Sex is something that can be very enjoyable and pleasurable for all parties involved. I personally do not believe that it needs to be accompanied by romantic love, but I do think it is important for my own enjoyment that there is a mutual respect, and that at least on some level I genuinely like the person whom I am sharing this intimate experience with. Basically, I think sex is what you make of it. If it is an expression of love for you, then that is what it is. If it is a novel adventure, that is fine too. As long as we are all having fun =)
Does Introducing Kink Spice Sex Up?
I think anything we do often can lose some of the excitement that it once had, and that is for even the most fun things. Like sex. So trying new things can bring some of the excitement back, and make you feel things in ways you never did. I think it can be liberating when you know that you can be anyone in sex, you can be the boss at work but enjoy being dominated in the bedroom, for example.
Introducing some domination and submission can be exciting for the right people, and sadomasochism (S&M) can incorporate new sensations that can heighten orgasm. Light S&M is all about pleasure. It doesn’t necessarily work that more pain equals more pleasure, and it’s one of those things you need to try to find out what you like or not. Some men like their nipple lightly bitten, and some like them pulled hard or clamped. It depends on the person receiving pain, and it is all about the pleasure so if it is not working for you, try less or a little bit more. Not everything is going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and trying something that doesn’t work for you is no reason to not try something else, especially if you are curious or the thought excites you. The other thing to be open to is that you don’t have to be completely dominant/sadistic or submissive/masochistic. I have one client who enjoys ball and cock torture, and at the end likes to dominate me.
I encounter men who know that that is what they like, or what they want to try. I have some clients who like my feet in their face during sex, and I love watching a man enjoy sex and be overcome with pleasure. It’s like an addition to the intimate play we are doing, adding more parts of our bodies to it and varying the experience, but at the end of the day it’s still about feeling good and having fun.
My Favorite Go To Items
Bed ties are great as it’s a nice way for men to be taken out of control and I enjoy teasing a man who is tied down. Sometimes, in vanilla sex, men can feel a lot of pressure to perform. I think it can be a nice treat for them, and I enjoy the power dynamic of being in charge, while vicariously enjoying them enjoying being tied up, as someone who also enjoys being at the other end of it.
Kinking Things Up For Someone New
I generally have men know what they want to try, and some of them are nervous about trying though, and I think through having rapport and being happy together even before the sex probably helps a lot. Many clients are quite attentive and concerned that I enjoy myself too, so I think that they feel less nervous when they see me enjoying it. Some men who don’t mention trying kinky things, if they are kind of dominant, I might ask him to spank me or move his hand to my head when giving a blow job, some men really enjoying taking it a notch up, but not all will and it’s something I do through my own judgement of how they are during the sex.
Ensuring clear consent and safety is important. Otherwise, you should be nervous. Also you are your own boss of your comfort, and you do not need to prove anything to anyone, like that you can give it or that you can take it. I may be repeating myself, but it’s about enjoyment, and in my experience, doing it with someone who cares how you feel is integral to good sex.
Do’s & Don’ts For Safe Play
There needs to be consent at every stage, so just because one party is ok with spanking, don’t surprise them with a paddle. There is some common sense, like unless you know what you are doing, don’t even try breath play for example. Start small and light, and be attentive to your partner. People will often have a safe word, like red (traffic light) for example. But if you are only playing lightly, you can have this word but stop will still mean stop (unless you have discussed beforehand that you want to say no/stop and only use the safe word).
If you are doing things with ball-gag or where one of you can’t talk, then a tap can mean stop (discuss this before the action). You need to be attentive during sex to how your partner is feeling. For toys, if you are spanking, bruising happens quite easily even with a hand if it’s hard, so be aware of it and decide whether you are ok with some temporary marks or not beforehand. Hand is safest, and I personally prefer if I do use toys with spanking (or have one used on me) that it has a relatively large flat surface, like a paddle.
Other toys like cat-o-nine tails might feel good, but you need to be more careful with it as the smaller surface area means it is easier to break the skin (which is not what we want to do). Anal play can be a really enjoyable addition to vanilla sex, lube up and go slow, and make sure you are using objects made for sex, they will have a base on them so they don’t get lost =)
Don’t be shy to try things on yourself (in fact I highly recommend it). It can be good to know how things feel before doing them to someone else, while being aware that we all have different pain thresholds.
Ana Angel – I am an independent escort in New Zealand. I am a hedonist who really enjoys sex. As a sex worker I get to explore my own sexual fantasies, as well as those of my clients, in a safe and fun environment.
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Article images courtesy of Ana Angel, featured image from Shutterstock
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