My personal thoughts towards sex have changed immensely over these past 4 years. All throughout my teens, I had split my time between living in two very conservative households, where there was never a dialogue about sex at all. You would assume that like for many younger people, pornography would have became an educational tool of some kind; though, truthfully, I don’t think I actually had accessed the internet for leisurely purposes until I had been about 17 or 18. I had to figure out everything on my own, and would still say that I am in the process of doing so, as funny as that may sound coming from a sex worker who has been in the industry for nearly a year and a half.
There was somewhat of a religious element incorporated into my upbringing, that had often been used as a scare tactic, when assumed that I was coming into my own, and possibly starting to become a sexual being. I felt I was conditioned to feel ashamed about my curiosity. I know that what I’m speaking about rings true for many women, in fact. I placed such a high-value on this patriarchal concept of virginity; I had lost mine at the age of 20 and had wanted my first time to be absolutely perfect. It wasn’t; though I am fortunate that my first encounter shattered those preconceived ideas I had. Now, I view sex as a light-hearted, yet beautifully vulnerable exchange. It’s fun; I’ve learned so much about myself, and have taken interest in things I would have never thought I’d consider.
What I Consider As Amazing Sex
Honestly, there’s no way to truly answer this. Communication is the most important, and most simple element, which unfortunately, so often gets overlooked. I think we could all learn to be more mindful of ourselves, and how we may unintentionally impact others. Not to mention, find more confidence in ourselves, in order to be more assertive about speaking up about what we want, and also setting boundaries in a healthy, and safe way.
Memorable Sexual Experiences
I’ve had hundreds and would say that nearly every encounter is memorable; and all for different reasons. I see such an interesting range of clients; I’ve had many people acquire me for my GFE services; I also have people that book me to specifically explore fetishes; I love both demographics equally!
I would say that anything fetish-related may be more demanding, in the sense that you have to really be on at all times, but the payoff is so rewarding! I learn something new about myself each time, and since mutual respect and trust is the key component, it’s absolutely as intimate, if not more intimate than sleeping with someone, in my opinion. I am not submissive in my personal life, or with clients, but I am always amazed by and appreciative of the people who are willing to submit themselves to me; especially any who are male, or identify as one – it’s so powerful.
Things Men Don’t Get During Sex
Like I had touched on earlier about women being spoon-fed conflicted ideas about sexuality while they grow up, I think it’s safe to say that everyone deals with this in some capacity. Men have a pressure on them to always be strong, and logical, versus getting in touch with their emotional intelligence; this has absolutely impacted the approach that many take to sexuality. And it’s not a generational problem either; I would actually say that I observe this most with many middle-aged men.
I find that the word “no” has seemed to have lost its meaning. Men don’t get that it means something affirmative; it’s not a game. It’s not a coy hint at our desire for them to continue to be persistent, and eventually, we’ll give into what they want. You should want enthusiastic consent from your partner, opposed to doing as you wish till you’ve possibly pushed, and/or overstepped their boundaries. Men need to lose the machismo that is taught to them, and learn to listen to their partners. We understand our bodies best; men can let go of the idea that they always need to take the lead and be in control.
Ways To Spice Sex Up
I figure that anything that falls into the realm of safer practices is something I’ll likely be open to trying at least once. If I try something I didn’t care for with someone else, so long as I wouldn’t deem it a terrible experience, I’d be curious to give it another go; perhaps I had chosen not the best fit or partner before, or I may have needed to be in a different headspace than I was. I say to try everything twice!
With elements of BDSM now having a place in modern pop-culture, most sexually active people must dabble in certain areas of it, not always even realizing this. I would say to take small steps while exploring kink, if you’re someone with no experience essentially. You don’t want to get too ahead of yourself, and possibly close yourself off to something you may have really ended up enjoying. Also, when trying to build a fantasy with your partner, if either you or they want to dive into something that both people are not on board with, please express that indifference or discomfort respectfully. There’s no need for anyone to feel put down or shamed, and if this is the end result, it may hinder your communication and curb another suggestion to try something you both had been curious about, and both might have loved.
Respect that this is not something both people want to explore, and if your partner changes their mind later on, let them come to you to voice their change in perspective. Safe words should be established ahead of time. Another thing to consider, I don’t recommend that anyone expands their boundaries during an encounter; decide this once you have some time to reflect. You have something to look forward to next time, be it with the same partner, or a different one!
If you’re the shy type, and/or riding solo, try enhancing or taking away a different sense while masturbating. You could blindfold yourself, or mix a bit of pain in there by incorporating nipple clamps, or once you’re warmed up, introduce some slapping motions all over your body, specifically focusing on your genitals.
So many men and women like anal play. In porn, we never see all the work that goes into it. If you’re curious, make sure to use lube, and lots of it! Silicone based lubricants are sometimes preferred for this, as they don’t dry out as quickly; but you also have to consider (if you’re using any) toy material, as there are some combinations which are simply not compatible, same deal with condoms.
Start with a finger or two; never push. Once you’re relaxed, everything will fit into place. If you want to expand, look at beginner plugs. There are many glass ones at economical prices; they’re non-porous and easy to clean! Not to mention, fairly light-weight, so you could likely wear it discreetly while clothed, if you wanted to. Silicone and metal are other materials to consider, and possibly test out, to find what you like best! For any kind of play, I would deter anyone from using jelly-like toys; many toys made for anal are unfortunately made of this material.
Tegan West – Tegan is a 24 year old companion, born and raised in Toronto. She is fetish-friendly and enjoys the company of couples, as well as embraces clients of all gender identities, and ethnicities of those who are aged 18 and older. She prefers a more intimate approach to her work, and therefore, likes seeing people for longer arrangements, where she can really get to know them and connect with them on a deeper level. She is also available for social dates, and loves trying new fusion cuisines, as well as going out to see comedy and drag performances. She’s the perfect partner in crime for a night on the town!
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Article image courtesy of Tegan West, featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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