To preface, all discussion on sex assumes consent between adults.
Sex: We all get the urge to varying degrees and engage in sexual acts for different reasons. Some, of course, view it as primarily reproductive. Others, as a primal instinct that needs to be tended to when the urge arises. Sex is even an art form, as many sex workers display so well. Although there are elements of these that are undeniably true, I have a more general approach to sex.
To me, sex is a culminating experience that occurs when mutual attraction and connection grows so strong that the natural way to express it is to take each other’s body and mind on a pleasureful journey that showcases the special bond you have together. This can be expressed in a myriad of ways depending on each unique relationship: sub loyally serving their Dom(me), a mutually tantric couple edging each other with an array of touches, or even a group of three or more lustfully sharing each other.
For me, each relationship carries with it a unique sexual expression shared between that person and I. That’s what makes it amazing.
Is Exploring One’s Sexuality Key To A Good Sex Life?
It seems to me that without knowing or understanding your own sexuality, it will inhibit the full potential of a good sex life. Many are forced to grow up in communities and households where multiple partners, same-sex, fetish, BDSM, and other desires are taboo or discouraged. This makes someone with a sexuality with those traits to feel shame throughout their life for having those desires and preferences. It also builds a pile of pre-conceived notions about sex that can inhibit an exploration and knowledge of our own sexuality.
Once you begin to open up and allow yourself to explore your own sexuality in a way that is comfortable for you, you begin to see the preferences you didn’t know you had: Wow this person of the same-sex really turned me on in a way I never felt before, or OMG, this Domme makes me want to get down and suck her toes, or any other desire. When you are able to know all the ways your sex drive is triggered, the more complete your own sex life will be.
Of course, the last ingredient is essential for a good sex life. A partner with which your sexuality is compatible. The lack of opening up with one’s partner(s) about your own sexuality or simply not find a sexually compatible partner, can also inhibit a good sex life. This is one major reason sex work exists.
Ways To Explore One’s Sexuality By Yourself
There are many ways you can explore sexuality by yourself. One natural way is through self-pleasure and masturbation. You can watch porn, interact with someone virtually, or just lay there letting your mind dive into a fantasy and your toys, hands, or fingers explore your body. This is typically how someone starts exploring before adding in partners.
I still remember the first time I started exploring my body. For the longest time that was all I did sexually. Just explored on my own until I was 18. I met people online and would have phone and cyber sex exploring fetishes, fantasies, and learning that I liked same-sex partners too. At first, I actually didn’t mentally go there on my own. I only began thinking about it through online play that sparked my interest. I began exploring myself in new ways including experimenting with fingering and toying. I knew my sexuality was much more complex than I had thought and loved exploring and coming up with fantasies in my head. My own sexual exploration laid the groundwork to my current work 🙂
In the end though, you do need real life interaction and touch to fully explore outside of oneself.
Common Concerns Men Have When Exploring Their Sexuality
The most common concern in exploring your sexuality as a man is, of course, others not accepting you for who you are. But another angle many forget is the issue of not accepting yourself for who you are either. Since some types of sexuality are more marginalized than others, it goes without saying that folks will find outlets for their desires. Whether it is watching porn, scrolling through Tinder, or hiring a sex worker, folks will find an outlet to express themselves discreetly if they are aware of their sexuality. However, many times I receive messages saying, “wow, I am not normally attracted to men, but there is something about you!” I always respond with sensitivity and understanding because many stigmatize their own thoughts. It is totally okay to be attracted to someone! We never really know why. It just is 🙂
Many need confirmation, acceptance, safety, and comfort to explore their sexuality. They just don’t know how to find it, or how to come to terms with themselves.
Male ego or machismo can get in the way from allowing oneself to dive deeper into their own sexuality. But of course, being bi, gay, a sub, having a panty fetish, or just liking dicks or butts and not other parts of a man yet or anything else, doesn’t make you any less manly. If anything, it is probably more of the norm, it’s just typically kept to oneself due to stigmas 😉
One Last Piece Of Advice
My own advice would be to remain open minded and honest with yourself. Allow yourself to explore your sexuality. Step out of your comfort zones and experiment by yourself or safely with others. You will probably be surprised to find out you are attracted to more than you think. This will allow you to have a more comprehensive and fulfilling sex life.
Ryan Fantasy – Hi! My name is Ryan Fantasy and I’m a cute boy who tailors to men’s and women’s needs. I specialize in sensual, fantasy, and sexuality exploration. I’m a sweet, caring, witty, and intelligent companion for any occasion.
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Currently offering virtual services only due to Covid-19. In-person services will resume once it is safe.
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