyone else, I started to explore what is called “compersion ”.  Compersion is the act of finding joy in another persons joy. Instead of feeling jealous, imagine feeling the excitement and glee your partner gets from falling in love with another person. Sounds impossible right? Well, it’s not.

    The key is loving yourself. The key is putting all of your self worth into your own hands, and not letting anyone take that power away from you. When you’re full of self love, you can begin to feel joy and gratitude in your heart when you see the person you love exploring another person. In theory this is what I felt, and I put it to the test.

    I learned three lessons from exploring being in an “Open Relationship.”

    1) If the girl respected me, and I liked her, I was a happy camper.

    I let my boyfriend fuck one of my best friends next to me. He asked for permission first, and I said yes. While he fucked her he looked over at me, half asleep, and I gave him a high five.

    2) If the girl didn’t respect me, but I consented, I felt okay.

    We had a friend of a friend over one night, and although I didn’t want to sleep with her I gave my boyfriend permission to. She was the type of girl who needed the males’ attention in the room, and I didn’t click with her. When it was over I felt a little violated, her ego had been stroked, this was a game, and I was the loser.

    3) If I didn’t know beforehand, I felt betrayed. Consent is key. Communication is key.

    My partner had received a blowjob from another friend of a friend, I hadn’t learned about it until a few days later and although I tried to play it cool. I was deeply hurt though.

    How To Know If Polyamory Is Right For You

    Polyamory isn’t right for you if you: “Don’t want to know about it”

    For instance, if your boyfriend tells you you’re expendable and you’re paying his rent, and that he also wants to be in an “open relationship” and you reluctantly agree because sharing him is better than losing him, being in poly isn’t for you. Also, you should probably break up with him, he sounds like a scrub.

    Polyamory is right for you if: You know that with or without a partner, you are secure with yourself and will be okay.

    Polyamory isn’t right for you if you: “Can’t talk about your feelings”.

    For instance, if your girlfriend asks for your permission to have sex with your brothers’ friend, and you agree because she let you sleep with other people and you feel obligated but deep down you can’t tell her you don’t want her to, polyamory isn’t right for you.

    Polyamory is right for you if: You feel “drawn to multiple people”. Poly means many, amory means love. I once had seven boyfriends, they all knew about each other, and I had some of the best times of my life with them.

    Polyamory isn’t right for you if: You put all of your validation for your self worth in other people.

    Why It Works For Some But Not Others

    The reason polyamory works for some but not others is communication, communication, and communication. If you had to have a limb amputated, you would handle it a lot better if you were told first, and then had the procedure done. We can prepare for the “pain” mentally before hand, and alas it won’t be as strong when it happens.

    Negative Assumptions About Polyamory

    I think when we think of polyamory, we think of psychedelic commune hippies and their “free love”. We still have a culture that believes in ownership of other people. It’s hard to grasp the concept that someone doesn’t “belong” to us.

    3 Important Things For Polyamorous Relationships To Work

    Self love, compassion, and communication.

    Aali Kali – Aali Kali is an American adult actress. She is currently writing her first novel. She advocates for sex workers and for self-love, self-acceptance, and self-compassion.

    Follow Aali on

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/Aalikalixxx

    Upcoming Tours: Memwore is my novel….

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

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  • Swingers Lifestyle Revealed: Our Unusual Relationship

    Swingers Lifestyle Revealed: Our Unusual Relationship

    Our relationship is a strange one. When people ask us what we like to do, we often need to take more thought than a “normal” couple would and censor the answer just a bit. We do enjoy things like drinking, dancing, going to movies, etc. But in the whole scheme of things, we are often bored by those normal activities. We found a lifestyle that better suits us. A lifestyle that allows us me meet fun, like-minded people, and to explore limitations within ourselves. We have an open relationship, or as some call us: swingers.

    My wife and I met when I was deployed to Germany for Operation Enduring Freedom. I am 12 years older than she is, and when we met she was only 18. She had only had one sexual experience to that point and it was not a good one. She had written off sex as something that people do, but that she would never enjoy. Once our relationship developed to that point, she realized that there was a lot of fun to be had that she had never tapped into, and I realized that I had awakened a side of her that she had never seen. I decided that I wanted her to be able to explore this new sexual fondness, so then began the conversations about whether to make this fantasy into a reality.

    Our first experience was with a single male. As awkward as it was, it made both of us realize that this is a lifestyle that we can both really enjoy. From that first experience, it has grown into an open relationship in which we both are able to play with couples or singles, alone or together. And even as most people do not understand it, after being in this lifestyle for over 8 years, we are closer than ever with one another. We love the new opportunities and adventures that this has given to us, but even more than that we cherish the new friendships that we have been able to make.

    Probably the most common question that we are asked is “how do you two make such an alternative lifestyle work?”. Our answer is actually the most obvious: honesty. We always tell each other what we are going, and make sure that the other is good with it. We help each other fulfill fantasies, and always share our experiences with one another. Rules have to be in place, always followed, and understanding that different situations can bring about different rules at any time. We have had a few bumps in the road, but overall we have had great experiences and wouldn’t want to live our lives any other way.

    Scott and Rachael

    Rachael is 27 and bi. Scott is 39 and straight. We have been married for a little over 6 years. We are on SLS at ohiocpl23 and Rachael has her Twitter https://twitter.com/sharedwife23

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