Author: Sayara St Clair

  • Master Me (Dante’s Purgatory, Book 3)

    Master Me (Dante’s Purgatory, Book 3)

    Trixie Meier, a club submissive who’s tired of being pushed around, has decided she’d rather be on the other end of the whip. She’s set her sights on Xavier Adams—the most enigmatic and unapproachable man in the club. Xavier’s a regular Mr. Darcy. If Mr. Darcy was covered in tattoos, wore black leather, and was built like a Sherman tank.

    Xavier has skeletons in his closet. He’s done bad, bad things. And though Trixie might be feisty and off-the-wall, she’s way too sweet for the likes of him. That’s what he tells himself just before he starts stalking her.

    When Xavier finds out Trixie doesn’t want to submit to him, but wants to master him instead, he thinks it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. Because a big, scary guy like him, submitting to that tiny, crazy-ass woman is just ludicrous. Right?

    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

    “Conversing with Xavier Adams is as about as effective as talking to a brick wall. A sexy wall, that smells really good and makes you want to rub yourself up against in a completely inappropriate and pervy manner.

    Not that there are many ways to rub yourself against a wall that aren’t inappropriate and pervy.”

    —Trixie Meier

    “Trixie Meier is a kind, generous soul. She helps people, is a vegetarian because she can’t stand the thought of animals being hurt, and she hugs puppies in her spare time. She’s as sweet as they come—way too good for a guy like me.”

    —Xavier Adams

    “I love rock climbing, skydiving and anything that gives me an adrenaline rush. Now I want to dominate Xavier. Wonder if I’m taking this “I love a challenge” attitude a little too far.”

    —Trixie Meier

    “Trixie wants to dominate me?

    She’s the craziest bloody woman on the face of this earth!”

    —Xavier Adams

    Excerpt

    “Ungh, ungh, ungh,” grunted the big blond Dom who was balls-deep inside of Trixie, and didn’t seem entirely happy to be making those I’m-gonna-come sounds.

    Trixie was pretty sure he was pissed off, but since she was bent over and tied down, with her face smooshed into the padding of the table she was currently being fucked against, she couldn’t be one hundred percent certain.

    But ninety-nine percent sounded about right.

    “Come now, you little slut,” he ordered. His ragged words were punctuated by a vigorous slap to her ass and a series of involuntary pulses of his cock. “If you don’t come before I do, I’m going to punish you, you little brat.”

    Good Christ, spare me the drama. “Yes, Sir.” I’ll magically come just because you say so, Sir.

    But Trixie supposed she should thank God for small favors. This guy had been cycling through every implement he could get his hands on and fucking her like a pneumatic machine for way too long—trying to get her to orgasm from his domly skills and rough fucking. Instead, all that was happening was her vagina was getting dry.

    Speaking of dry, her mouth was quite parched, too. What she really needed was a long drink of water, followed by a hit of coffee. Some food would be nice. And a smear of Bepanthen for her vag wouldn’t go amiss, either. Oh, and most of all, she needed this Viagra-munching Viking to get the hell out of her body.

    Cue the ordered orgasm.

    Trixie panted and then grunted in synch with the slapping of Viking’s balls against her clit. She clenched her inner walls spasmodically and finally cried out nice and loud, stiffening her legs for added effect. She slumped against the table, then twitched and jerked her legs every few seconds as if she was riding out the aftershocks.

    “Fuck you,” snarled Viking, as he gave her a few particularly violent thrusts.

    Ouch! Hello? Dry vagina over here. Not that she could admit it, since she’d just gone and faked a big O and all. And then—thank you, baby Jesus—the Dom was coming, gripping her hips in a vicious hold and blowing his load in a series of short, sharp pumps, and one long, fairly intense groan.

    He pulled out abruptly—again, ouch—and disposed of the condom.

    As he unstrapped her from the table, he swore under his breath. “I should punish you for that. But you don’t even deserve my punishment.”

    Blah, blah, whatevs.

    Trixie hadn’t even levered herself up from the table before she heard the door slam shut. Man, she’d taken all that spanking, cropping, caning and fucking, was now totally dehydrated, starving to death, and had a sore hole to boot. And he couldn’t even spare her one measly “thank you.” Honestly, there was no pleasing some asshats.

    Trixie made a beeline for the staff locker room via the water cooler. After downing what felt like about a gallon of water, she hit the showers, washed off all evidence of her session with Viking, a.k.a. Carl Gustafsson, and hurriedly got dressed. Since her skin was still feeling hot, prickly and throbbing from the working over she’d received, she forwent panties and bra and pulled on loose-fitting yoga pants and a long sweater that hit her at mid-thigh. Having the soft fabric against her naked skin was about the closest thing to aftercare that she’d be getting.

    Not that she wanted aftercare. From him. He was a new member of the club, and apart from what they’d just learned about each other during that epic Ben-Hur of a session, he didn’t really know her and she didn’t really know him. It would just be annoying, having to sit there while he wrapped her in a blanket and fed her water and chocolate and patted her head or something equally inane, while pretending he gave a damn about her well-being.

    She’d rather just piss off and get her own water and chocolate. Plus, she was fully capable of patting her own head. Or banging it against a wall, which strangely didn’t sound unappealing at the moment.

    But first things first: food. Her head could have a chat with the wall later. Wait, second would be food. First…

    She delved into her locker and located a tube of Bepanthen. Squeezing a dollop onto her finger, she pulled at her waistband, stuck her hand down the front of her pants and swiped the cream over her chafed bits.

    A hand wash later and she was ready to go. Break time! Thank the gods.

    Trixie poked her head out of the locker-room door, took a quick look around, saw the coast was clear and then darted out. With her head down, she navigated the corridor, burst out the rear exit door, scurried down the side alleyway, around the corner, and into the café a few doors down, all without being seen by anyone from the club. Although it was unlikely she would have been recognized anyway, since she was missing her usual slutwear-war-paint ensemble.

    She sighed, thinking about having to don her leather-hot-pants-and-bra combo when she returned to the club to finish off her shift. If only they were having a toga-themed night. If only!

    Or if it was Halloween, she could just put a sheet over her head and call herself Casper.

    Holy burning backsides, she was so tired. So, so tired. Of everything. She mustered up a smile for the girl behind the counter—because it was so not the girl’s fault that Trixie was having a bad day slash month slash year—and ordered a tofu and roast-veggie burger plus an extra-large soy latte.

    While she sat at a little two-seater table against the wall, waiting for her food to arrive, she watched a group of girls over in the corner taking selfies, sucking in their cheeks and pursing their lips so tight, it was as if they were training their mouths to suck cock.

    Speaking of sucking cock—that was another thing Trixie was getting tired of. And these days, the taste of latex had her gagging more than the overeager or sometimes cruel Doms who liked to jam their dicks in the back of her throat.

    In spite of the topic, she couldn’t help smiling to herself. Those dudes who thought she was gagging on their huge manly cocks had no idea she could deep-throat like a champion at the porn-star Olympics, and it was the fake-fruit-flavored latex that was punishing her, not their puny pricks.

    Trixie touched a fingertip to her lips and rubbed back and forth. Her lips were chapped; it was one of the hazards of her job. She pulled a ChapStick out of her purse and gave her lips a good once-over, musing on how her job affected other areas of her life. It was plain, unflavored lip balm for her now, no more cherry (barf), strawberry (barf), or any other flavor they made rubbers in.

    She couldn’t even stomach her favorite drinks (fruit-flavored soy milkshakes) anymore, and she’d had to give away her precious collection of syrups.

    Now that she thought about it, she really should get compensation. Electricians got hazard pay. Expats got paid more to hang out in less-developed countries. She should get…BJ pay? For the fact that her taste buds were ruined and she could no longer enjoy her fave foods.

    She’d try hitting up the boss next time she saw him. She could just imagine Dante’s reaction when she explained her situation. She pictured him rolling his eyes to the ceiling and silently praying for Santa Maria (the Virgin Mary) to give him strength. It might be worth telling him for that alone.

    Although, these days, the guy was way less serious. Now he was floating on cloud nine, obscenely happy because he’d finally gotten together with Erica—the love of his life. Come to think of it, the way he’d been acting lately, it’d be more likely he’d do something thoughtful, like order everyone who played with Trixie to wear tofu-flavored condoms.

    Then Trixie would be fucked, because after about a month she wouldn’t be able to eat tofu anymore. And then she’d starve and die.

    She looked over to see the group of girls had struck some new poses, but were still sucking in those mouths like a bunch of guppies. Man, someone should warn them they were going to get premature wrinkle lines.

    She supposed no one yelled “say cheese” anymore before taking a photo. Because God forbid someone actually smiled or flashed their teeth. It was probably more appropriate to instruct them to say “mmmm” with a tight, mincy mouth, so everyone could pout furiously on cue.

    By some unknown signal that Trixie couldn’t identify, selfie time was suddenly over and all the guppies subsided into their chairs, where they promptly buried their noses in their phones, presumably Facebooking or Instagramming or Twittering their last batch of cock-sucking pics.

    As Trixie tore into her burger, she realized that in her own head, she sounded like a grumpy old cow.

    How and when had this happened?

    She was fun-loving and fucking high on life.

    Was. But she wasn’t right now. Damn it all! If she continued to walk around with a bee in her bonnet and a stick up her ass, no good would come of it.

    Especially since a whole bunch of other fuckers constantly wanted to stick things in her ass. She really didn’t need to do it to herself.

    Holy hairy ball sacs, I’m turning into such an angry little bitch.

    Trixie realized it might be time for some serious self-evaluation.

    She quickly finished off her food, made herself smile at the gu— Girls—girls, not guppies—as she left the café, and headed back to the club. By the time she waved her Dante’s Purgatory staff ID card over the electronic back-door lock, she’d come up with a most excellent plan.

    1. Alleviate restless, antsy feelings via an adrenaline-inducing activity such as skydiving.
    2. Find a change of environment to avoid day-to-day stresses and to facilitate clear thinking: wilderness hike and camping.
    3. Empty mind of clutter and achieve spiritual peace and inner calm through meditation. Note: borrow Aunt Rozlyn’s Tibetan bells and ring those little fuckers until clarity is gained.
    4. Identify who slash what is causing angry feelings.
    5. Fix the fucking situation.

    Simple.

    Trixie entered the building, mentally patting herself on the back for coming up with such a great plan, when she came face to nipples with someone standing in her way. She looked up to find an angry Viking scowling down at her.

    She scowled right back at him. Fucker gave me a sore hole!

    As he loomed over her, he continued glaring in an intimidating way. She had to admit he did intimidating well; it was in his blood. Bet he had a real interesting ancient family history. She’d bet her spanked ass there was lots of stuff of the rape-y, pillage-y variety.

    But if he thought he could turn her into a gibbering mess just from the look in his eyes and his looming, he was sorely mistaken.

    What people are saying about the Dante’s Purgatory Series:

    “St. Clair writes in a way that is deeply alluring and keeps her audience thoroughly engaged and anticipating what could come next. I highly recommend this story and author to not only readers of erotica but all lovers of drama, and impeccably written stories. This was an easy five stars. A brilliantly crafted story!” –Author Angel Strong

    “While I imagine many will read the book for the sex scenes, it’s the emotional aspects that hook me (and the prose. Ms St. Clair knows how to write—and write well).” –Author Anna Belfrage

    “It’s the kind of story-telling that marks a first-rate writer. I can say with absolute certainty that it made me a fan of Sayara St. Clair.” –Author Ken Stark

    “A dazzling story of love and desire.” –Author David Lucero

    “It’s breathtaking and heartbreaking. It’s all-consuming. It’s everything any one of us could ask for in a novel, and so much more.” —Bloggers From Down Under

    MASTER ME BUY LINK

    Release date: 23rd of January.

    About The Author

    If someone told a young Sayara St. Clair that one day she would be an erotic/paranormal-romance-writing Aussie expat living in Thailand, she would have snort laughed and yelled, “You. Be. Crazy!”

    If someone told her the same thing now, she would not yell, only nod solemnly. Because that actually happened.

    Sayara has a science degree, with majors in both microbiology and biochemistry. Working in the fields of serology and tissue banking, she got to do lots of cool and sometimes slightly weird stuff. She was employed as the manager/buyer for furniture retail stores, where she had a chance to unleash her inner interior decorator. (Interior design is one of her great passions.) And for a time, she taught English to students in Asia. (Hanging about in a roomful of extremely loud, pint-sized humans is not one of her great passions.) She has written: ads for TV, print and radio; real estate brochures; website copy; and a screenplay. Now she’s writing fiction and has discovered it’s her favorite thing to do. She’s also learned that writing sultry romances is so much more fun than writing dry old scientific journal articles. No one has sex in scientific journal articles. Not the ones she wrote anyway.

    When not writing, she may be most commonly found in a horizontal position reading, in the kitchen baking, in the garden planting, or somewhere else singing at the top of her lungs. She loves music and is prone to spontaneous bouts of dancing.

    With regards to vampires and chocolate: she bites one on a daily basis and has had a lifelong obsession with the other. And she’s not telling which one’s which.

    Note from the author: I laughed like a loon while writing this book. I also cried. And fell a little in love with the characters. I really hope you enjoy reading Trixie and Xavier’s story.

    x Sayara

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    Image courtesy of Sayara St Clair

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  • Sexy Reads – Yearn For You (Dante’s Purgatory, Book 2)

    Sexy Reads – Yearn For You (Dante’s Purgatory, Book 2)

    She’s loved the man forever. But can she love the Master?

    Dante has been Erica’s savior since she was a child, protecting her from others, wiping her tears, making her feel worthy. Until, as the years passed, she began to feel something new…and a girl’s crush became a young woman’s unyielding passion. Though she ran away to Paris after Dante unknowingly broke her heart, even distance couldn’t quell Erica’s desire. Because she knows Dante well, knows what he’s capable of doing for a woman…and knows her submissive needs match Dante’s deep dominance perfectly.

    Dante’s in trouble. For years he’s kept his burning ache for his best friend’s sister firmly in check. But now Erica’s back in the States, more gorgeous than ever. Worse, she wants to learn about BDSM—and she’s determined to have Dante as a teacher. He won’t let her near the club he co-owns with her brother—Chris would kill him—but he’ll “train” her at home. When he’s done, Erica will want nothing to do with the lifestyle. And hopefully her crush on Dante will be diminished…for both their sakes.

    But Erica proves to be far more resilient that he’d ever dreamed, and Dante’s plan backfires in spectacular fashion, driving her straight into the clutches of someone far worse than another Dom. Someone dangerous, someone from his past…who’s going to make Erica pay for Dante’s sins.

    Excerpt

    The teenaged girl hiding above in the barn’s hayloft watched as the man she loved pulled the woman roughly into his arms. As he kissed the woman’s mouth, the girl struggled not to cry.

    The man stripped the woman’s clothes off—all of them—strewing them like so much rubbish on the filthy barn floor. He turned her to face away from him, positioned her legs so they were wide apart, then pushed down on her shoulders. The woman bent over and grasped the low railing in front of her.

    The man pulled off his T-shirt, revealing smooth olive skin ridged with muscle and a dark trail of hair that disappeared below the waistband of his jeans. He unbuckled his belt and pulled it free from the belt loops. The girl bit down on her bottom lip in anticipation of seeing him fully naked. But instead of shedding the rest of his clothes, as she expected, he doubled the belt over, lifted his arm back and brought the belt down onto the woman’s bottom with a loud thwack.

    The young girl stifled a gasp. The woman did not.

    The girl would have been shocked into stillness if she hadn’t already been rigid as a statue, determined to not divulge her presence to the couple below. She could hardly believe what she was witnessing. However, her growing bubble of righteous indignation burst in response to the sounds the woman began to make. With each subsequent slap of belt against flesh, the woman flinched, but then moaned as if she reveled in this treatment.

    The girl stared transfixed in a haze of disbelief.

    Disbelief that slowly morphed into hot, pulsing arousal.

    The man brought his belt down over and over until the woman’s backside was reddened and the voyeur upstairs was aching and restless and needing.

    He finally threw his belt to the ground and moved up behind the woman. He fondled her abused bottom cheeks. When he pinched her there, the woman squealed—a high-pitched, desperate sound. And then he was unfastening the fly of his jeans. Before the girl could get a glimpse of the part of him she was longing to see, he shoved it roughly into the woman, who immediately screamed and shuddered as she orgasmed helplessly.

    The man clasped his hand over the woman’s mouth as he fucked her. He fucked her at first with slow, controlled strokes, and then harder and faster until he was pounding into her, almost lifting her off her feet. And if the woman was making any more noise behind that big hand, the voyeur upstairs didn’t know. All she could hear was the blood pounding in her own ears.

    She wanted so badly to be there, in place of that woman. The fantasies conjured by her inexperienced mind, of being kissed softly and taken gently by the man, dissolved away in the face of the reality of him.

    She wanted him this way, in a way she’d never before imagined, with him controlling her roughly with strong hands, holding her down, making her take what he wanted to give her, taking exactly what he wanted from her.

    The harsh lines of pleasure on his face made her crave to be the one giving him that kind pleasure, giving him everything he wanted.

    The ache deep inside her became so overwhelming and so unbearable, she cupped herself and pressed, hard. And while the man she’d loved forever bucked and cried out his release, the girl came quietly, her teeth clamped together, with tears pouring down her face. And her heart breaking into a million pieces.

    Chapter One

    Erica fidgeted in her seat…for about the hundredth time.

    The passenger beside her huffed and gave her angry businessman side-eye. She ignored the man, her hands hovering over her belt buckle, willing the “fasten seat belt” sign to make that “ping” sound so she could get off the damn plane. And get to him.

    In the five long years she’d lived in Paris, since she was eighteen years old, she hadn’t seen him.

    Dante. Just the sound of his name in her own mind gave her shivers.

    She wondered if she’d somehow romanticized him. Was he really so devastatingly handsome, so powerful and dangerously sexual? Would he look at her with that dark, intense gaze, the way he did in her fantasies as she lay in her bed, alone, burning and restless? Would that secret smile of his still make her heart race? Would he make her insides clench and her sex moisten when he spoke to her in his deep, velvet voice?

    Would he have a beer belly and a receding hairline?

    He was twenty-five the last time she’d laid eyes on him. But knowing Dante, at thirty he’d probably look even sexier than he had back then. Gorgeous, infuriating man.

    By the time Erica got to the baggage collection area, she was just about crawling out of her skin with impatience. Her stomach churned. While waiting for her luggage to appear, she rubbed sweaty palms on the thighs of her jeans, realizing she hadn’t felt this nervous for a very long time. Maybe since the last time she’d seen Dante. She silently admonished herself. She was determined to behave in a cool, sophisticated manner—Parisian nonchalance at its best—not like some crazy, lovesick schoolgirl.

    Trouble was, she felt a little crazy. And sick. And she was most definitely in love.

    But Erica needed to get a grip. She was adamant that Dante finally regard her as something other than his best friend’s kid sister. She wanted him to see her as a woman.

    And not just any woman, but hopefully the woman who could belong to him.

    Dante leaned against a concrete pillar in the arrivals hall waiting for Erica. His eyes scanned the passengers as they streamed out of the exit door, until he caught a flash of red in his peripheral vision. His heart thumped faster. Then a large man moved out of Dante’s line of sight and there she was.

    Madre di Dio, she was so fucking beautiful, Dante’s breath caught in his chest.

    He knew many beautiful women, but Erica was unique. She was stunning, statuesque, earthy…raw. There was a kind of wildness inherent in her beauty. In his more fantastical imaginings, Dante pictured her standing barefoot in a forest, every inch of her milky skin and lush body bared, her flame-red hair whipping fiercely in the wind.

    She was like a goddess of the Earth.

    And just as untouchable.

    Even with his sole focus on her, from the corner of his eye Dante noticed other men’s heads turning to look at her. It made him want to growl and bare his teeth at them like an animal. But he could see, as per usual, Erica was oblivious to the way she affected males of the species.

    She was tall—six feet without shoes on—which put her close to eye level with Dante’s six foot three. Her frame was sturdy with broad shoulders and nicely muscled thighs. He could now see the worn-out, skin-hugging jeans encasing those gorgeous legs that just went on and on forever. Her auburn hair appeared red under the fluorescent lighting, but Dante knew once she was out in the sun, he would see the shimmery streaks of copper and gold.

    He watched as she scanned the room, a deep furrow between her brows. He used to rub that spot with his thumb and tell her she’d get old lady wrinkles if she didn’t stop frowning.

    She saw him then, and her face lit up, her mouth breaking into her almost-too-wide smile.

    She broke into a run and before he knew what she was about, she launched herself at him, jumping right into his arms. He grabbed her under her ass while she encircled his neck with her arms and his waist with her legs—those long, strong legs he’d dreamed about having wrapped around him.

    “Dante,” she breathed in his ear, “I’ve missed you so much.”

    At the sound of his name on her lips in that honeyed, husky voice and her warm breath in his ear, a shiver racked his spine.

    Dante didn’t speak. He couldn’t. His throat choked up with all the words he longed to say to her but never would. He held her tight instead, pressed his lips to her cheek, then buried his face in her hair and breathed deeply, inhaling her scent. She smelled of oranges, summer days and sunlight.

    He reveled in the feeling of her wrapped around him; it felt so right to finally hold her this way. He wondered if it was his overactive imagination, but he could have sworn he felt the heat from her sex penetrating through their clothing, branding his skin.

    The need to claim her clawed up from inside him like a wild beast that had been caged too long. Beads of perspiration broke out on his lip at the thought of pushing her up against the nearest concrete pillar and driving himself inside her. He ground his teeth and prayed for sanity.

    They held on to each other for a long time, neither of them moving to break the connection. After this initial reunion, they wouldn’t hold each other like this again. This was his best friend’s little sister; she was off-limits to him. No matter how he burned for her, how much he wanted her to be his, she never could be.

    Finally, with more than a little difficulty, he forced himself to loosen his grip on her. As she slid slowly down his body, lust kicked him so hard in his gut, he thought he would fall to his knees.

    She gazed at him with those clear gray eyes that had always utterly fascinated him. Gray, slightly tinged with green, the iris ringed with a color so deep, it was almost as dark as the pupil at its center. He knew he shouldn’t do it, but it was as if his hand and brain spoke two different languages.

    Brain: “Don’t do it. Don’t touch her.”

    Hand: “I no speaka de English.”

    He touched her.

    He fingered a strand of her hair and then slowly tucked it behind her ear. Her breath puffed out on a sigh and her eyes fluttered closed momentarily. Dante closed his eyes for a moment too, envisioning how she would react if he really touched her. Touched her in the ways he’d been dreaming of for so many years.

    He imagined that underneath Erica’s sassy tomboy exterior lived a passionately sexual woman who would be as fiery as the hue of her hair. If they came together it would be incendiary. They would burn the damn place down around their ears.

    And if he tried to take control of that fire and passion—to quiet it sometimes, and stoke it to greater heights at others, based solely on his whims and his wants—would she fight him? He thought he might like it if she fought him a little.

    If you’d like to read more, Yearn For You is available now on Amazon: http://bit.ly/YFYebook


    Sayara St. Clair is an erotic romance author who writes intense, emotionally charged tales, featuring dominant alpha males sporting either floggers or fangs.

    Sayara has a Science Degree, majoring in Microbiology and Biochemistry. Working in both the fields of Serology and Tissue Banking, she got to do lots of cool and sometimes slightly weird stuff. She was employed as the Manager/ Buyer for Furniture Retail stores, where she had a chance to unleash her inner Interior Decorator. And for a time, she taught English to students in Asia. Now she’s a writer and has discovered it’s her favorite thing to do. She’s also learned that writing sultry romantic fiction is so much more fun than writing dry old scientific journal articles.

    When she’s not writing, she may be most commonly found on the sofa reading, in the kitchen baking, or in the garden planting. She loves eighties music and is prone to spontaneous bouts of dancing.

    With regards to vampires and chocolate: She bites one on a daily basis and has had a lifelong obsession with the other. And she’s not telling which one’s which.

    Follow her at:

    Website: www.sayarastclair.com

    Facebook Author Page (friend me here): http://www.facebook.com/sayarastclairauthor

    Facebook Books Page (follow me here): http://www.facebook.com/sayara.stclair

    Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/sayarastclair

    Google+: http://bit.ly/SayaraGoogle

    Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/sayarastclair

    Amazon Author Page: http://bit.ly/Sayara

    Goodreads Author Page: http://bit.ly/GoodreadsSSC

    Blog: http://www.sayarastclair.com/wp/blog-2/

    Hurt Me, Heal Me Book Trailer: https://youtu.be/VPrRVXVBi8Q

    Yearn For You Book Trailer: https://youtu.be/PzYEF4xio-g


    Image courtesy of Sayara St Clair

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  • Sexy Reads – Hurt Me, Heal Me

    Sexy Reads – Hurt Me, Heal Me

    Blurp:

    Dante’s Purgatory, Book One

    After the death of her Master, Caitlin Bennett discovers years of sadistic cruelty at his hands have made her a slave to pain.

    Offering nearly everything she craves, Paul’s perfect—except for his aversion to the whip.

    Waiting in the wings is a newbie Dom determined to have Caitlin for his own…who’s learning the whip just for her.

    She’ll soon have to choose—the man who can give her what she wants? Or the man who can give her what she needs?

    Inside Scoop: Caitlin recalls scenes of abuse that could disturb the more tenderhearted.

    Excerpt:

    Chapter One

    Master was angry.

    And Master never got angry.

    In all the years Caitlin had spent with him, she had never seen him this way. Even with a bullwhip in his hand, when he was whipping her, punishing her, hurting her, he was always calm—eerily calm in fact.

    Those cold, flat, silver-gray eyes, always probing and assessing, delving into her soul to uncover all her fears, all her weaknesses. His almost monotone voice, giving definite but quiet commands. His thin lips, ever so slightly quirked up at one corner as she followed his every instruction to the letter.

    Already kneeling on the floor, Caitlin sat back on her heels. The contact of her feet with the welts on her behind stung and burned. She hunched over, naked and shivering as she tried to shrink into herself. Maybe she should just get out of his way? The thought was ridiculous. She never moved unless she was given permission.

    Master threw his whip to the ground in disgust. He grabbed her chin and roughly pulled her head up, forcing her to look into his eyes.

    “Are you listening to me, girl? Are you hearing what I’m saying to you?” He pulled her head up when she automatically tried to lower it again, forcing her to focus on his words.

    “You don’t look at me like that—with your heart in your eyes like I’m your fucking hero. I hurt you and I fuck you.

    “I. Use. You.”

    He moved his face so it was only inches away from hers. “You will not look at me like I’m your fucking savior—or the love of your goddamn life.” His lips twisted with distaste.

    Caitlin couldn’t stop the tears that started leaking out of the corners of her eyes, and with her hands tied behind her back she had no way to brush them away. They ran down the sides of her nose, into the corners of her mouth and dripped off her chin.

    Master sighed, and for the first time since their relationship began, she saw his eyes soften and he looked at her with something different.

    Kindness?

    Ivan stared at the frightened girl in front of him. She was twenty-five—definitely a woman, but to him she had always looked like a girl. Still did.

    She was beautiful. Jesus, she was beautiful, so petite and fragile-looking. With her heart-shaped face, porcelain skin and those huge brown eyes fringed with impossibly long, sooty lashes. Her full lips rosy, even with her face scrubbed clean of makeup, and that fall of thick, lustrous chocolate-brown hair that tumbled down to the middle of her back. She looked like a doll. An exquisitely formed, perfect china doll.

    He had always watched her so carefully during their sessions, attuned to everything she was thinking and feeling. He asked her questions, sure. But they were all about how much she was hurting, how afraid she was, how much she wanted to come. He never asked about other emotions—the ones he had no interest in. As though, if he didn’t care about her deeper feelings, they didn’t exist.

    Stupid, arrogant fool.

    Maybe if he’d actually spent some time observing her afterward he would have figured it out. But every time, immediately after it was all over, she would end up on her stomach on the bed while he rubbed lotion into her welts to help stop inflammation and scarring. Not because he was a nice, caring sort of a guy. No, definitely not that. He looked after everything he owned with extreme care. Just as he cleaned and maintained his whips and other toys, he looked after her.

    Maintenance—that’s all it was.

    And when he was done, he sent her away.

    Today when they had finished, he caught her looking at him. She had been trained to keep her eyes down, but before she could look away, he saw it. That look of pure adoration and something else. He couldn’t be sure since no one had ever looked at him that way, but could it be—love? God, that word that left a bad taste in his mouth.

    It fucking terrified him.

    “Caitlin,” he said quietly. A beautiful name but he hadn’t called her that in a long, long time. He had other names for her, ones that weren’t even remotely beautiful.

    She stared up at him with those huge, innocent eyes of hers. Jesus, how could she still look so innocent after all the things he’d done to her? He’d come to terms with himself and what he was a long time ago. But when she looked at him like the naïve girl she’d been when she’d first came to him…he hated her. Hated her for making him feel something, for making him despise himself. And that made him want to hurt her even more.

    God, he had to get her away from him.

    “Caitlin, you deserve more than this. You’re a young woman, and compared to you, I’m an old man.” He could see she disagreed with him but she dared not argue.

    “I’m fifty-six. You should have a chance to find a husband you can look at with your adoring eyes. A man who will go to sleep with you in your bed every night and wake up with you in the morning. A man who will take you out, show you the world. You should have babies—lots of babies. A family. A dog. A goddamn white picket fence if you want it.”

    He took a deep breath. “I want you to leave.” His voice cracked. Jesus, saying it was more difficult than he’d thought.

    “Should I…come back tomorrow?” she asked in a small voice.

    She wasn’t getting it. “No, little girl. I don’t want you anymore. It’s over. We’re done.”

    Her mouth opened in shock and she let out a sob, a high-pitched burst of air.

    She looked like a puppy that had been kicked too many times.

    God, that look drove him crazy.

    He could take it back. Tell her he was just messing with her. He could get out the cane and beat her for having feelings for him, for looking at him when she wasn’t supposed to. He could make some shit up—anything. He could punish her. He could punish her mercilessly and she would take it.

    And then he would free his rock-hard cock from his pants and feed it into her beautiful, hot, wet, waiting mouth. He could look down and see those perfect rosy lips wrapped around him as she licked and suckled greedily. Wordlessly begging his forgiveness with her mouth and tongue. And then he would grab her by the hair, tip her head back and drive into her, over and over, harder and deeper, until tears streamed down her face, until she gasped for air, until she choked, until she sobbed, until she cried.

    And she swallowed everything he gave her.

    Fuck, he would never get enough of her. And if he wasn’t very careful, he would end up fucking enslaved to her. And wasn’t that an interesting question? Who was enslaved to whom? He didn’t want to examine that too closely; afraid he might not like the answer.

    He pulled her to her feet and untied the bindings from her wrists. He turned her gently and stroked her face, cupped her cheek in his palm.

    When was the last time he’d done that? Maybe the first day she came to him, so lost, alone and confused. Yes, he was kind to her that day, but never since then.

    She was sobbing now, uncontrollably. It was obvious just how out of control she was, since she actually grabbed his hand and held it against her cheek. Under normal circumstances, such unheard of behavior would have resulted in a reprimand—No touching, you greedy little slut. No touching without my permission—along with a deliciously creative punishment. But oh, her skin, her perfect tear-streaked skin, was so soft and smooth. It was the last time he would touch her like this. His chest felt tight.

    Suddenly he wanted to take her in his arms and comfort her, his poor little girl. Hold her naked, trembling body in his lap as if she were a child, stroking her hair, brushing away her tears. Murmuring in her ear, telling her that everything would be all right.

    She continually threatened to break his control. If he let her, she would smash it until it was lying shattered around his feet like jagged shards of broken glass. And what would happen to him then?

    He used his Dom voice. The voice he used only with her. Always with her. “Turn around. Pick up your clothes. Leave. Now.”

    And good girl that she was, she did exactly what she was told. But she turned back just before she closed the door and looked at him. It was as if all the light had been extinguished from her gorgeous, expressive eyes. Christ, she looked—broken. After everything that had happened to her, after all the pain and misery he had inflicted, finally he had broken her.

    And for some reason, it was nothing he could savor.

    Ivan walked over to the bed on shaky legs, suddenly feeling weak. The tight feeling in his chest was like a fist squeezing his heart. He sat down heavily on the edge of the bed. Right where she’d been not long ago, facedown, ass up in the air, hands tied behind her as he fucked her—hard—until he came like a fucking freight train. And she didn’t.

    God, how long had it been since he let her come? Three weeks? Four? Yes, four weeks.

    He loved keeping her like that, squirming and desperate. Teasing her, bringing her to the brink and denying her—over and over and over. And she, his strong, brave girl, would beg. That was the one thing she would beg for. Beg and cry for his permission to come.

    And he wouldn’t let her.

    It was a beautiful thing.


     

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    Image courtesy of Sayara St Clair
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