I think Coco Chanel said it first, “The best things in life are free”. For me sex is one of those things and although it may not always be free, it is absolutely the best! Sex is something I enjoy, something I use for discovering new (and exploring old) boundaries and more than anything else, sex is a wonderful way for me to continue to grow.
When it comes to sex, where I am now versus where I was years ago is so completely different. I didn’t always view it with excitement or place any sort of value on sex other than something that I’d do quickly to relieve tension so I could get on with what I was doing. Growing up in a “traditional” Christian household and trying to fashion my life around American society’s view towards sex and sexuality, especially as it pertains to women, negatively affected my sexual growth and it wasn’t until later that I discovered how AMAZING and important sex is for me. I was trying to fit into a mold that was not for me. Seriously, looking back on it now, I don’t know how could I ever pick just ONE person to have sex with for the rest of my life. I mean, really? If this were a Jeopardy, I’d take “Get The F*@% Out of Here for $1000, Alex.
Needless to say, as it is now, my views on sex and sexuality are more grounded. I approach sex as play and I believe sex is meant for fun and exploration. I can explore parts of myself and make connections I otherwise would not have made and it’s a beautiful thing.
Getting Into Sex Work
It seems that I’ve always felt a “calling” towards sex work. I had this sexual energy that I couldn’t quite put my finger on and because I didn’t understand it, I couldn’t express it. From a youngish age, I thought it would be fun to work as a companion but I was too scared to venture out and explore what that really meant any further than simply dreaming about it. For years I tried to ignore and push that desire away, trying to adhere to society’s rules and eventually, what is written in the stars is what’s written in the stars.
Fast forward a few years and I’m watching Game Of Thrones. There was a scene where these women in a brothel were doing what they do best and for some reason, something about this scene hit me. It was my “ah ha” moment and I thought to myself, “that would be the freakin’ life…having sex, having fun and getting paid to do it” and at that moment I knew what I should have been doing and that was being a sex worker.
I love sex work because I get to be true to myself. There is just something about tapping into my primal nature that is so freeing and fulfilling. After YEARS of denying my feelings about what I suspected I’d LOVE doing, here I am. As a matter of fact, I believe being in the sex industry has made me a more compassionate and confident person. The thing I enjoy the most is that the possibilities for discovery are endless. We all have our different ways of viewing and expressing ourselves and I love that, for the most part, I am able to freely explore and partake in whatever I find exciting. There seem to be no limits and I love that!
Misconceptions About Sex Work
OMGoodness! Let me try not to roll the eyes out of my head regarding all of the dumb shit I’ve heard over the years. I don’t think that there is enough space in this issue of SimplySxy to list all of the ignorant misconceptions I’ve heard. More often than not, I usually hear “(Women) sex workers have daddy issues”. I can only speak for myself and I most certainly do have daddy issues… I love salt and pepper daddies and dominant daddies, but that is probably not what they meant by daddy issues. If this is really the concern, what are the people who spout this crap doing to help turn that around? How about we start teaching boys/young men to aspire to the same institutions, like marriage, that we teach girls to do?
Then there’s the “sex workers are pimped out” bullshit. My response to that is “hell-to-the-yeah!” I’m my own damn pimp and I’m having fun doing it, so now what? It’s like listen here yoyos… get over yourselves! Just because I’m having sex, making money and enjoy doing it, doesn’t mean that I am being pimped out. At what point will it be okay for me to live my life the way I want and not based on what society thinks I should do? Aren’t you trying to control me or pimp me out by telling me the “right way” to live my life? I mean if that is the logic, then am I not being pimped out if I work at a vanilla job where they hired me and use me based on what I can do to help them generate a profit? What’s the difference? The only difference I see it the type of work being done.
Let’s not forget the one that really gets my blood boiling. “Sex workers are uneducated”. What is this even based on? Sex workers are lawyers, accountants, nurses and on and on. Some people would be surprised to know that it takes an intelligent and independent thinker to even explore this life and be comfortable with all it has to offer. People who spout this ignorant BS are really unhappy and have repressed sexual issues, either of their own doing or because they want to be “good” people based on what society says is “right”. I have never understood why unhappy people want to make EVERYONE else just as unhappy as they are. Shouldn’t they be trying to learn from those of us who are happy and living a good life? Ignorance is not always bliss and until people are ready to make lasting and effective changes, usually starting with themselves, they can go kick rocks as far as I’m concerned.
How The Sex Work Industry Works
The industry is different for everyone. There are similar experiences had by performers and producers but overall, in my experience, it is not a one size fits all type of industry. I’ve had wonderful experiences partly because I do this for fun and I don’t “have to” take a gig in order to pay rent or meet other important obligations.
A while ago, I shot for a couple of production companies and it was fun but it was an all day, 8-hour day type of booking. That experience totally gave me a real look at this industry, in that while we have fun, it is most certainly a business. There is a good amount of work involved to get a project just right and tailored to the right demographic, but it has always been a wonderful experience.
Lately, I’ve been running into quite a few performers who don’t seem to have their shit together. From not returning emails in a timely manner, not having their tests and the back and forth multiple unnecessary emails to confirm a shoot. Granted I mainly shoot for my site and ManyVids store so I primarily do content trade shoots so I understand people are about paid shoots but c’mon folks, what in the hell is going on? I make good money with my personal website and ManyVids sales so I guess I’m not really in the same position as others but why not make money together and keep more of it in our pockets since we’ll own the content?
What I’m happiest about is being the co-owner of Strokehouse Productions, which means that I am not beholden to anyone. We do what we like, we are our own bosses and it is wonderful!
Staying Unique As A Sex Worker
There’s nothing more unique than being yourself. There’s only one you and no one can do you, better than you! Let people in to see the real you and don’t do anything you don’t like because its “trending”. In addition to that, I’d suggest knowing something about the demographics you’d like to reach and do something unique to cater to them.
As far as a following, when you are authentic and true to yourself, people connect with that and feel that they can relate to you. It’s about being relatable, vulnerable and having a presence on social media. Speaking of social media, you must, must, MUST interact with other performers and your fans and I’m not just talking about liking a tweet here and there. Engage, have an opinion, show off and have fun BUT keep it light. Sharing personal ideas and feelings about religion, politics and finances aren’t really turn-ons. They are more like mood killers, so stay away from those issues or having any sort of major conflicts with anyone online. Handling issues in private will serve you much better than trying to prove anything publically.
Advice For Aspiring Sex Workers
Do your best not to be afraid of or care what people think. If this is something you want to pursue, then do it all the way. Don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do. Since I’ve heard this little tidbit of advise from RuPaul, it has really stuck with me and now I’ll share it with you. RuPaul says, “unless they (are) paying your bills, pay them bitches no mind!!!” Bottom line, do you because no one can do it the way you do it.
Another thing I think is very important to consider is having an understanding of what you want from this industry. When you understand what you want and have an idea of where you want to go in this industry, you can put a plan in place to make it happen. No matter what you do, it is important to have a plan, to know where you want to go and how you’re going to get there.
Please keep in mind that it is going to require effort and time on your end. Sometimes things will go smoothly and a lot of times they won’t. The trick is to keep moving towards your goal and following your plan even when it seems nothing is working out. There’s nothin’ to it but to do it! Good luck to you!
Nia Ross – Nia is the co-owner of Strokehouse Productions and runs the company with her husband, Dane Cummings. Nia is an adult performer, companion and cam model and she lives in Southern California. She enjoys sexual exploration, pushing her sexual boundaries, going on sex themed vacations and meeting people of like mind. Nia is a sensual sexual lover of sex, sex work and all it has to offer.
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Never a dull moment in Nia-land. I am constantly thinking of new and exciting adventures to shoot for my website and ManyVids store. Please check my personal website calendar often, as I frequently release new material and plan fun adventures. I’m always available for paid shoots, content trades, and private bookings. Send all booking inquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Images courtesy of Dane Cummings
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