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Tag: casual sex

  • How To Have Casual No Strings Attached Sex

    How To Have Casual No Strings Attached Sex

    Well, at first sex was curiosity when I was just a fresh face young teen trying to fit in with my schoolmates. Apparently the earliest you lose your virginity and with whom, which location, was how you get popular. The staircases at carparks was a popular choice of location. I know how unlikely this seems coming as I grew up in Asia where topics regarding sex are taboo but it was always a topic of fascination and interests of everyone I’ve met. I guess I/you could say I was surrounded by ‘sex’ growing up.

    I remembered that when  I was eight, my older male cousin flashed me his pubescent penis asking me to touch it and finding my father’s porn magazines, sharing them with my friends and laughing at the hairy penises. As I grew older, I started to realize it was all based on pleasures and emotions. Though I still do strongly feel that it is still based on ‘pleasure’ alone, maybe it’s just me cause I think that sex and making love are two different things.

    Why I Love Casual Sex

    Obviously it’s the no strings attach relationship. If I’m horny, I’ll hit a dude that I find attractive enough to bed and know for a night. After the whole ‘wham bam thank you mam’, we don’t have to see each other again. Unless he’s got skills then maybe I’ll consider having like friends with benefits kind of deal.

    Though I do prefer just fucking them once and moving onto the next guy, it’s much more exciting and fun. I can find people with kinks similar to mine, bondage, roleplay or just anything fun.

    Common Misconceptions About Casual Sex

    I have people telling me, “What if you fall in love with him?“. “The risks of meeting a stranger, what if he’s dangerous“. “I’ll get some sex diseases etc etc“.

    Well look here today, I’m still healthy and not missing any of my limbs, STD free. Haha. Yet I still made the mistake of actually falling for this guy despite both of us agreeing at first this will only be a casual fling. I think I was in it for like…two to three years? Until I told myself, no, this gotta stop, it’s just infatuation and it’s getting too serious.

    Like the dude has a wife and two kids, no matter how much I try, I can never beat that. Do I regret hooking up? No, but I regret my mistake of letting my infatuation and feelings get the best of me.

    Tips For Casual Sex

    I don’t know if these could be consider tips cause I don’t know how it’ll fare out for others. I always discuss beforehand with the other party that it’s only a one time thing unless otherwise. Always have protection on. I mean, guys do come up with a lot of bullshit, “Oh, it don’t feel that good with a rubber on.” Bla bla bla.  Bitch, I don’t think I or my vagina will feel good if I catch any nasty shit. Then again, it’s your choice to make.

    Take the pill if you don’t want to use the rubber for unwanted pregnancies and do get yourself checked regularly. I rarely hook up with guys I meet at bars or clubs but if I do, I would always inform a trusted friend, who I’m going with and where/what I’ll be doing. Safety is no joke, ladies. It isn’t shameful that you wanna have fun and taste the sweet release of lust. Always, always tell the person you’re hooking up with what are your yes and no. You don’t wanna get any unwanted surprises up your backdoor if you ain’t into that. It’ll ruin the whole moment and if the other party tries to persuade you in doing things that you don’t wanna do? Get the fuck out of there.

    Sex is about give and take. You respect the rules you both set up beforehand and if the other party can’t and won’t, are they even worth fucking? It’s not about their enjoyment only. Regarding videos and pictures, I’ll be brutally honest, it’s fucking exciting and fun to think about but we have to think twice. Some or maybe most people are rather shitty assholes who will keep and use the videos/pictures to their own advantages. They’ll share it around and it will spread. Friends, family and maybe people from your workplace will recognize you and I’m sure you don’t want that to happen. So if you do take pictures or videos, try to keep your face hidden or any tattoos and marks that people can identify you with.

    Unspoken Casual Sex Rules

    We should all be realistic and know what we want. If it’s a ONS, then don’t try and contact each other afterwards unless of course, you both have discussed and agreed on seeing each other again and perhaps try to make it work out into a relationship.

    Sometimes a dude might have a huge penis doesn’t mean he knows how to work it. If he ain’t hitting that G-spot, you should totally take charge and get into whatever position that gets you off too. Be honest with each other, don’t try and pretend to be someone you’re not. You ain’t gonna have fun and the other party might have this expectations from you that you can never fulfill.

    Reine Yaya – Just your normal average female who is usually nice and brutally honest with a potty mouth. I’m currently a financial dominatrix but I also do real sessions as a plain normal Asian domme. Can be lazy sometimes, spend lots of time playing video games and highly attracted to nerds and geeks only.

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    Upcoming Works: I’m thinking of setting up a site or a blog where I can just be myself, unfiltered of course, where I write about my sexperiences and sexcapades. I don’t know about that yet, I might get lazy and not do anything at all.

    Article photos courtesy of Reine Yaya, featured image from Shutterstock

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  • The Pros & Cons Of A Casual Relationship

    The Pros & Cons Of A Casual Relationship

    Casual relationships have become a normal thing in the modern dating culture. Still, just because a lot of people engage in casual relationships doesn’t mean that this kind of relationship is right for everyone. There are many things you should consider before engaging in a casual relationship. It is recommended that you weigh all the pros and cons to see whether casual relationship is the right thing for you.

    Pros

    Following are some pros of a no strings attached casual relationship:

    1. No Complications

    There is no need for complications in a casual relationship. Since there are no emotions and attachments involved, everything is much simpler. Both people in a casual relationship can relax. In fact, this is the whole point of a casual relationship. There is no strings attached so both party can enjoy the NSA fun.

    1. No Expectations

    Just as there are no complications in a casual relationship, you won’t have any expectations from your partner as well. This is one of the perks of this type of relationship because it removes the pressure of having to deliver every time. Since both partners don’t expect anything from each other except sex, people are relaxed in a casual relationship.

    1. Experimenting

    As the society has become more open towards casual hookups and relationships, more and more people want to experiment their sexuality. This includes trying out the new “moves” in bed as well as experimenting with your sexual orientation. People generally have more sex in casual relationships so they are more open to trying out new things.

    1. It Gives You Confidence

    Sex gives us the confidence we need in our lives as it is a powerful motivator. And when you feel better physically, it automatically reflects on your mental state. As a result, your confidence is boosted as you feel more comfortable with yourself.

    Cons

    Following are some cons of a casual relationship:

    1. Sometimes You Can Get Emotionally Involved

    It’s not uncommon for people to get emotionally involved when they engage in a casual relationship. When that happens, things get messy and complicated. Relationships that start this way can be potentially disastrous. That’s why setting some ground rules is essential in a casual relationship. And to avoid this from happening in the beginning, you may go to some hookup sites to meet link-minded people to go out with.

    1. It Can Be Potentially Dangerous

    You are generally more open in a casual relationship and sometimes this can be a dangerous thing. When you have just met someone, you might not know their intentions. There are dangerous people out there so you have to be extra careful. Furthermore, your partner might do you harm unintentionally by infecting you with an STD. Jealous exes or boyfriends/girlfriends are some other unpleasant situations that can arise when you engage in a casual relationship.

    1. It Might Be More Difficult to Get into a Traditional Relationship

    When you constantly maintain a casual relationship, it will become difficult for you to meet traditional and monogamous people who are looking for a meaningful relationship. You will face many difficulties when you try to settle down.

    1. No Other Benefits Apart from Sex

    The main focus of a casual relationship is just sex. In such a relationship, you won’t have anyone to bring to your friend’s wedding, share your troubles with, or dream about the future. If you want these things in your life, then know that you won’t be able to get them from your casual sex partner. And turning a casual relationship into a meaningful one rarely works out well.

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

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  • How To Find Casual Sex Partners?

    How To Find Casual Sex Partners?

    There was this time when I really had a hard time in finding love. I have this terrible choice of people I stuck with. Then I realise that these things are just a fugazi (Clearly it did not exist). Then, I decided to change my theory about the relationship and believe me, that is really working for me now.

    I am healthy, mentally relaxed and always cheerful. Why? Because I don’t have to face a mental trauma of relationship and other complicated scenarios. A casual sex heals it all. And the best part of it is you don’t have to worry about the complication arise after that. Why? Well because there are none. You don’t have to worry about all that shit which keep your life and celebration at bay. It is just like friends with benefits (Ignore the ending of the picture).

    Well, in this post, I will guide you about how to approach successfully for casual sex. Most of you find it hard and end up scrolling forever through online dating websites and scams (That’s the most of the cases). With this elaborate article, you’ll be able to learn the number of ways for how to approach if you’re seeking for casual sex.

    Let’s get started,

    You must have heard about NCMO aka “Non-Committal Make Out”. This can really help you to heal without the pressure of any relationship. How to approach? Well, just stick with me,

    You need to set your intentions first.

    Yes, Most of the time we face problems because of our past. It is not that he will come around and mess up your life. It is you who create a mess of your things more badly than anyone else. You need to be precise about what exactly you’re looking for. NCMO cannot help you if you carry away with it.

    You need to be clear about if this is the thing you’re seeking for. So, first, you need to be clear as glass before making any move. There is no point if you again dwell into the romantic conundrum. Because believe it or not, casual sex and romantic sex does not fall into any common ground at all. So, make sure of your emotional status before jumping into this phenomenon.

    Be a look out for your standard.

    Now, honestly having casual sex doesn’t mean that you need to drop down to anyone’s level. You can stay on your ground, there are plenty of people around you who want to have a casual hook up.

    Having a casual sex doesn’t mean that you get screwed by anyone on the way. You don’t have to play mind games but dropping out to the lower standard will not be as awesome as it might happen to the person with the same level.

    Say “NO” to the fear of ‘NO’

    It is my personal experience that most of the time we don’t approach just because we fear what if he or she says no. In the male side, most of the time when they date, the real approach is always having sex. Just because you’re afraid to ask directly causes the same relationship conundrum and for what? Just the sex.

    Do you really believe that you have to face such mental trauma just to have sex with someone you want? Come on mate, if that will be the play I won’t be writing on casual sex. Let go the fear and spit it out. Fear of rejection is natural. But there are people who think exactly same as you do. Obviously, you will get rejected by some people and believe me that sucks. Yet there are people who are as same as you, so, don’t hold back.

    What are you afraid of? Just be honest

    Are you going to be with that man or woman after that night? Of course not, then why need to be afraid of any sort of rejection. Be honest when making conversation with the potential partner.

    Do my partners were honest? Yes, some of them were just too honest. They were even hurt at that time but they were clear as me to indulge in physical activity to nurture the soul.

    Watch your words carefully, being nerdy and honest are two different things. Use phrases like, “But I will hook up with you”. This shows that you’re just being generous to him or her. These phrases will keep you away from him emotionally.

    Always respect your boundaries

    It’s Friday night, and you are off to a party. Now, you just thought that having a sex mate can be beyond perfect but then suddenly you thought that you might not respect yourself later in the morning. Believe me, stop right there and don’t indulge. Just for that night. Keep yourself together. You’re not a slave to your sexuality. You control it. Be a controller and avoid anything like that. Tomorrow is another day.

    Never get Obsess

    This is the hardest part of the process. This is where things might get ugly. Just because you had an amazing time doesn’t mean that you can change it into a relationship. Don’t forget your intentions when you started this.

    If you fixate with this person just because of a one-night stand, then you might break your heart again. How often does one-night stand turn out to be a perfect relationship? I will never wager on that. You too, don’t bank it and back away. That will save you a lot of pain.

    Places to meet

    Well, places are very important here. Social venues are ideal choice to find a casual sex partner. Alcohol is the play here. Well, while talking about casual sex, alcohol is not a bad play at all. It usually makes people bold and makes them take some decisions that even they are not aware of. That is the reason people don’t often rely on clubs and alcohol. They not only blur the decision making skill but also ruin the sex part.

    People then decide to go and meet online. That can be safer but sometimes even worst. Online scams for paid dating services. I have many of guy friends who fall for that and end up with whores. So, make your own decision. Things are not as bad as it seems, but being careful can be beneficial.

    Wrapping it up

    So, these are the ways and tips when indulging in casual sex. Allow me to follow you up with a quick recap of the pointers,

    • You need to set your intentions first.
    • You can stay on your ground, there are plenty of people around you who want to have a casual hook up.
    • Say “NO” to the fear of ‘NO’.
    • Just be honest.
    • Always respect your boundaries.
    • Never get Obsess.
    • Social venues are ideal choice to find a casual sex partner.

    Do you like my points? Leave a comment and let me know.

    Zoe Maria is an associate editor at Adult Toy Empire – an online adult toys store, catering to all tastes and fetishes, all preferences! Zoe will introduce you to very popular types of sex toys that are guaranteed to spice up your life, or just add some much needed excitement to the bedroom!

    Featured images courtesy of Shutterstock

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  • Having trouble finding casual sex?

    Having trouble finding casual sex?

    Over on the Good Vibrations Magazine, I received a comment from a woman whose husband travels a lot. The two of them have a non-monogamous relationship and she’s had some difficulty finding casual partners:

    I wanted to address your concept of having casual sex in a positive fashion, and how difficult that seems to be, especially for men. It’s a paradox…most men seem to choose casual sex because they don’t want to have to deal with “relationship” stuff, but if you’re sleeping with someone on a regular basis, you’re having a relationship, albeit one that leads to the bedroom and not the altar. It’s much more difficult to have casual sex than a committed relationship: it takes honesty, openness, integrity and an extremely high degree of communication. It seems to be way too much work for most men.

    I think that part of the difficulty she’s facing may be partly due to the ways that we talk about casual sex and I think it’s worth unpacking that a bit.

    There are a lot of different meanings that people apply to casual sex and it often seems like we think of it as an either/or. Either it’s a casual thing (and there’s no “relationship”) or there’s an emotional commitment (and it’s not casual). And this is the sort of thinking that seems to make this so difficult.

    It’s important to recognize that there’s no such thing as “not being in a relationship.” There’s a relationship between any two things, people, or concepts. That relationship may be physical, mental, emotional or a combination of the above and some people would also add “spiritual” to the list. It may also be indirect, or quite distant. But to say that you want to have sex without having a relationship is simply inaccurate- a relationship is already there. The question then, isn’t how to keep from having a relationship, but rather, what kind of relationship you want to create.

    Once you start asking that question, then you can start to figure out where your needs, desires and wants are. This particular person wants to find someone for occasional sex with someone who is willing to meet her husband (and get the green light from him), will check in with her every so often to make sure that everything is working for each of them, and is ok with telling her when he has other lovers. None of that seems unreasonable to me, but if she starts her search by looking for someone who thinks of casual sex as “we’ll get together, boink, and go home”, that’s likely to lead to a mis-match. And given that many people define “casual sex” like that, I’m not surprised that she isn’t finding what she wants.

    It can also be challenging for women who want to have these sorts of relationships with men because a lot of men get caught up in the virgin-whore dichotomy. Not that this is limited to men, by any means, but finding guys who can have a sexual relationship with a woman that’s not centered on dating/marriage without putting her in the whore/slut category isn’t easy.

    Making this even more complex, many men simply don’t have the emotional self-awareness or relationship skills to manage what she’s asking for. In general, boys aren’t taught the skills they need to figure out what they’re feeling, how to tell someone about it, how to ask for what they need/want, how to listen to a partner, etc. It’s not that boys and men don’t have feelings, but a lot of them deal with the difficult ones by getting angry or disconnecting. And how in the world is a guy whose skills are limited like that supposed to manage a relationship like the one she describes above? (Fortunately, some people are teaching their boys better skills than these, but it’ll take some time before that’s the norm.)

    It sometimes seems to me that some men say that they want casual sex because they’re scared by emotional connection and want to avoid it. Emotional connection can be scary when you don’t know how to create and nurture it. And when we continue to talk about it as either/or, we only make it worse. When the only choices we hear about are full-on-commitment or 100% uncommitted, it’s no wonder that so many of her potential partners get scared off.

    So my suggestion to her and to other women in similar situations is to stop looking for casual sex and instead, to look for someone interested in creating a sexual relationship that fits her needs. Put the cards on the table from the very beginning, perhaps in an online personals ad, and let that be the first filter you use. Let go of the idea that either you’re in a committed ongoing relationship or you’re in a casual connection, and instead, create the relationship you want.

    I also want to point out that any relationship will work better when there’s “honesty, openness, integrity and an extremely high degree of communication.” Having multiple partners certainly adds extra challenges, simply because there are more people to take into account. But the skills that help people deal with conflicts, stay connected, and generally create successful relationships aren’t limited to any particular structure.

    Since I like to offer resources whenever I can, here are a couple of really good books on the topic:

    Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships is a great look at the more common (and many of the less common) forms that open relationships can take. There are also lots of tips and suggestions from people with real-life experience with each of them.

    The Ethical Slut: A Roadmap for Relationship Pioneers offers a lot of really good information on many of the concerns or questions people have around things like boundaries, safer sex, flirting and jealousy.

    There are also a lot of online resources and communities, especially if you’re looking for info about swinging or polyamory, so take a look there. The best way to find someone is to be in the communities that they’re likely to be in, too. Plus, you’ll find lots of helpful info, so you can avoid some of the mistakes that other people have made.

    Lastly, don’t settle for less than you deserve. It’s absolutely possible to create the sort of relationship you want, and it’s a lot easier when you’re clear in your intentions and you’re not willing to settle.

     This article has been republished with permission from Charlie Glickman. Visit his webpage to read more of his pieces here.

    Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
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