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Impressions of an Escort: Year 0

Sex Ed

Impressions of an Escort: Year 0

I’ve been an escort for six months. This is my report.

What Sets You Apart?

Natural breasts, uncolored hair, and an expensive education. I recommend myself to clients who prefer black lace and brushed metals over gauzy pinks and sequins.

How Would You Describe Your Client Base?

Considerate, well-traveled older men with unconscionable fantasies and good instincts for raw opportunity. Most are involved in fin/tech.

How Do You Maintain Discretion On Outcall Appointments?

It varies by venue. The goal is titillating but inconspicuous.

On my typical outing I look like a polished secretary with an edgy streak. I sometimes carry small items to blend in – shopping bags, conference paraphernalia. My most specialized disguise is a pair of scrubs for slipping into a client’s private practice.

Blending in hotels can be a problem, especially when a client requests 4-inch heels, a sheer blouse, and no bra. I usually unsexy myself with glasses and a sweater because they’re easy to remove before the client sees me. Shedding the facade goes smoothly unless I’m blocked by keycard-only elevators. That’s game over. Then I have to meet my client in the lobby dressed like a big nerd.

Should People Learn To Be More Accepting Of Escorts?

Yes. Especially the JW Marriott valet whose “welcome back” is getting a little sardonic.

Has Your Inexperience Ever Caused You To Misunderstand Clients?

One inquirer asked if I could bring party supplies. I thought he meant condoms. He did not.

Most Unusual Request Ever Received?

A man with an Irish geocode paid me to write erotica about myself. We’ve never met and at this point I’d be cripplingly self-conscious if he booked me. He knows too much.

Another man offered me a salary.

6 Tips For New Escorts

1.  Binder clips

Depositing thousands in cash with suspicious regularity? Use ATMs to dodge tellers’ looks of knowing disapproval. Bills need to be straight and crisp, so keep binder clips handy. You don’t want to fumble awkwardly at the slot while everyone watches the ATM spit back your crumpled dollars.

2.  Upgrade to the paid version of ProtonMail

It’s worth it for the auto-reply function alone. I use my auto-reply email to explain the basics of booking a session and avoid fielding the same questions over and over.

I find this standardized response especially valuable now that some advertising platforms have removed the option for escorts to add external links, meaning more clients are reaching out without the benefit of having seen my site and read my policies.

3.  Pay for convenience.

Services that save you time are worth it. Don’t DIY unless you actually enjoy doing your own nails, cleaning, and taxes.

4.  Don’t worry about setting high rates.

Alienating pricepoints allow you to retain exclusivity. Most of my revenue comes from overnights and multi-hour sessions, not one-hour visits. Volume is a sucker’s game.

5.  Look for new ways to help your incall apartment run smoothly.

Bed runner / blankets: Hide your inability to make hospital corners.

Interchangeable parts: Buy 2+ identical sheets in the same color so your fitted sheet is still useful after you throw its mate down the trash chute in the middle of the night.

Organize by function: I compartmentalize my incall into a stage and behind-the-scenes area. One is more parlor, the other more dressing room / office.

6.  Don’t get complacent. Plan for the future.

Unlike many of your clients, you rely on active income. Remember your position is precarious. The fast ice is cracking, but the gap is still narrow enough to jump. Don’t find yourself on the ice floor drifting to poverty with the rest of the middle class. This is not a country that is good to its poor.

Favorite Aspects Of Escorting?

I really enjoy the spycraft elements. Bitcoin, self-destructing emails, and domains in the Seychelles? Cool. You have 10 syeconds, Mr. Bond.

Least Favorite Aspects?

Social media and advertising. Feeling obligated to take photos of expensive meals and gifts.

What I’m Still Learning About Escorting

I just hired an assistant to help handle my correspondence, so I’m learning new tools to maintain client privacy and share files securely.

Does Escorting Come Naturally Now?

I still feel like I’m LARPing as an escort. Carrying a Hermès bag feels like violating a sumptuary law. Juggling two phones is strange.

Do Escorts Get Crushes On Clients?

Only if you’re a dope.

But sometimes.

Nina Mona – Nina Mona is a companion in Orange County and Los Angeles. She is only in your room because she wishes to be. She is only on her knees because she’s very grateful for the dinner and earrings. You can reach her at

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Nina Mona will resume touring in January 2019 with visits to San Francisco and New York City.

Article images courtesy of Nina Mona, featured image from Shutterstock

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Nina Mona

Nina Mona is a companion in Orange County and Los Angeles. She is only in your room because she wishes to be. She is only on her knees because she’s very grateful for the dinner and earrings. You can reach her at


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