SimplySxy

Author: Timmy

  • SEX. PARTY.

    SEX. PARTY.

    Who Needs Romance When You Can Just Have the Sex?

    Valentine’s Day is beyond cheesy. There. I’ve said it.

    Sure, I am all up for celebrating love and that fine romance (and cheese), but definitely not on this day, which has become too commercialised to the point that retailers are obviously milking it for all its worth by marking up the prices of their items and coming up with annoying “Valentine’s Day” promotions. Don’t waste all that hard-earned money, boys and girls! (Findings show that Singaporeans are some of the biggest spenders on V-Day. Tsk tsk.)

    So, instead of observing the 14th of February as how the mainstreamers have marketed and perceived it to be – lovey-dovey saccharine sweet to the point of diabetic – why not turn the day on its head and make it an Anti-Valentine’s Day instead? And what’s the polar opposite of romance? Why, the answer is sex, of course. And it’s not just sex (singular), but lots and lots of unabashed, no-strings-attached sex.

    Also, since Valentine’s Day is supposedly all about that one person in your life, and we are all about making a 180 degrees turn here, Anti-Valentine’s Day shall thus be about le sex with multiple partners. Maybe even all at the same time. You know what this means, right?

    SEX. PARTY.
    Now this is one sexperience that I have yet to try (no, going to saunas is not equivalent to sex parties; at least not for me). I have always been curious about the mechanics of it all: how and where do you gather the participants? Where will it be held? How long does a party last? Must the number of tops, bottoms and/ or flexes be proportionate to each other? Who will be the one to provide the safety equipment? Is it a bare-it-all from the get-go or do people walk around in their underwear first? Is it safe? Will the police ever find out and raid such shindigs? What about the hotel staff and people staying there? Will they not be curious? And these are just some immediate questions off the top of my head!

    The idea of a sex party (aka orgy/ gang bang/ what have you) is not unheard of, not an entirely new phenomenon, and is most certainly – at least nowadays – not that overtly hush hush, especially in today’s context. In fact, I have heard stories of such parties taking place here in the sunny island that sets in the sea. (Again, those recent news about brothels in neighbourhood estates do not count. We are talking about a party, not a mechanical barter sex trade.)

    One of my exes frequented these sex parties (don’t ask me if the ex still attends them now) and from what I have gathered, the whole set-up is not as sleazy as you may think. Most of the time, these parties are held in swanky, five-star hotels. Participants from all walks of life either get personally invited or register their interest to attend to the lead organiser. Time and date has already been set prior; all you need to do is show up and have fun. Naturally I followed that up with even more questions: how do you indicate to the other party your interest in them? What if the two of you turned out to be of the same role? And, the most important question that kept running through my head: do you do it in full view of the other participants, or do you do it somewhere secluded? Because I am thinking that the only place where you can have private access is clearly the (spacious) bathroom!

    Even after pressing my ex for the answers to my questions, I am still left unsatisfied. Thoughts start running through my head. Is it as classy as what Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman attended in Eyes Wide Shut? Or is it more of a fun affair, like the ones Billie Piper had been to while sharing with us her Secret Diary of a Call Girl? Or maybe it’s just sex-OTT like in the pornos, complete with chains, leather, whips, handcuffs and all? Hmmm.

    With my curiosity having been immensely piqued, I suppose it is finally time to get down to that item on my sexperience bucket list and participate in at least one sex party by this month; my Valentine’s sexlist, if you will. Maybe I will end up with like-minded individuals who believe in the same Anti-Valentine’s sentiments as I do. Then we can do it all through the night (or day, depending on what time the party is being held.)

    Like I said: who needs romance when you can just have the sex?

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • Who says you cannot be naughty + nice?

    Who says you cannot be naughty + nice?

    Christmas has descended upon us once again! Amidst the merry making, gift-wrapping and festive cheers, there is still that important question that begs to be answered: Naughty, or nice?

    To be frank, what’s the point of segregating the naughty from the nice? Who says you cannot be naughty while, at the same time, be nice? Or vice versa? I am pretty sure that Santa has gotten on with the times and disregarded making those lists and checking them twice.

    Let’s start with the simple stuff: how to be nice. There are plenty of examples that you can execute, which automatically fall under the nice list:

    1. Surprise that special someone with a home-cooked meal! If you can’t cook, get their favourite take-outs and fashion it into a presentable meal at home. Alternatively, if you are not into that much work, just reserve a table for two in a place that you can (obviously) afford or go Dutch with.
    2. Get him or her that gift that they have always coveted. But of course, do bear in mind your budget for this season. Don’t skimp on other gifts just to get that something special. Or worse, get yourself into serious debt. Tis the season to be jolly, not to be devoid of money.
    3. If you are up for something altruistic, how about setting aside some time to do voluntary work? Find a cause that resonates strongly with you and give back to society. Spread some Christmas cheer to those less fortunate than us.

    Once you are done with the niceties, it’s finally time to put on your sexy Santa outfit – or elf, if you are into that sort of thing – get out there and get some! Depending on what flavour you like, add some spice and mint this festive season:

    1. Inject spicy moves into your bedroom activities. Greet your partner at the door with barely minimal or even nothing on. Blindfold them. Tie their hands and feet together with something silky. Introduce feathers into the foreplay. Get the temperatures rising by alternating with something hot and cold. Some biting action here and there, so long as they are in discrete spots. For the home run, do it anywhere and everywhere apart from the bed.
    2. Suggest going for a long drive across the country. Ride shotgun and give him glimpses of what he will be receiving once you have reached your secluded destination. If you’re the driver, that’s even better! Of course, be mindful of the traffic laws. As what they say in the army: you can do anything, so long as you don’t get caught.
    3. If you are feeling extremely naughty, how about a threesome? That will be the ultimate surprise. It can also be a good gift, if you can’t afford to buy anything this year. If a threesome proves to be a tad too much, get someone to be a voyeur instead – it is not too extreme, yet at the same time still injecting that naughty vibe. However, if you want something even more extreme, then go ahead and find a sex party. Now kids, remember that it is always better to be safe than sorry, so ensure that the gloves are on before the lovin’ can commence.

    Mixing up the naughty and the nice this festive season is not a difficult task to execute and achieve. With some sleigh bells jingle-ing and ring ting tingle-ing, now is the time for some (sleigh) ride with your Santa baby, who will be hurrying down that chimney tonight.

    Let’s get your Feliz Navidad on!