3. Expand Your Consciousness
Not only do meditation and yoga provide conscious breathing techniques which can enhance the enjoyment of sex, meditation and yoga can also expand your ability to sustain your awareness and focus. The ability to stay present with yourself, your lover and your pleasure is a crucial feature of heightened states of sexual arousal. Sex which is deprived of these deeper abilities is not nearly as satisfying as sex which occurs in a state of expanded awareness.
It may seem counterintuitive, but more awareness and more pleasure can be very confronting and even frightening until you become familiar with the emotional terrain. A torrent of buried emotions can surface creating confusion and fear. That is why step four, which follows, is so important!
4. Delve Deeper
The best sex is connected to our hearts and therefore our emotions. As you become more aware and emotionally connected to yourself and your lover, you will no doubt become more attuned to irritations, frustrations and fears as well. This is the part which can be frightening to many people. This is where many will turn away from this immensely satisfying erotic journey in preference of something “safer” and necessarily more superficial. But there is nothing to fear. The truth is that you were carrying these emotions inside of yourself before you became aware of them. Now that you sense your true feelings, you simply need to learn healthy ways to deal with them.
There are many resources you can draw from to learn to navigate newly discovered emotions. The tools which can help you express yourself honestly and compassionately with another human being include non-violent communication techniques and active listening skills. These are best learned with the help of a trained professional such as a therapist or relationship coach. Investing in your communication and intimacy is one of the most powerful ways to take your sex life to the next level.
5. Create Sacred Space
Taking sex to the next level requires the space for that sex to occur. A special place and setting can be achieved in a variety of ways which appeal to the five senses. Experiment with incense, sensual music, candlelight and perhaps an altar. But don’t stop there. Create sacred space for your erotic journey by allowing ample time.
Most people allow about 30 minutes for sex including foreplay. The average length of intercourse is just 3 to 7 minutes. How sad. Sex shouldn’t be a race or a fast food drive-through. Sex needs time to develop into the mind-blowing experience we all crave. Begin by setting aside a minimum of one hour for lovemaking. As you increase your capacities for intimacy and pleasure, you may find your sexual encounters lasting for hours!
Rest assured, I have personal experience with all five of these steps. And I know it is common to have some resistance to change, even when that change can usher in the fulfillment of our hopes and dreams.
I thought I had seen it all, done it all and, I might add, very, very well. But fortunately there is no limit to the heights which can be attained on an erotic path married to a spiritual journey. When I found the courage to diverge from genitally focused sex and allow my pleasure to merge with my heart, my spirit learned to soar in ways I never dreamt possible.
The Doorway to the Divine referred to by the ancients opened for me and I will never be the same. What words can describe what I have experienced on this new sexual road? There is no language for this new sexuality and that’s no doubt best because if I could describe it, it would be limited by the words I would use. Instead, my breath expands into this new dimension and takes my soul on an ever expanding journey into the unknown.
Where pleasure meets the deepest longings of my heart is where I find my identity merging with my Beloved’s, and a third entity I can only refer to as God. An ache which has been my constant companion since my earliest memories, finds satiation for once. But that is a small part of what is happening.
My sense of self is shifting. I no longer feel defined by the limits of this body. And I know what it means to inhabit a place which is ecstatic and timeless. I want to report where I have been and what I have felt but words feel silly in the face of so much splendor.
Making love has been transformed into a prayer as my Beloved merges with me in the most delicious way imaginable. My fingers trace his body and his orgasm enters my soul with the beauty of a thousand shooting stars speeding through space.
There is only love and love is all that is.
Veronica Monet, ACS, CAM
www.TheShameFreeZone.com
copyright 2014
Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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