SimplySxy

Tag: Breakup

  • Dating & social media, do they fit?

    Dating & social media, do they fit?

    By now, almost everyone has Facebook, Twitter, Keek, Instagram, Vine, etc.  So, with all these social media outlets, how does it fair in love?  I personally feel like social media has taken over our lives.  When you are friends with the guy or girl you are seeing, you scour their Facebook activity to see who is commenting the most on their statuses, and if they are of the opposite sex.  It’s something many do, but beware, because this may cause an issue with your new mate.

    I have stayed away from being friends with my partner on Facebook.  I know most would say by my doing this, I will automatically cause a trust issue for my mate, but I don’t feel that it should cause a trust issue.  I am trying to prevent the jealousy issue people have when they see men comment or like my status, and I have no problem showing my partner my Facebook page when we are together.

    I’ve seen so many relationships end because of a comment someone made on a Facebook status.  No one can control what other people put on their Facebook or Twitter so there is no reason to get upset over every little comment!  Now, if your mate responds in a flirty fashion, then you can tell your partner you’re not okay with what they put as a response.

    I think social media has made things harder for people to date, and married couples are now making a Facebook page with both of their names, which to me is a waste of time.  Why create a new page?  That is just time consuming and everyone on your Facebook should know you are married already.  And if they don’t, then those people aren’t privy to your life and shouldn’t have access to it anyway.

    I’ve known couples where one has Facebook and the other does not.  I think this is the best way to go.  Men will always be flirty with women regardless if they know they are with someone or not.  I am not sure why this is so, but for me, I have always just said thank you or whatever generic response is needed for that situation.  I know that not all people will do what I do with regards to Facebook, but the important part is that both parties agree to how social media sites are used.  Which brings me to subliminal messages on social media.

    There are also people who fall victim to social media.  I have been a victim of social media and I know a lot of other people who have been victims from it as well.  Everyone knows about the Facebook subliminal messaging; people use these after a break up or if they are angry at someone.  When this occurs, your entire friends list and anyone who has ever liked the status will now know you have issues in your relationship.  I plead everyone to stop doing this!  It’s unnecessary and annoying.  I don’t want to know that your boyfriend didn’t take out the trash and that you are pissed, and I don’t think anyone else cares that he or she forgot the Sweetest Day (which I did this year, sue me it’s not on my calendar)!

    Social media will always be here.  There is no turning back, but please use it carefully, and remember not to use it when you have been drinking.  Even if you delete a status the day after, you have put it up for the world to see and everyone has already seen it by the time you delete it.  So please put the phone down while you are drinking or angry.  I have told everyone I know that when you are mad, write down what you want to say then wait an hour and go back and look at it.  After you go back and look at it, you will see that while being angry, you are most likely saying the same thing over and over again but in a different ways.

    Since social media will be here for years to come and we have learned new things about people we never wanted to know, remember this — it is hard to remove a comment or status even after it has been removed.  Everyone’s cell phone and computer signals update at different times, and you may not see that status any longer because you are the one who deleted it, but trust me my friend, many others have seen this update, even when you no longer can.

    I hope this has been helpful, and happy Facebooking!

    Christy is a dating & relationship coach and you can view her sexpert profile here. Photo credit: Shutterstock.

  • Cheated? 5 simple ways to move on

    Cheated? 5 simple ways to move on

    While I do not wish for myself or anyone else to go through the same agony, it is inevitable that some of us would have been cheated on at some point in time be it whether the relationship has run its course or well … the other party has decided that the grass could be crispier on the other side.  Even though I am now in a perfectly happy relationship with my adorably insufferable new beau, I can easily recall those hellish sleepless nights whereby I had spent them unearthly hours trying to rationalize and figure out why things turned out the way they did.  Moving on was exceptionally hard for me, given that it was my first real relationship—spanning half-a-decade—and my immediate instinct was to shut myself from the rest of society and immerse in work.  While my productivity definitely reached an all-time high, I was feeling like a pathetic rat every single day.  I eventually had an epic breakdown before picking up what remained of my miserable self.  It was not after when the ex tried to establish contact several months later to express his regrets and to seek a chance for reconciliation then did I realize that moving on was the best decision that I had made.  By cheating on me, he was essentially the one who could not come to terms with himself and chose to run away from his own insecurity issues.  If you are currently holding onto a destructive relationship that can no longer be salvaged, perhaps it is now the time to re-evaluate your situation.  Here are some ways that I have helped myself to move on:

    Friends and parents

    One of the best ways to acknowledge that the relationship is no longer functional is to come to terms with it and to keep the close circle of friends informed.  However, most of us may take a while before letting the parents know, especially if both parties have yet to meet the parents.  While my friends have been really supportive, my folks were the ones who provided the most emotional support during this period and made sure that I was at least eating well despite waking up to seeing me with puffy eyes every morning.  My mum even skipped her weekly mahjong sessions just to chill out with me.  Right now, two years on, my dad keeps a lookout for me to make sure that I am in a good place in my current relationship.

    No contact

    Out of sight; out of mind.  In my instance, the ex was clearly expecting me to give in and forgive him again after he had initiated the second breakup.  After all, I was the one who forgave him all too easily previously.  This time round, I was determined to cease every means of contact.  Apart from refusing to pick up his phone calls, I went the extra mile by blocking him and his entire clan on whatsapp, facebook, and all other forms of social media.  This made things much easier and I was no longer tormented over whether to give him another chance because he clearly deserved … not.

    To find yourself again

    Sure, things may have changed over the course of the relationship.  While it is most likely that both parties are responsible for this breakdown, there is no need to beat yourself up over it.  It is important to figure out the cause (if possible) and give yourself ample time to internalize it before moving on in order to embark on the journey to find yourself again.  Take part in activities that you have always wanted, but never had the time to.  Indulge and splurge on that piece of luxury item that you had been eyeing with the money you were saving up for a vacation with the ex.  Go for a movie alone and learn to appreciate the solo time that you have earned.

    Sweat it out

    I literally found my solace in jogging and pilates.  It wasn’t soon before I made the decision to sign up to the local gym, hit the threadmill, and went for my first pilates class.  And I have never looked back since.  Apart from relishing in the adrenalin rush, it also made me aware that if I could accomplish the seemingly impossible and arduous feat of those insane elevated leg circles, there was possibly nothing else that I was not capable of.  In a way, this gave me the willpower to put everything to an end when the ex wanted to get back together.

    Burn baby burn !

    What’s the point of keeping those movie ticket stubs, birthday and valentine cards?  These were written and exchanged during better times and he/she clearly no longer feels the same.  Sure, getting rid of all these may come across as a bitter act and seem to be too drastic a step, but there is no better feeling than to watch those painful memories fire up and burn away.   Just be sure to extinguish the flames before bidding the past away.

  • Breakup Survival Guide

    Breakup Survival Guide

    We all have one person we just can’t get over, and there’s usually no clear reason why that particular person has a hold on us.  Some say it is a past-life connection, while others say it is because we finally found a special a connection with someone that we hadn’t found with anyone in a long time.  Due to this connection, we hold onto that person longer than we should just because we don’t want to lose that feeling.  And it seems like there’s no break up advice your friends, family, or anyone can give you
    that will make you feel better.  There isn’t an official “getting over your ex” handbook.  But I’ve done a couple things in my past that have worked.

    With Facebook being so prevalent in everyone’s lives, it’s necessary to not be friends with an ex at the start of a breakup.  Many people will use subliminal messages via status updates to get each others’ attention.  I know you want to know his every move, but for your sake, remove him in the beginning.  If months down the road you two have figured out what most former couples can’t (how to be happy for each other) then by all means, re-add him as a friend.  But not a minute sooner.

    I also recommend staying away from his local spots.  This became tricky for me and one of my exes because we both went to the same hangout spots, so our relationship went back and forth longer than it should have.  We ran into each other while we were drinking, which, of course, is another bad idea.  Do not text while drinking.  With liquid courage you say all the things you wish you would have said sober, except it all comes out all at once and not in a very tactful way.

    Of course, most people say that time is both your friend and your enemy.  As time goes on, you’ll start to miss your ex less and less.  As months go by, you’ll start to realize why your relationship didn’t work.  Most people romanticize relationships in the beginning of a breakup because we think we want that person back. We miss them and we don’t want to be alone.  The best thing to do is ask your closest friends what they thought of your relationship.  They will be brutally honest because they were there when you were crying and bitching about your ex while you were still together.

    Once you’ve finally, truly moved on, you’ll start to realize that if it was meant to be, it would have been.  Some relationships happen to make us learn about what we want and what we don’t.  Treat a relationship that didn’t work out as a learning experience and be happy that you came out the other side better for it.