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Tag: Chastity

  • What To Know About Chastity

    What To Know About Chastity

    I have always been an “alternative” thinker. I’d say I was around age 19 when I acknowledged my own kinkiness and started to explore BDSM. Those were rough years; I had a lot of healing to do and in a major way, kink was an elemental tool in my own empowerment. Kink is really about expanding the realm of pleasure and expression and to me, it became a path that led me to finding myself and creating my own happiness.

    I remember that growing up, I’d imagine eventually I’d drop out of mainstream society and live differently and I’m fortunate my passion for kink provided an inlet to do that. Through kink, I’ve not only found empowerment, pleasure, and financial stability for myself, I’ve made incredible relationships and deep bonds with people I’d otherwise never meet. In this realm, we’re working with authentic desire, which means our authentic selves. It’s beautiful.

    What Is Chastity?

    A male chastity cage or belt is a specially designed device placed over the shaft and head of the penis. Once on, it is locked (and the key given to a designated “key holder”) to prevent full erections. While locked up, you cannot masturbate or have penetrative sex, and the cage should only be removed by your key holder.

    When a man is in chastity, one of the more common side effects is he becomes more attentive. He becomes very sexually focused on his keyholder and nothing else. This happens because he knows his release is controlled by this person, so the focus tends to shift to that one person. When he becomes aroused, he will feel the cage or belt against his penis. It can be anything from a gentle reminder to a vicelike grip. And whenever this happens, his mind automatically turns to the key holder.

    Why Do Men Enjoy Chastity?

    Being caged can be very exciting and fulfilling. I think many men enjoy it because they like the way it feels emotionally. They’ve given up a level of control to someone and they don’t have to decide anymore (this can make a submissive feel quite safe.)

    Likewise, others enjoy the way it feels physically.  With chastity, there’s a feeling of enclosure, every part or the cock is completely encased, enclosed. It reinforces that kinky headspace!

    Some men just enjoy having a woman control their sexual behavior. One of the biggest influences is the tease and denial aspect. This tension increases as the sub realizes there’s literally nothing he can do about it. He’s forced to savor the moment rather than racing to orgasm.

    Why I Love It

    The power a key can give me is both physical and psychological. Chastity affirms me that my submissives cannot engage in active penetrative sex. Instead they’ll be more focused and attentive to me. There’s certainly a feminization aspect to it as well that I really like. I like that they can’t stand up and use the toilet. It’s kinda smashing the hetero-patriarchy in a way.

    Mostly I enjoy the feeling of having power over my counterpart. By wearing the keys, I’m constantly reminded of that power. The continual heightened state of dominance – that’s what I crave.

    Types Of Chastity Cages

    There are, in fact, several designs to meet various needs or levels of play. (Open-ended, caged, partially closed, completely closed, metal, silicone plastic, etc.) There aren’t any definitive names – each brand or company makes their own. This is definitely something you want to spend a lot of time researching and there are many websites that can guide you.

    What Subs Should Know Before Exploring Chastity

    Communication is going to be key (pun intended.) In my experiences, chastity is a long-term game. For most of my subs in chastity devices, it’s a 24/7 affair-literally around the clock.

    If you’re not capable of remaining in a submissive headspace for more than a few hours-you should ask your partner, before the padlock clicks shut, just how long they intend to keep you locked.

    Witchy Woman – I’m an collector of chastity keys and coffee mugs. Florida lifestyle and online Dominatrix.

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  • Celebrating Male Chastity Day

    Celebrating Male Chastity Day

    Today is International Male Chastity Day.  You may not have known that because, last I checked, they’re still not selling cards for it in the grocery store and it hasn’t been made a bank holiday (yet).  Sort of like Grandparent’s Day (which is also a thing, at least in the US).  The motivation behind Male Chastity Day may have been equal parts commercial and sincerity.  In 2014, UK-based fetish shop UberKinky picked February 15th (http://www.uberkinky.co.uk/blog/2014/01/30/international-male-chastity-day/) to celebrate male chastity (and maybe sell a few chastity devices along the way).  While 2015 is only its second year of existence, male chastity enthusiasts (such as myself) have embraced it.

    “Male chastity” is typically defined as locking a man’s cock up in some kind of device so he can’t derive any pleasure from it at all, let alone have an orgasm.  Though there are practitioners who choose to use only the iron will of their determination to maintain their chaste state.  It’s a misconception that men in chastity aren’t having sex.  That’s not at all true.  The main reason to practice male chastity is because, when done properly, it leads to greatly enhanced intimacy between partners and, indeed, really fantastic sex.  Just as long as your definition of sex doesn’t necessarily involve one partner fucking the other and/or coming at the end.

    My wife and I have been using male chastity in our marriage for more than seven years.  Over those years, I’ve been locked up easily more than 75% of the time and have had significantly fewer orgasms than my unlocked peers (one year, I only had three).  But, I have also had some of the best sex of my entire life and am closer now to my wife than at any time in our relationship, even counting when we first met and right after we got married.  Some people use chastity situationally or in a scene.  Not us.  It’s an integrated dynamic in our relationship.  As fundamental now as anything can be between two people.

    It’s not an easy bargain to make.  In a real way, chastity asks a man to give up the most basic of those things that define his masculinity.  Namely, access to and use of his penis.  It makes him stop and really think about how he can pleasure his partner in ways not involving him sticking his parts into theirs.  I recall when my wife and I first started having sex this way and how hard I had to think about her, and my hands and my mouth and all the other secondary sex organs I had at my disposal, and how they could interact with her body in new and interesting ways. But in doing so, I became a much better lover.  Much more in tune with her desires and her pleasure.  And, the longer I was denied my own orgasm or access to my own body, the more her desires and pleasure became my sole focus in love-making. Her orgasm became my ultimate goal.

    But I never felt as though I was missing anything.  In fact, the most fascinating aspect of being denied an orgasm is how it starts to become self-perpetuating.  How addictive the hormones of denial are and the salubrious affects they can have on one’s relationship. I felt younger and more alive when I stopped coming regularly.  I felt far more connected to my wife and more invested in our relationship.  That’s another thing about chastity and orgasm denial: It’s often the male partner’s idea but, once established, his partner can become even more invested in continuing than he is.

    I don’t think male chastity is for everyone, but I do think the benefits are that more couples could benefit from trying it than they do so today.  What better day than International Male Chastity Day to try it with your partner?

    Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
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