The following is an excerpt from Steven Greenberg’s book Wrestling with God and Men: Homosexuality in the Jewish Tradition;
I told him what, at the time, I felt was the truth. “Master, I am attracted to both men and women. What shall I do?” He responded, “My dear one, my friend, you have twice the power of love. Use it carefully.” I was stunned. I sat in silence for a moment, waiting for more. “Is that all?” I asked. He smiled and said, “That is all. There is nothing more to say.”
These are some words I wish I had read at the age of 17 when I finally realised: I’m a bisexual woman. Navigating intimacy in a complicated world was a challenge up until I started sex work. Sex work helped me find confidence in approaching people, both in intimate and social environments, and has essentially changed my life in ways I didn’t originally think it would. The crux of intimacy is understanding your own sexuality and exploring it until you find what satisfies you both emotionally and physically. There are over 7 billion people on this planet and therefore more than 7 billion individual sexualities. Mine is simple, yet slightly cliché: if someone holds my attention, can make me laugh, is selfless and empathic, caring and attractive (in my eyes anyway, attraction is subjective), then boom, you’ve got me.
First Impressions Count!
Absolutely! I notice things like manners, how they speak, how well they can communicate/listen, confidence and nice hands. I’ve got a thing for how well people can hold eye contact and swoon over a captivating smile.
Mistakes Men Make When Approaching Women
This is from my personal dating life and they may differ from the experiences of others, but a big mistake would be how well people handle rejection. I’ve noticed that men tend not to take rejection as well as they should and can tend to be slightly persistent in their pursuits of women even after they’ve been let down. My opinion on this (I am in no way an expert, so this analysis shouldn’t be taken as gospel) is that some men may view genuine rejection simply as women “playing hard to get”.
Women are guilty of this also, I’ve been rejected more times than I can count, and my only regret is that I took it too personally and started to question my self-worth and “attractiveness” as opposed to just letting it go. If someone’s interested and mature enough to communicate it, you’ll know. If you’re interested in someone and the attraction isn’t mutual, then it’s important to remember that there’s more people out there and not to be disheartened. Dating is fun and a great way to meet new people, even if it doesn’t go the way you want it to.
Turn Ons & Offs During A Date
Turn offs: If someone’s rude to the waitress/waiter then that’s an automatic turn off for me. Other turn offs are someone who’s on their phone a lot, constantly talks about themselves, cuts you off and someone who trash talks their ex. I try not to get political on the first date but thanks to the odd 20+ years of being a black woman, I can usually tell within the first 30 minutes of meeting someone whether they have racist/sexist and even homophobic tendencies, and they’re obviously deal breakers.
Turn ons: An infectious smile, charisma, a cute laugh, nice voice, eyes that I could get lost in, manners, confidence (not to be confused with arrogance), well-spoken and of course mutual attraction. I don’t have a checklist for things like “brown hair” and “tall” because the people I’m attracted to always surprise me and are always outside the realm of what I used to find typically attractive. Sometimes I’ll get butterflies for someone and my first thought will be “Really? I’m into red-heads? Nice”. As I’ve previously stated, attractiveness is subjective and as time passes my “type” changes as I get older.
How To Tell If I’m Interested
This is different for everyone, but I’m pretty open when I flirt. I will occasionally drop a compliment and make sure I make eye contact/smile as I say it so they know I’m being genuine. Open body language is a tell-tale sign also! If I like someone I’ll kiss them at the end of a date and thank them for a lovely time, ask when I can see them again, exchange numbers if we haven’t already and just go from there. Disclaimer: intuition is a great thing and something that I rely on when going in for a kiss, therefore if my date hasn’t shown much interest in me or the chemistry isn’t there I take this as a hint/sign and opt for a friendly hug.
Victoria Montague – A 21-year-old escort from Melbourne, Australia. Self-proclaimed natural-born people pleaser and kink enthusiast, Victoria prides herself on making every experience she has with her clients both memorable and of substance. You can read more about her here https://scarletblue.com.au/escort/victoria-montague.
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