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Ways To Explore BDSM & Fetishes

Kink

Ways To Explore BDSM & Fetishes

There’s a huge taboo around kink and anything beyond the heteronormative views of sex that we are fed in common culture and media today. Ask the Average Joe these days and sex means penis in vagina, missionary – maybe doggy if you’re feeling crazy, and oral if you’re really out there.

Besides the fact that this view basically makes queer sex impossible, I don’t think even Average Joe thinks that it really fits the definition of great sex. When it comes to our views on what makes sex amazing, almost every person I know is at least a little bit kinky.  Whether it’s wishing your partner would get a little rougher, bite a little harder, or completely take over tenderly and sweetly worshipping every inch of your body, that’s a desire for kinkier sex!

I think more people should embrace kink. It leads to greater intimacy, a better sense of who you are and what you want and ultimately, better sex.

How I Got Started Into BDSM

I mean, I grew up Catholic, so getting off on shame came very naturally to me. All jokes aside, I feel like I was one of those people who was just born with darker tastes. Even in my earliest memories of learning about sex and discovering my sexuality, I craved power imbalances and a kind of love that felt so good it hurt. I think I always looked for those kinds of examples in books, art, movies, etc.

It wasn’t until I got into college actually that I started to learn about BDSM itself and I started to explore the kink community. I think I got the idea from a roommate who was ranting about how terrible 50 Shades was/is, and I was finally old enough and independent enough to feel comfortable seeking more information in books and on the internet until I felt good and ready to start meeting people in real life.

My first munch was at this horrible diner in NYC and I had to take an hour long train to get there, but it was really awesome and I’ve never looked back.

My Favorite Fetishes

OOF. That’s a toughie because, as a performer, I have favorite fetishes in content creation and then I have personal favorites. I think my favorite fetish is probably tease and denial. I love embracing my inner Goddess, taking control of a partner – especially if they’re much bigger than me and could otherwise overpower me – tying them down somewhere and then teasing them until they’re a writhing, sobbing mess under me.

I love, love, love torturing them with pleasure. I think it looks great for the camera and it is really fun to record.

Know This Before Exploring Your Fetishes

Make real plans for how you will handle it when things get ugly. Any time you try something new, failures are a given and even if you’re usually cool with that, experiencing it in the bedroom where all your vulnerabilities are out in the open is a totally different experience.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that there’s a way to explore sexuality and push limits without ever reaching one. I’ve had my share of scenes that I thought were going to be so fun and I ended up in tears, but it was OK because I had talked with my partner about what to do and how we would recover from that. You really need to ask yourself, what will make me feel safe if I get too scared? What will make me feel better if I get too embarrassed? What will calm me down if I start to panic? And go from there.

Have an exit strategy – you don’t want to be caught in a situation where you thought, “yeah let’s try pegging” and then whatever you ate for dinner has other plans and things get messy real fast, but those knots you used to tie up your partner take even longer to undo. Communicate and be prepared!

Misconceptions About BDSM & Fetishes

I don’t think people respond to the words the same way. If I tell people I’m into BDSM, their mind goes straight to pain and sado-masochism. If I tell people I have a lot of fetishes, they go straight for feet and cosplay and odd insertions.

I think the biggest misconception is that there is one way to engage in kink, one way to be a Dom, one way to be a sub, etc. The truth is that there is no template that a person can use to decide how to have sex. You have to figure these things out for yourself by just experimenting and communicating.

How To Introduce A Fetish To Your Partner

It can be really difficult to start a conversation with your partner about a secret desire you have, but it’s so worth it. I think the best way is to find an example in media of some kind, whether that’s an erotic novel, a movie or a porn film, and give it to your partner to take in some time when they’re alone. This takes the pressure off your partner to have the reaction you want and allows them to really sit with their own thoughts and feelings about a scene like that.

For instance, I’m really into consensual non-consent, where I want my partner to continue doing whatever they want to me regardless of how I say no or struggle and only stop if I use my safe word. That can be a really intense and scary experience for people and I didn’t want my partner to feel like he had to do that for me. So I told him it was a fantasy of mine, sent him a literotica link, gave him some space and then asked about his thoughts.

Turns out he was really cool with it, but he thanked me for the space because it gave him time to think about what it would be like and to think about what his limits would be and how he would envision the scene playing out. That’s what you want. Don’t surprise someone or put them on the spot – it won’t lead to a good scene.


Pearl Sinclair is an up and coming adult performer with dreams of a long career in the industry.. Originally from Atlanta, Georgia, Pearl is now based in Portland, Oregon where she lives with her partner, their ginger cat and their smush-faced dog. She creates her own content as well as working with producers on larger projects and hopes to someday work with companies like TrenchcoatX, Transfixed, Girlsway and Tushy. She enjoys rosé, harlequin romances, stilettos and black coffee.

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Website: www.pearlsinclair.com

Twitter: @PearlSinclair3 (https://twitter.com/PearlSinclair3)

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Article images courtesy of Pearl Sinclair

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Pearl Sinclair

Pearl Sinclair is an up and coming adult performer with dreams of a long career in the industry.. Originally from Atlanta, Georgia, Pearl is now based in Portland, Oregon where she lives with her partner, their ginger cat and their smush-faced dog. She creates her own content as well as working with producers on larger projects and hopes to someday work with companies like TrenchcoatX, Transfixed, Girlsway and Tushy. She enjoys rosé, harlequin romances, stilettos and black coffee.

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